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My Journey from lost to found - The Hard Way - My life story My Journey from lost to found - The Hard Way - My life story

08-28-2013 , 12:46 PM
Public School.

What a ****ed up place for a bunch of young minds to be thrown together . My dad grew up dirt poor and didn't mind a pair of Rustler's , a hanes tshirt and a pair of Cuga's. That's the best I have ever seen my dad dressed except change the Cuga's for leather biker boots and throw on a leather jacket and he would probably say bury me in this please.

My mom was a little different. She was two years younger and obv a girl so she did try and be fashionable. later in life she bought clothes but when I was starting school she dressed poorly too. She wore a lot of jeans but when she went to work selling houses and later having a real estate company , She had this Dr. Jane medicine approach to dressing up. It was her style and it worked. She was a popular woman in real estate circles from 94-2000.

As for me as a kid, I wasn't exactly put together well but since it was rural NC but close to Raleigh there were more poor kids than rich so I fit in ok in that regard. My main issue was just fitting in. My first day of school at a new place , 10 minutes late - a mainstay for the next 4 years and wearing old ass clothes but I had luckily begged my mom into buying the new AIR Jordan sneakers at Shoe Show the week before. red black and white, the very first ones. They were the coolest shoes in the whole store and she spent every dime she had on them. If it hadn't of been for one of her friends with her telling her to get them when I asked , then I wouldn't of gotten them. But I did and I wore them everyday leading up to school and then everyday after that until the toe busted away from the bottoms and started talking.

So , I walk in the first day , Into Mrs. Murphy's classroom . She is in her mid 30's with a family and her daughter was enrolled in the school, she was well known etcetera. First, I gotta tell you about the school. Its old. like 60 years old when I was going there but
over the years new buildings were added. k-4 was in a one story modern building with ac. 4th/6th was in the 3 story main building with radiators for heat. rickety wood floors and cold ass bathrooms. the classroom doors were huge and solid heavy oak but they painted em at some point and instead of beautiful natural wood , it was drab green paint. And bad fluorescent lighting. The basement was the cafeteria.
The building was so old, that the 3rd floor wasn't even used except for emengencies. It had a few classrooms and a great big theatre area.

5th grade was all by itself in the gym building. The whole school was was connected by covered sidewalks. It was a cute school but damn I went there with some total pieces of ****.

So I walk in to my 4th grade homeroom. This is the first year we started changing classes. I'm late and Mrs. Murphy is writing rules on the chalkboard, she points to a seat and I start heading over but I happen to lock eyes with this white girl that's dressed really nice. Instead of smiling, she makes a face as if she is looking at the most disgusting thing she has ever seen and rolls her eyes.

This really ****ed me up. I hadn't had ANY girl experience and the first one I meet in my class reacts to me as if I have the plague. This really , really affected me. I seen a picture of that bitch on fb like 6 years ago and she is a fat little troll. Needless to say, My self-esteem was ****ed from day one , five seconds into the first minute of 4th grade.

My parents split in the middle of the 4th grade. Memories are flooding right now so I gotta process. thanks for reading
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09-03-2013 , 08:37 AM
You know why I'm still here?

I just want to see what happens next.

I heard that line long ago and always remembered it. I feel that way right now. Its been 27 months since I moved to Vegas . My life and mindset are so different from 6 years ago that I'm unrecognizable.
Its been 29 months since Black Friday . This is why I'm so different .
Its good but in a way I almost wish it never happened just for the sake of Stars still being US playable. I live in Vegas , but what could possibly take the place of that?!?

Right now I'm working hard and just looking forward to WSOP '14. Thats it. Whatever happens with online so be it. I will be here in Vegas taking shots every summer. During the year I'm gonna work ,save and write my way towards a bracelet.

Thats it. I'm a poker Monk. Hopefully it wont take many more years. I put the under on 5 .

