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Old 02-10-2016, 04:07 PM   #1
JMSLOP
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JMSLOP life blog

Whats up 2p2. This forum has been one i've wanted to use for some time but haven't. Why am I here? Just to keep a journal of the stuff I am currently thinking for posterity to look back upon.


Things right now that I'm trying to do in the short term:
  • Stop smoking weed
  • Adjust back to reality
  • Improve my poker game
  • Improve my life skills
  • Improve my work skills
  • Learn After Effects
  • Do something with broadcasting
  • Read more books

Long Term:
  • Don't return to smoking weed
  • Score some MTT cashes, online or offline
  • Fix my career or find a new one
  • Meet women


So for the record, I don't care if you think weed is addictive or not, it's addictive for ME. Anyone can be addicted to anything, and for me, it seems that weed is my Achilles heel. Drinking has never been an issue, nor poker but weed man, I could spend every dollar ever I make on it if it was possible. It's pretty obvious that I'll be anxious and sleepless for a few nights but that is how it goes.

As I quit my constantly high state of mind, I'll have to adjust back to reality. Thankfully it's not my first time quitting, and it'll take only a few weeks to a few months.

I cashed a few MTTs on 888 recently and it felt pretty good. I've played cash games (poorly) for about 10 years but have never tried tournaments much. I feel it might be good for me to study them a bit and get into them, even if I never profit. It's good learning experience.

Finally, I have produced music for the past 10+ years. I want to start using those skills in video/motion graphic production stuff for fun. Maybe create vines or small clips for a while as I learn. Also it'll keep me distracted, having to learn.

Finally, when I quit weed before, I found myself reading books every day before I go to sleep. It'll naturally happen again.

Anyways, if I get harassed for quitting weed, I'll probably stop posting but this is my first post. Thanks for reading.
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Old 02-10-2016, 04:57 PM   #2
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

best of luck to you
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Old 02-10-2016, 05:17 PM   #3
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

for wanting to quit weed.
Now gogogogogo! Do it!
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Old 02-10-2016, 05:49 PM   #4
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

Been there. Biggest help for me with regards to getting over that craving is staying busy, and reminding myself of all the negatives. What helped me was making a list of the negative effects it has (if you are at this point, I'm sure this is endless) and keep it around. Anytime you find yourself wanting to blaze, take a peep and give yourself those reminders. It's funny but whenever I was actually clean I would wonder how or why I would get stoned on that **** so much...but then when you're smoking all the time its like "This ain't so bad, I love it too much, etc" (AKA rationalizing).

Just stick with it and come out of the other side a better man. Best of luck.
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Old 02-11-2016, 02:54 PM   #5
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

Pre-Day 1

Oh man oh man the good ol' anxiety is setting in.

So as some background story, I'll provide some context for why I am quitting. About two years ago, I was losing my job, had a trip to Vegas coming up the WEEK before I was to leave the company and my life was in the dumps. At that point, I had been smoking weed all day everyday for at least 9 years straight. Basically I said **** it, threw my stuff out, went to Vegas for 5 days, played good poker (I left EVEN!!!) and went home ready to tackle this addiction. It was tough and I only lost my mind once (I was so anxious about looking for a job, I just lost my temper one day at home over nothing), but pretty much 2-3 months out, it was smooth sailing. The rest of that year was ****ing amazing, I learned how to build, pilot and maintain RC Helicopters, got bored then restored a piano from the 1970s by myself. Probably the best year of my life as I also got the best job I've ever had (which I've somehow managed to keep).

Fast forward to June 2015. I have the house to myself and it's a beautiful summer evening. I invite a few friends over. Well you know where this is going... I had a ****ing toke. So it was that one time, then a month later, I had another, then by september I was smoking daily. I then met a girl, quit for two weeks when I was dating her, but she stopped talking to me so I returned right back to smoking every day. Arghhhh. That time in September when I quit was so easy. But it's been a lot more smoking since that time so I feel that it's going to be tougher, seriously who knows though. Anxiety is dictating how I feel because I am uncertain.

Anyways it didn't help that at work, I was doing two peoples job, for a boss that expected two peoples work to get done. Obviously that wasn't happening. With my combination of getting high all the time and my lack of productivity, I have been at a low in my career as well. I don't know if I'll be able to keep this job much longer, but if I can turn my mind around in a few weeks, I could see myself doing great things again. I'm going to keep a positive mind about work right now.

For me the biggest challenge with quitting is simply managing my anxiety at the beginning, managing my sleep in the first two days and then managing my insane dreams for the next 2 months or so. The dreams were what I would consider the most challenging part of quitting. Most stoners who smoke before bed heavily suppress their REM Sleep and thus you get REM Rebound which is just a few weeks of super intense dreams. Both amazing and horrifying. The craziest dream I had, I was walking down the street, someone knocks me out with a steel bar from behind, I wake up from that STILL IN THE DREAM, and then some dude comes behind the guy who just hit me and stabs him in the neck with a pencil. I am not kidding, I remember this in great detail. I woke up with a damn headache that night. Also I have lots of dreams where I smoke weed in the dream and wake up feeling guilty I smoked again. I wish I could remember the positive ones because I had lots of those too. The loss of appetite is standard but doesn't bother me much.


Tonight I'm going to my friends place after work to hand him off my weed stuff and have that final doobie. Depending on how he acts regarding my quitting weed will depend on how much I talk to him for the next months.

Friday is going to be a busy day with work and then a big family event in the evening which is about an hour drive one way. That should tire me out enough to get a little bit of sleep friday night. But then you might see another post from me at 3 AM friday night.

