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Old 01-09-2014, 11:12 PM   #376
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

During the last week not as much as usual. Usually 2-4 drinks a night. Sometimes as many as 6. I drink more when anxious than when I am depressed, I find that drinking worsens the depression so I avoid it. Lately I am way more depressed than anxious but I can swing wildly between the two. I prefer being anxious because I am much more proactive. Depressive states tend to freeze me completely.
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Old 01-10-2014, 01:03 AM   #377
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

As difficult as it may seem, try to go to zero drinks per day for at least a week as I suggested. You will probably feel worse for the first 2-3 days but stick with it, it's due to withdrawal (you don't need to be a really heavy drinker to experience a degree of withdrawal pain when you take a break).
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Old 01-10-2014, 03:16 AM   #378
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennitron View Post
Depression means you're living in the past, anxiety means you're living in the future. Peace is in the present
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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Old 01-10-2014, 05:56 AM   #379
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

jmakin,


Here are Dr. chopstick's orders:

1. Call your therapist tomorrow. Explain the situation and ask for guidance.
2. Stop drinking for now.
3. Ignore Jennitron's LOLbad advice.
4. Cease contact with your ex. For real this time. If at any point you think you're going to break, vividly remind yourself of your worst memory of being with her.
5. Take up mindfulness meditation.
6. Focus on the things in your life that you have been working so hard to achieve. Do not derail yourself when you are so close.
7. Focus on improving yourself and becoming the person you want to be. You are unlikely to be successful in a relationship until you are happy with who you are.
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Old 01-10-2014, 08:45 AM   #380
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think that you want to overcome your ex but you have an internal urge to make her understand what you are feeling about the whole situation,her behavior,how awful her actions made you feel...
But,she will never understand dude,get over it
Those kind of women are so selfish that will never get the harm they are making through their dispicable actions to their partners.
Been there,done that,it just doesnt worth your time.
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Old 01-10-2014, 11:38 AM   #381
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I have heard of mindfulness meditation but don't know much about it.

Lizard Kid, that's really spot on.
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Old 01-10-2014, 03:22 PM   #382
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Saw my GP today and told him I didn't like the lexapro's sexual side effects so he switched me to wellbutrin. He said it should perk me up a little but I feel sleepy. The lexapro was supposed to make me sleepy but perked me up.

**** side effects. Reading about wellbutrin has me optimistic though, because I've never responded all that great to SSRI's and wellbutrin has a pretty good success rate on patients that don't respond well to traditional SSRI treatment. Plus (hopefully) no sexual side effects.
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Old 01-10-2014, 06:51 PM   #383
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I don't know anything about the pharms but my buddy is on Cymbalta and he's a different person (for the better, way better). His whole outlook is way more positive
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Old 01-11-2014, 02:53 AM   #384
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Well, I was gonna give the not drinking an honest go but I had a situation that cropped up some complicated and difficult to deal with feelings so I went out and got a few tall cans of Rolling Rock.

I know it's not a healthy way to deal with my emotions. I guess I never really thought very deeply about the way I consume alcohol because it doesn't interfere with my life or my ability to function, but I'm aware that problem drinking is a slow and gradual process and not something that just happens.

The girl I've been seeing is 18 and really sexy/cute albeit a bit dumb and naive. I've been hooking up with her for a few months and she was seeing a co-worker of mine who was not very happy about me seeing her so we just kept it under wraps. It was purely sex for me and I found her kind of boring until recently - we seem to have progressed from "**** buddy" to "friends with benefits" to "good friends with benefits" at a pace that's a little uncomfortable for me.

There is a co-worker she works with a lot that I really do not care for. He's a little older than me, is married, and is a chronic BSer and we're slowly learning that he's a thief and has a bad reputation in the harbor for theft and other unsavory things. So, she's texting me tonight asking me what I'm doing, I'm pretty short (not for any particular reason) and she proceeds to tell me she's gonna go have some drinks with this guy and it progresses into how she thinks he wants to hook up with her, I'm like uuhhh cool have fun. It does bother me a little bit and it bothers me that it bothers me. I think it's b/c I really don't like the guy but on some level I'm jealous?

I don't think she's really trying to **** with me but she's giving me a blow by blow of the evening and how it's progressing, and I'm kinda not-so-subtly telling her "oh cool have fun" and end the convo but she keeps texting. Anyway, that was the pretext of me going and getting beer. Not good, I know.

There's other girls i can hang out with but I like hanging out with her, she's hot, always available, low maintenance and the sex is pretty good. No reason for me to see anyone else when it's so convenient. And therein lies the problem, I guess. I can tell she likes me a little bit.

