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Old 10-04-2015, 08:25 AM   #1376
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Jmakin, it's no coincidence that you are reminded about the dark drinking days after your dad died. Your grandma just died, and it stirred all of those unresolved emotions and memories.

And, instead of being able to share that pain with someone who loves and cares for you, you're sitting on the internet, talking about your SO being out, and worrying what she's doing. Some gal. Do you see why you reach for a bottle at these times? You should be able to reach for her. You can't, and instead of recognizing her utter lack of empathy, you're twisting yourself up, trying to figure out how to fix her. And feeling bad because you can't figure out what to do. She was really quick to run back to you with HER pain and anxiety.

If you are not careful, you are going to turn into a bit player in the Kate Show. You're much better than that.
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Old 10-04-2015, 09:32 AM   #1377
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

And self-esteem? As a neglected child, you learned early that lack of interest, lack of concern, lack of involvement, lack of love, we're all that you deserved. You accept this from Kate, because it feels familiar.

Well, **** that.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:09 PM   #1378
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Yea, you guys are right... I just don't know what to do. I ended the conversation last night around 1:30 after finding out she was still at the party with god knows who, in CORONA of all god damn places, with no way to get home, but she said she would... She texts me at 8:30 this morning (wakes me up like always, of course she never thinks of this) saying she just got home. Lol.

I told her.. It's not even like I'm opposed to you staying out all night 40 miles away with people I don't know. It's that you make me ****ing worried sick about it and you go about it in a shady ass way. She kept saying I know I ****ed up I'm so sorry I was having fun and didn't think about the consequences.. yea no ****.

I said, BEST CASE scenario, I have to assume you aren't taking this very seriously. Worst case scenario is way uglier, and I don't think with her it's good to assume the best because there's usually more she's not telling me. She's an "omission" style liar, I'm learning, which was why it was hard for me to figure it out before. Everything she tells me is verifiable and true, she's terrible at outright lies. That's why every time I got suspicious I felt like a moron because she could prove what she was telling me.

So, yea. I don't even know. I think she thinks I'm being unreasonable. She went back to what she's dealing with and she just is trying to go out and have fun blah blah... well what the **** about me??? I'm mourning the loss of family members, I'm taking this abortion thing in stride as best as I can (it's eating me up inside) while simultaneously trying to support YOU who has cheated on me and walked all over me in the past. What about ME? I'm RIGHT HERE IF YOU NEED ME. And honestly, I need her a little bit.

But I told her that what I think, from everything people have told me the last few days, is that she needs me much more than I need her. She was a wreck when we were apart, which I didn't know. I was more or less fine. So why am I the one trying to talk things out and do all the legwork?

Am I wrong at all here?
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:11 PM   #1379
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I told her pretty plainly a lot of the things said here, because you guys are right. Maybe I'll let her read this. I told her I can't fix her and she doesn't see any issues becuase she's young and clueless, but I'm probably 15+ years older maturity wise, in terms of chronological age + life experience + stuff I've dealt with in my life already. So I see clear as day what's going on, and I can't make her see it. I can't make her try either. So yea, this is gonna have to run off a cliff before it's done. Great.

And I feel like a fool because last night I was trying sooooo hard to give her plenty of room - yea, go out, do your thing, I'll leave you alone. But she just kept texting me, and I even told her don't worry about trying to text me all night, just go have fun... but she keeps texting and says she's gonna text and get home safe and she doesn't. That's the issue, but I feel like I encouraged the behavior. I don't want her to feel like she can't go out or has to be chained to her phone. That's ridiculous.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:13 PM   #1380
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

No you're not wrong, and she's a thoughtless c..t.

If you can't get away from this relationship yet, and I understand how you're not ready to throw the towel in now because many of us have been there, then make some sort of deal with yourself that when x y or z happens then you will finish it and will not take her back under any circumstances.

This will enable you to feel that you have some control back over your life, that by setting a boundary in what you will and will not put up with you're taking a step forward in confronting the self-esteem issues you have, and will help prepare your thoughts for an eventual (and better) life without her.

Last edited by jalfrezi; 10-04-2015 at 12:20 PM.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:17 PM   #1381
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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No you're not wrong, and she's a thoughtless c..t
Gotta agree with this. The girls I've been with that were really into me would never have gone out all night far away without being in constant contact (without me asking) just to let me know they're ok and not up to anything bad
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:23 PM   #1382
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Even factoring in that she's really young and kinda retarded? I know it was thoughtless. I just don't even know what to say to her or what to do. She's coming over this morning and will be all apologetic.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:25 PM   #1383
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I'd tell her not to come, while you consider what I posted about setting boundaries, and don't meet her until you've done that. You don't have to give her a reason, you can just say something's come up, which it kind of has, and you'll be busy.

At the moment she has all the control in this relationship and that's always a disaster for men.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:26 PM   #1384
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Does everyone leave their phone set so that a text will wake them up?

