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Old 12-08-2017, 05:36 PM   #2976
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Talk with her. I have been on the female side of such situation. In aftermath I would have wished my then BF would talk more. It was pretty hard to shake-off the feeling that it was my fault. At the same time I would have wished to understand more what was going on. He was not very communicative about his problems and I was young and dumb.

That is one of the situations, where talking is a really good idea. I mean you know yourself pretty good for your age. Help her to understand the situation.
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Old 12-09-2017, 04:49 AM   #2977
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

well, the first few times we had sex it was obvious to her i wasnt getting there, and she kept asking me "what do you want me to do?" and i'm not really comfortable asking for stuff in bed. i guess next time i'll figure something out because it obviously means a lot to her. usually, women don't give a **** if you come or not so it's something i never worry about too much and i just focus on making the girl feel good.

i'll try harder next time. maybe i'll just take the condom off when i'm ready to go and ask for a BJ or something. idk.

i messaged her and apologized and said it really is the medicine i take for anxiety and she said she believed me. she went clothes shopping for me today because she likes me in a ball cap so she was picking out hats for me to wear because I only own a dodgers hat. thought that was pretty funny.
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Old 12-09-2017, 04:57 AM   #2978
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I just found out I got an A+ on project 2 of my operating systems project course.

I thought I failed it because when I ran the demo for the TA, my laptop wasn't really working and then when the program ran, I got an array index out of bounds exception and freaked out because that wasn't supposed to happen. During testing, i had a set of test cases that I thought for sure covered everything and didn't know how this could happen.

I guess it didn't matter. The first project I got a C on, so this puts me at an 87% in the course which is an A. In my poli sci class, I should also get an A. I'm sitting at a B- in my algorithms class, so as long as I get a C or better on the final I should end up with a pretty decent GPA this quarter despite not really trying that hard, procrastinating badly, and never going to class.

It's so confusing to me that there's barely a difference in performance between me not trying at all/not caring about grades and when I try super hard and stress out badly about it. I learned a really valuable lesson this quarter. My therapist asked me how my grades were and I told her it was possible I could get C's this quarter, and when she asked me if I was okay with that, I said yea, my grades weren't worth what I was doing to my body and mind last year. I'm really happy that this new approach didn't **** me over, there were a few points this quarter where I definitely was in danger of failing but i always pull through somehow. I used the fact that I knew I'd been in this position many, many times and I always pull through to comfort myself and know that I'd be okay somehow.
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Old 12-09-2017, 03:44 PM   #2979
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

jmakin - good job talking with her. Keep doing that.
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Old 12-10-2017, 01:28 PM   #2980
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Yea it worked. Sex last night was much better for both of us. She gave me a blowjob before sex which helped a lot. Then i concentrated really hard on finishing and when I did she was like “but i didnt finish!” And i was like you gotta be kidding me, all you wanted me to do was go lol. Then round two she did, and round 3 i did. She seemed much happier about it
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Old 12-10-2017, 02:07 PM   #2981
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Welp my terrible study habits almost caught up to me. Although I got A’s in my online courses, my lecture class is not doing too hot.

I got a 35.5/44 on midterm 1. I made a mistake and actually could’ve gotten an A on it but I wasn’t too upset about that score. But some how I got a 55 ****ing percent on midterm 2.. but I guess the mean for the class total score is like a D minus so my 71% course score is a B right now. I think to end up failing the course I’d have to do significantly worse than the rest of the class on the final tomorrow. I just want to pass but I think anything higher than a D will give me a B in the course. Pressure’s a little high right now because I need this course to graduate. If I fail, I’ll probably have to retake it in the summer, which still would allow me to graduate in the spring but I really, really don’t want to go through that.

This taught me a lesson, my classes are very hard next quarter and I dont think I can get away with slacking off like I did this quarter.
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Old 12-12-2017, 10:01 AM   #2982
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

wow what a crazy day that was.

sunday night, I came down with this nasty cough/cold that is going around. Probably had a low fever, came home from work and passed out. I woke up around midnight and decided I'd best spend my time by getting a lot of rest and try to cram in the morning. Ended up not getting started til 10 am.

