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Old 10-04-2015, 10:27 PM   #1451
SmokeyJ
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Since it looks like your classes are getting proof-based, a tip that I received in SMP: try to recreate all the proofs from understanding. Don't just memorise them, otherwise when you are asked to prove something different in an exam/assignment/whatever, you will have difficulty adapting it. **** is about to get a lot harder but a lot more rewarding IMO

And yeah post questions here
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Old 10-05-2015, 01:14 AM   #1452
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I try to understand a proof before I continue further, i will try that

Kate came across my boat after she got off work (seriously?) and we just sat in silence til she told me she's been writing things down she wants to talk about because she's not good at it in person. I just told her it's probably a wasted effort but it'd be good for her anyway. She left looking pretty pouty.


I had a long convo with her mom today, she wanted to apologize for kate's behavior last night. her mom has no idea what's going on and swears up and down kates not cheating and i just told her I wasn't gonna tattle but clearly there's two versions being told here. Her mom loves me and doesn't want me to leave it sounds like but she's starting to get the clear picture.

Oh well not my problem anymore. Her mom is kinda hot tho and has a crush on me.
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Old 10-05-2015, 04:26 AM   #1453
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Right now the only **** I'm really passionate about is super smash brothers on my 3DS. It's such a good outlet for my crap, I feel like I'm really good (at least online) but people I fight are mostly scrubs. I play Ryu, of course, because he's the most awesome and hardest to learn character. I like challenges.

I wanna try to get plugged into a competitive community because I always take the things I like to level 1,000,000 but where I live there really isn't one. Sucks.

But yea to ask Granddam's question (I think it was her??) about how I ever unwind, this is how. I get home late from work, have some quiet time, play smash bros on my now awesome wireless connection and drink a few beers. I didn't really want to drink tonight but I did. Kind of don't even care anymore.
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Old 10-05-2015, 04:30 AM   #1454
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

My dad's "thing" to get him through to the next day/month/year was darts. He loved darts, as do I. I love anything competitive and 1 on 1, as I've mentioned before recently. He left me some really nice ones but my mom stole them. I wanna start competing in tournaments again but my game sucks lately (haven't really played since he died other than in my room) and generally I find the drinking more fun than the tournament play.

Seriously just being in a "dart" bar with my dad, getting **** faced and watching him own people while I dragged our 2v2 team down with my drunkenness is the fondest memories I have of us. I had forgotten about them til now and they were so ****ing recent... I want to have a good jmakin shroom cry now. I pushed all that out of my head, not just the bad, but a lot of the good too.

Him shoving his 350 lb body into my tiny little Ford Focus with the broken passenger door because he wanted SO BADLY to go to the bar with me and play is how I'll always remember him. I miss him so much, more in times like this. It's also the 4 year anniversary on saturday so he lingers on my mind. I find thinking about him really unproductive so most of the year I usually just don't. No use dwelling on the past and the unchangeable, right?
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Old 10-05-2015, 04:48 AM   #1455
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

And while I'm kinda tipsy and reflective let me talk about my mom (and my parents), if I haven't before, to get a clearer picture of maybe why I am the way that I am. So much of what I post is stream of thought type of venting-writing that I don't remember what I've said here, so I apologize if it has been repeated.

I don't talk about my mom though so I doubt it. She's basically a classic Melissa - although I think Melissa was a little worse. She cheated on my dad throughout their entire marriage, which I didn't find out til I was already practically an adult. I'm the only one that knows about it from my 2 siblings. In fact, I found out first hand - she used to use my computer to email her hookups, and I got really irritated one day that she was hogging my internet time and snooped on her emails and saw her talking dirty with one of her guys about the night before. That really traumatized me. It's really doubtful that my closest sister is my full sister. There's a lot of evidence for that that I won't get into here.

Anyway, by the time I was about 15ish, things slowly got worse as my parents began to REALLY separate. I never had enough food growing up, our house looked like a Hoarders episode (really that bad) and we the kids were always blamed for the mess. Anything wrong we were blamed for. My dad was too sick with muscular dystrophy, diabetes, heart problems, and the own hellhole that was his life with my mom to really do anything about it, i don't blame him for anything other than weakness. And he told me quite candidly later in life, when I asked him why he stayed with her... "She's amazing in bed." We're really the same person, except he was not very smart at all. Common sense smart, but academically unmotivated and not very curious about anything. He found religion later in life and just stuck with it.

So, back to my mom. I stopped talking to her when I realized what a damaged, completely hopeless person she was after my dad died. She does a lot of drugs (mostly coke and weed) and drinks like a fish when she's in the mood. My close sister has not yet realized this - even though my mom skipped her wedding over some trivial, contrived disagreement. She still holds out hope and affection for her. I don't. I feel no emotions towards my mother, who I refer to by name usually, except for hatred and pity. It's been that way since I found out about the cheating.

