Hello House of Blogs!!



Introduction

My name is Ben and I live on a small island off the coast of Maine, USA. I am the only person on the island at the moment. My Aunt and Uncle stay out here for 2 months in the summer along with their dogs and horses, but most of the time I am out here in isolation.

My intention with this blog is to focus mainly on my experiences living as a hermit and not so much about poker. I have a PGnC thread that you can find here http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/17...ember-1508214/ if you are interested in my progress as a poker player, but with this blog I will try to focus mainly on non-poker things. Though I may include some poker stuff if it pertains to my life as a whole.I have so much to write about but I will try to keep this first post as short as possible as I have a tendency to be long winded behind a keyboard.

About Me




I am a 28 year old man. I have a very colorful past. I may get into this more if there is any interest in the future, but I will give a brief history now. I was born in coastal Maine in a small town of about 3,500 people. For as long as I can remember I haven't gotten along with my peers very well. When I was a teenager I started drinking and thought that I found the meaning of life! I can remember being in high school daydreaming about living on the streets of some big city and drifting into an alcoholic abyss. I thought that sounded like the life, nobody telling me what to do and living every moment in a drunken haze.

At 17 I dropped out of high school and joined the work force. I jumped around to a few different jobs. I have an incredible work ethic and I always gave 100% at any job, but I would show up hung over alot and not get along with people most of the time. Then I started lobstering. Lobstering is the family business and I had it in my blood. I have alot of crazy boat experiences I am excited to write about in the future. Eventually though carpal tunnel got to me and I had to start thinking about doing something else.That's when I found poker.

Note: I am sober now and haven't had a drink in over 2 years.


About Paradise

I will leave the name of the island I live on out of this blog. From now on I will just refer to it as "Paradise".

Paradise is a 2.5 acre island about 1 mile from shore in beautiful Penobscot Bay. My grandfather bought Paradise from the government along with 3 other men. They planned to use it as part of a weir. Weirs were giant fish traps that used to be used to catch giant schools of herring, to support the sardine industry and lobster bait industry. Together the 4 men paid a combined amount of $6K to purchase Paradise. In their agreement there was a clause that said if any of the men were to sell out of the deal, they had to sell to one of the original 4, for the same price it was purchased for. Immediately after they bought the island the herring industry collapsed and the 3 other men soon sold their shares to my grandfather who had a steady income lobstering at the time (though lobstermen didn't make much money back in those days).

My grandfather gave Paradise to his 4 children. So my whole family get to enjoy this island, though most don't take advantage of it like I do. My uncle built a big camp out here about 15 years ago, and has been staying out here with his wife every summer since. The rest of the family was like I was 3 years ago, they loved Paradise but just couldn't find time or transportation except for the once or twice a year that we had a big family cookout.

Then 2 years ago I decided to move out here and live in a tent for the summer. I found a lobstering job and was making good money, by the fall I knew I didn't want to leave. I decided to build a small camp out here. Because of building codes I had to make in less than 100' square. I got a shed kit from Lowes for $800 and threw that together. I am an incredibly poor carpenter. I had to fudge so many spots it is disgusting, but 2 Maine winters later it is still standing and dry.

I built my camp in October 2013 and stayed out here most of the winter then. I would come out for a week or so, then spend a week on the mainland. It started to become unfeasible to work on a boat and live out here though. I started playing poker that winter and by may I had quit my job and was trying to grind full time out here. It didn't work out very well so I had to leave the island in search for a lobstering job. When I left, I knew I needed to make poker work so that I could come back to my island home. I left Paradise May 2014 and I didn't return until April 2015. Poker is working well now and it is 90% of my income so I am achieving my goals and I am incredibly excited to be back out here.

I still haven't spent a summer out here in my camp, so I am still getting things tidied up and set up for convenience. I have some projects I want to work on to make this place more liveable this summer, and I will be sure to write about them.


Tour of Paradise

My Camp


360 Degree From Big Rock




Let's Check out Rose Beach



This is the tide pool where I do my dishes.



East Side




A Beach We Call Malibu



My Aunt and Uncle's camp


The Trail Up The Hill



Sou'West End




Glassy Gully



Driftwood Cove




This is Where I Get My Drinking Water




Gotta Poop?






