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Old 12-08-2013, 10:04 AM   #326
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

And before you all tell me what an idiot I was for seeing her, the situation is fine, i'm in control of myself, and my therapist knows about it. that's all I can really say.

He actually suggested trying to casually date someone else just as a distraction. I don't know how good of an idea this is, but I may reactivate my okcupid account and see if I can find someone cool to just hang out with. I don't even really want sex right now, I haven't had the desire to even masturbate this week. Went 2 or 3 days without sleeping much or eating but now I'm able to sleep for 4-5 hours so that's an improvement. I suspect the sex drive will return in a few weeks, but hopefully when it does, I'll resist calling/seeing her. I don't think it'll be a problem, just hearing her name is enough to enrage me.
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Old 12-08-2013, 10:30 AM   #327
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

We're chemically built to bond with the people we have sex with. Stop it.

You're losing likable guy status.
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Old 12-08-2013, 10:36 AM   #328
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Why do you feel that way?

I mean, while I don't really feel the need to pander to anyone and I appreciate the responses, I don't know if you really read what I wrote.

I'd say many people on this site find me overwhelmingly unlikeable so by all means, if you're feeling that way, join the club. Try to put yourself in my situation and see what it feels like - I'm aware from the outside it may seem blatantly obvious, but when you're in it, it's really not.

I'm in a position where I have broken her mask and am driving her nuts. This is a reversal of my situation earlier this week. I'm fine walking away now that I have established the upper hand. I don't know what part of me feels the need to "win" in this situation, but it's made me feel much better than I was. I was afraid I was gonna murder someone.
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Old 12-08-2013, 10:41 AM   #329
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

You're making her miserable and taking pleasure from it, which I can't imagine it's good for you either, no matter what the short term benefits are. I don't care if someone "deserves" it.

That's the kind of logic El Diablo was using when he was talking about you wanting people to die - he was being a prick because he takes pleasure from that, and he was using stupid logic to do so (jmakin once said he might get a lot of money if his grandfather died, therefore he deserves this comment, compared to she did some ****ed up things therefore she deserves ****ed up things to happen to her back).

You've got your revenge, now leave her alone and next time just START by leaving them alone. Incidentally, this is a frame of mind I've only come to recently - I was all about nuclear-all-out-retaliation if someone crossed me. But now I don't see that as a good thing. I always thought that what I did was reasonable and measured, but what THEY did was awful and due to them being evil. Turns out they think the same thing of me, and the only way to fix that moralisation gap is to just break the cycle and ignore them forever.
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Old 12-08-2013, 10:42 AM   #330
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

fair enough. thanks.

you're right, I'm probably gaining short term satisfaction at the expense of my long term health.
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Old 12-08-2013, 10:45 AM   #331
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I probably edited my post quite a bit since you read it, so sorry if I belaboured the point a bit.
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Old 12-08-2013, 10:57 AM   #332
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I get what you're saying. It's an ego thing - I have a very big one and I do go nuclear if crossed. I think the biggest thing I hate is being lied to and deceived. Even if she KNOWS i don't believe her and continues on with a really obvious, bad lie, I just can't let it go. I absolutely ****ing hate it.

See: henry in the amandaknox thread. That's an example of someone who is obviously correct, has won the argument, and is only left debating absolute nutjobs and people who probably didn't pass highschool, but he can't just concede and let it go even though he's basically won. I'm that way.

I may have written about it before, but when I was 20 or 21, I played a lot of HUNL on stars. I was doing pretty decent at the 50$ and 100$ level. I was playing this guy that was running like absolute god, hitting every hand, coolering like crazy, and I quickly dropped 10 buyins or so to him.

I SHOULD have quit. But he kept taunting me. I wasn't in a good frame of mind. So I took 5 minutes, collected my thoughts, and played him for the next several hours until I had gotten all my money back and took his bankroll. I was obviously taunting him the whole time, until he eventually broke down and started begging for his money back. Some psychopathic part of me takes extreme pleasure in that.
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Old 12-08-2013, 11:08 AM   #333
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I'm pretty similar to both. But the good thing about being a person is that we can reason ourselves out of our irrationality if we want to. Pinker's Better Angels of our Nature was what changed my mind on retaliation. It's about the decline of violence, good book incidentally.
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Old 12-08-2013, 11:17 AM   #334
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think it's rational to want to harm people who have harmed us.

What worries me is that letting this go will involve some degree of forgiveness and letting go of my anger, which would leave me vulnerable to her if she decides to try to get me back, which she almost assuredly is going to. I feel like holding on to this is a good defense.

Say what you will but a hot chick begging you to **** her has a powerful pull on any young man, regardless of the situation.
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Old 12-08-2013, 01:49 PM   #335
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Yea, call me crazy, and I may simultaneously be studying programming and drinking at 9 AM, but I'm optimistic about the future.
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Old 12-08-2013, 01:56 PM   #336
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakinmecrzy View Post
What worries me is that letting this go will involve some degree of forgiveness and letting go of my anger.
Forgiveness and letting go of anger does not require forgetting what needed to be forgiven.
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Old 12-08-2013, 02:08 PM   #337
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Not to mention holding on to the information that can make her life a lot worse if she decides to damage yours.
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Old 12-08-2013, 02:29 PM   #338
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

The best revenge is living well. Find a better girl and live a better life. You won't think of her, at least not pleasantly, and she'll obsess over you for many years. Cutting off all contact and ignoring her is easy at that point.
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Old 12-08-2013, 05:06 PM   #339
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

This is a great read of your stream of consciousness. Thanks for sharing. Crazy girls are highly emotional and passionate and that can become very addictive, I wouldn't look down upon myself for being "suckered" into that type of situation, thats what growing is about.

