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Old 10-29-2013, 02:30 AM   #201
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I learned about psychopathic traits (not all negative) from the book. They are significantly different from codependent traits. I think it's a useful book to learn about human nature although $50 seems steep.


Also it's $9.99 on Kindle!?
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Old 10-29-2013, 10:13 PM   #202
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

To each his own, and of course I'm old, but I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with only dating one person at a time. Also, nothing wrong with dating no one.
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Old 10-30-2013, 04:16 AM   #203
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I absolutely need sex though. I feel it's borderline to becoming an addiction - if it weren't for the grace of porn i couldn't function, and that makes me feel like **** because I truly believe porn is completely degrading to women and bad for society. dating is an easy way to get a "fix" for that.

I am doing better at setting boundaries though. Asian PHD came over tonight to retrieve some stuff she left behind last time. We had some fun, and I sent her on her way. She seemed to have no hurt feelings, and I didn't even kiss her goodbye. Felt really good. All I did was tell her I didn't think it was a good idea if she stayed and she was totally fine with it.

I can tell she really likes me but this is not important to me right now - I told her my deal, that I'm only looking for good times and nothing serious, and if she isn't okay with it then we don't have to hang out. It's strangely an approach I've never really tried before. I always figured women would just get pissed off if you told them you only wanted them for what they can offer physically.
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Old 10-30-2013, 06:50 AM   #204
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakinmecrzy View Post
I always figured women would just get pissed off if you told them you only wanted them for what they can offer physically.
Often, they will take that as a challenge.
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Old 10-30-2013, 11:34 AM   #205
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

It sounds to me like you are doing fantastic, GL.
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Old 11-09-2013, 12:15 AM   #206
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Been on a tear lately. Hooked up with 3 different girls this week - a personal record - including this smoking hot little 18 year old that I've worked with the last few months. Girl's a freak, but I know she's hooking up with at least 2 other co-workers of mine.

I mean, that's fine. She's come over a few nights now and last night told me that she liked me. I wasn't sure how serious she was, and just laughed it off and told her that she wasn't bad company. I get a vibe from her like I did my ex, which makes me slightly uncomfortable. I'll continue hooking up with her, but I have other options too.

I don't know why I've been on such a tear lately. I feel super lonely still, and a little empty. I suppose it's normal. I really thought hooking up with a few girls would make me feel better, and it has a little bit, but mostly I'm still really, really angry. And I don't know what to do with all of the anger. I've been drinking quite a bit too. I arranged an appointment with my therapist, even though he's worthless, so I can at least talk to someone about this ****.

I know my ex is probably ****ing everyone in the entire world (not like that was ever NOT the case) and it really bugs me and I'm having nightmares about it. I ****ing despise her, yet I miss her for some reason. It's a disgusting feeling.

There's 2 asian chicks that have been coming over too that are okay. They aren't very good at sex so it's kind of whatever. Beats porn, I guess.
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Old 11-09-2013, 06:05 AM   #207
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Why not try a new therapist(s)? Therapy is a very personal experience, so your therapist should be the one thats right for you, you have to shop around until you find one that you're comfortable with and that adds value. Your current one might be bad or (s)he might just be wrong for you.
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Old 11-09-2013, 04:21 PM   #208
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Because my therapist doesn't charge me the copay, which is 40$ every time I visit. Usually when seeing a new therapist they wanna see you every other week, or at least once a month, which is a cost I'm not really willing to bear right now. If things don't improve in a month or two, I will consider it.
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Old 11-10-2013, 11:50 PM   #209
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I talked to my therapist today and he said I need to be waking up every morning thanking god that she decided to move on and not make my life miserable, because it can get really horrible. I mean, I know this. The thought of her hooking up with other guys (especially when we were together) just makes me so angry.

My co-worker that used to date her (that she made a pass at) told me he drunkenly tried to booty call her the other night. I have my suspicions that he was hooking up with my ex while we were still together. I didn't know at the time why he told me that, but I guess he's pissed off at me for hooking up with this other girl that he's sorta seeing. I didn't even know it was still going on with the 18 year old and him - but he got so angry at her/me (never confronted me about it though) that he told her to stop seeing me and obsessively checks her texts. lol.

I mean, **** him. He doesn't own her, and he certainly sleeps with other girls. And I don't see how he has any right to be mad at me, because I told him I was gonna try to sleep with her, and he turned around and told her not to do it. **** that. He says I'm violating "guy code" - but really, I think his ego is just wounded because he's surprised she slept with me.

To make things worse the first thing she texts him after he found out is that I was a lot better than him. Lol. 18 year olds are such drama. Now she's gonna try to hide it from him, and I told her it's gonna blow up eventually, but I'm gonna stay the course until he wants to confront me about it like a man. I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not gonna pass up hot freaky sex with a smoking hot horny young chick.

Last edited by jmakin; 11-10-2013 at 11:58 PM.
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Old 11-11-2013, 10:49 PM   #210
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Got some fantastic news today that's really cheered me up.

My employer is gonna pay for 80% of my captain's course, which takes a huge burden off of me. I've been over my head with car troubles and health related bills the last few months, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to take the class. I wasn't sure if he'd go for it, because they've paid for me to take it before. I passed, but had some problems getting all the paperwork in on time.

I'm so encouraged. I feel really stressed out when there are uncertainties in the future: 2 months ago I didn't know where I was gonna live come January when my sister got married, I didn't know if I was gonna be moving in with my ex or not, I didn't know how I was gonna pay for a new place and take care of all my bills. I didn't know how I was gonna continue to go to school, either, with my current work schedule.