Mrs. Goose





My Power


My First Garden




Like I said, I have a bunch of work to do out here. I have so many projects to complete and so much to write about. If this generates any interest I will keep writing frequently.

wow

This seems pretty cool, awaiting some cool hermit stories . Good luck.

sick man! takes some courage!

Amazing stuff. Subbed and waiting for the details on living on Paradise

nice - I assume you're playing with Cellular WI-FI?

RB

Yes I have a 4G Router I use for my internet. I have to be careful not to be wasteful with bandwidth. There is a small radio tower out here for the local internet provider. We get access to it for free in exchange for letting the tower be there. It sucks though and is about the same speed as dialup.

Story Time!!

5/25/2013

I had just recently moved to Paradise. I was sleeping in my tent and enjoying my new freedom with my dog. We were just recently run off one of the larger more populated islands when he killed 3 sheep of one of the more respected member of the community. But now we were living easy on Paradise.

I was harvesting Periwinkles out of my 10 foot aluminum boat. I was getting $0.80/pound for them and I could manage to collect 65-85 pounds a day. It wasn't much, but it was enough. Everything I had could fit in the back of a pickup truck, or a dumpster, or in a single room. Anyway I didn't have much. I knew I was on the path to true happiness though, so material insecurity wasn't much of a concern.

One sunny afternoon I I was heading back to the island after several hours of harvesting Periwinkles and I pulled my skiff onto the beach just enough to keep it from floating away. I was lost in thought as I was sorting through my snails and I completely forgot the tide was slowly creeping up. By the time I turned around my skiff was floating away! It was about 30 yards away now. I stripped down to my underwear and jumped into the 45*F water. It felt like needles all over my body and instantly breathing became a struggle. I was thinking "Am I really going to do this?", quickly followed by the thought of my boat floating miles away while I was stranded on an island with no way to communicate to anyone on the mainland. I knew I had to do this.

As I started swimming towards my skiff, the tide and wind would push it a little further away. I kept swimming and now I was out to the 30 yards where my skiff was when I jumped in and it was still about 30 yards away!. I should have turned back then and cut my losses, but I didn't. As I kept getting a little closer to my boat another gust of wind would blow it just a little further out of reach. Before I knew it I was 200 yards from the closest land, but my skiff just seemed so close. It was then that my legs started to slow down. I no longer felt cold, but I felt like my limbs were losing their ability to function. "I am going to die out here" kept racing through my head, but I would force that thought out of my head and just focus on my skiff that seemed so close. If I could just swim a little faster and catch the skiff I would be fine.

Eventually my arms started to lock up some. I was swimming slower than before and my skiff was floating farther away. I knew I didn't have the strength to swim to land and I wasn't going to catch my skiff. I was swimming by a small sponge lobster buoy and I grabbed on with the little bit of strength left in my arms. The cold was really starting to get to me and I started to feel incredibly calm. I could feel my muscles trying to lock up and I was losing the will to fight. The thought of just giving up and accepting my fate with open arms began to take over. Then in a split second I saw the pain of my mother after losing me. I felt what her pain would be like I have never felt anything in my life. Instantly I knew that I needed to fight the urge to just fade out for her. I was quite a distance from shore, and this is a very thinly populated area, so I didn't think anyone would be able to hear me but I had to try. I hollered, "Somebody help!" as loud as I could a few times in a row and then listened. Nobody responded. My arms were almost useless at this point and my legs were just barely kicking. I untied the lobster buoy from the rope it was attached to and held it in my chest to help keep me afloat. I just kept swimming, not knowing what else to do, just thinking about my mother. I let out one final yell, still with no response.

Then, out of nowhere I see a small speedboat coming from the mouth of the river! At this point I was barely conscious and barely kicking. The speed boat pulled up next to me. I don't really remember this part well as my brain was shutting down, but I do vaguely remember him pulling me out of the water and wrapping me in his t-shirt. Somebody on the shore heard me yelling and called an ambulance so it was waiting for me when we got to the beach. I don't remember anything at this point but I was told my temperature was 93*F and that your heart stops at 92*F.

The man who helped me was almost a mile away doing some work on his mooring in the river. He later said "I thought I heard someone yell so I stopped working to listen, then I heard a second yell and I figured I should go check it out."

I owe my life to this man and I am so incredibly grateful to be alive.



More coming soon...

