Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

Notices

House of Blogs I guess 2+2 is your blog.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-22-2018, 12:41 AM   #3826
microbet
Solar Powered
 
microbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: SoCal
Posts: 53,251
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
I'm not, and even then, some douchetards in /programming have given me quite a lot of flack for just the ****ing title
At the one somewhat largish company I was a programmer for I had one project that had a project manager and I really liked her and her job. But then I'm pretty much an anarchist.
microbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2018, 02:19 PM   #3827
GMLAW
veteran
 
GMLAW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,604
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

J,

Drinking at 7AM seems like someone with a drinking problem would do.

Have you ever talked to your therapist about the point El D and me made about your love for drama? Your graduation dinner seems horrible and your "relationship" with S seems pretty unstable.
GMLAW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2018, 09:45 PM   #3828
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Lol i dont know what I possibly did at that dinner to seek drama.

Been at my job 2+ months, perhaps unsurprisingly 0 drama. Nor is there likely to be any.

I mind my own ****ing business, it seeks me out.

The relationship has been much, much, much better and improving every day.
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2018, 10:03 PM   #3829
Rexx14
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Rexx14's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 7,179
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think some people are being a bit harsh towards J in regards to his graduation dinner. Some families have individuals who thrive on drama/negativity. It's pretty hard to avoid it at times. Cutting people out is marginally effective but you still cop crap from others for making that choice and it also makes things like Christmas etc a nightmare lol. I think that people who haven't grown up in a dysfunctional family don't really have any understanding what it can be like. S is obviously a totally different situation.
Rexx14 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2018, 10:30 PM   #3830
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

She seriously did her best and i was proud of her for it, and feel guilty for putting her in a tough spot
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2018, 12:52 AM   #3831
Rexx14
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Rexx14's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 7,179
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Oh I wasn't having a go at S at all. Anxiety can hit people pretty hard and it sounds like she handed it as well as she could. I meant that S, generally speaking, is a totally different situation to your family one as you can break up and it's not going to impact family dynamics or whatever. Obviously if you have kids this is different. Sorry for the confusion.
Rexx14 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2018, 09:02 AM   #3832
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

i didn't think you were
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2018, 09:03 AM   #3833
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

final grades came back, actually got 4 B- and 1 C+. 2.6 gpa this quarter. Kind of ruined my overall GPA.

UC gpa was a 3.408. Total GPA, 3.73 - unless I'm calculating it wrong. Meh. Could be worse, that's better than an A- average. I wanted to do better though.

Had I gotten all A's this quarter, maybe I get a 3.85. But, that was the cost of taking this job and 18 units in one quarter. I think it was worth it.
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2018, 08:01 PM   #3834
RunDownHouse.
veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 2,170
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Again: absolutely nobody will ever care what your GPA was.
RunDownHouse. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2018, 08:02 PM   #3835
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think it got me this job though
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2018, 08:03 PM   #3836
Didace
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Didace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 14,691
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
I think it got me this job though
That's the last time it matters.
Didace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 01:25 AM   #3837
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I am in a ragey mood today. Work's stressing me out. I thought once school was over the mental stuff would mostly go away, but no. It's sneaking back again.

I think i do maybe have a drinking problem. I don't really care at this point as long as I am functional. I am mostly functional and have been really successful the last several years even though my habits have been unhealthy and poor.

Would you change if you were me? When I get upset/angry/sad/excited/bored I drink. Ok I can admit this. But what is the alternative for me? What is my incentive to change? This coping mechanism has got me thus far. Maybe my therapist hasnt really done me any favors by encouraging me to do "whatever i need to do" to push through and get results, maybe I havent been totally forthcoming about my habits, maybe a combination of both, idk.

But at some point **** will probably fall apart, I realize this. I just have absolutely no desire to change right now. My biggest motivator is weight and even that I'm flailing at.

If i stay fat for a long amount of time I will probably lose S eventually, but probably not. I don't even know if I care. It's hard to know how I feel about anything unless I drink.

I need to bring this up in therapy this week but ugh I know she's just gonna tell me not to drink anymore and that's super unhelpful at this point. I need to know what to do OTHER than drink and right now I don't really know - people here will say exercise, find a hobby, do this, do that - ok, sure. But it doesn't deal with the root of the issue at all.
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 01:27 AM   #3838
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

It's even more complicated by the fact that my drinking waxes and wanes depending on what my mental state is doing, how bad my stress is, etc. If my anxiety's low and nothing's really bothering me, the drinking is practically nonexistent. Just getting me to that state though, I don't really know how. Sometimes I don't even realize when I'm in a bad state or why I'm drinking.
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 03:33 AM   #3839
Rexx14
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Rexx14's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 7,179
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

J I think one of the issues regarding alcohol is that things escalate. You may be coping ok now and feel like it's a necessary crutch but that may not be the case in x period of time. It's also a lot harder to stop the further along the road you go. Things that people write off when you are in your twenties will be judged more heavily in your 30s and 40s. You said at one point that you would like to have a family, if this is the case it would be much better if you could try and work through this now then wait until later. Kids don't make things easier and they will take things way more personally and internalise things than you think. Or possibly you already know this as you are quite tuned in to these sort of things.