Last edited by tarheelbluez; 09-03-2013 at 08:48 AM.
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09-05-2013 , 08:32 PM
Mrs. Harpers classroom was directly next to Mrs. Murphys . Telling a story like this , it is very easy to get caught up and leave most of the story out . Hopefully I narrate it well enough that it flows . The 4th effing grade . It defined my life. Everything that I can remember somehow Impacted me tremendously then or somehow came to fruition many years later.
We changed classes with Mrs. Harper every day. She was on the edge of retirement when I had her and she was mean. Teachers could hit you with rulers/paddles and she lit me up in class on my palms. I don't remember why but It makes sense because that's where I remember seeing for the first time , my version of Forest Gumps " Jenny".

It was the height of Def Leppard and Bon Jovi and I was such a donk instead of asking Tammy to be my 4th grade girlfriend or even attempting to be friends , I acted like the biggest idiot in class to get her to notice me . To give it that crushy love ballad feel I goofily asked her to write the lyrycs to "You give love a bad name" , which she did. She was one of the smart girls in class and was very funny and outgoing. Blond , brown eyes with braces and nice knees. Her mom worked in the lunchroom collecting the money. .85 cents for full price, .40 cents for reduced and free is obv free. Her mom was very nice and always smiled at me . I got free lunch.

Not because I was in love with her daughter. Nope. Its because my dad had gotten drunk down at the river at our neighbors house and came home and tried to choke my mom late one night and she was done.

The new doublewide on 5 acres couldn't save it. The decent gig he had installing carpet in a booming Raleigh couldn't save it. Me and my brother couldn't save it.

She was done with him and it ruined my life. It crushed me then and it has a tight grip on me now.

So we were at Rays. Mom was working at Kanki in Raleigh at Crabtree waiting tables at night and during the day finishing her real estate exam . She had met a guy while working at Southern Partners. It happened to be the owners son! and he happened to be an attorney!!! Wow from a trashy biker to a REAL lawyer!!

It was right before I met him that I got really sick at Rays one night. I had been feeling it for a couple days and I woke up in the middle of the night on the couch out of my mind with hallucinations. I kept hearing my step aunt and uncle in the kitchen threatening me and sounding evil . I just wanted to make it to my moms room down the hall and it took me at least two hours to get the courage to get up and go. Once I inched my way to her door and opened it, she wasn't there and I started crying . Alice came who Ray was married to, and told me she was at "Chuck's" and didn't come home.

I told her I was sick but didn't say anything about hearing things. I went back to sleep and woke up to my mom frantically getting me an emergency pediatric appointment. I go there and get examined . They tell my mom that they can't find anything wrong and don't think I'm sick.

I'm getting the ****tiest look ever from my mom and I'm dying inside because I know WTF was happening last night. As we are leaving , This bitch says to my mom, "If he starts hallucinating , bring him back".

I was like yes!! only on the inside though. I was afraid she would say I'm lying so I stayed mum. Got home and Ray beat that ass. THEN he made me go to school at like 1:30 pm and tell my dickhead principle that I played hooky and HE beat my ass too.

All this because she stayed out all night with that guy I had never met. And once I did meet him, I hated him instantly.

Last edited by tarheelbluez; 09-05-2013 at 08:39 PM.
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09-06-2013 , 09:14 AM
I'm enjoying this blog, you write very well man. Posting to sub, gl in the future.
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09-08-2013 , 05:22 PM
My memory is so clouded and jumbled from this time in my life. I can remember with clarity for most of my life up until my parents split and my mom meeting Chuck.

I remember now that they didn't split until I was in the 5th grade in Mrs. Barefoot 's class. Since this is the first time I have tried to get this out, It is a lot more apparent to me just how traumatic it actually is on a young psyche. All these angry emotions come out first and block out everything else.

Mesa Court is a jewel of a property. It had been pasture land for quite a while but before that , dispersed Indians lived in the area since it had two water sources, the Neuse river and Rocky Branch creek as it was called in its pasture days.

