There's no worse feeling in the world than when things just aren't working out with musicians you're playing with.

Sigh.

-Edward Van Halen

I'm sorry things are rough, but you know they will always change eventually. My performance art was almost always done alone, so I didn't really go through the problems of real collaboration.

I do think I missed some of the true unique thinking (and pain) that comes about from working with another creative person. The fact that I never actually designed anything from scratch with anyone else is a lacking in my life. Press on, it will all be worth it in the end.

Musicians, though often loveable, are a bunch of whack-jobs.

thx

I'm trying to get a Halloween gig together, and it's been very difficult and stressful. This Halloween will be the ten year anniversary, so it's a special date. It will be absolutely crushing if I don't play a gig. I want to record it and release a live album.

One of the greatest bands of all time.

I'll smoosh u!

God SXSW was amazing

Hi LirvA (wave)

bamp ten year late hi jelly!

God I wish it could have ended here


I had horrible experiences with this band over the past ten years that led to me suing them. I'll post more later as it's a lot to write and I'm pretty tired and thinking about crashing. Thinking about maybe working a little ... dunno.

would be crazy if jellyking responds back instantly

Gogogo LirvA!

Some people in the past have told me they really enjoyed this thread, which tells a long story about my time in Colorado and meeting a very special person on Halloween in 2003. It explains my username. I'll just leave this here and post more about the band experience later on.


https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/6...13/?highlight=

lol yes that would be wild!

I might as well post some art I've been working on. I kinda have a little Alyssa Bustamante obsession, just a small one, just a little teeeensy tiny one, and I was working on some ideas about art involving her.

It started one day when I woke up and I couldn't get the Thundercats theme song out of my head. I was feel frisky and I guess manic and I couldnt get the

thunder thunder thunder thunder CATS! rrrrawwwwwrrrr

thing out of my head, and I started thinking about making some art where I turn Alyssa into a Thundercat, but then it transformed into werewolf and now I just refer to her as my Thundercat werewolf

Anyway, I'm working on trying to make this big art idea that I came up with several years ago into a reality, and I spent quite a long time trying to figure out how to actually make the art since I've never really been a visual artist before. And finally I decided I would just do it with GIMP and photo editing and manipulation, so I've been spending quite a bit of time working on different art ideas with GIMP so I can get my skills up for my big art project idea.

I have come up with such a brilliant idea that I think it could really become "a thing" in art. The kind of thing that like, a hundred years from now, people will make art in that style. Maybe I have delusions of grandeur, but it really is a fantastic ****ing idea! I just can't .... let the cat out of the bag, yet because I still don't have the skills necessary to make the art I'm trying to make. So in order to get there, I'm working on different smaller art projects so I can improve my skills.

I was posting lots of different "photoshops," or GIMPs as I call them, in omg, and ScreaminAsian was being an art critic, cause I was trolling him. He's known for posting lots of hot babes in omg, and I started out by GIMPing a little Ed Kemper medallion onto a necklace of one of the girls he posted.






At one point, I was posting different youtube clips of Reverand Harry Powell from the absolutely brilliant and amazing movie, The Night of The Hunter, which is about a corrupt and evil man who thinks he is doing the Lord's bidding by killing people and taking their money. He's a "man of God" who meets a man in prison, and while the man is sleeping in the bunk under Powell, he's dreaming and says something about money being hidden. Powell finds out he has children and he goes to them and tries to become their new father figure and husband to the children's mother, but all he really wants is the money that the children have hidden for their father, as his last wish to his kids.


Anyway, I posted a GIMP of Henry Powell in the taxi with Travis Bickle and Martin Scorsese's unnamed character







And ScreaminAsian got very critical and nitpicky of my aesthetics. He said, "why don't you do something nice, like something with Young Sheldon?"

I told him I don't like or relate to Young Sheldon in any way ....

"I know, but just something nice ... would be nice."


So I trolled him even more and finally produced a legitimate art piece that I'm quote proud of!







The upper shelf with the women is a commentary on objectifying and commercializing women. In this piece, which I think I called "ScreaminAsian goes shopping at Walmart," the women that SA was posting were reduced down to figurines and sold on the shelf at Walmart. No longer are these women living, breathing humans, but they are simply attractive figurines on the shelf to be purchased and put on display in the home.