SO YEA, thinking about it more, I see where this is all coming from. I'm repeating my dad's patterns. It's natural I guess. There's a lot more about my mom that's a whole cluster**** that I could write if anyone cares - I doubt it - she's just garden variety nuts/borderline personality disorder. But a classic liar and obviously a personality type I'm drawn to. She claims she was raped as a child, I kinda believe her. It's really sad because she's so smart, I think sadly it's her side I got my somewhat intelligence from as well as my bipolar/whatever else is wrong with me. My dad's side is a bunch of well meaning retards.

Anyway, that's that. Goodnight

Last edited by jmakin; 10-05-2015 at 04:54 AM.
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Old 10-05-2015, 06:29 AM   #1456
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
Right now the only **** I'm really passionate about is super smash brothers on my 3DS. It's such a good outlet for my crap, I feel like I'm really good (at least online) but people I fight are mostly scrubs. I play Ryu, of course, because he's the most awesome and hardest to learn character. I like challenges.

I wanna try to get plugged into a competitive community because I always take the things I like to level 1,000,000 but where I live there really isn't one. Sucks.

But yea to ask Granddam's question (I think it was her??) about how I ever unwind, this is how. I get home late from work, have some quiet time, play smash bros on my now awesome wireless connection and drink a few beers. I didn't really want to drink tonight but I did. Kind of don't even care anymore.
You know that that is not cool, not funny and nothing to be proud of. I don't know if you have read here things beyond your blog. There are several people on this board, who had similar problems, but got a grip on that. Take them as an inspiration.

You like challenges. Challenge yourself to find other things to unwind. The problem with gaming is that you are not able to do it without bier. It is like TV and fast food for some people: both are so connected that if you do one the second follows on autopilot.

You know, that you have certain addictive traits in your personality. Your only chance to have a better life than your parents in 10 years from now is to switch on your brain.

You are grown-up, although sooooo young . No one in this world can make you stop drinking. No one can make you do anything, if you yourself don't really want to. So it is up to you.

Do you currently work with a shrink?
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Old 10-05-2015, 12:45 PM   #1457
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

No i don't, i can't afford one, my copay went up to 60 bucks. I could afford one visit a month but there are a lot of really ****ty shrinks around and i don't want to shop around.

I feel really really good today though, got a really great night's sleep for some reason. No nightmares, weird-ish creepy dreams every now and then but not the terrors I get sometimes when I'm stressed out. I have termination insomnia and I didn't get that this morning. The season changing on me will make me sleep more I think.

Today i face my math class and see how far behind I am. And probably get back my computer test score. Might be a make or break day.

Last edited by jmakin; 10-05-2015 at 12:57 PM.
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Old 10-05-2015, 01:34 PM   #1458
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Ok so I have 2 hours of class to finish reading chapter 4, because I'm pretty sure he's plowed into chapter 5 by now. he moves really fast.

if anyone's genuinely curious about this text, it's Differential Equations and Linear Algebra by Goode/Annin. I don't think he chose a very introductory text (although it's meant to be, but I looked at the other class material and its way easier).

For any interested in following along here is the text:



Sorry if I'm not allowed to link that here or something. Anyway, I am just finishing up chapter 4, which is a lot of talk about linear dependence/independence, spanning sets, which leads to bases, which leads to change of bases, which is eventually gonna lead to Linear Transformations I think which is chapter 5 and pretty sure where I need to be by the time class starts. gogogo

doing pretty good, in 4.8 now which is rowspace/column space and I haven't seen anything too terrifying that I may have missed in class.
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Old 10-05-2015, 01:37 PM   #1459
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Thanks for sharing, jmakin. It helps to be able to put those memories into perspective. And those good memories. They're the ones that help us sleep at night.

The picture of your dad piling into your car had me smiling. My own family comes from dysfunction junction, but the stories I could tell!

I'd love to read more about your "close" sister. When you have the time.
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Old 10-05-2015, 01:47 PM   #1460
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

When you get the chance, there's a really cool application of this stuff in face recognition.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eigenface

Now the subject, on the internet, seems to be clogged up with computer recognition, but I first heard about the idea as a theory for how human's brains are not only so quick at recognizing faces, but also how unfamiliar races tend to look alike, and also as a demonstration of how our perception doesn't exactly match reality. I can't find that old article (I think it was in Scientific American) but here is something not nearly as good on the subject.

http://www.uh.edu/engines/epi2544.htm
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Old 10-05-2015, 01:52 PM   #1461
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

that looks interesting. I will look at it when I'm bored in class later.