I once made a petty insult at you, I apologize.
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Old 12-08-2013, 07:45 PM   #340
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

and then we had sex
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Old 12-08-2013, 08:02 PM   #341
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Old 12-08-2013, 10:35 PM   #342
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

man, my friend's chick says she's lonely and bored with him and wants to hang out. not a good idea...

here's a point where I can obviously just say no but am completely unable to. she's really hot.

thank god. i was very vague and short with my responses, she kept referring to "wanting new love" and her english is pretty broken so idk what the **** she was trying to say. then she stopped rapid fire texting me, i said "man, i'm really hungry" and she just goes "I'm with [my friend] now. what do u want?"

chicks be ****ing crazy

Last edited by jmakin; 12-08-2013 at 10:51 PM.
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Old 12-08-2013, 11:17 PM   #343
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jmakin if she ends up killing you, have you set anything up so we'll find out that you have been murdered? Or will your posts just stop one day and we'll always wonder what happened?
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Old 12-08-2013, 11:30 PM   #344
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

If I'm killed you'd likely hear about it, people know I post here
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Old 12-08-2013, 11:37 PM   #345
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakinmecrzy View Post
Then I wonder about myself - am I actually not racist? I know there are certain cultures that I deal with on a daily basis at work that bug the **** out of me. The Arab insistence on shoving and pushing over each other to be the first one to pay is really annoying. The women are mostly rude, the men smell like too much cologne. Asian tourists are mostly really nice but walk around looking incredibly lost/clueless all of the time, and cause problems behind the wheel. Are these kinds of observations/stereotypes racist of me, or am I just over generalizing certain groups of people? I don't think white people are better drivers than Asians. I just think a lot of Asian drivers really suck, including my girlfriend. Is that racist? I don't know anymore.

As a sociopath and narcissist, I think everyone is inferior to me, I don't discriminate.
Making different observations and even giving your opinions on the differences of race is hardly racist. Most of what your said is true, its factual day-to-day racially based observation. Stating the CLEAR differences between the various races of humans is totally normal, people who state otherwise just want to feel superior or are just unintelligent as a whole. The next level of ignorance would be cracking jokes but some comedians are taking it to another level of acceptance over the past few years...

Do you feel absolute hatred of Blacks? Asians? True racists have little care with observation of races, they either grew up learning to hate, or they simply bred it themselves but its not logical, thats why most people hate violent racists. If you don't feel a true senseless hated for people based solely on the colour of their skin you are so incredibly far from qualifying as a racist.
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Old 12-09-2013, 03:32 AM   #346
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakinmecrzy View Post
I think it's rational to want to harm people who have harmed us.
this doesn't mean it is right.

and get your brain tumor checked out please.

glgl on STD test and please keep up the improvements on your health. even if they are small it will help with your attitude.
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Old 12-09-2013, 10:41 AM   #347
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I dont know if you have said it but how old are you J?
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Old 12-09-2013, 12:32 PM   #348
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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this doesn't mean it is right.

and get your brain tumor checked out please.

glgl on STD test and please keep up the improvements on your health. even if they are small it will help with your attitude.
I don't know why I keep putting it off. I don't really know what to say to my doctor - "Hey they found a brain tumor in my head like 5 years ago and I never did anything about it."

Then a barrage of expensive tests I probably can't afford to either tell me I'm completely okay, or I'm ****ed. Ugh.

Quote:
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I dont know if you have said it but how old are you J?
I'm almost 25.
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Old 12-09-2013, 05:40 PM   #349
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Alright I'm gonna toot my own horn for a minute.

Final grade in psychology (joke class I spent maybe 30 total hours on b/c it was online):

A+

Final grade in math: A

Was worried about that one, because i went into the final without studying which is something I normally don't do. He just posted my grade for it, and I got a 94, which is weird because there was only 26 multiple choice questions and it's usually 105/100 points possible. I think they were worth 4 points each and I got 4 wrong, and he bumped everyone's test up a letter grade. 84 isn't bad for not studying.

Final Grade in Composition: A-

Barring some sort of disaster on my final paper I'll clock an A here.

Current grade in Java programming: 95.1%

Final is worth 20% of grade. If my math's right, I can get a 70% on the final and keep an A, right?


Not bad at all considering the hell I've gone through the last few months. Every problem under the sun. In september it was my financial aid getting delayed and my **** of an ex screwing around with that guy. Then my grandpa died. Then October was the breakup. November was yeast infection + car troubles + more ex BS. Now I'm told my car has several leaks... but i'll keep on trucking. I know if I got through all this stress and crap and still managed to work and maintain good grades, there won't be much I can't handle wrt to school in the future. I feel like I accomplished something for the first time in a while.

And yea I know it's only CC and the classes aren't that hard, but in the past I have melted down under school pressure and have issues getting HW done because of laziness/procrastination. This semester was a test of my ability to set good habits for myself.
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Old 12-09-2013, 06:13 PM   #350
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You need 69.6% or better on the final to have a 90% for the class assuming no other factors.
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