I've had this discussion with a friend I texted at like 1030pm, which he said was too late, I said turn your phone/sound off when you go to sleep. He had reason though. He works IT and could get an emergency text that systems are down.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:27 PM   #1385
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

No way. People got by quite ok before mobile phones.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:28 PM   #1386
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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I'd tell her not to come, while you consider what I posted about setting boundaries, and don't meet her until you've done that. You don't have to give her a reason, you can just say something's come up, which it kind of has, and you'll be busy.

At the moment she has all the control in this relationship and that's always a disaster for men.
jmakin,

Do me a favor and tell her not to come.

There, now you can just say you have to do a favor for someone.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:29 PM   #1387
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Does everyone leave their phone set so that a text will wake them up?

I've had this discussion with a friend I texted at like 1030pm, which he said was too late, I said turn your phone/sound off when you go to sleep. He had reason though. He works IT and could get an emergency text that systems are down.
I always put my phone on silent when I go to bed. You can use an app like Criticall that let's texts or calls ring through from particular numbers you select
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:33 PM   #1388
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

If people ask when they can call, I always tell them anytime at all is fine. I turn my phone off if I don't want to hear it and they can leave a message/text/email.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:35 PM   #1389
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

My wife has her phone on and by the bed in case of emergency because her parents are abroad in a different time zone.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:44 PM   #1390
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

lol, she didn't like that. i'll post a pic in a sec.

This feels like playing games now and I don't do that with girls I'm serious about. What do I say now? I do have a lot of math to catch up on and I'd like to work out before work, but tbh I would also really like my dick sucked. I guess I can go without that today.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:47 PM   #1391
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

She's not the only attractive girl in the world who will do that, and there are many, many nicer ones. Stop thinking only with your cock.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:48 PM   #1392
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Old 10-04-2015, 12:49 PM   #1393
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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She's not the only attractive girl in the world who will do that, and there are many, many nicer ones. Stop thinking only with your cock.
she's really good at it
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:51 PM   #1394
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Go out and have a coffee somewhere and put your thinking cap on. We know you have a good heart, but you also have a good brain and now's the time to start using it.
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Old 10-04-2015, 12:55 PM   #1395
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

100% truth in your posts, both of you.
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Old 10-04-2015, 01:06 PM   #1396
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Do I really gotta play ****ing mind games with a chick I've been with for 2 years just to get her to not **** on me? I mean she's gonna do it anyway I guess, might as well have the leg up.

I told her I have some math to catch up on and she asked me why I was mad at her. I just said "Seriously? Why don't you go take 5 minutes and think about it" and she just said "Ok I get it, you're worrying about yourself and not me"

And I just said "Not even close"

And then she said she'd leave me alone and I said okay. That's pretty much it I guess. Doesn't really feel that great. She has absolutely no ****ing clue, good lord.
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Old 10-04-2015, 01:07 PM   #1397
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Sorry for the play by play I just feel like I'm drowning and the posts here are helping me a lot

I just wanna grab her and shake her and tell her to wake the **** up. Like why can't she just GET it??? if she pulled her head out of her ass for 2 ****ing seconds we have something really great to build on and SHE JUST WONT ****ING DO IT

SHE has way more to lose than me, and I'm the only one trying ffs
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Old 10-04-2015, 01:09 PM   #1398
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

My ex and I had alot in common. I loved him and he loved him. Sounds about right.
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Old 10-04-2015, 01:28 PM   #1399
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Do I really gotta play ****ing mind games with a chick I've been with for 2 years just to get her to not **** on me? I mean she's gonna do it anyway I guess, might as well have the leg up.

I told her I have some math to catch up on and she asked me why I was mad at her. I just said "Seriously? Why don't you go take 5 minutes and think about it" and she just said "Ok I get it, you're worrying about yourself and not me"

And I just said "Not even close"

And then she said she'd leave me alone and I said okay. That's pretty much it I guess. Doesn't really feel that great. She has absolutely no ****ing clue, good lord.
You need to calm down and spend this time drawing some lines in the sand about what is and what isn't acceptable to you, and keep that in your mind at all times. Then, as I said, you have something to fall back on and instead of getting angry and frustrated (ie weak) that she keeps treating you like carp you can be strong and say to yourself "No, I will not have this from her any more because I am worth more than this, and if this person can't see that there are plenty of others who will".

But basically she's behaving like a guy staying out late drinking God knows where, doing God knows what with God knows who, and you're like the little woman at home getting angry. Your roles are totally effed up and that's why this relationship cannot possibly work without fundamental changes happening, which I think is nigh on impossible.
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Old 10-04-2015, 01:33 PM   #1400
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Come on man, you know I'm aware of all that.

Ok not even 30 minutes into leaving me alone she texts:

"Its killing me because I dont know whats wrong. I know I was being selfish and not treating you the way you deserve and its only the first week in. I feel terrible for not knowing when I should. Im trying to think about you but all I feel is that you are mad. I need you and love you so much, i want to help whatever it is."

How does one even respond to that? She has no effing idea and I believe her when she says that.
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