I have all my classes set up for the next semester, hopefully I get into them. If the course goes well, I should be able to get my license in January or February, which will double my pay. Combine that with my tax return and financial aid payments, and I'll have more than enough money to finally fix my tooth and take care of some other health problems, as well as fix any car problem that might arise. I may even be able to get a new car, depending on my budget. I can take night shifts as a captain next fall, which will allow me to get into classes that are unavailable to me because of my current 10-6 work schedule.

I can't believe it. Everything I've planned and worked for is starting to fall into place. Two years ago, I had nothing. My dad died, I had an opioid dependency, a bad leg, a broken car, broken computer, hell, even my glasses were broken.

I saw myself as a total failure for flaking out on the captain thing, for dropping out of school, and for having few friends and never EVER getting laid. Looking back at how far I've come, it's hard to believe. The captain's license in particular has been my biggest regret and greatest source of shame, and is the last piece of unfinished business I have to attend to. I'm really grateful I've been able to come as far as I have. It's probably gonna be really stressful and a lot of work, but I should be able to plow through it in a few weeks. It's an online class which is a format I do well with. Then I take the final in San Diego and am handed my certificate which I take to the Coast Guard with my license application, which I've already completed. I'm so close. I just need to avoid calamity for the next few months.

Possible disastrous events that I am completely in control of:

Getting a DUI or getting arrested (not gonna happen)
Failing school (not gonna happen)
Getting fired (not gonna happen unless I do something extraordinarily stupid)

Events I'm not completely in control of:

Getting really sick
Car breaking down (this is the most likely probably)
Getting my license app turned down (not likely)
Getting evicted (who knows)

I think my odds are really good. Just gotta make it through the next few months and I'm good to go for the next forseeable year.
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Old 11-12-2013, 03:16 PM   #211
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakinmecrzy View Post
He says I'm violating "guy code"
This is so gay, definitely plow her some more.
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Old 11-12-2013, 06:59 PM   #212
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Guy code is bull**** and is invented by guys who can't keep what they want. It's an excuse to not learn better and it's good for all involved if you violate the code.
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Old 11-13-2013, 01:10 PM   #213
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I don't even think I'm violating "guy code" - if you're not exclusive with a girl, and it's understood she's just a **** buddy, I don't see how me hooking up with her is violating any kind of misogynistic "guy code" other than the fact his ego's probably wounded.

Combined with the fact he may have ****ed my ex while we were together, and he recently tried to hook up with her, I mean lol. I even told him, "Dude, it would definitely bug me if you did, but given our history I'm not gonna say don't do it - but if you do, don't tell me."

I think that's pretty GD "bro" of me.
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Old 11-14-2013, 08:12 AM   #214
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
I saw myself as a total failure for flaking out on the captain thing, for dropping out of school, and for having few friends and never EVER getting laid. Looking back at how far I've come, it's hard to believe.
Do you feel like you owe any of this to your ex girlfriend? She seems to be the one who fixed you, or at least greatly contributed. She was a comfort and got you laid. She paid for you for ages. Etc.

Quote:
I think my odds are really good. Just gotta make it through the next few months and I'm good to go for the next forseeable year.
I'd bet money on your making it for sure, short and long term, you seem like an achiever. Congrats on everything.

And lol at guy code in that situation...what a loser. **** him.
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Old 11-14-2013, 11:09 AM   #215
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Thanks. Yea, she did help me a lot, I'll admit that. I was well along though, when I met her. I don't think I could have got through my knee surgery w/o her.

That said I don't feel any more like I "owe" her anything and that was a huge reason I stayed in the relationship for a while. There are certain people who just cannot be in an adult relationship, and she's definitely one.
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Old 11-17-2013, 04:49 PM   #216
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I've been going to places we both used to frequent by myself and I find it sad, but strangely therapeutic.

I took the psycho-babble advice from my therapist and try to "deal with" my hurt rather than suppress it with alcohol and turn it into anger. I'm finding that going to these places by myself is kinda nostalgic, but not so bad - in fact, I'm finding I enjoy the experience more when I'm by myself. I'm gonna go hiking by myself tomorrow, or possibly the aquarium - I haven't decided yet.

I think the best step for me from here on out is becoming content with being alone, like I used to be. Today I am doing math homework, cooking up a storm in the kitchen, and drinking mamosas. I never could do this if I was still with her.
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Old 11-17-2013, 04:57 PM   #217
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Oh yea, and i caught a yeast infection on my dick. Standard.
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Old 11-17-2013, 06:01 PM   #218
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I had no idea that was possible.
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Old 11-17-2013, 06:34 PM   #219
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Right after a tough breakup I banged a chick one time that didn't tell me she had a yeast infection. Most troubling sexual experience of my life. Getting into the details is still tough for me but I'll leave it at this
Spoiler:
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Old 11-17-2013, 07:54 PM   #220
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

When you're with a random, don't you do a smell check first?
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Old 11-17-2013, 07:56 PM   #221
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I sure do now

Last edited by Brock Landers; 11-17-2013 at 08:12 PM.
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Old 11-17-2013, 08:00 PM   #222
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

It smelled/tasted totally fine. Yeast infections (balanitis) can occur in uncircumsized males.

I freaked her out too. I was like, "ummmm awkward but you're the only girl i've had unprotected sex with since my ex, and my dick furiously itches now."

She went to doc and he said yeast infection. I've been using creams and it feels slightly better.
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Old 11-18-2013, 03:43 PM   #223
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

pics or it didn't happen
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Old 11-18-2013, 04:52 PM   #224
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

You want a picture of my yeast infected penis?
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Old 11-18-2013, 06:15 PM   #225
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

yes pls
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