It was the last cul de sac of three on a dead end road. Our land had an awesome creek that marked the end of our five acre property. There were only two more lots that if flowed behind before it emptied into the Neuse river.

It was virgin land that rolled gently down to the creek from our driveway. It was heavily wooded and Ray blew out stumps with dynamite using his truck battery to spark the cap. That was one of the best times I had with my grandpa. Blowing stumps and using the hood of his truck to hide from raining dirt. He also killed the biggest black snake I have ever seen to this day on that land.

It took quite a while to clear the land and we were out there quite a bit working. One of the days I met the kid who lived at the very end of the neighborhood with a huge river lot. It was actually my dad that went and introduced himself to the family . They had a son one year older than me and they lived in a trailer too, although they were about to build a ranch style brick house on their lot.

Our creek emptied into the river on his parents land and we moved into our brown doublewide at the start of summer , so naturally we were best friends. His mom even had the same name as mine, Rose Marie.

We played everyday. Swimming, riding go karts, playing war with dirt clogs. We built clubhouses and explored the woods and creeks. On the weekends our family' s and others from the neighborhood would gather on the beach of the river . The adult men drank and set trot lines to catch catfish and the women sat around and gossiped by the light of a few lanterns and a big driftwood bonfire.

It was during this time that one weekend we ended up at our trailer hosting a big pocket change poker home game. We played 5 card draw, 7 stud and some variants of stud. For me being so young, I had no clue. I loved GI-Joe and Transformers but I admit I got the bug and so did Jay because we played a lot for the next couple of years. Never for real money. Just deal em out look, draw, showdown. I'm sure we tried to use change but I cant remember. He and I were very competitive and played video games , shot targets , raced bicycles. Anything to show we were better than the other.

This was such an awesome time in my life. I had a great place to live. My family was together and I had a great best friend living across the street basically and his parents were so nice. We even took a great trip with both our family 's and camped on the beach down in Beaufort. I thought it would last forever. I had no doubt.

Last edited by tarheelbluez; 09-08-2013 at 05:38 PM.
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09-14-2013 , 01:18 PM
Hidden Valley was a drama pocket .

There were no restricted covenants. Meaning, you could do anything you liked with your lot. There were single-wide mobile homes with crude additions and on the lot next to it a 250k house.

In the very beginning when there weren't many occupants , it was especially redneck. The closest occupied lot to us was a VERY trashy singlewide . The kid had some type of handicap and would try to race our car when we drove by and he would end up falling on his face. They had this big black Lincoln with suicide doors and one day we were on the way home and the father of this little boy had the car stuck in the ditch in front of his house.
My dad had his old Chevy pickup and pulled the guy out . What a neighborly thing to do. I remember my dad didn't really say much to the guy as he helped him get out. It was the first time we had spoken to them at all. We had met the other neighbors but not these guys. I don't think I was allowed to go play there.
Then one day that Lincoln was at the top of our driveway in the cul de sac and the guy was asking for my dad. The next thing I know is, the guy is on the ground playing dead by his car door and my dad is very mad and has called the law.
Apparently he was drunk and thought him and my dad were best buds. My dad either slapped him or swung on him but he laid on the ground and played dead.
They didn't stay too much longer on the corner as you turned down our road.

Sheryl who was my godmother and my moms bff bought the lot next to ours. It sat empty for a few years because she was going through a divorce herself. As my parents were splitting up , She needed a place to stay and rented a room from my dad for a while . She had met a guy who was a brick mason and she eventually moved in with him.
I visited some during this time. Me and my brother were mostly with our mom but on one dubious occasion it was both of us hanging with our dad. He decided he needed more alcohol and drove us to the ABC store.
No car seats. No seat belts.
We are leaving the parking lot turning onto hwy 70 and he is speeding . All of a sudden the passenger door swings open from the momentum and the only thing saving me and Justin from tumbling out into the highway is my quick thinking to put my foot up into the door jamb. I saved mine and my brothers life . From this idiot.

