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Old 08-21-2018, 02:16 AM   #3951
HeretoApologize
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Dids would have some boomerangs. Get revenge on the guy who ****ed up his uncle norm
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Old 09-07-2018, 09:10 PM   #3952
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think i’m in a fairly severe funk, my therapist is concerned. If i dont update a lot its really cuz idk what to say. I’m in a bad spot mentally and physically by just about every imaginable metric.

Think i’m doing good at work, but could be better.
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Old 09-07-2018, 10:13 PM   #3953
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

well, not "good"
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Old 09-08-2018, 09:44 AM   #3954
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Ach JM...

Obviously stress doesn't make things better. Can you distance yourself inwardly from what is going on in your job? It is not a cool state but better than a burn-out. Something like: you are trying really hard for 8 hours, but the second after the job leaves your head and you leave the job.
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Old 09-08-2018, 10:09 AM   #3955
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

My job is just a symptom not the real problem. I think of all areas of my life right now I am doing best in my job, because I am focusing on it.

The stress/anxiety/depression is just a root issue. I’d be stressed or depressed about anything I decide to devote my effort to, I know it now.

I thought when school was over it would end but it didnt. My therapist thought so too, a little bit actually. She thought school was a really unhealthy environment for my personality.

She encouraged me this week to try to have fun with my job and desperately implored me to stop drinking and to find things outside the house to do. I haven’t had sex in over two months And i got invited to some party tonight by a girl who i know has been interested so i’ll probably go, but that involves alcohol and sex, which i dont think i should be doing much of. It does involve forced social interaction with people ive never met so of course i will drink too much, its the only way i can be sociable.

I think sex might give me a confidence boost though, i feel very fat and unconfident and unwanted and I never do well when I’m in that state. When I feel like this I will overdrink and over eat and just think who cares? No one wants to be around me anyway.
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Old 09-08-2018, 11:22 AM   #3956
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

JM,

You are a lot more self aware than I was at your age. That is a HUGE advantage. I believe that you see a lot of things exactly right, like that you will get stress/problems in every area you try to really do your best. It is somehow connected in the brain. For me it is the same way.

My solution was at some point to consciously decide: I don't want to do best in my job, I don't want to make a ton of money. I want to be when not happy then at least not depressed, not suicidal, not desperate. I need for that: good sleep and good food, regular not too obsessive work outs, not too little and not too much social interaction, some attention from male part of humanity, regular sex, some money. For money and some social recognition I need to do only good enough at my job. My life got better with this attitude.

And about you being fat....

I mean ... you know that i think that you are so not fat. You are good looking, smart, interesting and self aware. A lot of girls are thinking that you are totally a catch.

And on forced social interaction: don't do that. I don't know .... one big step for me was to learn to say nothing if I have nothing to say. And another big step was to learn to leave the party if I get the feeling that i am deathly bored. It made me more willing to go to a lot of parties at all. I mean... you have to be able to go through certain social rituals. It is a necessary tool to become happy. But you sooo don't have to participate in anything you don't really want.

On alc...

Have you tried to emulate your drunk behaviour in a sober state? That did many many years ago the trick for me. I understood that I can be as silly and as straight forward with men sober as I was drunk. Was big deal for me.


Good luck and at least some fun tonight!
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Old 09-08-2018, 01:18 PM   #3957
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
She... desperately implored me to stop drinking
So, why not give it a real try? At this point based upon everything youíve said, what do you have to lose?
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Old 09-08-2018, 01:21 PM   #3958
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Newport Beach is probably the least forgiving place in the world to have like 10 or 15 pounds beyond being ripped. Make some friends more than 5 miles from the beach and you'll stop thinking you're fat.
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Old 09-12-2018, 11:10 AM   #3959
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I haven’t drank since saturday

Saturday sucked, I blew it with three girls in the course of like 4 hours. And they were virtually slam dunks. I’m not just saying that either.

And i broke my toe. Golf clubs come tomorrow though. Not drinking during the week is pretty easy, the weekend will be tougher.
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Old 09-14-2018, 02:06 PM   #3960
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

well...that last post kinda steals my thunder, bc now I canít find a reason to post the picture that made me think of you without admitting that I was about to start doing some day drinking Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

anyway, this made me think of you. and nah, didnít buy it. lol

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Old 09-14-2018, 03:43 PM   #3961
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Sobrietys been broken, me and my coworkers did shots at 10:30 at work for some reason
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Old 09-14-2018, 03:53 PM   #3962
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Sore throat?
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Old 09-14-2018, 04:03 PM   #3963
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

It was with my coworkers
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Old 09-14-2018, 04:27 PM   #3964
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

It would be rude to decline
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Old 09-14-2018, 06:27 PM   #3965
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

No I’m not making that excuse, I’m just saying I didn’t do shots alone for the sake of it. Things have been a little tense at work as well so I’m glad it happened.
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Old 09-22-2018, 10:22 PM   #3966
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I got a set of golf clubs and have begun hitting the range as often as my body allows me to. I played a lot of baseball throughout my childhood and into late teens. My dad thought I could be a really good golfer so he got me some clubs and lessons when I was a kid. I think I was pretty ok for my age at the time.

