Project **** You Aspergers

Today I went running with a friend I know from my previous job. We ran/walked for about 90 minutes and chatted the whole time. I think it was about 5 miles. She said it was fun and asked me if I wanted to run once a week.

I don't understand how men can go through life without female friends, or why they get so mad when a woman they like wants to be "just friends." As if the worst thing in the world is to be friends with a woman. Who do they talk to about real **** when they're sad or whatever?

I have 3 female friends and 0 male friends. I'd rather have a 4th female friend than 1 male friend. Maybe I'm weird?

^^
I have 5 male friends and zero female. I don't know. I think it is a lot easier to be friends with men. They are not so complicated, not so demanding on my time and energy.

My brother is 2 years older than me. We haven't spoken for over 2 years. I told my therapist yesterday that I wanted to try to talk to him via email. I want to know if he had any similar experiences with our mother, or if he remembers this:

I want to tell him I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and ask him if he feels like it should've been obvious to our parents that I had it when we were younger. He knows a lot about it now because his 6 year old son has it.

I want to ask him why he wanted to move out of our house so bad.

I'm afriad he'll judge me for being unemployed and still living with our parents. I'm afraid he won't remember anything about how my mom treated me and he'll deny that she ever did anything wrong. I'm afraid he won't want to talk about any of this and shut down the discussion before it starts.

Maybe he wants to talk to you as much as you want to talk to him?

How comes that you haven't spoken for two years? Was there some kind of big fight or did the communication just fade out?
Why via email? Is he living far away?

I think you should try to initiate communication again. May be his son is a good connection point if he has similar problems like you. Don't try to jump immediately in all this things that bother you and are important for you.

There wasn't a big fight but it's really hard to talk to him. We don't have a lot of the same interests. I feel like he's judgemental of me still living with our parents and doesn't understand my depression or anxiety at all.

He lives in England now, and he was living in Italy for the past few years.

I think email is the best way to communicate for me. Especially since I want to talk about my parents and don't want my parents to overhear anything.

OK. I see, he isn't somewhere that you could just drop by. Email is definitely good. May be some chat client like skype or so... Good luck.

This is something I wrote in my journal a few years ago. I had just given up on following politics and caring about who gets elected. I started thinking about how easy it is to get people to like you and the basic techniques every successful politician uses.

Principles Of Bull****ery

1. Pull statistics out of your ass as often as possible on every issue. Most people don't care if they're true and accurate or not, they just want numbers/charts/graphs that create an easy to understand narrative. Numbers don't lie! If someone happens to prove your statistics wrong, just satisfy them by making some quick retraction on your website or twitter that no one will ever see or remember. What they will remember is the feeling the phony statistics gave them about the issue. It's win-win.

2. Speak as vaguely as possible about visions and ideas. People don't want boring facts and realistic explanations, they want to feel warm and fuzzy about you and the ideas you represent.

3. Avoid intellectual discussions where thinking is required. Focus on stirring up people's emotions and imagination.

4. Create the illusion of a bond. People feel more comfortable around others with trivial similarites (geographic location, economic background, race, age, religion, hobbies, etc). This will setup a foundation that makes it easier to manipulate them. Be sure to change your backstory according to the demographic of the audience you're currently in front of.

5. Use personal stories and anecdotes to create additional bonds, manipulate emotions, spark imagination, and demonstrate what a flawless person you are. It doesn't matter at all if the stories are true or completely made up.

6. Repeat important things as many times as possible. People are stupid and don't listen very well. Plus, the more times you repeat something, the more likely stupid people are to believe it, as long as they don't already have a strong opinion on the issue.

7. Never answer the question you were asked. Answer the question you wish you had been asked.

Currently reading a book called Vagina: A New Biography.

Chapter 1: Does The Vagina Have A Consciousness?

Women have nerve endings spread out all over the crotchal region, and it varies greatly from woman to woman: vagina, clitoris, perineum, anus, labia, etc. Sometimes they're more on the skin surface, sometimes they're deeper. This is why women usually have to do some expermentation to find out how to orgasm.

Men OTOH, pretty much have all the nerve endings in the penis.

The sympathetic nervous system (basically the fight or flight stress response) in women has a significant impact on their sexual arousal and functioning of the vagina. This includes the ability to orgasm and give birth. This is why women tend to need to feel very safe and calm (parasympathetic nervous system must be activated) in order to get aroused and orgasm. Research indicates that labor is easier to induce when the woman is relaxed and/or sexually aroused. Some new-agey doctors and midwives encourage fathers to stimulate the mother's nipples during labor, as it relaxes the vagina and makes the baby come out easier.

Fascinating stuff so far.

Isn't this taught in sex ed classes? (At least such things are written in 'Sex for Dummies' that many people read at a much younger age than I did out of curiosity.) Anyway, congrats on appeasing your scientific thirst!

