It was a great night, that's all I feel like sharing

lol

Here's the short version for my loyal blog readers.

I drove ~50 miles to the "big city", where I also play poker at. We ate at a BBQ restaurant, actually we mostly just nibbled on french fries because neither of us was very hungry. We had some pleasant get-to-know-you conversation.

Then we both went to this small movie theater and watched Alita Battle Angel, and I pretty much held her hand the whole time and occasionally whispered affectionate words to her during the movie. After the movie was over we talked in her car for a little bit and kissed. She seems to want to see me again, hopefully that's the case, and if not then at least it was a good learning experience.

Sounds great! My guess is that she does want to see you again.

First thing I wanted to say is that I feel that I'm close to being found out, if I haven't already. I am a little paranoid and it's also very likely that nobody cares, but I feel that there are enough clues where perhaps someone could put the puzzle pieces together. If you are a person who believes that you've figured me out, step into the light and introduce yourself. I believe that you should never do anything on the internet that if your identity was revealed, would ruin or embarrass you. Maybe some believe I should feel that way, but I don't.

An update on the girl situation: second date isn't going to happen. She was giving me the cold shoulder over text before finally ignoring me completely. I gave her some space and went 5 days before texting her on Friday (my plan was for her to come and visit me, I live approx 50 miles from a big city). I wasn't about to drive 50 miles just to see a girl again who wasn't very invested at all, so I was looking for some investment from her. I believe I came on too strongly during the movie part of the date, and didn't give her enough room to chose me. I also failed to strike enough emotional chords that would make her feel attraction and connection with me. Those are just a few of several mistakes, but as I said before, it was a good learning experience.

I also went on a date with a girl from POF, it was very quick, she messaged me first and then we went out together 2 days later. So here's the thing: the date was terrible. Easily the worst I've ever been on. In her online pics she was very good at hiding how fat she was (always get the body shot bros). In addition to that, she messaged me that she was going to wear casual clothes because it was so cold out; according to her, casual means all black clothes. This would foreshadow how the 'date' would play out. I was basically unattracted from the get go, and she herself gave no ****s about how she came off really. One of the first things she told me after I ordered our food was "I think you're autistic". Wow, wtf lady, you sure know how to make a guy feel at ease. She was on her phone for half the date and there wasn't a spark of attraction in either of our voices or in the conversation. Towards the end of dinner, I look at her while she on her phone for like 3 seconds and she says, "I didn't know you were staring at me." No, I didn't mean to stare at you . I find you repulsive, I just couldn't believe how bad the date was and who plays with their phone on a date. There was a second part to the date, but she left early to jump her cousin's car lol. I was walking back to her car and she said some ish about watching her walk to her car and I just said it was too cold for that (to be nice). In my mind I'm thinking, who does this chick think she is? I've shown no attraction to you the whole night and you just keep assuming I like you. No. I never have to see you again and I'm glad.













So..........................what's next for me is getting better quality pictures for my online profiles because the ones I have now are pretty terrible I'm sure. Next is finding some nicer shirts because all I really own now are t-shirts. It's time to grow up and actually buy something from the men's section. Then I'll do some research on approaching women and then I'll start doing some daytime approaches.

As for non-women related stuff, I'm looking at either going back to school (more on that in a minute), or find a job in the big city with good future potential that doesn't require a degree or experience. Finding that job hasn't been easy as expected. The closest thing I could find is becoming a land surveyor. If I go back to school, the state might actually end up paying a lot of my expenses due to me having depression (state sponsored vocational program), so that's nice. There is a college close to me, but I'm kind of looking to get out of this town, because while there are 25,000-100,000 ppl here, it is still very much a small town feel. Meaning it's hard to find activities to meet new people and there really isn't any place in town where you can consistently approach women. In addition, there are very few jobs in this town that I am interested in doing.

Since I fail at the youtube embedding, your song for the day is:

All in the Suit That You Wear by Stone Temple Pilots

The internet is too weird. I'm thinking of quitting.

Sorry about the dating situation, man. Don't quit the internet though. Think of all the cat and sheep gifs you would miss out on!