What are you planting in your garden? Have you put different soil there? I mean it looks totally different, than the soil around. What do you see 10 years forwards in your future? Do you now get along with people better than as teenager?

I planted raddishes, beets, turnips, kale, lettuce, carrots, and peas. I still have a few more things to plant (cucumbers, flowers, beans, peppers). I didn't put different soil there, I used mt clam fork shown in the picture (used for digging clams) to til the soil. I tilled it about 16" down and removed as many of the rocks as I could. Rich soil huh?


What do I see 10 years from now? I am hoping to be a top notch poker pro at that point. I have totally immersed myself in the game and I am grinding full time. I put in about 450 hours of grinding for Mar/Apr and thats not counting study time and time spent working with my coach. If I keep the trajectory that I am on I should be crushing high stakes in a few years so as long as my goals in poker come together I see myself playing poker still in 10 years.

Other than that I can't really predict where I will be in 10 years. I guess I have a picture in my head though of living on Paradise for the warm months (May-Oct) and traveling in warmer climates for the cold months. Depending on my success this winter I plan to go somewhere warm and if I can make enough money, buy an old fishing boat. I would probably get something that needs work as old beat up fishing boats are incredibly cheap. I would rig it up to be liveable, and then steam it up to Maine for the summer, and travel away in the winter.

So yeah, that's where I think I will be in a year or two. I honestly have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing a decade from now. If poker fails I don't have a back up plan, but I am an able bodied hard worker without a wife or family so I am confident I would figure something out. I have never been very good at looking to the future. I just live for the moment most of the time, though this is fading slightly as I get a little older.

Yes and no. Anyone who has worked next to me on a boat would probably say I am incredibly hard to get along with, but a stranger who meets me and has a conversation with me would probably say I am a nice guy. It's like I like people as a whole, I love meeting people and hearing peoples stories and all that. I just can't stand most people when I am close to them. All the little quirks of my friends and lovers start to drive me nuts and I tend to be a jerk alot of the time. I really don't like this about myself but I am not sure how to change it, or just don't care enough to change it, I'm not sure which. That's part of why I like living out here by myself. When I go to the mainland I am excited to see people and interact with the world, but then when I start hating on everyone I can just leave.

It's not like I'm a total *******. I am the kind of guy that would help a random stranger who was in hard times any way I could, but make me spend a few days with said stranger and my mind will be filled with all of the ignorant selfish things they do. I know how I am and I don't like it, but I have learned to accept it and try to work with what I've got.

There is one person in my life I seem to get along with very well though. He is my best friend and we have been friends since we were in diapers. When we were younger we would always fight and any time we spent the weekend together it would end in a big blowout or a fistfight or something like that, but over the years we have learned alot about each other and accepted one another for who we really are. Nowadays we get along great and we both appreciate our friendship so much. There are so many people in this world who will never know a friendship like we have and I am eternally grateful to have such an awesome person in my life.

I also have a girlfriend. We have known each other for several years but one of us has always been with someone so we never really started anything up. We started seeing each other regularly in October. Things were really great at first. We were so happy to be with one another and we had a great sex life and hope for the future. I am very cool and collected with her, and she is one of the few people I don't get aggitated with all the time. I really love her and could really see myself spending my life with her, but she drinks...alot. I am a recovering alcoholic who hasn't drank in over 2 years so this is really tough for me. I don't think we have ever had sex when she is sober. She doesn't get belligerent or anything, she has a high tolerance and hold her alcohol well, but she drinks every day. I have already seen this movie before and lived the hell of alcoholism for most of my young adult life so it pains me so much to see her go through it. A few months ago I talked to her about it and let her know that I can't keep watching her do this to herself. She made a short lived attempt at getting sober but soon things were back to normal. I have let her know how I feel multiple times since then and I have even tried to break it off a few times, but she insists she will straighten out and we can be happy together. I am starting to feel like it is all hopeless though and all I am doing is making myself the enemy.

Lately I have just been spending most of my time on Paradise. I go to the mainland about once a week to see my friend who I will call "Messy" and to spend the night with my girl. Messy doesn't really get out alot so when we hang out we usually spend time smoking weed, playing computer games or play money poker, and we watch alot of wsop videos and such. When it gets later I usually head over to my girls and hang out with her drunk ass. It really sucks because I feel like I am just a booty call to her. We never "do" anything together. I just go over, bang her for a couple hours, and we go to bed and part ways in the morning. I guess I am probably fooling myself into thinking we could make something work together, but whenever I try to break it off she talks her way into me staying. I see so much potential in her as a person but her alcoholism is ruining her life and it beaks my heart.