If you don't mind me asking, how are you guys all so familiar with this stuff? I know you have an engineering background, right micro? But you must use this stuff in day to day, or at least enough to be familiar with it.

Granddam, there's not a lot to talk about but I will when I get the chance.
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Old 10-05-2015, 02:02 PM   #1462
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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that looks interesting. I will look at it when I'm bored in class later.

If you don't mind me asking, how are you guys all so familiar with this stuff? I know you have an engineering background, right micro? But you must use this stuff in day to day, or at least enough to be familiar with it.

Granddam, there's not a lot to talk about but I will when I get the chance.
Don't use it day to day. I have a BA in Math (and English). Read popular math/science stuff somewhat regularly.

I went to UC Berkeley and lived there for like 11 or 12 years and my wife went to UC Irvine, so I have a little background on the UCB vs UCI debate.
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Old 10-05-2015, 02:39 PM   #1463
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I work in this area. Scanned through the book, you linked too. That are the basics of my job. Basically that is the part of the job that I like. Have PhD in theoretical physics.

Math is really cool, because it forces you to be precise an on point also with the language, it forces you to have very clear understanding of the subject. And it is applicable everywhere.
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Old 10-05-2015, 02:50 PM   #1464
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Math is really cool, because it forces you to be precise an on point also with the language, it forces you to have very clear understanding of the subject. And it is applicable everywhere.
+1

That's basically what I say to people. It makes it very clear what it is to actually be absolutely sure about something - and then to recognize when you're really not.
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Old 10-05-2015, 03:35 PM   #1465
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Holy **** you guys are really smart. Damn.

So I just got to class, lucked out hard because it looks like he left off at 4.9 which is about where I got to on my own solidly. I started on linear transformations but it was a bit much to absorb all at once.

He must have missed a class last week because he left off at like 4.6 last time I went. Awesome
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Old 10-05-2015, 03:37 PM   #1466
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

If you get a chance check out the material from 4 + 5. That's my next exam. It's a massive amount of material.
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Old 10-05-2015, 04:28 PM   #1467
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I checked it out. My take: 2+2=4. That sums up my input. But that's OK. I'm good at other stuff.
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Old 10-05-2015, 05:31 PM   #1468
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Believe me i'm actually the same way, give me **** to plug into other **** and other than that my mind's like a really slow working sponge. Let me stare at it long enough and I can maybe spit out a result that sorta makes sense.

Occasionally I run into things where that doesn't work well, like now. I'll just keep staring at it til it makes sense.

Like right now we're doing this thing called orthoganal sets of vectors, do I have any clue what's going on? Nope, but I can produce an orthoganal set if asked to and know what kinda properties it has. Eventually I see the deeper mechanics but sometimes it takes me a surprisingly long time. I think if people had more patience with math they could at least take the brute force rote memorization tactic at least most of the way through basic calculus.
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Old 10-05-2015, 08:20 PM   #1469
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I got a 92 on my 1st of 2 midterms in comp arch. The one I crammed really bad on and thought I did B-ish on. After some bonus points I got a 92... I'll take it! 35% of my grade right there. I'm so happy. I really needed today to be a win.
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Old 10-05-2015, 08:38 PM   #1470
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Old 10-05-2015, 09:19 PM   #1471
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Congrats on the test.

An orthogonal set is a subset of perpendicular vectors. In R3, one vector on the X-axis, one on the Y and one on the Z is probably the simplest example. Make those three vectors with two fingers and your thumb. You can take those three vectors and rotate them together (rotate your hand) or stretch them anyway you want (fingers longer or shorter) and they will stay an orthogonal set.

When you generalize this to any dimensions (or more generalized sets) and then any inner product instead of just the dot product (tells you when vectors are perpendicular in R-whatever), then you have the whole definition.
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Old 10-05-2015, 09:31 PM   #1472
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

It's funny, my teacher did that exact hand motion except he used his middle finger instead of his thumb.
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Old 10-06-2015, 12:58 AM   #1473
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

****ing love my connection speed:

http://www.speedtest.net/my-result/4721703743

And yet I can't get a non-laggy 3DS smash match. ****ing poors need to upgrade their trailer park wifi.
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Old 10-06-2015, 01:01 AM   #1474
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Damn, I'm with Time Warner and I only get 16 down and 6 up. Plenty fast enough for Netflix and other things though
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Old 10-06-2015, 01:09 AM   #1475
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I'm also with time warner but they offered me the 100 Mb/s package for 60/mo, compared to like 45 for their 10 Mb/s, so I was really happy upgrading from my actual trailer park wifi I had before.

Cable internet in the US really sucks compared to places like Japan though, we need to upgrade the infrastructure. During peak hours my connection's performance tanks.
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