Kitchen Quotes

Quoting my op with updates in bold:

Looking back at where I was and where I am, I've made a lot of progress.

Chocolate croissants I made at work

yum!!

Congrats on all your successes - really nice going!!

Sour cherry danish

hi krunic, yeah i bet its not good but if you work at an italian restuarant because youll get a lot of free food?

sour cherry danish is something you'd have to taste , from pic alone hard to tell.

I do indeed eat lots of free food at work.

Sour cherry danish was great. It's all about the flakiness.

Yesterday chef said he thinks I deserve a raise. I'm not sure if he was totally serious or if he was just in a really good mood because we had a new super hot 22 yr old foodrunner. We'll see.

Hi krunic. I have never worked in the bakery. I am a "dairy manager" by tag. i cant think of what to say right now but i like you a lot and wish you the best. you can have my number if you want. i only text non super close friends that i dont know well, so, you should text me sometime.

Hi Bryce. You can pm me your # if you want and we can be text friends.

ok if i pm you my number please delete after putting into your phone i dont want every hacker to have my phone number, ok?

edit: no pressure or anything if you dont want to talk to me thats cool. i talk to a lot of people on the phone .

I'm thinking of moving out of my parents place. This would be the 2nd time. The first time I moved to Austin TX for about 3 years when I was 22. This was while I was playing poker for a living.

I like my job and the 2 friends I have here, so I think I would stay in Chicago this time.

I hate living with my parents, I can't stand being in the same room with my mom.

Not paying rent and utilities is nice tho. I like to be able to have money to gamble with in the stock market. Paying rent would probly mean I couldn't do that anymore, at least for a while.

I think I could scrape by on my own if I got a cheap studio apartment somewhere. I wouldn't want to have a roommate unless it's someone I already know, and I don't know people.

paying rent sucks and also if you have problems like i do it can be tough i mean you have to get renters insurance and have a liability to keep everything clean and stuff

Will do, go for it. I much prefer texting. Talking on the phone is weird for me. I don't think I've ever talked to any of my friends over the phone.

ok co sign to texting relationship and not phone talking. hold on.

I like being clean. I only get lazy with cleaning when i'm really depressed, which is fortunately getting less and less often.

Renters insurance? I don't even know what that is. What does that cover?

its not that big of a deal but its like one of x n8umber of little stupid stuff you have to take care of. my renters insurance is $200 bucks a year. its for apartments basically if theres a fire

Adventures In Emotional Development, Part 1

I grew up with parents who never taught me basic communication skills or how to recognize and stand up for my own needs and wants. Children who grow up this way become adults who react to conflicts in all 3 non-assertive ways.

There are 4 basic methods of communication:
passive
aggressive
passive-aggressive
assertive

Passive is when you suppress your own needs and wants in order to avoid all conflict. It's being a doormat.

Aggressive is when you intentionally ignore other people's needs and wants and try to intimidate them into being passive.

Passive-aggressive is when you recognize your own needs and wants aren't being met, but are afraid to communicate them honestly, and are afraid to be purely aggressive by beating others into submission.

Assertive is when you recognize your own needs and wants, aren't afraid to communicate them honestly, while being mindful of and caring about other people's needs and wants. This is the only possible approach that can truly resolve a conflict in a way that satisfies everyone.

My parents still to this day (especially my dad) don't know how to be assertive themselves. I've decided not to let that happen to me.

I'm much more in tune with my emotions as a result of going to therapy, reading tons of books, listening to The Mental Illness Happy Hour, etc.

What I try to do is make a mental note every time I get upset or have a strong negative emotion, then explore it later to see if there's a way I can prevent it, make it less severe, or deal with it better in the future.

One thing I've noticed a repeat pattern of is passive-aggressive behavior.

Three things I can identify about passive-aggressive acts:

1. Because there's no direct honest communication, the person you have the conflict with will almost always never know that you are upset or why.

2. The person you have a conflict with will misinterpret your actions, thinking you're just being mean/rude for no reason, or wondering what your problem is, unable to participate in solving the conflict even if they wanted to.

3. The conflict is never resolved, and usually starts additional conflicts when the other person gets mad about your seemingly inexplicable behavior.

It's easy to identify pure passivity (being a doormat) or pure aggression (being an aggro douche). What's more difficult is identifying and eliminating passive-aggression.

When I look back on my passive-aggressive acts, I ask myself:

1. When was the moment I realized there was a conflict and I had to do something about it?

2. What would've been a more assertive way to handle it?

3. What would've been the likely difference in outcome if I had been more assertive?

Being able to act assertively is not easy for people who haven't been taught this from an early age. You need to establish your own boundaries. You need to be able to identify your own emotions. This sounds easy and silly but tons of people have no idea what they're actually feeling at any given time (I didn't until about age 32). Most importantly, you need to convince yourself that it's ok to have needs and wants, and that it's ok to honestly express to other people that you have needs and wants.

I enjoyed that last post Krunic, thanks.

Any book recommendations on how to be more assertive?

I haven't read any books that specifically teach assertiveness. For me it happened more as a result of making lots of other changes and improvements in my mental state, and honestly analyzing every interaction I have in which I feel like there was conflict or I was not getting something I needed. Then writing down different ways I could have handled it to get a different outcome.

The most important thing is to believe that your needs/wants are exactly equally legitimate and important as those of others. This is more of an emotional/self esteem issue.

The next step is to learn how to communicate your needs accurately, directly, without unnecessary emotion, and with empathy for others.

Hi krunic I hope you improve even more

Hi spaceman I hope you're doing well and not drinking too much.

im trying im trying : )