My friend Messy is the one who got me into poker (Jan 2014). Immediately after I built my camp on paradise he started watch high stakes youtube videos and playing for play money. We started to work play money poker into our video game rotation. I immediately saw that this game was beatable and it could be a way for me to achieve my goals of self sustainability and freedom from the deck of a boat. Since then I have totally immersed myself in the game and I am making really great progress. I took a couple shots trying to play full time, went broke, tried again, went broke again. But now I am working with a coach and practicing strict BRM. I managed to go from beating 5nl 3 months ago, to now beating 100nl and I will hopefully be moving up again soon.

This was way longer than I intended, but I am not going to edit because what's a blog for? Writing a bunch of ****, that's what.

That was my first thought as I saw the picture. ^^

Props for that. It is such a pleasure to read, that there are guys, who want to "do" things with their SO, for whom just banging is not enough.

Really nice, well articulated, interesting blog.

looking forward to see where all this goes...gl man

Wow - interesting story. Subbing

This is amazing.

Curious to know more about how you overcame your alcoholism if you don't mind sharing. Great pictures and a very interesting lifestyle. My family has had property up in the 1000 islands on the St Lawrence river for years and I often thought it would be nice to hold down the property during the off season months. It gets quite cold there but think the weather you have to deal with is a bit harsher, do you do any sea bird or water fowl hunting?

Thanks for your interest everyone! I am in the middle of a few busy days so I don't have time to write. I will update in a couple days.

I would love to get into this! I will make sure to write about this when I have some time.

Unfortunately I don't. I got in some trouble back in my drinking days and now I am not allowed to have guns because I am a felon. I am sure I will elaborate later. I have thought about buying a crossbow though and seeing if I could get ducks with that. I don't have refrigeration out here so a way to supply myself with fresh meat would be awesome.

Interesting stuff. Subbed.

Hello everyone!!

I have had a great weekend. I am usually tied to my computer and I spend alot of time grinding obsessively, but I took the weekend off for a change. My brother came out to the island to visit for the afternoon to visit. We had a good time just chilling in my camp and talking about our lives. He just recently got laid off from his job in the oil fields so he is a little stressed about that. It was cool hearing him explain his work and I can tell he really has a passion for it. It's too bad that he lost his job as he has a family to take care of, but I know he will figure something out.

Friday I went to the mainland and hung out with Messy. We had a good time getting high and doing nothing. He just recently deposited $50 on Bovada and is going to start playing 5nl. He has some experience playing but is pretty bad when it comes to playing in games he shouldn't play in. He really likes the game though and I know if he can mange to gain some self control he will enjoy at least some success. He wants me to help him get better which I am really excited about, but I'm not sure if he has the ability to be honest with himself about some things in poker and that has been keeping him from progressing. I want him to succeed almost as much as I want myself to succeed, but I guess I have to let him come to things in his own time.

Friday night I went to a home game in my town with $0.25/0.50 blinds. I haven't gone in a few months because I have been making myself stay away from live poker, but it just seemed like fun and I had no expectation as far as winning goes. The players there are some of the worst NLHE players I have ever played against. Most times I have gone I run over the table, but the cards weren't in my favor and I broke even on the night. It was a really good time though and I was smiling and laughing the whole time (excited to be around people!).
Afterward I went to my girlfriends apartment and spent the night with her. She was drinking pretty heavily like she usually does and I really didn't enjoy the company, but I just don't know what to do about the situation. I know if I try to change her I will just become the enemy and she will be sneaky about her drinking. I really don't think we are going to be together much longer, but I have been thinking that for the last few months and we are still with each other. We get along great, but I know people do dumb things when they are drinking and I just worry all the time about what she is doing when I'm not around. And what about all of the conversations we have when she is drinking that she doesn't remember? It just makes everything seem fake.