Then I start thinking about my ex and how when she was out with a guy, she'd NEVER text me and I'd basically drop off the face of the planet. This chick's with a guy and has been turbo-texting me nonstop the whole evening. I didn't really know what to feel about that - then as I was walking into my house, my cat ran up to greet me, which is usually fun because she wants to be let in and have cuddle time.

But nope, not tonight. She just sat outside my neighbor's (it's a duplex) door and whined to be let in there. Even my own ****ing cat doesn't wanna be with me. Depressing ****.
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Old 01-11-2014, 03:26 AM   #385
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Dude you need to lay off of relationships right now. Like someone earlier said, just set some work/study goals and put all your focus on that. You've got a very young girl with whom you don't even know how you feel. She is begging you to say, "leave that guy and come over to my place" and even though you like her you can't come to terms with how you feel about anything relationship related. She's a young stupid girl who can't deal with your type of situation (friends with benefits, etc) and is doing everything she can do to get your attention (even hanging out with a jackoff) and it bothers you. It bothers you because, A. You like her and don't want someone else banging her or B. You are selfish and want her at your beck and call and don't want any kind of future with her. Bottom line, don't mess with girls who are too young too handle things in adult ways if you are an adult yourself.
It's really amazing the things you are dealing with that I have been involved in in similar ways. I was messing around with an 18yo when I was 27 and she would text me when she was on dates, even New Year's eve. I'd tell her to come over and lose the guy she was with and she would. I felt pretty cool that she would drop some loser and come running. In hindsight, I was an ******* for playing with her immature emotions when she was just a young girl who didn't know better and probably saw me as Daddy or something. Young girls (or people in general) aren't emotionally mature, stop ****ing with them unless you are willing to go all in
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Old 01-11-2014, 03:42 AM   #386
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I like her but it's really in the realm between platonic friend and full on romantic feelings. It's just my ego.

I do have this weird sorta big brother feeling towards her where I don't want anyone to **** with her or take advantage of her but it doesn't come from a romantic place. You're right, I am not looking for any sort of relationship right now but I feel this doesnt count really.

She's told me about other guys she's hooked up with and it never bothered me. It was more of a "hey, good for you" type of feeling. I did tell her I'd rather not hear about that stuff in much detail because it could potentially turn me off.
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Old 01-11-2014, 03:43 AM   #387
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What I forgot to mention was that I started to see the 18yo right after I ended it with my whore (not literally but close) of a girlfriend. Probably subconsciously I enjoyed being in the power position after dealing with my ex who had done so many scandalous things before and after (and who knows, maybe during) our relationship. Maybe the psychology people can chime in on why. Anyway, don't leave victims behind just because you are feeling really bad right now. You WILL get over it and you WILL laugh at yourself one day for getting so worked up over some dumb whore.
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Old 01-11-2014, 11:33 AM   #388
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Regarding your anger issues from a while ago, I'd really really suggest competitive sports. Not just signing up to a gym, you need an opponent. Boxing and basketball are both popular and easy to jump into. If you're open-minded try MMA, it's such a beautiful sport, though it requires a time commitment if you want to progress in any way.

Also try and aim for 3 times a week or more. You seem to be a pretty busy guy, but when you get into the habit of working out and it becomes a lifestyle, its really surprising how you manage to find time.
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Old 01-13-2014, 09:20 PM   #389
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Just a thought: for releasing pent-up energy while you are thinking, try throwing rocks. Skip them across the bay, make a huge splash, throw a handful and watch the machine gun rat-tat go across the water. It's a great stress reliever and has no bad health effects (unless you hit someone with one or get a sore shoulder).
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Old 01-16-2014, 01:41 AM   #390
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I had a 102 degree fever for the last 12 hours. I've been sick for 6 weeks. **** is unbelievable. One thing after another.

I had a sinus infection that went away and is apparently back with a vengeance.
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Old 01-16-2014, 02:39 PM   #391
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

So, today's the day (I think) that my ex is leaving with this ****wit for hawaii for their romantic getaway.

This guy is such a ****ing retard. Buys her a ring that had to have been 1k+ and then drops 2500$ on a hawaii vacation and she doesn't even consider him her boyfriend, and is off sleeping with me/trying to get with me. What a couple of ****ing bozos.

I know it shouldn't matter like at all to me but it really ****ing pisses me off that I'm sitting here in a cough syrup/fever induced delirium, way behind on everything in my life, with not even a single ****ing friend to talk to, and she's off galavanting in maui with some idiot that's clearly madly in love with her.

Like what the ****. The most painful part of it is that she COULD have had me when we tried to reconcile a few months ago.. but she chose a hawaii trip and some neanderthal over me.

I know she doesn't love me. But some part of me wants to at least have that - I felt really loved the whole time I was with her. She constantly insisted the whole time we were together that she wanted a ring from me - (I did get her one, but she didn't think it was nice enough) well now she got her ring and her expensive vacation that she always wanted from me, and tossed me aside like a piece of trash to get it. It makes me feel really worthless even though I don't ****ing want anything to do with her.