The bottom two shelves are both trolling ScreaminAsian, but also really letting my artistic aesthetics come through. The piece was really a progression, it started off as a having a lot fewer elements than are in it now, and it kind of represented days or weeks of posts that were made in omg.

SA wanted me to do something with Young Sheldon, so I did! I put him alone in a forest with Alyssa Bustamante! Surrounded by trees, and with a werewolf hiding behind one, about to attack Young Sheldon!

On the second row, there are three wise tree men, overseeing the happenings below. This represents the fact that in Bustamante's case, all secrets were eventually revealed by Alyssa and the forest, and she was held accountable in Court. Also present on the second row, the Thundercats vehicle is facing a box of head and shoulders, which has an image of psychiatric drugs on the label. This represents my belief that the large dosage of prozac that Alyssa's psychiatrist put her on right before her mistake was the cause of the tragedy. I don't blame Alyssa for what she did. I don't think it's her fault. Yes, she's responsible for it, and was held accountable, but what Missouri did to Alyssa is just as much of a tragedy as the death of Elizabeth Olten, because Alyssa was only 15 at the time, and had just had her dosage of prozac greatly increased a week or two before the tragedy, and prozac comes with a black box warning; it can greatly increase suicidal and homicidal ideation.

Prozac has been causing or contributing to tragedies since the late 1980s.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluoxetine


Because of Alyssa Bustamante's age and her state of mental health and the drugs she was on, I feel that Missouri should have been fair to her in the prosecution. Not only that, but in her interrogation, Alyssa eventually confessed to everything and was upfront and truthful with investigators. During this period in the interrogation, she was assured by someone was who supposed to be acting as her advocate that "we treat people who tell the truth way differently than we treat people who don't," in order to encourage Alyssa to be honest about what happened. Alyssa eventually WAS honest, completely and totally, and even went out to the forest with investigators to show where she had buried the body. How did the State of Missouri treat her in response? They tried her as an adult.

Alyssa was 15 years old when it happened, and Missouri tried her as an adult, and gave her life in prison with possibility of parole. Apparently from what I read, Alyssa will not likely get out until she is in her 60s, but I'm not sure. I think this is a complete injustice.

Anyway, I just wish I could save Alyssa and just go watch thundercats and werewolf movies with her. I relate very strongly to Alyssa, because she and I both had a very traumatic upbringing during our childhoods and it led to a lot of problems for us both. I've always loved werewolf movies and I've always been obsessed with werewolves since I was a kid, first starting when I saw Silver Bullet, which came out in 1985. I was born in the early 80s, so I was a young child when I first saw this movie.

It led to a very early obsession with werewolves for me, and also a life long happening of recurring dreams about werewolves. I think I've posted about this before here, but when I was a very young child, I had my first werewolf dream, after I had seen Silver Bullet.

I was in my dining room with my family, and I was either completely naked, or partially naked. There was a half man, half werewolf that had gotten into our house. I was running around and around the table, back and forth, trying to get away from this werewolf. His lower body was that of a werewolf, but his upper body and head was that of a man. I kept trying to get away from the werewolf, and he said to me, "We're not after you, we don't want you, we're not out to get you." I said really????? How????

"You didn't say Curse The Werewolf." I said what?????

"You haven't said Curse The Werewolf. As long as you don't say Curse The Werewolf, we won't come after you."


.... now, when I tell stories like this on this site, I'm often met with a certain type of reaction from people. They think I'm trolling or making things up. I don't know why, I'm really not, I'm really being honest and telling stories from my life about things and events that actually happened ....

but anyway, after that first dream, I ****ed up! I did it. I was a child, less than ten years old, and the werewolf in my dream told me not to say it. I was a ****ing kid, of course I was going to say it! And I did! I said it. I said it then, and I say it now ...

Curse The Werewolf. In the days after that first dream, I said "Curse The Werewolf," and I firmly believe that that caused me to have a lifetime of recurring dreams about werewolves.

Not long after saying Curse The Werewolf, I had my second werewolf dream, and I remember it just as vividly as the first one. I was again, less than ten years old...

I had said "Curse The Werewolf," and in my second werewolf dream, I was in a house .... but it was different. It was our house but it wasn't our house. On the inside, it was our house. But on the outside, it was like the exterior from this old, local, rural mansion that is not far from my house. My brother and I would ride our bikes by it on the dirt road, and I always looked at the huge gate that was at the front of the property.