I think my dad didn't pay anything on the lot and doublewide while him and my mom were separated. I think that is why she was so depressed when he left. I don't know specifics but I think Ray might have helped her out and saved it.

We ended up moving into a huge old white house near the airport , close to rays, before we went back to the doublewide for good. The house was tremendous , and cold. we had a space heater for the rooms we used downstairs. This is where I first met Chuck I believe. My brother had already met him and I'm sure it was because he was a baby .

All I can remember about meeting him , is he smelled like cologne. And he drank wine.
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09-17-2013 , 06:08 PM
When my mom died I got these . I'm sure since it was of no value to my stepdad , He wanted me to have it. Little does he know, I treasure these pictures and am very happy to be able to include them with my story. I'm gonna post them in the best order I can and make introductions when needed.

My Journey from lost to found - The Hard Way - My life story Quote
09-17-2013 , 06:18 PM
I obv don't have the order right .

My Journey from lost to found - The Hard Way - My life story Quote
09-17-2013 , 06:30 PM
There weren't many group photos of my family. This is probably the best one . I know my moms nips are there but its a 35yo pic and shes gone.

This was at Jungleland in Atlantic Beach NC.
My Journey from lost to found - The Hard Way - My life story Quote
09-17-2013 , 06:31 PM
This is Ray , my moms dad. He was an ******* and I'm sure it was him I was mad at in this pic

My Journey from lost to found - The Hard Way - My life story Quote
09-17-2013 , 06:33 PM
Grandpa Phil. I get my love of pipes from him I guess .

My Journey from lost to found - The Hard Way - My life story Quote
09-17-2013 , 06:36 PM
Heres a few more of me and then we are back to the story. From here on out there will be pictures to go with -

My Journey from lost to found - The Hard Way - My life story Quote
09-17-2013 , 06:38 PM
My mom never dressed me this good as I got older- I guess she thought I would hate it.

My Journey from lost to found - The Hard Way - My life story Quote
09-17-2013 , 06:39 PM
They see me rollingggg , they hatinngggg

My Journey from lost to found - The Hard Way - My life story Quote
09-22-2013 , 01:34 PM
I really see the division in my life now when I look at these pictures. After black Friday I gave them to my best friend TF to hold for safekeeping as I made my journey towards a new start here in Vegas. I hadn't really looked at them in years and it is quite a shock opening a box and seeing your life inside.

Heartache mostly. Divorce rips a kids life . It did mine. It did my brothers. He has his own issues but I don't think his mind works like mine so he probably doesn't see what I see. If he does he never told me.

Right now I hate my dad with everything I have. That is what you get when you abandon your kids for years when they needed you the most. I SEE how happy BOTH of us boys were in these pictures and I'm so angry that instead of growing up with my dad who I idolized , I got a distant , moody, alcoholic ******* that didn't even SPEAK to me . My mom went out of her way to try and do more to show me and bro some attention .

All I knew up until the divorce was my Mom and Dad , bro and me. Family. The stars were aligned. Bliss.

I loved my dad A LOT more than I have wanted to admit . I don't love him now but back then was a different story. I was his SON then! We did everything and I was his right hand man. My dad was cool, he was tough! I wanted to be just like him.

Before we settled in NC , Him and my Uncle were both in the same biker club and I would always tag along to the clubhouse. They had a pinball machine and I used to get quarters off my uncle to play. I thought I was the coolest kid in the world. The other members were cool too and a couple of them I would know later in life.

I did cool stuff with my dad back then. I even had a real tattoo when I was three years old. My dad was getting a tattoo from a cousin of his. I kept begging and begging and finally my dad gave in and put 3 red dots on the topside of my left forearm. My mom flipped out when she saw . I still have it , but one dot is very faint. All through school I would say I have a tattoo and they would say, "No you don't , That's red marker". I finally gave up on being cool with that one.