Does that make any sense at all to anyone?
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Old 01-16-2014, 03:47 PM   #392
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think you are looking at this the wrong way. Instead of being angry you should be over the moon you aren't that poor sap taking her to Hawaii. It doesn't get much more pathetic than a guy dropping cash on a girl while in reality he is getting completely played.

Knowing what you know now about her you should be glad to have gotten rid of her. Once everything you have been working so hard towards comes together you will get the last laugh as she will never find happiness doing what she does.
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Old 01-16-2014, 03:56 PM   #393
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I know he's a sucker and eventually will get his, as will she, and I will be fine, but it doesn't really help how I feel right at this moment.

And how unaffected she is by all this really infuriates me too. I feel like my life has been flipped upside down and she's just on to her next victim, although this guy seems like he really deserves it.
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Old 01-16-2014, 04:14 PM   #394
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

My ex was a bit of a sociopath like yours, what's funny is that I was completely unaware of this until after we broke up. She cheated on me many times throughout the relationship and it blows my mind thinking about how she never hinted at it once. It was only after we broke up that she confessed to it all, and it was revealed that sometimes she'd sleep with a guy and later on that evening have the nerve to come to my place and sleep with me. I'm not sure how she could do it and show no signs of remorse after all we had been through; she was a very sweet girl whilst we were together. I wasn't a particulary bad boyfriend, my weakness was probably being a push over.

I totally resonate with you being infuriated about her being cold-hearted, but these feelings will go away with time, you just have to ride it out. I think a few people mentioned that you should just focus on your work at the moment...do that.

Last edited by UnoTrap; 01-16-2014 at 04:21 PM.
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Old 01-16-2014, 04:26 PM   #395
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakinmecrzy View Post
I know she doesn't love me. But some part of me wants to at least have that - I felt really loved the whole time I was with her.
Yeah, but as you know (logically, probably, but not emotionally, yet), it was fake, and showing that undying affection is just something she's gotten really, really good at in order to get what she wants. When she kept trying to get back with you, it wasn't because she had had second thoughts, it's because she wanted the D, and the satisfaction of having manipulated you into taking her back. I'm impressed that you resisted the ego-stroking that no doubt would have felt good for a while.

It sounds like you want there to be some big karma thing that causes her deep despair and regret, but the fact is, it won't happen. She's got something chemically wrong with her brain, and no matter what happens, she'll continue to be utterly unaffected by it, and move on to another guy once the well runs dry with you and neanderthal dude.
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Old 01-16-2014, 04:36 PM   #396
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

The well is extremely dry here. I won't be talking to her again. I'm worried she'll show up here.

That weekend she came over here was because he was working late nights those days and she undoubtedly wanted some D. I'm pretending that weekend was just a bad dream. She kept trying to get me to say i loved her and it'd just infuriate me every time she said she only wanted me.
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Old 01-20-2014, 11:06 PM   #397
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

The depression/loneliness/bad thoughts/anxiety hit its peak today. I need to start feeling better soon or I don't know what to do.

I know my brain is not working as it should right now. I know this will pass, and I keep telling myself that over and over. My therapist has the same old stupid cliches. I think there's a chance this new medication may have worsened the depression but I will just tough it out until I start feeling the positive effects.

My birthday is next week and i don't think I'm even gonna do anything or that anyone knows its my birthday. Will be sorta depressing. I would throw a party for myself but what's the use, that's kind of lame.

To make matters worse (and probably my mood) i have been completely bed ridden for the last week from this stupid sinus infection. I got stronger antibiotics today so hopefully they work this time.

Anyway just an update, whatever. I'm really losing steam.
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Old 01-21-2014, 08:29 PM   #398
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Finished the bulk of my captain's course this weekend, and now I'm on to the only subject I actually am good at/enjoy practicing - navigation.

Really fun because I get to mess around with navigation publications, learn about weather patterns (something I have a weird knack for) and get to draw on big huge sea charts. Fun stuff. I just finished a course in trigonometry several months ago so that'll be insanely handy. I imagine I'll be able to finish this part of it by the end of the week, take my finals this weekend, and schedule a test date before school gets too crazy.
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Old 01-23-2014, 12:21 AM   #399
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

is it sad or awesome that I'm up $50 this week playing 60c CAP games?
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Old 01-23-2014, 12:57 PM   #400
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

A few of my friends hit me up last night and asked me if I wanted to go to Vegas. I hemmed and hawed because I really need to study, but my friend said he'd pay for everything if I chipped in on booze and gas, since it's my birthday next week. Really cool of him. Think I'm gonna go - so by Monday I should have some debauchery to contribute here.
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