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Old 07-27-2014, 12:10 PM   #626
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think you've probably misunderstood a lot of what I wanted to say.

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I'm not really sure what you're saying in the last paragraph. Especially regarding animal cruelty which was both (and is) popular entertainment and reviled in different cultures and times, but what are you saying is or isn't innate? 1880 (eg bear baiting) does not count as our ancestral environment.
I'm specifically saying that our attitude to animal cruelty is morality that comes from culture, not from genes.

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(Could be apocryphal, but I've heard there are more slaves now than at any point in history. )
Probably true, but not relevant unless it's measured per capita. There are a lot more people than at any point in history.
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Old 07-27-2014, 12:18 PM   #627
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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I'm specifically saying that our attitude to animal cruelty is morality that comes from culture, not from genes.
Which attitude though? Culturally it can be both reviled or embraced and we're certainly not innately neutral about animal cruelty.
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Old 07-27-2014, 12:49 PM   #628
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think you're still misunderstanding everything I'm saying about morality.

I think that we used to be much crueler to animals than we are today. I think that that change has happened because the morality imparted by our culture has changed, and changed for the better.
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Old 07-27-2014, 01:11 PM   #629
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

But when were we crueler? Are you saying we were more cruel in the ancestral environment? What makes you think that?
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Old 07-27-2014, 01:16 PM   #630
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

As a side note - in any real way we as a society are far more cruel to animals now than ever.

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Old 07-27-2014, 01:24 PM   #631
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

From an evolutionary point of view, bear baiting and the roman colosseum are completely modern inventions.

I'm not just trying to be difficult. Instead of just arguing, I'll tell you what I think.

Empathy towards other species is innate in humans (as well as in other mammals). The modern "moral" position that cruelty towards animals is bad is just an expression of that. The specifics and degree vary from culture to culture, so part of it, at least the details, can be partly cultural as well.
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Old 07-27-2014, 01:28 PM   #632
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I don't know how often I can tell you that you are misunderstanding what I am writing.

But I do suggest you read Better Angels of our Nature.

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From an evolutionary point of view, bear baiting and the roman colosseum are completely modern inventions.
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Old 07-27-2014, 02:40 PM   #633
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I don't think violence is a modern invention either. I don't disagree with Pinker's general position that both empathy and violence are innate and that culture can affect their prevalence.

I don't deny that there has been a movement in some of modern society for the reduction in violent cruelty. It's just, how so and compared to what? If you are talking about burning cats, well that was a cultural invention in the first place. It's not clear that you can credit culture with banning it.

You said this: "I'm specifically saying that our attitude to animal cruelty is morality that comes from culture, not from genes."

While there is obviously a cultural component, the basis for empathy towards animals is clearly not only cultural and I'm pretty confident that that is consistent with Pinker's "Four Better Angels."

At any rate, on a deeper level, beneath our failing internet communication, we probably agree with each other.
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Old 07-27-2014, 02:42 PM   #634
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Yea i don't even know what you guys are arguing about
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Old 07-29-2014, 12:35 AM   #635
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Hit kind of a gnarly glut of depression today. Definitely going through with the dose increase.

Budget so far is doing really, really well. I had no idea how much i spent.
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Old 07-30-2014, 02:28 AM   #636
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

This week I worked on becoming a better driver (of the boat, not a car) and had extremely good results. I felt like i developed a lot as a captain this week and have much finer control over the boat itself and situations on the boat than I have the last several weeks. I think I also got better at managing my crew.

The last few nights I worked on being more sociable and last night I actually kinda had fun talking to people and girls on the boat. Next week (work week) I'm gonna work on talking to more girls, and taking everything less seriously.

I think my seriousness in what I do is a huge asset to me at times but I feel lately it has become a hindrance to my social well being. I don't think I come off well sometimes, so I'm gonna try to take everything in with as best a sense of humor as possible and try to joke around more without being obnoxious. My brand of humor tends to irritate people, I think, because I like to mock sarcastically and I find subtle things funny that other people don't pick up on unless they have a very similar, dry sense of humor that I do.

I used to be considered a very funny person, these days, not so much. I don't know what happened. I think this lack of humor has something to do with my temper problem, so it's gonna be something I'm gonna try to develop in the coming weeks.

When I really put my mind to a problem I tend to make great strides very quickly so I am eager to see where this new strategy goes.
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Old 07-30-2014, 02:59 PM   #637
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Set your targets high: how about trying to be funny to the Bay Area Beast without being either snide or sarcastic or cutting?
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Old 07-30-2014, 04:01 PM   #638
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You should start involuntarily marrying people now that you are a captain. Just tell two people they are now married based on your authority as a captain and see what wacky hijinks ensue. If they complain, tell them to seek out a marriage counselor. If anyone else complains respond by marrying them to someone. Obviously you marry the hot chicks yourself, sick ice breaker if you can confidently pull it off with complete seriousness. You will have the entire vessel laughing if you do it right.
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Old 07-31-2014, 02:21 PM   #639
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

That's good, i'll try that.

I have a few days off now, yesterday i just worked on being in a good mood and having fun. Went pretty well.

A situation that would normally set me off happened at the end of my shift - this really dumb chick was late to work relieving my deckhand, and of course it's never her fault and she always has some sort of calamity (that's conpletely within her power) and it caused me to get off a half hour late.

Then my other dip**** coworker who doesnt know **** about anything started chiming in how it wasn't a big deal.

I wasn't upset, and calmly said i dont mind working late, but this is a chronic problem with her and if she has too many responsibilities to come in to work on time, that's her problem and not ours. I asked her to please call ahead next time and to apologize to my deckhand, and she did.

I handled it with a calm that kind of surprised me. Gonna keep doing this.