I assume that's not a joke? No, this is not taught in sex ed classes, at least not in USA#1 lolpublic schools. Sex ed class for me was:

lesson 1: if you have unprotected sex you'll almost certainly get AIDS or some other STD and/or get the girl pregnant and your life will be ruined

lesson 2: a made up story of how some evil woman purposely gave a guy ("a friend of mine" according to the teacher) HIV by seducing him in a bar and then banging him without a condom

lesson 3: how to use a condom

lesson 4: if someone has sex with you without your permission, or you have sex with someone without their permission, that's rape and that's bad mmmmmkay

That was literally all of sex ed.

The author met an actress who said she's had orgasms on stage, and that sex fuels her creativity. Then the author surveyed 16,000 women on facebook to see how sex was correlated with creativity, confidence, and energy.

Well this is unfair. When men have an orgasm we just want to take a nap.

The next chapter is about dopamine, opioids, and oxytocin. I think we're running into some psuedoscience now:

The footnote says this book was published in 1992, but it's still annoying that people who research this stuff don't know the difference between romantic and sexual attraction.

Try tantric masturbation. (I haven't trialled it enough because I use fapping as a soporific.)

'Lust' can be not only for sex, but also for kisses, cuddles and other kinds of physical closeness. Some of the types are considered romantic, especially open-mouth kissing.

I guess you could thnk of the word lust that way. But the dictionary definition indicates that it refers to sexual desire, and I think it's safe to assume that's how the author is using it. She is saying that sexual desire is an inherent part of romantic love.

Dream Log 6/21/16

I'm on a train in chicago. The conductor is a woman, and she's talking into the intercom. She sounds very manic, she keeps making excited announcements about how the train is magic and it can go wherever we want it to. She drives the train off the tracks and it flies through the air really fast, violently going up and down like a roller coaster. The conductor is having all kinds of fun. I look around and the other passengers are rolling their eyes and getting annoyed that the train isn't going on the normal route.

At the next stop, I get out and run up to the front of the train. I ask the conductor if she's ok. She says she's great. I said I think she could benefit from a mood stabilizer and maybe she should see a psychiatrist.

Vagina book is getting annoying. The author is very anti-pornography, and seems to think that 1) any kind of violence/fetish porn is disturbing and makes men want to be more violent towards women 2) watching porn is unhealthy to any relationship 3) watching porn is by default an addiction.

She does a lot of safe spacetarding where she thinks its everyone else's responsibility to make her feel good about her vagina and not trigger her.

She seems to believe it's entirely the man's responsibility to gave women good orgasms and good sex, and if only they did it well then all women would be happy. As if men are just supposed to know, or be mind readers. I don't think she realizes that women kinda need to tell their partners what they like.

Now she's railing against labiaplasty and being super judgemental about who should and shouldn't get vaginal plastic surgery.

It's common for people to get facial plastic surgery and tell the doc they want their face to look like a certain celebrity, even when there's nothing medically "wrong" with their face. Whether or not there's something "wrong" with someone else's body part is not for us to decide. We have the technology to change our appearance in an infinite number of ways. Why do we need to judge other people for wanting a body part to look different? And what does it matter which body part it is?

^^ Well, I've heard that relaxation is key to female orgasm, and a woman had rather focus on her sensations instead of wasting her focus on telling the partner what to do... so it has to be a guessing game.

Regarding porn, it's said to be far from realistic.

I think it's obvious (or should be) that porn is intended to look good, not feel good for the performers. It's not designed to be literally emulated, it's designed to visually arouse people and indulge their fantasies.

I can understand that a woman wouldn't want to be constantly barking instructions at her partner (I mean, unless you're both into that type of thing) but the reality is that no one else is going to show or tell him what the woman likes.

The problem with porn is, that most men who watch it a lot, do expect the woman to act according to the porn script. I had a guy totally startled once by signalling that I am not a fan of cunnilingus. He started to explain in the middle of the action, how wrong it is and that I have to like it.... and that what and how I actually like it, is not right....Clearly all action was killed.

Porn makes you think, that that is how the things work. I haven't had yet sex that could be a porn movie.

That guy sounds like a total douche who didn't care at all about your feelings or your experience of the sex act. Porn doesn't make people jerks. Jerks are going to be jerks whether or not they watch porn.

Watching porn doesn't make you magically lose empathy for other people. It would be one thing if he had a normal empathic response like "hmmm that's unusual, from the porn I watch, it seems like women always like oral sex, what is it that you don't like about it? What should we do instead?" But the way he reacted indicates he just didn't give a **** about you, and I highly doubt he would've given a **** about you if he never watched porn.

Men not giving a **** about women's feelings or enjoyment of sex has been around loooong before porn existed.

I emailed my brother. I said I was sorry we haven't talked for a long time, that I've been seeing a therapist, and that I've been diagnosed with asperger's.

He replied today and said he was happy to hear from me and sounded empathetic. I think it was a good start. Maybe if we email back and forth for a while I'll be able to feel ok about asking him about all my weird memories of our mom.