Saturday I had lunch with my mother wich was really nice. We were very close when I was growing up, but nowadays we mostly stay in touch through Facebook and phone with the occasional meal together. I have so much respect for her and all that she has done for me in her life. After our lunch I got supplies for the island and packed up my boat. My girlfriend was supposed to come meet me at the boat when she got out of work but she blew me off. She said she tried to call me and blah blah blah. I think she just wanted to stay in town and go out drinking. I spent Saturday night grinding until 6am Sunday.

Sunday afternoon my girlfriend came out to the island and we spent the afternoon working on a few projects I wanted to do. I took he night off from poker to spend time with her and it was a good time. It was beautiful weather, one of the best days of the season this year! She smelled like booze when I picked her up, but she didn't really start drinking heavy until it was night, so it wasn't so bad. Monday we finished the projects we started. We moved my batteries for my solar setup outside and built a waterproof box for them. Then we moved my solar panels away from my building so that they aren't right in front of my front door. It's really nice to have the batteries out of my camp, it clears a big spot on the floor so I have more room to move around in here. I took her back in the afternoon and spent the night grinding.

Per request I will go into my battles with alcoholism. I started drinking heavily as a teenager. From the first time I drank I was going hard, I would drink any time I could and as much as I could. I would go to the grocery store and steal bottles of liquor. When my mother found out about my drinking she tried to stop me, but then soon realized I was out of control. Her and my father met in Alcoholics Anonymous and she has been sober for almost 30 years, so she has experience with drunks. When I was 17 she sent me to rehab. I came out planning to stay sober, but it didn't last. I spent the next several years drinking heavily almost every day. My life would get out of control and I would swear off drinking and go to AA meetings. This became a pattern I would follow for several years, but I never maintained sobriety for more than a couple months at a time. I would start off wanting to be sober more than anything in my life, but eventually I would break and drink. Every time it was worse than before. When I drink I get ****ing crazy! I am a mean nasty drunk who is incredibly reckless.

It was January 2013 and I was living on Vinalhaven Island. Vinalhaven has more drunks per capita then any other place I have ever been. Booze was the way of life out there so I fit right in. My drinking started to get really bad and I knew I needed to sober up, but I just didn't have the fight in me. Then a friend came over to my place on Vinalhaven and we were chilling drinking some beer when he said, "I have some DMT at my place. Do you wanna go trip?" I had only done DMT a few times and I loved it so I snap accepted. We went to his place and sat in front of the fire smoking DMT. I had done it a few times before but this time I took multiple hits. I would take a hit, then a few minutes later take another hit and just keep going deeper. We spent several hours sitting there getting deeper and deeper into the trip. Eventually I came to a place where I was looking at my life without any filters. I saw my life for exactly what it was, a waste. I realized how powerful my actions are on those around me. I could see that I can be a great person, it's all in my hands, or I can create wreckage and pain for my own sick pleasure. I don't think I can explain it better than that, but those words don't do justice to the thoughts and feelings I had. I finally saw alcohol for what it really is, and realised my own potential as a human being.

The next day I went through my cupboards and emptied out all of my whiskey bottles, dumped the beer in the fridge and told myself I was going to be a great person not a waste of life. A few weeks later I broke down and bought a 6pack. I got home and started drinking, but after 1 beer I realised what I was doing and I dumped the rest down the sink. This was a first for me. Any time before that I tried to sober up if I slipped up I would just think "**** it, I have already messed up I might as well make it worth it". This was the first time I ever stopped myself in the act. After that I had similar slips over the next couple months, but by April I stopped completely. I have been sober since. Any time I tried to stay sober before I would always go to AA meetings or counselors and it never worked. This time I did it by myself. I just knew I was done. There is no problem in my life that a drink won't make worse.

Drinking is not a temptation for me. I know down to my core that I never want to drink again. I still go out to the bars sometimes to see people and sing karaoke and dance. I usually drink non-alcoholic beer or redbull. It really helps strengthen my reasons for staying sober seeing everyone being foolish and sloppy(go to a bar an hour before last call when you are sober and you will see what I mean).

I use marijuana daily and I think it would have been hard for me to sober up without it. I am an emotional person who gets angry fairly easily but weed helps me with that. If I start my day getting stoned and smoke alot thoughout the day it has negative side effects in the same way that pounding coffee all day will have negative effects, but if I use it responsibly it can be a great tool to help keep my emotions in control. Weed isn't for everybody and I think most smokers abuse it, but for me it has been a lifeline. I would like to someday be able to give it up but it doesn't really have many drawbacks in my life when used in moderation so that might not happen for a long time. I don't really do any drugs, but I wouldn't be opposed to natural mind expanding drugs if I came across them. They just aren't something I seek out. When I do trip occasionally I like to do it by myself or with one person I am close with who won't try to talk too much as I think tripping can be theraputical when done in the right setting with the right mindset.