Our house that we lived in was not a mansion, just a three bedroom, two bath house, with no elaborate gate made out of brick and ornamental fencing. So in the dream, I was at our front door, looking out into the front yard. At the end of the yard, we had the huge gate from the mansion. I saw werewolves at the gate, trying to get in. I shut the door and ran and I hid in my mother's bed room, which had somehow gotten a hidden door.

Have you guys ever seen that movie Misery, about the writer and the crazy lady that basically kidnaps him??? If I'm remembering correctly, in that movie, Annie I think is her name, has a hidden room that is accessible by a secret door. My mother's room had this secret door. It looked only like a wall down the length of the hall way, but if you pressed against the wall at the right spot, that was the secret door. I used this secret door to go into my mother's room.

I have a missing memory or something, or something weird happened in the dream, or ... I don't know. Because I remember going into my mother's room through that secret door way, but somehow I wasn't able to stay in there and hide from the werewolves, which were breaking into our house. In my memory, the dream jumps from me going into my mother's room, to me being in my father's room on his big chair. I was now looking out the window in my father's room, and saw werewolves outside, trying to break through the window to get in to get me. My father's bed, in my dream but not in reality, had a weird drawer under it. I pulled it open, got in the drawer, and closed it to hide from the werewolves. And that was the end of that dream.

Those first two werewolf dreams were very close to each other from my memory, but since then I have had recurring dreams about werewolves at many different times in my life. They started when I was less than 10, and they've persisted to my age now, my most recent one was just a couple weeks ago, where I dreamed a werewolf broke into my house and was trying to kill me, and I shot it several times in the face with my FN Five-seveN pistol.

My favorite werewolf dream that I've had was one where I actually became a werewolf. I had this when I was probably in my late teens to early 20s. My next door neighbor to the north of our property had killed himself in his garage by hanging himself from the garage door support beams, and his young daughter had found him. When I had this dream, the property was vacant.

Now, these properties out here are surrounded by woods. My brother and I would go for walks through the woods all the time, very thick woods with many many trees everywhere. It can be creepy for some people out here at night, even during the day. But there's a pond on the property in the woods the north. It's actually a sort of huge crater in the earth that was dug out when they were building the highway that we live next to. There's houses, a huge forest, and a highway. So during the road construction of the highway, they dug out a ton of earth in the property to our north, and it created basically like a large ravine, and there is a pond there.

In this werewolf dream, I was at that pond, completely naked. I walked towards the water, bent down, put my finger in the mud, and stood back up and drew some sort of symbol on my forehead. I then walked into and completely submerged myself into the water. When I came out of the water, I was now a werewolf. Full fur, not half and half like the werewolf in my first dream. I was a full blown werewolf, and I had like super magical powers or something. The ravine cliff that I'm talking is very big, like two or three stories high. As a kid, when walking through the forest in that area, I often liked to climb the ravine, like mountain climbing. Well in my dream, as a werewolf, I literally just jumped straight up that cliff wall. At the top of the cliff, there was a fenced in area, containing livestock. A bunch of cows. In my dream, I had submerged myself in the water, came out as a werewolf, jumped up the cliff, and then I jumped on and killed and ate one of those cows

THAT was super ****ing awesome!!!! I wish they all were like that! But mostly, my werewolf dreams are very terrifying, where werewolves are trying to kill me.

During my late teens and early 20s, I started thinking very deeply about these recurring werewolf dreams I had been having since I was less than 10 years old. I was a very very big fan of the TV show Frasier, and after watching it a lot I started to become interested in Carl Jung, because he is mentioned on the show quite a lot, especially by Niles.

So I developed an interest in Carl Jung, and I also during this time became quite obsessed with Silence of The Lambs, and Hannibal Lector. That TV show and that movie got me very very interested in psychology, and psychoanalysis, and self examination.

I started to read Carl Jung's books, and learned about this thing he wrote, called The Shadow.

In time, I came to realize that for me, the werewolves represented my shadow.


During my childhood, I endured a lot of horrible abuse. One of the things that happened to me was I was molested by two family members. I did not know or remember this for many years, this is something that I had greatly repressed during my early life. I did not realize this until 2005, and I think all these werewolf dreams that I was having during that time represented my shadow, and repressed memories of what happened.