Once I lost my dad, and I was left with Chuck , my life changed to a big black cloud . Everyone in my Mom's family said, "He's a lawyer! , He's a keeper!" I didn't see it that way. They weren't at home with us.

After the big white house by the airport, We moved back to the doublewide. At first it was just the three of us, with Chuck coming on the weekends to stay. At first it was cool because he always brought pizza and what kid doesn't like pizza. Then I noticed he always brought a lot of beer and wine too and none of us drank.
He also didn't do man stuff. Like being outside building something or burning a bonfire.

He also didn't care to get to know me or my brother. He was just there.

One day he moved in. He was living in the house with us. There was Him and my Mom. Then there was My bro and me. Then there was Mom , bro and me. there was NEVER --All of US!!

I started having big time issues in school and to go along with that I had a new teacher in the 5th grade , Mrs. Barefoot , that singled me out in class to torture .

Dad made a couple of trips back when Chuck was living there with us. It was a Saturday morning and I just happened to be looking out the diamond shaped window on the front door of our trailer . At the top of our driveway in the cul de sac I seen my Dads yellow and white Dodge van circle by and go back up our road.

I screamed , "DADDY, DADDY!!!!" then ran out and up the hill to try and run him down. He had turned towards Jay and his family's house at the end of the neighborhood, meaning I could cut across a big field and meet him on the way back. I ran and ran and YES!!! It was my Dad! We hung out and got to be US again .

Chuck always tried to avoid my dad because he was scared. His face when I looked out and seen my Dad told me he hated me. I seen it in his face.
It also bothered Chuck that I would constantly look out that window , waiting to see that Dodge van again.

My dad always talked **** about Chuck when I was with him . Then I just imagine Chuck back then and I realize how much I hated him.

My dad finally gave up and didn't call or come visit for 8 years. He paid a little child support in the beginning but after her and Chuck got married he told her he wasn't paying. The contact stopped and I lost my dad. The last conversation I had with him was that he had got me a dirtbike and was gonna bring it on my birthday. That day came and went and no sign of Tony since.
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09-22-2013 , 02:23 PM
I hated my home life. I was too big for daycare , so I was home alone for quite a while everyday after school. Mom was at Chucks office helping him prepare packages for closings. He was a Real Estate attorney. She had passed her exam and was working as a realtor during the day and in the evenings, sometimes till 11 o'clock at night helping Chuck do paperwork. She was always saying "We are building up the business".

No one ever asked me about homework. By the time they got home, I had already eaten whatever I could find and was passed out. Then back to school to endure more bullying from Mrs. Barefoot. She was a real bitch. I will write more on her later but right now this is about to get real serious for me.

I was living a miserable life. I felt unloved and unwanted . I was just there , In the way. That's what I felt. That's what I was made to perceive. You see , Chucks family is well to do from where I'm from. His dad was a Marine and had been at Quantico and was at the "Bay of pigs". Chuck had lived all over and never had to want for anything. His mom never worked and was a dutiful wife taking care of Chuck the oldest and His bro and younger sis.

Chucks mom Barbie, was fine with Rose as a realtor, but when she found out her son the lawyer was dating Rose with the two biker kids, she let her feelings be known that she wasn't happy. I felt second class everytime I was around because my Mom had told me exactly what Barbie had said.

I always went through Chucks ****. I found a tinfoil pipe in his closet with some residue from smoking weed. Then I found all these Styrofoam cups with little plants growing in the bathroom. Then I found in the woods behind our house a few big plants . How are they going to not like us with this ******* growing pot on our land? Don't they know he's an ******* and acts like I'm nothing? If they don't like us why don't he leave?

I thought I could get my dad back home if I could just get rid of Chuck.

So, I called the Sheriffs department about someone growing weed on our land. I was home alllll day long alone so I had plenty of time to show them everything when they came. I was a kid doing something that would change my life forever but I didn't know how much or did I even think about it. I just wanted that ******* gone.