That's all I have for this entry. Thanks for following everyone! If any of you want to discuss any of this with me feel free to ask me anything and I will do my best to be honest and thorough with my response. I will not take offense to anything as long as you are not deliberately being a troll.

I can write about some of the craziness that was my life when I was drinking if anyone would like, or the story of me becoming a felon. That or I can just stick to the island stuff, let me know where I should go with this! I have to get to grinding for the night. Thanks for following!

-please felony story

-what kind of hermit has a girlfriend

-i completely share your philosophy of drug use. you sound smart.

-do you ever browse dwell or architectural websites for tiny prefab houses that aren't sheds?

-you'd save a lot more money by growing weed instead of vegetables. you don't have much space and i feel like vegetables are already pretty cheap.

I think that weed won't grow there in open space. Probably to cold and not sunny enough. And I also don't know if you need additional stress with authorities, although you seem not to care much about that.

Depending on how the summers are you could do a summer run or just buy a complete rig and do it indoors all year long, would save you a lot of money and potentially earn you some as well. Overall it seems pretty negative to do when you dont want to bump heads with the law and whatnot but I dont know how strict they are where you from. Liked the story post, subbed for more .

Ok, I will tell this one in detail in another day or so.

I ask myself this every day...

Thanks! There was a time in my life when I was into extracting drugs. I spent several months doing a DXM extraction once or twice a week, but I haven't done it in years as I think DXM has very little if any psychological benefit. I have also done a few DMT extractions from Mimosa Hostilis root bark, and one time I did an LSA extraction from morning glory seeds. I haven't done any extractions in a few years though.

I don't. I am pretty satisfied with my place right now. It is insulated and all that so I don't see how a prefab house would be better. I can't make my place bigger than 100 square feet because of building regulations. The bigger camp out here is on the only spot on the island that is far enough from the shore to legally build a full sized building. I would like to build a small porch this summer though so that I can sit out there when I grind.

I am not the only owner of the island and I am pretty sure the rest of the family would not tak too kindly to this, though it has crossed my mind. A few years ago I was growing indoors but I was also going offshore lobstering for a week at a time and I had a hard time taking care of them. We have medical marijuana in Maine so the price is reasonable. You get alot of bang for your buck nowadays. Also I have a friend who grows so I get a great price, and sometimes even donations.

Weed would definitely grow out here. As far as authorities go, we have medical marijuana here in Maine and it wouldn't be hard to get a card. I try my best these days to not bump heads with the law though. After my 6 month stay in Jail I do my best to stay off of their radar.

Yeah I could do it without much trouble legally, but like I said before I don't think the family would be down. An indoor setup would be very expensive to set up as there isn't any electricity out here so I would need to invest in a huge solar setup.

So you prefer the stories? I will keep em coming.



All of this weed talk! We are actually very close to complete legalization here in Maine. The cops don't really enforce weed laws as they are right now, but it will be awesome when we can use it without any worries. A very close friend of mine is actually the president of Legalize Maine, the major group pushing for legalization in Maine. This is him

It's good to hear that drinking no longer tempts you, I'm only 6 months into sobriety and within the last month or so have been flooded with thoughts of drinking which terrifying because in my heart I know there is no middle ground for me. Accepting total abstinence from all mind altering substances is a suggestion of the fellowship I participate in and following through with advice or suggestions has always been a struggle for me.
I've drawn a lot of strength from other people here on 2+2 who have battled addiction/alcoholism whether or not they are in a program. I'm still open to the idea of using psychedelics again in the future, they can never kick you out of AA!
Ever consider using Air B n B to make a little extra money and share the island life? Could be a good way to satisfy your needs for human contact and build the bankroll, also good fodder for stories on this blog!

well of course not if you've never looked into it!

it's the new hot trend in architecture to make super small living structures like the one you've got, except, you know.. better.