Bumped the dose up today and feel much more alert and less drowsy.
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Old 08-02-2014, 12:50 PM   #640
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Day 3 - yesterday i felt horrible and spent all day in bed. Today my head aches a lot, my body aches, and my muscles are stiff. I've got diarrhea and i feel restless.

My doctor warned me it might suck for a week but to tough it out because the meds seem to be helping me. He said it'll be feel like going from 0 to a large dose, not some dose to a larger dose, if that makes sense. He said the jump from 150 to 300 is usually a little rougher for people.

So, i'm gonna take his advice and tough it out. He said if i feel great in 6 months we can taper back down.
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Old 08-02-2014, 12:56 PM   #641
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Positives - i feel no desire to drink or smoke.
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Old 08-03-2014, 05:40 AM   #642
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

oh man im just a bubbling ball of hatred right now. mixed with some loneliness/sadness. ****ing christ these meds. I can't tell if it's them or I've just had a ****ty night. Been up nearly 24 hours, that's probably doing some of it.

Can't wait til the harshness wears off.

basically no girl ever can just be with me - they're whores. it's not women, it's just the women I choose. or the women that choose me, IDK. but they're ****ing whores. I don't think I've been with one decent girl - i don't know if i'm even capable of being with one. Who would want to be with an ******* like me that didn't have something wrong with them?

I treat people generally how I'd like to be treated. I can be short, impatient, stressed, easy to anger - but I'm also kind hearted, sympathetic, and generous with my time. I don't know. I need to reevaluate everything - I may stop seeing girls altogether for a while. I have had sex exactly two times in 2 weeks, which is probably some kind of record low for me. I realized I don't think I can go longer than that. Maybe I should stop and just clear my head.

But then part of me worries if i don't maintain this myriad of relationships I have with all these different girls then I'll lose my "stable" and will be completely dry and become desperate and unable to get laid at all. That sounds like some kind of addictive thought process, but **** it.

I don't know. I'm sleep deprived and had a really awful night.
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Old 08-03-2014, 05:42 AM   #643
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

part of me realizes too that I'm never gonna be in a position to meet a quality girl as long as i'm maintaining this total cluster**** of relationships I am in right now. who'd be into getting into a mess like that?
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Old 08-03-2014, 11:28 AM   #644
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Maybe you should stop looking for women to have sex with and instead look for someone you want to be with even if there is no sex involved. It could just be what sticks with me when I read your posts but it seems to me you're constantly worried about getting laid. So all the women you are with are ones that you can bang right away. This means all of them are also just looking to get laid.
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Old 08-03-2014, 11:52 AM   #645
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Well that's part of the problem, I don't find anyone that interesting, and if I did, i'd probably be friend zoned quick if I did that.
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Old 08-05-2014, 09:26 PM   #646
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Pretty much chick free. I don't remember the last time I had sex. The girl i was seeing is whoring around and also annoying me. I'm not your boyfriend and i don't find you interesting.

Told melissa that until she could be okay with me being happy like I want her to be happy, then we couldn't be friends anymore. She never responded.

I feel really alone but I think this is good for me.
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Old 08-06-2014, 11:20 AM   #647
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Struck ot spectacularly with a girl i was chatting up all night at he bar. Hit it off really well, she kept gravitating back to me to talk more (i just sat by myself all night) and seemed really interested. Then at the end of the night her friend tells me she has a bf and the chick said goodnight to me and left. Lol.

I'm like really miserable but keep telling myself it's the meds, last time I started these i had a spike in depression for a few weeks.
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Old 08-07-2014, 01:46 AM   #648
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

man i am a really broken individual

she won. she did it. she broke me.

i'm not with the girl i was seeing anymore, melissa gets the satisfaction of knowing it, i have lost all the friends i had before melissa, and i'm a shell of the person i was before we met.

im too ****ing miserable to even drink. i dont want to.

i'm writing this to vent but also to look back and see how much of this is reality vs. the ****ed up chemistry in my brain making me think about this ****.

i'm not gonna spiral. there is way too much at stake. but somehow, the last year of dealing with this has been a bigger nightmare than dealing with my dad's death or anything else i've encountered. i don't know why. everything i've tried has failed. i feel completely powerless to her. she ALWAYS ****ing wins, because she's a psychopath - I may have my moments where I don't give a **** about anyone but myself, but she is a truly uncaring, unsympathetic, devious individual. it's unreal.

and the most ****ed up thing ever is she's tricked me into caring about her. i don't even wanna be with her in any sort of capacity - even when I give in to her phone calls, I don't wanna see her really, but it fills some sort of weird need I have to be wanted - it's the weirdest thing. She totally knows it too. i just want to not have her influence extend into my life - and i'm not talking physically. I honestly don't think I could have a relationship again because of the damage this has done to my mind. I don't trust ANYTHING anyone says anymore. I don't trust people's motives and I think everyone has one. I also don't believe anyone could ever honestly truly give a **** about me. I know that's probably irrational, but whatever, my life's been a good enough example of it. The few people I've had that have cared are all gone. They're gone and I can't get them back.

Just ****ing over this ****, man. It's neverending.

Luckily this is an opportunity for some life rearranging. I don't even know how to begin repairing my social life, but somehow, I gotta figure it out. No man is an island and I have been a complete island for the last year and I'm ****ing tired of it. I don't know how to reach out and connect with people in a meaningful, healthy way. I'm not a needy person - but lately I feel it.

****. whatever.
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Old 08-07-2014, 01:47 AM   #649
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

also it's truly ironic i thought i was a sociopath, and wrote in the detail I did about it, only to end up with one that completely owned me. jesus christ. i hope people get a kick out of that because it's disgusting.
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Old 08-07-2014, 03:15 AM   #650
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Be careful not to make important decisions while your brain isn't the same as it normally is...
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