Anyway, I know this is very long at this point, but what I'm trying to get across is that werewolves have a very symbolic kind of a meaning for me, that I think I only partly understand. I think the shadow aspect of that is quite accurate. Staying along the Jungian lines, Avril Lavigne/Michelle, from The Story of LirvA and Halloween, represents my anima.

I've been on a life long journey of just trying to fully understand myself and my childhood and my dreams and all that kind of ****. Maybe I shouldn't have started watching werewolf movies when I was so young, I don't know, but as a young child it was a very fun thing for me, I would watch these horror movies with my father. He would rent all these different werewolf movies for me from the local movie rental place.

Another werewolf movie that I saw during that time period that I loved a lot, and still do to this day, is The Howling, by Joe Dante. .... I'm sorry for the rambling, but I'm gonna try to bring it back to a point I'm trying to make ...

So in The Howling, Karen and her husband go on a retreat in a far away forest so she can get away from her terrors caused by a meeting with a serial killer named Eddie Quist (who is a werewolf). During the forest retreat, it is revealed that there are werewolves, and Karen's husband is attacked by one. After getting attacked and surviving, (which causes one to become a werewolf), he awakes one night with these base instincts. He goes out into the forest, and finds a bonfire that Eddie's sister has started. They get naked and turn into werewolves, and have sex. It's a pretty wild sex scene! And I saw this when I was a very young child, less than 10 years old.

The thing that I'm trying to get at is, .... this art that I'm making. I relate very strongly with Alyssa Bustamante, and I consider myself a werewolf. I consider her a werewolf too, and I'm starting to make this weird kind of werewolf art with her, that is represented in that art piece that I posted with the Walmart shelves.






I don't fully understand it myself, and I'm still just trying to make sense of myself and my life, but something about Alyssa and seeing her as a werewolf really really really really really works for me. In like some serious, base animal, sexual instincts type way.

Here lately, when I'm feeling like I'm going completely unhinged and basically wolfing out, I can get relief from all these extremely complicated feelings by

1. Riding my bike a lot of miles
2. having sexual fantasies about werewolf sex with Alyssa


I'm a werewolf, I feel like she's a werewolf, thinking about her just makes me feel better. I love her. I've been told this is a condition called Hybristophilia. I don't know if it is or isn't. But I have days where I feel remarkably normal and good and I function pretty well with other people. But then I also have days like this where I completely freak out ... this is how I felt after I woke up from my most recent werewolf nightmare.







When this happened to me the other day, I relieved it by having werewolf sex fantasies with Alyssa and then going on a long bike ride, and it made me feel a lot better! Oh, and, on my long bike rides, I listen to a lot of interviews with serial killers like BTK and Ed Kemper and I listen to Charlie Manson a lot and I listen to music also, I frequently listen to this album called Infernal Machine by Joe Coleman, and riding my bike and listening to this stuff and thinking about my life and stuff makes me feel better!





So .... yeah I think that's this post.


Yes, I know I'm very very weird. No, I'm not making up or fabricating a single sentense of this. Yes, I know that makes me even weirder. I don't care, I'm just trying to live my life and understand myself and my place in world.

thunder thunder thunder thunder CATS! rawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrrrr werewolf

I've been wondering if because your father was abusive to you, you don't have any strong role models who are like normal guys guys and if you think that might affect you?
Do you live with your mom and dad? who do you interact the most with irl now besides your mom and dad?

I think graphically that's pretty good, and terrifying! You need a slower transition- but I don't know much about animation, it looks like a gif? anyways good job.

Yeah it's a gif, I made it with gimp with these two images. I want to get really good at making werewolf transformations like this! Thanks!









I'm sure you're right, Bryce. I stay with my dad and help him with his health issues, and he's helped me a lot with financial issues. His health has really deteriorated in recent years unfortunately.

He actually is a really good role model in some ways, mostly financially. In other ways .... not so much. Very so. When I was a kid he could be an absolute monster. As he's aged though he has calmed down a lot.

Yeah, I mean i don't know I haven't spoken to you in 5 years. It's nice to see someone normal on twoplustwo again. My number hasn't changed.

I guess since I haven't talked to you in awhile i'm trying to gauge what you mean by no friends. You are very strange lirva, but not "no friends" strange. I mean, really?