Wow, I just checked out dwell.com, pretty cool stuff. My mother bought a house a couple years ago with several acres of woods out back. She said I would be welcome to build a small place like this back there. I would have more freedom as far as building restrictions and I could make a place that is bigger than this. I plan to travel this winter, but when I come back I could definitely see myself doing this. I was thinking of making an A-frame or something along those lines.

I feel for you man. I could never manage to stay sober when I was in a program, but I don't think I could maintain sobriety now without the knowledge I gained in AA. During one stretch of sobriety I manged to get to step 7 (I think 7 anyway, the amends list) but eventually I drank. Just in the past few months I have gone to a few AA meetings because I felt like I am being selfish with my sobriety by not helping others, but I just can't do it anymore. I hear people talk in meetings and all I want to do is shove a sock in their mouth or something. There are always a few people there who really have it together and give great suggestions, but I think there is alot of the blind leading the blind and so many people think there is only 1 way to do it. Kind of like poker, where there are these widely accepted theories and practices and you get flamed for thinking outside the box.

This could be good or bad. As I have said I think psychedelics can be an incredibly powerful tool when used responsibly, but they can also be addicting and be a gateway to substance abuse. They can also open doors in your mind that should never be opened. I doubt I will ever do DMT again because it is so powerful and I believe it has potential do do severe psychological harm.
That being said, one thing I really believe is that an alcoholic cannot stay sober without God. I use the word God very loosely. Even an atheist can find what I am referring to. God to me is just an acknowledgement of there being some kind of forces we can't see, even if it be your mind. I don't really want to go into this too much though because it is such a huge topic and it is hard for me to communicate my true thoughts and feelings on the subject. It's just something I know. My point though is that psychedelics can open your mind to different conceptions of "God" that you may not have come to without them. I don't know if you are a pot smoker, but if you get to a point where you think you are really in danger of drinking it might be worth a shot. When I very first sobered up it was my saving grace. That feeling down in your gut that boils up when you crave a drink almost instantly disappears after a couple hits. I don't know you personally and this may be really bad advice for you. Weed can be a crutch, but I would much rather see someone suffer the side effects of abusing weed than the side effects of being a drunk. If you do decide to try using weed to help cope with cravings, make sure to be honest with people around you about it.

I had never heard of it before, pretty cool idea though! It would be a really good idea, except like I said before I am not the only owner of the island. I don't think the family would like it if I whored out the island to yuppies from abroad. My aunt and uncle stay out here for 2 months in the summer and other various family members come out randomly for the day to relax on the beach. My aunt and uncle have friends out here pretty often in the summer so there is no problem if I want to have people come stay out here, but advertising on the internet for strangers to come wouldn't be cool.
That being said, if a fellow 2+2er was in my neck of the woods I would welcome them with open arms to come stay for a bit. That would obv depend on how well I knew them and what kind of person they are. If anyone following my blog is ever in Maine and wants to spend a few nights out here I would definitely be cool with that though.
As far as building a BR goes, I have a backer so I don't need to worry about building my roll. I just move up when I am ready and I don't need to worry about BR requirements. I just recently moved up to 100nl but I think I will be playing 200nl in another month or so (I was at 10nl about 3 months ago). I have thought about trying to save for my own BR but I like having the support of a stable. It also helps me to be accountable to someone else at the end of the day, so even if I got to a point where I could play on my own roll I am still not sure if I would do that, though it does suck giving up 50% of my profit. I am still living on a very tight budget because 90% of my income is from poker. I can pick up a day of work here or there if I really need it, but I grind so many hours that when I have time away from the tables I like to just enjoy myself.

This is how I filter my drinking water


Fill my bucket from the well


Put my empty jug in the bucket


My filter bucket. The filter is supposed to screw on to a plastic bottle, but that was a pain in the but so I sealed it onto the bottom of this blue bucket.


Then I place the filter bucket on top of the other one and line it up with the empty jug underneath. Then I fill it with water.


As the filter collects sediment it slows down and I use this syringe to shoot clean water back through the filter


After about 30 minutes I have a gallon of sparkling clean water!!


This summer I plan to do some work on the well. During the driest week of the summer I will use a bucket to bail out the rest of the water in the well so that I can dig it deeper. Then I will put crushed rock in the bottom of the well and line the sides with cement. Then I will build a box over the well. By doing this the water in the well will be much cleaner and better for bathing and it won't clog my filter as quickly.