Test was at 4pm, all I had to really do was learn the last 2 weeks of material, and review the material from the prior midterms. I felt I had a good handle on the previous stuff but the new stuff was ****ing hard and I didn't have time to learn it. Panicked a little bit most of the morning, decided to reformulate my strategy.

I decided to study the easy stuff and stuff that was just rote memorization. It's an algorithms class, so I could be reasonably certain that I'd be tested on the run times of certain algorithms. Memorized all those. Wrote down and memorized every formula I could find. Memorized all the algorithms.

With the new stuff, there was some very complicated material that I knew he probably wouldn't be able to write a test question about very easily, so I skipped it. Ended up not being on the final. The one section that was most understandable, I skimmed, got a basic understanding of it, and memorized the formula. It was about matrix multiplication and how to group matrix multiplications together to get the least amount of calculations.

3pm came around and I ran out of time, reviewed all my notes again. I knew I was really weak in a few areas so I just focused on stuff I was strong in. I just needed to get above a 55% to be reasonably confident I'd pass the class.

so by the time I walk in, I was literally sweating bullets and trembling. Felt like I was running a low fever as well. Tried to get myself to calm down so I brought all my good luck charms - dodger hat, my darth vader shirt i always wear to tests, wore my dad's wedding ring, I even prayed a little bit for the first time in years. Decided to just do my best and hope it worked out.

Immediately I knew luck was on my side because the TA's were passing out SCANTRON FORMS! **** YEA multiple choice! I get my test, and I have this weird thing about test seating - I get claustrophobic so I prefer outside seats, even if I have to get a left hand desk, sometimes I'll take the left handed form to ensure I don't get put in the middle. I took a right hand form this time and got K-20, which is the exact ****ing outside seat I sit in every time there's not assigned seating. What are the ****ing odds of that?? Like 1/400 at least.

The test was 18 questions multiple choice, and 5 written questions. The multiple choice was mostly based on the stuff I had spent time memorizing and some small conceptual questions. I'm confident I got most of those right. There was one page of the test where you could "dispute" a multiple choice question if you felt there was no correct answer given - and I did find a question where this seemed to fit. I figured that he probably wouldn't have put that on the exam unless it was meant to be used, and I reworked the problem 3 or 4 times and was confident my answer was correct, so I disputed the problem. This professor makes *******-ish tests and I'm almost 100% sure that he meant for that form to be some kind of "separate the A's from the B's" kind of douchiness he did last exam that made me fail it.

Then the written ones were easy. 2/5 of them I nailed out of the park and were my "strong" areas. 1 I had to think about for a while but I think I got the right answer. another was a question that I had reviewed, but not practiced, so I maybe made small errors on it but I know I was on the right track and did the problem the right way.

the last one was a question about the matrix multiplication. All I really remembered was the formula, but the test question gave me enough info to figure out how it worked and I used the formula and think I came up with a correct answer.

Was so ****ing lucky this time. I'm confident I passed it, and if most of what I wrote down was right, I maybe even binked an A.

I'm gonna need to talk to my therapist about this though. I came to the conclusion yesterday that my anxiety was a large motivator for me in the past. Without the anxiety, I felt no need to jump on things and get ahead. I was too lackadaisical. Yea, the anxiety is really bad for me, but I don't think I can function as a student without it. Does that make sense?

Last edited by jmakin; 12-12-2017 at 10:10 AM.
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Old 12-12-2017, 10:07 AM   #2983
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

okonomiyaki itt come January imo
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Old 12-12-2017, 10:11 AM   #2984
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

will just put this in a new post because it's a different topic and the last one is long.


After the test when I got home I felt so ****ing relieved. I had a few drinks and was chatting with my japanese girl. She asked me if I wanted to go to japan with her at the end of january and I said umm **** yea. So, I think things are progressing nicely there.

she did the sweetest thing, on sunday she told me she was going to stop texting me after 5pm so I would study. Didn't hear from her at all that night and all of monday until after my exam. That's some really respectful, thoughtful boundary type of **** that I know my therapist is going to be really excited about.

Last edited by jmakin; 12-12-2017 at 10:18 AM.
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Old 12-13-2017, 07:55 AM   #2985
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

She came over for about an hour last night to cook me a japanese dinner, i dont know what the real name is but it was basically like broth with vegetables and tofu.

