Chef: Peeling garlic all day really takes the fun out of picking your nose after work.
Chef: Johnny, I wanna show you this new quail dish
Johnny: ok chef, what is it?
Chef: It's quail and...
Johnny: What's that?
Chef: It's quail
Johnny: What's quail?
Chef: What's quail? This is quail.
Johnny: No I mean like, what kind of bird is it?
Chef: ITS ****ING QUAIL
(me to chef, as he was butchering pig heads)
Me: You're really making some headway on those!
Me: Trying to get ahead of the game?
Me: I bet you were at the head of your class in culinary school!
Me: No wonder you're the head chef!
Pastry Chef: Krunic you wanna see these heart shaped cakes I'm making for the valentine's day special?
Me: Not really no. That's ****ing gross.
PC: Oh **** you, they're adorable!
Me: I'm gonna take valentines day off.
PC: No you're not.
Me: Yup, I'll be sick that day. Or at least, I'll be sick by the end of the night.
Chef: Krunic, you just hate everything that makes other people happy, don't you?
Me: Wow chef, you really get me.
Age: 32 34
Weight: 128 lbs 138 lbs
Relationship status: single
Employment status: unemployed employed
Living situation: live with my parents
This will be a place to record my efforts to make my life suck less.
- Reduce crippling anxiety and depression, especially social anxiety Done. Still working on it, but it's no longer crippling.
- Eat healthy food (no sugar, no PUFAs, no grains, moar veg) Gotten worse if anything. Working at an italian restaurant and being surrounded by pizza, pasta and gelato all day has not been good for my healthy eating plans.
- Go outside more than 1-2x a week Done. I go out at least 4 days/week.
- Sleep at least 6 hours per night Done. For more, see this: http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...&postcount=333
Short term goals
- Reduce social anxiety enough to at least get a job Done
- Refrain from violence and hostility towards my family for the remainder of the holiday season Done. In fact, I've been avoiding/ignoring them like a champ ever since.
Long term goals
- Learn spanish
- Learn korean
- Learn tailoring and pattern cutting
- Spend less time watching janky tennis streams and/or staring at live tennis scores Done
- Work on mommy/daddy issues, such as my mother's covert incest and my father's emotional unavailability and raging Done
- Gain muscle mass
Looking back at where I was and where I am, I've made a lot of progress.
Sour cherry danish was great. It's all about the flakiness.
Yesterday chef said he thinks I deserve a raise. I'm not sure if he was totally serious or if he was just in a really good mood because we had a new super hot 22 yr old foodrunner. We'll see.
Hi krunic. I have never worked in the bakery. I am a "dairy manager" by tag. i cant think of what to say right now but i like you a lot and wish you the best. you can have my number if you want. i only text non super close friends that i dont know well, so, you should text me sometime.
I grew up with parents who never taught me basic communication skills or how to recognize and stand up for my own needs and wants. Children who grow up this way become adults who react to conflicts in all 3 non-assertive ways.
There are 4 basic methods of communication:
Passive is when you suppress your own needs and wants in order to avoid all conflict. It's being a doormat.
Aggressive is when you intentionally ignore other people's needs and wants and try to intimidate them into being passive.
Passive-aggressive is when you recognize your own needs and wants aren't being met, but are afraid to communicate them honestly, and are afraid to be purely aggressive by beating others into submission.
Assertive is when you recognize your own needs and wants, aren't afraid to communicate them honestly, while being mindful of and caring about other people's needs and wants. This is the only possible approach that can truly resolve a conflict in a way that satisfies everyone.
My parents still to this day (especially my dad) don't know how to be assertive themselves. I've decided not to let that happen to me.
I'm much more in tune with my emotions as a result of going to therapy, reading tons of books, listening to The Mental Illness Happy Hour, etc.
What I try to do is make a mental note every time I get upset or have a strong negative emotion, then explore it later to see if there's a way I can prevent it, make it less severe, or deal with it better in the future.
One thing I've noticed a repeat pattern of is passive-aggressive behavior.
Three things I can identify about passive-aggressive acts:
1. Because there's no direct honest communication, the person you have the conflict with will almost always never know that you are upset or why.
2. The person you have a conflict with will misinterpret your actions, thinking you're just being mean/rude for no reason, or wondering what your problem is, unable to participate in solving the conflict even if they wanted to.
3. The conflict is never resolved, and usually starts additional conflicts when the other person gets mad about your seemingly inexplicable behavior.
It's easy to identify pure passivity (being a doormat) or pure aggression (being an aggro douche). What's more difficult is identifying and eliminating passive-aggression.
When I look back on my passive-aggressive acts, I ask myself:
1. When was the moment I realized there was a conflict and I had to do something about it?
2. What would've been a more assertive way to handle it?
3. What would've been the likely difference in outcome if I had been more assertive?
Being able to act assertively is not easy for people who haven't been taught this from an early age. You need to establish your own boundaries. You need to be able to identify your own emotions. This sounds easy and silly but tons of people have no idea what they're actually feeling at any given time (I didn't until about age 32). Most importantly, you need to convince yourself that it's ok to have needs and wants, and that it's ok to honestly express to other people that you have needs and wants.
I haven't read any books that specifically teach assertiveness. For me it happened more as a result of making lots of other changes and improvements in my mental state, and honestly analyzing every interaction I have in which I feel like there was conflict or I was not getting something I needed. Then writing down different ways I could have handled it to get a different outcome.
The most important thing is to believe that your needs/wants are exactly equally legitimate and important as those of others. This is more of an emotional/self esteem issue.
The next step is to learn how to communicate your needs accurately, directly, without unnecessary emotion, and with empathy for others.