I'm a white beta male. I'm drifting through life aimlessly. Whatever goals I once had I've accomplished. I really am that nice guy you meet at an office party once who was sober and dropped you and your friends off safely and now you can't remember my name. I've recently went to coffee shops looking for opportunities to buy the person behind me coffee and a slice of cake. I work two jobs. I offered to volunteer.

I've changed jobs. I learn new hobbies. I change. I admit my mistakes. If my life was a poker hand I would fold right now here on flop. Why wait to turn and river knowing there is no card in deck to improve this life?

So ****ing what if I'm a nice guy or not! Frustrated but I know I ought not to be frustrated since I know I am doing the best I can. But my best is not good enough because I always know I am wasting my time and not improving anything major or important. Despite the fact I am always working to change my circumstances but can't produce a result that would be satisfying or rewarding. A one man show performing to a one man audience of a never ending tragic satire that was never funny. On top of that when it does end it becomes a black comedy.

So the phrase "we are the all singing all dancing crap of the world" makes perfect sense to me.

Good guys finish last, everyone knows this OP. Treat em mean -keep em keen is a much better approach.
Chin up tho mate, with Donnie T in charge now it'll all be over soon anyways



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Welcome to my world, OP.

OP you are in the right place for such thoughts.

I got up at 8.20am.
Ate porridge.
Went to work.
Worked from 9-1pm.
Got chicken and tea.
Worked from 1pm to 5pm.
Went home.
Going to sleep now.

I didn't speak to anyone today because I don't have friends or family.

This feels eerily familiar to MLH.

Yup, and if it is, this book won't get past Chapter 2.

Why whats in chapter 2?

This is chapter 2. Chapter 1 was your first blog that eventually was locked.

"Let me know when the fun begins." There was an awkward silence in the police car. I sat at the back beside Mark or Paul. He checked to see if I had gun. I told him I didn't. He didn't believe. I said "I don't know you from Adam." I responded with "But you ARE carrying a gun and I don't know you from Adam." That was the first awkward silence 20 minutes ago when the three of us where outside. Yet I trusted him enough to let him search me. He didn't find a gun on me and I whispered in his ear "I ****ing told you so."

The two police officers and I where waiting for the ambulance to arrive to take me to see someone about my suicide attempt. "You two aren't really helping me." I explained to them that they are only doing their jobs and once they pass me on to the next department they wouldn't have another thought about me. To which they both agreed. On said "you're right." They tried in hopeless vain to produce some net worth to my existence until the one in the front seat finally mustered the courage to say "Sex is good." Another moment of silence. "But I don't want to have sex with you and no one is under any obligation to have sex with me." They said life is about having fun. "Let me know when the fun begins."

15 minutes passed and I big screaming vehicle came around the corner. I had to sign my name and age and address again with that crew as I did with first crew. This time I made it clear that everyone was doing a great job and don't bother to talk to me because YOU don't have anything to say. I was right again since what could they say. Which is exactly my point. Don't try and fill that void of "I don't really care silence" with words you don't really ****ing mean sweetheart. I mean every word that comes out of my mouth the only thing stopping me is my lack of power to perform the actions I desire.

I waited for 4 hours at the hospital only to see two idiots for ten minutes. They also got me to sign forms. They asked me my name and age and address. They asked me if I worked. They asked me if I had a gun. Then they said they would contact my doctor and released me. That's when I knew that I couldn't even use my LIFE has a bargaining chip. They couldn't even convict me of attempted murder on my own life. To go down this road I would have to prove that I am sane in a crazy world and that's a fight I could never win. Because they would think I am crazy yet I know for a fact that I could get them to agree to my point of view because all I would be using is simple logic that they can't deny.

Then this is chapter 2. After this portion then comes chapter 3. Please feel free not to read it niss. (that's a polite way of saying **** off you ****)

+1

No, see, I have to read it. Because what happens is you go off the rails, and people start reporting posts, and then we have all kinds of things to do because we care about people getting hurt, or not getting hurt, and people who cry wolf for attention, and people who really need attention. So, with that having been said, I bid you adieu.