I know the fundamentals of a swing, so I have that going for me from a total beginner perspective. My friend is a scratch golfer and said my swing looks really good for where I'm at.

At first it was a little shaky but now I am hitting my irons pretty good about 80% of the time. I love the hybrids I got, they're easy to hit and they go really far.

I think in a few months after a lot more practice I'll be ready to play a round. I don't have high expectations but hitting 100 balls at the range is a surprisingly good workout, I work up a lot of sweat and I am tremendously sore the next day. I just went two days in a row and my biceps and legs are just shot. I wanted to go again today but I figure it's probably not smart risking injury.

I do stretch before, but I need to stretch after and probably ice. I'm so out of shape I know I could injure myself fairly easily.

I'm also a lot stronger than I realized, my good 5 hybrid shots carry about ~170, by rough estimate of the range markers. Unfortunately I am often striking slightly behind the ball which is really killing my distance. They still go pretty straight though.

I fixed a few basic noob things with my swing and now I'm just working on my swing path. I have a tendency to hack directly down at the ball, I think this is from my baseball swing. Every single instinct in me tells me not to "scoop" up at the ball (because that's the easiest way to hit pop flies) but that type of swing is kind of necessary for the longer clubs I think, especially driver, which I have not messed around with yet (my range doesn't have tees). I am very intimidated by it and I could never drive the ball well even as a kid.

Right now I feel most confident with my 6, 7, and 8 iron. A lot of my 6 iron shots are better than my 5 hybrid shots. My friend says if I can hit those well and putt decently i'll be ok.

my plan is to do this for a while. It's really relaxing and satisfying just smacking the **** out of the ball. I will work in real exercise when I get into a little better shape. I want to start lifting again so I can gain more distance.

Last edited by jmakin; 09-22-2018 at 10:27 PM.
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Old 09-22-2018, 11:47 PM   #3967
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Golf is still real exercise. I hate the notion that certain exercise is real exercise and other stuff isn't. Obviously trying to get in strength training is a positive but there are plenty of people who have never lifted and lead a healthy fit lifestyle. Don't let other peoples perceptions diminish what you're doing. You're sweating and sore which means you're getting a workout.
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Old 09-23-2018, 03:34 PM   #3968
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
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You're sweating and sore which means you're getting a workout.
Sounds like just another Saturday night for jmakin heyooooooooo
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Old Yesterday, 08:47 PM   #3969
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I am going almost every day now. I found a range in Irvine that is $40/month for unlimited range balls, access to their putting and chipping areas, and free lessons.

And it's open til 11pm every day! The one right next to my house closes at 7 sometimes and the range surface is concrete so you don't really get a good feel for where your shots would actually land.

It's a little more distance for me so I can't just walk over there kinda buzzed like I do at the one next to my house. But it'll be good.

Feeling a lot better with my irons and wedges. I've made vast improvements already. My yardage has a lot to be desired still, I only hit the 7 iron about 130 yards but it's fine for now. My wedges feel SUPER good, straight up in the air lofted shots right onto the greens I was aiming for, super small spread every time. I think this is a side effect of the downward stroke I have that i need to work on fixing for my longer clubs. I can't hit a fairway wood or a driver to save my life. If I am in a real round I probably will just stick to my hybrids off the tees, i'm almost positive I could drive my 4h off the tee at least 200. And the courses near me are all super small par 4's, no more than 350 yards, so I won't need a solid driver for a while.

I'm not going today even though I really want to. I chunked a few bad ones yesterday and my hands are very sore. I really don't want to overdo it and injure myself because that would probably be the end of the hobby for me. Might try for early morning. It's one of the few things I look forward to these days and I usually spend all day thinking about it.

Last edited by jmakin; Yesterday at 08:53 PM.
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Old Yesterday, 09:00 PM   #3970
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

My therapist likes this hobby a lot because it gets me exercising (an hour at the range burns about the equivalent amount of calories as an hour at the gym would for me) and outdoors and into something that's not in my apartment. She also likes that I basically have unlimited money to spend on this, she says she likes working with me for that reason because any suggestion she has I can usually just run with and money isn't an issue.

I need a few more clubs, I want a more lofted wedge, I only have a 55 degree. I think I need at least a 60 degree if I want to start pitching from off the green. For right now I'll probably just stick to chip shots w/ my irons or off the green putts. My chipping/putting isn't as bad as I thought it would be but I need a lot of work there too. Practicing putting is super boring for me but I need to start doing it on days like this where I'm too sore to swing the club.
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Old Today, 03:23 AM   #3971
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I have to admit I never saw this golfing addiction coming!

Very wholesome and refreshing J

Get those woods working m8! There is nothing quite as satisfying as ripping a nice, long straight Big Bertha off the tee
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