Also brought me some of these weird japanese cough drops and some dayquil. She is the best
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Old 12-13-2017, 11:35 PM   #2986
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Miso soup?
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Old 12-14-2017, 01:44 AM   #2987
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I love miso soup. Feel inspired to make some tomorrow!
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Old 12-14-2017, 03:10 AM   #2988
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Will the wedding be in USA#1 or in Japan? If it's in Japan I want an invite.

Where in Japan are you headed in January? Have you been there before? I seem to remember you saying something about hating to travel, glad to see you making an exception here. Japan is amaaaaaaaaazing.
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Old 12-14-2017, 03:12 PM   #2989
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

J,

I went through one of the drug addiction threads and WTF ... what on earth were you doing driving 50 miles with 300 MDMA tablets on you? That’s flirting with the slammer, son.
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:32 AM   #2990
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

HT, that was like 10 years ago at least. as you can see, I have come a long way.

it wasn't miso soup, it was much heartier.

sorry I didn't reply for a few days I've had one of the worst flus/coughs of my life. also feeling pretty down. She hasn't really talked to me since the other night, I've messaged her a few times but she just 1 word responds or doesn't respond. I don't know what I did/what's going on but it feels like something's up. I did ask her if something was wrong or if I pissed her off somehow, and she just said "nope" and that's it.

going to lay off for a few days til I get better. Maybe she's just busy. if she's mad about something, she'll get over it i guess. if it's another guy, well, **** I guess I'm screwed. It's super, duper weird especially after the other night.

all I've been doing is drinking and I know it's probably gonna prolong this flu but idgaf anymore.
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:34 AM   #2991
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Feel better pal. You can tell the story, though, if you like. You’re outside the statute of limitations.
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:37 AM   #2992
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I'm just really glad finals are over and am anxious to find out my test score.
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:42 AM   #2993
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

i don't know if it's a great idea, because of the ba.bs situation, but suffice it to say I was stupid when I was much younger. I was in a bad state of mind, similar to earlier this year except I had way fewer coping tools. My depression revolved around a girl I had broken up with and went to my school, CSULB.

I kind of went off the deep end. I couldn't buy alcohol so drugs were much easier to get most of the time.

Let's just say, someone who isn't me, some guy I knew, would get paid to shuttle MDMA from LA to OC. The guy supplying the pills was some big shot pusher in LB, my friend didn't know anything about him other than he was a big shot and he wasn't allowed to speak to the guy at all or know his name. The guy had a black dodge charger and was pretty young, maybe mid 20's.

Then my friend got the bright idea to buy a bunch of MDMA to sell but didn't think it through, ended up taking too many, having a freakout, and flushing about $1k of it down the toilet. He never touched it again.
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:44 AM   #2994
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

LB is legitimately like the worst place ever. I'm so glad I didn't keep going to that school.
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Old 12-15-2017, 07:40 PM   #2995
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I’m super discouraged and dont know what went wrong
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Old 12-15-2017, 07:52 PM   #2996
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

With girl?
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:37 PM   #2997
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Yes
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:50 PM   #2998
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
LB is legitimately like the worst place ever. I'm so glad I didn't keep going to that school.
Long Beach? The whole city of Long Beach? Geez you OC people.
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:54 PM   #2999
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I mean..... I assume that you are right and things suddenly changed. I assume that that is not only your perception. So what can be the cause:
- You didn't act conform with her expectations
- You information that you are taking anxiety medication was big news for her
- She has problems, that have zero to do with you and just can't give you the amount of attention like in the first days
- You got a competitor for her attention
- XYZ

I would give it a few days and then try to have a conversation. In first case it would help to know what this expectations are. In second case..... If she has a problem, it is her problem. In third case.... It would calm you down to know that you are not the cause and may be you could even help somehow. With a competitor.... You could prove that you are the better guy. And in any case it would be a good idea to know the situation.

But I wouldn't search immediately for a conversation. You are right now emotionally charged. And in case she has strong mood swings with her period, few days of calm can change a lot.

Last edited by lapka; 12-15-2017 at 11:00 PM.
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Old 12-15-2017, 11:06 PM   #3000
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think i can comfortably rule out the first two

It’s just so strange like she made this huge nice gesture tuesday night, then totally shuts off after that.
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