If you think it's possibly a problem and you don't want to log in H&F due to your alcohol consumption then it probably is a problem. What your approach will be to dealing with it is up to you. I don't know what to say to you to help you want to stop. My mum was a binge drinker and my dad was an alcoholic and I tried everything to get them to stop. You have to want it. Nothing anyone else says will work. Good luck. Hopefully someone comes along with a bit better advice.
Rexx14 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 05:38 AM   #3840
gregorio
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 35,400
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post

I need to bring this up in therapy this week but ugh I know she's just gonna tell me not to drink anymore and that's super unhelpful at this point.
You're right, and in general telling people what not to do is unhelpful unless you also tell them what to do instead. So maybe, rather than just saying don't drink, she'll suggest some strategies that can help you manage when you get upset/angry/sad/excited/bored so you don't feel the need to drink as much.

And at first these strategies aren't going to work for you as well as drinking does. But as long as you're willing to try them, even if you still use drinking as a last resort when the other stuff isn't helping yet, eventually they will become as effective as drinking ever was, and without the negative consequences.

But you have to want to cut back on your drinking, which includes being willing to suffer some short term pain in order to make longer-term gains, otherwise nothing anyone else says will work.

Last edited by gregorio; 06-27-2018 at 05:44 AM.
gregorio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 06:26 AM   #3841
anonla
 
anonla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Now... in a surprisingly good place
Posts: 5,665
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

In your situation..... I definitely would continue to drink but be a lot more mindful about it. I would pause for a second before opening the next beer and think about the emotion that rides me right now. What has caused It, is it really so completely unbearable without alc....And what to do instead depends on what has caused you to be anxious/enraged/bored....

With everything I wanted to quit, the hardest was this pausing and articulating what is going on.

And following is not an advice or so. It is just my opinion: I would quit S. Too much drama for my taste.

Anxiety will never completely go away. I learned with age to let it out, to do quite a bit of CBT, to DGAF more, to refocus, just stay with it.... It is like hunger. It is unpleasant, but you don't die from it.

Your therapist should be able to suggest more strats.
anonla is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 08:15 AM   #3842
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

My therapist always just asks me to meditate which is a stupid exercise that doesnt help much. I might just tell her so when she suggests that.
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 08:30 AM   #3843
gregorio
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 35,400
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

It may not help you much, but it's definitely not a stupid strategy. Mindfulness meditation is probably the most effective thing you can do to learn how to manage emotions better. But just telling someone to do it isn't going to help much unless she's also teaching you how to do it, and how to use it and incorporate it into you life to address your needs. Otherwise it's like telling someone who wants to get in shape that they should hit the gym, and leaving it at that.
gregorio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 08:32 AM   #3844
chopstick
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
chopstick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: where the weather suits my clothes
Posts: 8,633
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
I think i do maybe have a drinking problem.
You do.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
I don't really care at this point as long as I am functional. I am mostly functional and have been really successful the last several years even though my habits have been unhealthy and poor.
Why don't you care? Why not search for a more optimal solution? I have a feeling you know the answer to both of these questions.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
Would you change if you were me? When I get upset/angry/sad/excited/bored I drink. Ok I can admit this. But what is the alternative for me? What is my incentive to change?
Alternatives include medication, CBT, dietary changes, general lifestyle changes, etc. Some will be more effective than others. All will be less destructive than alcohol abuse.

Incentive is your long term mental and physical health. The difficulty is in getting you to understand that incentive and agree it is an incentive, given right now you think alcohol is an adequate treatment plan and given your general outlook on life and your jmakin-specific outlook on your health.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
This coping mechanism has got me thus far. Maybe my therapist hasnt really done me any favors by encouraging me to do "whatever i need to do" to push through and get results, maybe I havent been totally forthcoming about my habits, maybe a combination of both, idk.
I'd guess it's mostly the latter if she is even remotely competent.