They came back a few days later with search warrants. I had to go next door to Sheryls while they searched. When I finally came back home, The police were gone and it was only Mom and Chuck there. They wanted to talk to me so I sat and listened . I thought they knew that I called the law.

They didn't know or suspect it was me but I didn't know that. I remember saying ,

"I turned you in, I thought you knew."

about 20 seconds of silence and then Chuck starts screaming, You apologize to your mother!!!!! I start backing towards my room and then he charges me and punches me in the nose like I'm a man. I fly into the wall beside my bedroom door and try to cover myself as he gets on top of me. My Mom is screaming for him to stop and I just remember getting into bed and staying there for a couple of weeks.

I couldn't leave my room. I didn't eat much either.

When I did start to come out I was met with icy stares and silence from everyone except my brother.
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09-22-2013 , 03:35 PM
He didn't leave. My dad didn't come back.

What little affection I was receiving is now replaced with distance. I was scared to be at home and I wasn't mature enough to deal with those emotions and it started coming out in school. Instead of having support in the classroom I got embarrassed repeatedly by Mrs. Barefoot.

I got in trouble quite frequently and had to " write-off" 500 times on a weekend , "I will not grunt in class"

No ****. I will not grunt in class. I kept trying to listen for myself to grunt and could never hear it. She had me sit right next to her desk so she could screw with me all day. This is turn made the kids start making fun of me.

I had a few friends in the school that lived in my neighborhood but none in my class with me. So everyday we would meet on the busride home and they would all be in great moods , but I would be so stressed out from my teacher and the thought of going home. Then it started on the bus after a while and my whole world was just one big scary thing. I hated violence. I mean I was a tough kid, but I was no bully.

I flunked the 5th grade.

I stayed behind while everyone I had known for a couple of years passed me by. Instead of Mrs. Barefoot I had her hallway counter-part Mrs. Daughtry . She was a very sweet and gullible lady , but knew of my problems at home and was somewhat supportive of me to do well.

My homelife had eased up a little as no open hostility towards me. Chuck had received probation but was front paged when he first got arrested . His parents were really embarrassed and I didn't see them at all until the holidays.

I was still being mentally ****ed over though and I seen Chuck hit my baby brother in the stomach one morning knocking his wind out and then asked me if I wanted some too. My brother doesn't remember it, but I do. I had up until that point thought that he loved my brother since he didn't hit him like he hit me. Then I realized he didn't give a **** about either one of us.

When the weather permitted I would roam our neighborhood and hang out with the neighbors. One of the original residents who had a river lot was a couple named Dickie and Randy.
They had a singlewide trailer on a huge lot with a nice garage that they built so Dickie could work from home repairing foreign cars. I loved hanging out there because they also had a German Shepherd kennel with some cool dogs. They would pay me to help clean up and mow grass.
Dickie had a nice spot on his river bank and liked to have bonfires on the weekend , drinking and cooking. He always let me go and would tell the best stories about hookers and Bruce Lee.

I snuck out one night to go hang out on the weekend and for some reason they checked on me and seen I wasn't in my room.

After I was down at the river a while we kept hearing a car horn and at this time there was no telling who it could be. I didn't think anyone was looking for me because I snuck out during the night regularly and nothing was ever said. I stayed pretty late and eventually decided to go home after the fire died down and no one replenished it.

I was almost to our driveway when I seen headlights coming at me. The car sped up and then slammed on brakes sliding on the gravel. Blazing lights right in my eyes and I hear the door open and I think its my mom but right at the last second I realize it's Chuck. It was too late at this point, because a 9 yo kid doesn't think he's gonna be be the target of a sneaky grown man haymaker.

As I was blacking out in the ditch , I heard him say, "Call the law on me now".........

I finally stumbled home and laid down with a huge swollen cheek. I woke up with the whole side of my face swollen and my cheek itself black and hard as a rock.
My mom looked in on me and didn't say anything about my face so I guess she was cool with it. I walked around with this big calcium deposit on my face because this bastard hit me. I lied and said I slipped off our deck to anyone that asked.
I was terrified and had no one to help me.

