I'm just going to leave this here:
a new, clinically valid inventory measuring the capacity to love (
also tested on an Italian sample).
Each question is scored on a
4-point Likert scale (1='Not true' to 4='True', except for reverse items marked with an asterisk*, where 4='Not true'). The answers should refer to an ongoing relationship or, in the absence of such, to the last significant relationship.
I'm not going to share my scores on either of the 6 factors (groups of questions), especially because I've never had an eligible relationship and can only fantasize about an ideal one. For the correlations of scores with various other psychotherapeutic inventories, see the papers I've linked to.
The Capacity-To-Love Inventory (CTL-I)
Interest in the other (INT)
1. It is important to me to know the life plan of my partner.
2. I share my life plans with my partner.
3. I am joyful to share my partner’s success.
4. I feel enriched to see the personal growth and life experience of my partner.
5. When my partner is unhappy, I also feel sad.
6. I can be empathic with my partner and try to understand them.
7. I am often bored with my partner.*
Basic trust (BTR)
8. I trust that my partner is empathic with me when necessary.
9. My weaknesses, inner conflicts and problems are open to the other.
10. I can express my feelings and needs to my partner openly.
11. I can trust my partner that in situations of uncertainty and ambivalence they can be emotionally supportive.
12. I feel being honest to my partner.
13. I keep secrets from my partner.*
14. I can confess my weaknesses to my partner.
15. I sometimes feel that my relationships are limited.*
16. I am comfortable with my partner and I usually feel safe in their company.
Gratitude (GRT)
17. I feel gratitude for the existence of my partner.
18. I feel gratitude for the love received.
19. When separated, I still feel connected with the partner.
20. I accept that I need my partner.
21. I like to convey comfort to my partner.
22. I like to take care of the other when they need my help.
23. I like to share responsibilities in our daily life in order to take pressure off my partner.
Common ego ideal (CEI)
24. I am dedicated to my relationships.
25. We always try to work on our relationship.
26. I respect the personality and essential values of my partner.
27. I love to watch my partner’s gestures and reactions.
28. I feel committed to our joint life.
29. I search for compromise solutions when conflicts and competing agendas arise.
30. I often tell my partner that I love them.
31. I feel deeply connected with my partner.
Permanence of sexual passion (PSP)
32. Sexual boredom arises in long-term relationships.*
33. The sexual desire diminishes throughout time.*
Loss and mourning (LOM)
34. It is hard for me to accept when a loved person is not able to respond to my love.*
35. When a relationship is over, I often blame my ex-partner.*
36. I sometimes have wishes for revenge when my partner dismisses me.*
37. I am often unwilling to accept the end of my relationships.*
38. I am often jealous.*
39. I have feelings of guilt after a separation.*
40. I sometimes devaluate myself if my partner abandoned me.*
41. It is hard for me to move on after a relationship.*
* = reverse item
I've frivolously replaced binary pronouns ('her/him') used in the original with the gender-neutral 'they'; as for the PSP questions, I guess that asexuals should imagine the most intimate activity that they wish to have with the partner instead of sex.