[big font] Hey you! Did you know that you can change your life if you buy _______ product? [/big font]

[small font] Didn't you know that the best things in life are free? Didn't you know that they don't teach you the most important lessons in school? Didn't you know that by focusing on the outer world and the results that brings will make your inner world tumultuous? [/small font]

So one of the things I do is get really philosophical at night, no other time am I particularly so. I was just thinking about how many Christians don't actually follow the teachings of God/Christ/whoever wrote the bible. Same goes for all religions. Would the world be a better place without religion? Hasn't religion killed far more people than it has saved?

I was just thinking how insane sharing my thoughts with the world is particularly if they are "out there". Then I was thinking, what if insanity was just having a different opinion than most people. How far you stray from the norm is how insane or crazy you are judged. But what is so great about the norm? Isn't challenging the norm a way to a more optimized and enlightened society?

The song of the day is:

WALK THE MOON - Kamikaze

I'm not sure if you guys are aware, but let me tell you that trying to build a social life from scratch is hard work . However, I'm planning on putting some effort into fixing that problem. Joining groups that have similar interests in me. Going out and approaching women on the street. Just going to make sure that I read some articles over that and have a game plan down before I actually go out and do it. I actually went out and got this date system, so my knowledge in that area has taken a big leap forward.

I've also started a new workout program in addition to my running program.

So things are starting to turn around for me. (Mostly) overcoming depression has given me a lot of confidence and things that previously seemed out of reach I no longer perceive that way.

Your required listening for the day:

The Wombats - Jump into the Fog

Aren't the vast majority of people's opinions relative? Think of how opinions have changed throughout history. Even if I had a rewind button on my life, would that be enough to make me "normal"? A lot of thoughts I have seem so different from everybody else is talking about, so I get worried that if I were to speak my mind afterwards people would automatically think I'm weird and I wouldn't even have the potential to fit in. Then I wonder why I feel the need to fit in, maybe I just want what I can't have.

Things are happening. I've got 2 dates scheduled, one a cute white girl around my age who I messaged first. The other, a hot mixed 20 year old chick who messaged me. I have a strong feeling that they both want different things. Should be fun though.

Oh and I start training for a new job on Monday driving school buses. Yay for finally getting a meaningful job with a lot of responsibility.

Any (up)dates?

You are preaching to the choir brother!

Yes... Yes, continue...

Took me 50 years to figure this out. You are way ahead of the game sir!

Something weird happened to me again. I was sleeping and around 2:30 am, I heard music playing; it was a song I've been playing a lot recently (Vampire in the Sun by Dreamers). I thought maybe it was my phone or computer, but my computer was turned off and there was nothing playing on my phone. So THERE WAS somebody in the house playing that song and it wasn't my parents because they were sleeping and they have no means to play it. I wasn't imagining it or replaying it from memory either, I HEARD IT.

This is like the 3rd weird thing to occur around me in a year. I had a dream (I guess) about a floating camera in my room floating around observing me. The thing is that it seemed like it was actually happening. Like I was actually in my bed trying to keep my eyes closed so that it wouldn't know I was there. Eventually it came so close to my face that I felt like screaming and I woke up.

The last strange event occurred at night as I was playing a video game, I saw a light on a bag of cat food in another room, but there was seemingly no source of the light.

I'm sure I just increased my crazy equity in people's eyes but I felt like I should share.

So I just realized what one of the major causes of all my social troubles is/was. Sad to say I didn't figure it out on my own. I'd love to go into detail, but I know that I'm going to be found out eventually, if I haven't already. Socializing is all a game anyway. If I want to play, I'll have to go through the long, grueling process of rebuilding my reputation. This will be one of, if not the last post in this blog.

***TRANSMISSION OUT***

like a junkie, I am back at it again

It's become clear that I won't get what I want until I change my mindset, but my mind is so focused on what I can't have.

I haven't learned outcome independence (has poker taught me nothing?)

I am needy and everybody knows it. It emanates from me and repels people.

I can't get out of my head.



Still society's answer is to take a pill, drown yourself in media, masturbate, go to work, rinse, repeat. Is avoiding bad feelings the answer or is it the problem?

The weird or different are made to feel bad because they do not conform. This is ingrained in society. Conform or else.

I read through your thread and you saw a UFO awhile back, and you’ve seen some other weird things.

A LOT of people have similar experiences. A lot. Most likely, the music and the floating camera is sleep paralysis. But, as I said, many people who’ve seen UFO’s have seen strange things while in bed, near sleep. Do some research, you may meet some like minded people