Saturday I hope I can get out to go to the gym or outside, then deposit some $$$ on pokerstars if I feel motivated to play or need something to focus on for a long time. I might do a huge tourney run on saturday/sunday and combine it with gym time (huge tourney run = $50-100 of $1-5 buyins lol). I'm moving my PC out of my room for the weekend and sleeping in a guest bed to hopefully get out of my "environment" as well. I'm taking NO chances here.

Thank you for reading.
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Old 02-12-2016, 12:54 PM   #6
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

DAY 1 BABY

K I'm going to ride out my nervous hype train as today is day one! I have work all day then immediately after work I have to pick my sis up and drive a long ass way to a family event. Being busy and driving should tire me out just enough to get myself SOME rest tonight.

I've got a whole plan of action I'm doing this weekend so that I don't lose my mind when I get bored. I have given myself a lot of make-work just in case.

Anyways, I'm going to stop writing about this and get back to work. I'll post an update tonight or tomorrow, depending on how I sleep.
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Old 02-12-2016, 07:31 PM   #7
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

K I want to lose my temper at work. Agitation is starting I think?

Still feeling alright, just feeling frustrated.
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Old 02-13-2016, 05:53 PM   #8
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

Day 2: slept okay, my sister gave me some sleeping pills. They made it easy to go to sleep, but I still had a rough time staying asleep. I didn't dream last night though, so I'm anticipating that will happen in a day or two.

Once that starts, the real dreams are gonna be heavy.

Streamed nearly 4 hours of poker today. Didn't get any followers! Gonna make a baller overlay later and maybe do some cool things. Twitch.tv/downswings

Thanks for reading!
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Old 02-13-2016, 11:42 PM   #9
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

Ayeee day 2 is going well. Didn't cash anything on stream but I went to skate and I had a blast. I should be able to sleep well tonight too!
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Old 02-21-2016, 11:02 PM   #10
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

Just updating my blog, day 11 no weed. It's been going super good but I haven't had any time to do anything as the job I'm working is sucking my soul. Also the company is dying I think because my boss looks like he's losing his mind.
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Old 03-24-2016, 12:23 AM   #11
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

Sorry for my blog being so damn lame. I'm at day 40 with no weed and that has been going super well.


In terms of poker, I took this week off, and yesterday I was playing a few tournaments, I cashed a whole $14 from an $11 turbo on PS. Somehow I luckboxed my way to a $162 tourney on one of those 3x turbo $1.1 rebuy satellites, only adding on chips after the rebuy period was over. Sometimes you get lucky. I unregged from the tournament for those sweet swet T$. I might just play 162 $1 spin and goes and see my ROI. By that time I'll have a nice sample size of hands to determine how **** I am at them.

In other news, after playing League of Legends for 5 years, I stopped and started playing a lot of DOTA 2 recently. It's incredibly refreshing and nice to remember what fun is like. League is somehow more toxic than DOTA, which I find to be far more competitive. I think I'm going to play some CS right now though.


I recently set myself some BHAG's (big hair audacious goals). My boss at work will literally believe business book and force everyone to do it for work related stuff. This is one of the few concepts I thought was neat enough to take home and do on a personal level. It's nice to dream I guess. Here's mine:
  • Buy a house with a GARAGE
  • Build a car that you can race or at least go really fast in (RWD)
  • Buy a small light car (Lotus/Caterham)
  • Get married
  • Find a job that will take over your life for 5-10 years and make a load of money
  • Own your own agency
  • Buy in to the Main Event or be able to afford to play 500NL live
  • Stop playing video games for over 10 hours a week

Not being high all the time actually makes me motivated to at least think about these things. It's nice to have something to look forward too.

Another cool thing I've been having a lot of is dreams. Sometimes they are vivid and sometimes they're not. Sleeping is so much better sober too.

Now with most of my **** in order, I need to sell some stuff (I own a lot of things, music stuff, record collection, old hobbies), move out (I'm 29... living with parents) and meet a nice girl (never had a girlfriend). Also I need some real life friends... because my "best friend" is a stoner and I barely hang out with him for obvious reasons.

Don't worry, I'll be sure to update my blog if anything interesting happens in my life. Thank you for reading.
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Old 03-24-2016, 01:21 AM   #12
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

Good luck bro. I hope you accomplish all your goals. Especially meeting a lady. That would be awesome.
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Old 03-24-2016, 02:08 AM   #13
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

crazy dreams are a fun reason to not smoke weed for a while. it's like a free drug trip
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Old 03-24-2016, 03:07 AM   #14
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScreaminAsian View Post
crazy dreams are a fun reason to not smoke weed for a while. it's like a free drug trip
Seriously! not to mention all the imaginative ideas I get.


Also, I find my sleep is more "dense" or something, I can sleep slightly less but I feel more rested.
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Old 03-30-2016, 01:04 AM   #15
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by JMSLOP View Post
Also, I find my sleep is more "dense" or something, I can sleep slightly less but I feel more rested.
i noticed that too; waking up earlier and less groggy. so i bought a sleep mask on amazon and i'm unconscious again in like 2 minutes
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Old 03-30-2016, 01:38 PM   #16
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Re: JMSLOP life blog

Best of luck to you! Good to see you're trying to quit the weed, I have a lot of friends who after high school (or dropping out due to it) who simply stopped giving a **** about their future, all they want to do is smoke weed, and to a degree that means they can't study or maintain a job.
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