One thing you can do is start a journal where you track your anxiety and depression on a daily basis. Also track your alcohol consumption on a per-drink basis, including a specific anxiety & depression measurement for each of those drink entries. Do that for a couple of months and then hand a copy over to your therapist and see what she thinks. Review it yourself and see what you think.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
But at some point **** will probably fall apart, I realize this.
If you realize it, that's great. Now you just need to figure out how to incentive yourself to changing it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
It's hard to know how I feel about anything unless I drink.
If you ever doubt you have an alcohol problem, read this sentence.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
I need to bring this up in therapy this week but ugh I know she's just gonna tell me not to drink anymore and that's super unhelpful at this point. I need to know what to do OTHER than drink and right now I don't really know - people here will say exercise, find a hobby, do this, do that - ok, sure. But it doesn't deal with the root of the issue at all.
Say all of this to her. Tell her you need actionable solutions, not ultimatums. Tell her you need tools to help incentive you to pursuing a different line, in addition to suggestions for what that different line may be. If she's halfway competent she will have plenty of suggestions.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
It's even more complicated by the fact that my drinking waxes and wanes depending on what my mental state is doing, how bad my stress is, etc. If my anxiety's low and nothing's really bothering me, the drinking is practically nonexistent. Just getting me to that state though, I don't really know how. Sometimes I don't even realize when I'm in a bad state or why I'm drinking.
It's not more complicated by that - it's being driven by that. This is because you are self-medicating with alcohol. When your anxiety is low, you don't need to treat it. When it is high, you do. You treat it with alcohol. When you find an sustainable and effective way to address your anxiety without using alcohol, you'll have a better shot at stopping. You've identified you have a problem which is great. Now talk with your therapist about this and ask for help. If she isn't helpful, find another therapist.

I'd also recommend going to a few AA meetings and talking with the folks there. Explain your situation and ask for their thoughts. You may find your situation is similar to what some of them have experienced and they may have some effective suggestions for you. It's one thing to hear suggestions from a therapist who has a lot of booking learning but no practical experience. It's another thing to hear them from people who have walked a few miles in your shoes already. AA environments are generally very supportive, and there's nothing like talking with someone who has experiential understanding of what you're feeling because they've been there themselves. Worst case scenario is you waste a couple hours of your time.
chopstick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 08:37 AM   #3845
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

AA is the worst cult of an organization that enables people into learned helplessness, never going there.

I am absolutely not the type of person that thrives in that kind of environment and I am immediately wary of any ideology that claims itís the only way. It also teaches you that youíre powerless to control your own drinking, and I wonít get into why I believe thatís problematic but I strongly feel it is. Iíve known a few addicts where it was briefly helpful for them but have since left and still have had extraordinarily successful outcomes, and only one of them is still completely sober.

I also donít believe Iím an alcoholic, I know people who are and have been heavy addicts and I am absolutely nothing like them. My old roommate could not stop once he started. I am not like that at all. I think you are absolutely lumping me into the wrong group here and have preconceived notions about whatís actually going on.
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 08:39 AM   #3846
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I will log my drinking though, not publicly obviously. Some people love to take shots at me if they can on this forum
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 08:39 AM   #3847
gregorio
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 35,400
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

And even if you never meditate, there are non-formal mindfulness and acceptance-based practices you can learn and benefit from, especially from mindfulness-based therapies like mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, dialectical behavior therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy. You can learn why/how meditation helps manage anxiety and learn to do those things without ever meditating, even if formal meditation will help strengthen your ability to do those things.
gregorio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 08:54 AM   #3848
chopstick
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
chopstick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: where the weather suits my clothes
Posts: 8,633
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

As for meditation, I agree with everything Great Oreo said. If it hasn't been effective, figure out why. Did you engage in guided meditation or just do your own thing? There are a ton of resources out there for guided mindfulness meditation, take advantage of them. Here's one from UCLA. Here's a curated list of youtube vids focused on guided meditation for anxiety. Here are a couple of specific anxiety response techniques based on mindfulness.

Do this google search: guided mindfulness meditation for anxiety

and start watching vids and researching. There are tons of resources out there for you.


Also do this google search: anxiety management techniques

and start trying things. Keep trying things until you find techniques that work for you. Finding what works for you should help you put down the bottle. This will also reduce your empty calorie consumption and make you less fat at the same time.
chopstick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 09:00 AM   #3849
chopstick
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
chopstick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: where the weather suits my clothes
Posts: 8,633
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I'm not suggesting you join AA or that AA itself would be effective for you. I'm suggesting you go there and talk with people who are there, because they may have some effective strategies for you because they may have had similar experiences. Do you see the difference?

I disagree with a lot of AA's approach and the higher power nonsense, but that doesn't mean you can't benefit from going to a few meetings and determining if anyone with similar experiences can share actionable steps with you. I'll shut up about it as I doubt you can hear any of this given your existing opinion.
chopstick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2018, 09:05 AM   #3850
jmakin
 
jmakin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Streaming
Posts: 30,656
Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I have been to a few when I was younger (like 20) there are good people there that mean well. Maybe I will go back to one.

Reasons I am hesitant - risk of wasting my free time which is coming harder and harder by these days, and the risk of smoking - everyone smokes cigarettes at meetings and I am still really struggling with not smoking. I have been good so far, but man I think about it a lot.
jmakin is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:58 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2008-2017, Two Plus Two Interactive
 
 
Poker Players - Streaming Live Online