Last edited by tarheelbluez; 09-22-2013 at 03:41 PM.
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09-22-2013 , 04:31 PM
Great read tarheelbluez, I hope you find some closure by getting this off your chest. It is amazing how much you remember that you thought you forgot, when you think about your childhood. Keep it coming....
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09-23-2013 , 09:20 AM
I'm just spinning around and around on the inside thinking about Chuck and my life with him in it.
Memories are a bitch.

Do I have any legal recourse here? Can I sue him and his family?
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09-29-2013 , 09:10 PM
Much for you brother
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09-30-2013 , 05:26 PM
There were so many times I planned running away after that. I didn't know how to contact my dad and felt hopelessly lost to him coming back. I was permanently grounded from everything. I had to STAY in my room only leaving for the bathroom right across the hall.

My brother was too young to understand what had happened and would always be at my door trying to get me to come out and then Chuck or Mom telling him to leave me alone , but he wouldn't and that would piss him off too. I became very good at "stealth mode" when he was there. He did his best to ignore me and not include me in anything unless he had absolutely no choice. I honestly didn't mind but it sure bothered him and he sure made me know it.

Somehow I made it through 5th grade with a class full of kids a year younger than me. I excelled at P.E., English and reading. Math was hard and social studies was boring. I went to the office a few times but no suspensions from school yet. I did get kicked off the bus for punching this kid in the eye . I rode a very rowdy bus that picked up all types of families kids . This kid that lived close to me had seen someone picking on me and must have thought he could too. As I was getting off the bus I thought he was gonna hit me so I got one off first right in his eye. Then, I turned and ran off the bus.

All the kids screaming and laughing out the window at me and I felt exhilarated !! I had punched someone in the face and had "won" a fight. Up until that point I hadn't really done any fighting . Just to get up the courage to throw a punch was all the fight in itself. I ran home and was reliving the fight with the kid that lived two doors over , Keith when the phone started ringing. Usually my mom would call so I answered and it was the kid I punched!! He said that It didn't hurt and it wasn't swollen like he was just telling me he fell off his bike, all friendly and ****, I screamed " It will be!!" meaning , it will be swollen. This was a Friday afternoon so he had all weekend to recover before I seen him on the bus Monday morning.

As I got on the bus , He was sitting in a different seat and had his hand resting on the seat in front of him , with his head leaning into the crook of his arm like he was sleeping. At first I thought that he WAS sleeping , because that was something he did sometimes .

It was a fairly long ride with a lot of stops before we got to school. About halfway through the trip, I notice the he is opening his backpack beside him with his other hand and won't remove his head from his arm to look in his bag. I realize he's hiding his face ! So does everyone else on the bus!

He was more embarrassed than hurt. I don't blame him, it was a tough bus, I even had problems with people hitting me on that bus. I made it through another summer and the last year of elementary school, the 6th grade.

I had done OK in the subjects I liked and suffered again in math and conduct. I couldn't seem to be a well behaved student , and I was getting referrals from the guidance counselor to give my parents, that basically wanted me to go to mental health.

I never done my homework, and I disrupted the class everyday. I broke the petty rules constantly and it started building up . I would get written up and punished with " in school suspension " . Then , it progressed to being suspended .

My mom decided that she had to try and get me help so she took me to the young persons psychologist. I basically had to tell the guy what was bothering me and what sucks is , my mom would sugarcoat everything and I didn't want to get punched so I didn't really talk much. I got Ritalin out of that deal and only took it just a little while as it had no effect on me.

Things hadn't changed at home with the tension and neglect. I hated it. I was hiding all the time still after over a year had passed. All the neighborhood parents knew and had pity for me but wtf were they gonna do?
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09-30-2013 , 05:58 PM
Everyone acted different towards me after Chucks arrest. The neighbors, My teachers and my friends. My grandpa Ray even mentioned it . He said, "Rose is my daughter , She's in trouble too". Meaning, I got her in trouble and he was disappointed in me. What the **** man. She got probation. They "BOTH" chose to thinks its ok to grow weed. The cops let them know it wasn't . Wanna grow weed? Well, you might get caught, even if its by what you least expect.

Its ****ed up because I thought you WENT AWAY when you grow marijuana. Those dickhead detectives didn't say he would be staying to ruin my life even more.
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10-10-2013 , 07:39 PM
Seeping anger is all I can feel since writing about him hitting me. It has been a very long time since I have relived those memories and now that I'm older I see more clearly than ever how much of a piece of **** he is.

It isn't like that killed our relationship after I did that. It was already a no go from the second I met him. He wasn't interested in having kids. He didn't care that Bro and I needed someone . There was never any hugs . There was never a, "how was your day"? . No happy birthday. No Merry Christmas.

And it wasn't just for me. My brother got the same treatment. Like we weren't even there.

It was tough. I tried to spend the night away as much as I could throughout the neighborhood at my friends houses. When I couldn't leave, I had to stay in my room and be quiet. For a while my mom shared his Buick Somerset and on the weekends I never knew if he was gone with her as their bedroom door was always shut. I was so scared he would hit me I wouldn't come out of my room all day and then learn too late that he had been gone with her and I could have had some freedom.

They both worked long hours everyday and me and my Bro spent a lot of time alone . Usually I would kick his ass and do big brother stuff. We had a pretty good bond but the stress of our home life was bothering him too. He started gaining weight very rapidly and was obese in 1st grade. I have a lot of his baby pictures and you can clearly see when the changes started happening.

Those long hours at the office turned into major business for Chuck and Rose. They had some work done to the doublewide fixing it up a little but all that cash and knowledge of real estate, they built a 2300sf house right behind the trailer. It was built by his dads construction company so they saved a ton of money AND built a really nice house.

They were about to finish the punch list as I was starting 7th grade. Little did I know That I wouldn't EVER finish the 7th grade, or even GO to the 8th or 9th grades.

Things got ugly pretty quick. School was immediately tough for me as I was targeted as a weakling on the bus before it even got to the school. I would get punched in the back of my head from someone in a group of older kids sitting behind me and I was too scared to confront them that I just took it.

Then other kids started doing it in the hallways on the way to class. One morning I was so angry and so sick of it that I heard a familiar voice close behind me and I figured I was gonna get punched so I looked over my shoulder and judged the distance and then I swung my fist backward smashing that *******s face. The look of shock that I hit him was the greatest thing ever. At first I was scared and figured we would fight right there but then I realized he was dazed and I had hurt HIM!!!!!

As I'm feeling elation, I'm quickly grabbed from behind by the 400lb principle and dragged to the office. One of the most ****ed up things EVER happens......

Instead of calling my mom, He calls Chucks office!!! I immediately went off like an atom bomb and got into even more trouble. Chuck didn't take the call but it was the start of the beginning .

I received ISS (in school suspension) for 5 days....

I was instantly cool as I had punched a guy that was bullying me. Cool kids wanted to hang with me and it felt great. To fit in I started doing outlandish things in class and started getting written up and calls home all the time. Then one day, The teacher who I had the most problems with, called Chuck and he came to the school.

I was called to the office and I didn't know why. As I walk in I see Chuck standing there and he immediately tries to punch me in FRONT of the secretaries!!

By now I am very wary and can move lightning fast so I run back out the door and down the hallway and as I look back he is walking out the front door to leave. Nothing was ever said or asked from the office. I don't even know if they saw it. I guess that's when I started to say "the hell with school" .

Those new friends? Twin brothers from a broken home and we bonded very quickly. We started skipping school and stealing crap from the stores . Once we got suspended for skipping, I suggested we run away to avoid trouble at home and it was met with a "lets do it".

I was about to pass over that imaginary line of no return.
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