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Old 10-02-2017, 09:59 AM   #2876
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Originally Posted by chopstick View Post
We all have to learn this lesson the hard way at least once tho.
This. My first BF was male equivalent to BPD chicks. And I was young and dumb. Significantly dumber than HT. I remember few times I sacrificed my sleep in such situations to be "supportive". It took time to learn that it is not supportive but just crazy to play along in that. Tx god I learned and my experience with BPD-crazy is limited to the one.

JM I also wonder if it is worth it for you? I mean everyone is different and may be for you it is worth it.

And I also wondered when you wrote something like "it is first time that I feel alive in two years" if that is true? You have posted somewhere picture of you playing this hearthstone. You have GREAT smile there. Judging by this picture you felt alive and had fun in this moment.
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Old 10-02-2017, 11:13 AM   #2877
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I don't claim any particular wisdom with this anecdote. I was just damn tired and not in any mood to deal with a raft of crap.

Nor did I intend to suggest, j, that you didn't foresee this. I was just reminded of an amusing event by your post and decided to reply.
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Old 10-02-2017, 12:34 PM   #2878
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Was it worth it? O/U on how long until you have sex with her again?
yes, 2 days probably
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Old 10-02-2017, 03:38 PM   #2879
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Well if you can manage to not fall in love with her, and be amused by her tantrums, it seems like an okay arrangement unless she starts trying to ruin your life of kill you.
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Old 10-02-2017, 03:50 PM   #2880
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Yeah but who doesn't fall in love with girls who try to ruin their lives or kill them?
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Old 10-02-2017, 06:02 PM   #2881
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

She legit pisses me off. She's spoiled and always angry. Kate was moody AF, but she never took it out on me (that I can remember). This girl is just mean, through and through. It used to not be directed at me til the last few days. She's pissed at something I did - Or didn't do - and it's never reasonable and it's always, always my fault.

Right now she's in "alright ill leave you alone forever" mode, then texts me an hour later. This has happened about 5 times already today. It's no longer amusing, but I do like having sex with her.

She is perceptive though. If she feels at any point I'm just sticking around for sex she'll disappear quick or get mean. I dont think i really want to go through the motions just to get some sex; i feel much more attractive lately and think i can find something better.
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Old 10-03-2017, 11:33 AM   #2882
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Originally Posted by lapka View Post
This. My first BF was male equivalent to BPD chicks. And I was young and dumb. Significantly dumber than HT. I remember few times I sacrificed my sleep in such situations to be "supportive". It took time to learn that it is not supportive but just crazy to play along in that. Tx god I learned and my experience with BPD-crazy is limited to the one.

JM I also wonder if it is worth it for you? I mean everyone is different and may be for you it is worth it.

And I also wondered when you wrote something like "it is first time that I feel alive in two years" if that is true? You have posted somewhere picture of you playing this hearthstone. You have GREAT smile there. Judging by this picture you felt alive and had fun in this moment.
I missed this post somehow. Yea hearthstone brings me a lot of joy but also a lot of frustration and angst. I'm not sure it's super healthy how deep into the game i've gotten.

I basically went from barely being able to hit legend rank, to playing at the highest levels against pros that I really look up to. All in a period of about 4-5 months. Not only that I've been winning against these pros quite often. It's been surreal. Last month I finished 248th in NA, which wasn't quite the top 200 I was going for but still very respectable. I can feel myself getting better every day and it's a cool feeling but I'm not sure it's something that has a future or if I should keep trying to improve. The pro circuit resets in December after the championship in BlizzCon, and after that I need to decide if I want to grind really hard next year and try to qualify for a big tournament. If i am still playing at this level by next year and enjoying the game like I have been, I may go for it.

At this point I still have some leaks in my game but I am almost positive that I can become a top player if I keep working at it. I guess it does make me feel alive on some level.
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Old 10-16-2017, 07:10 AM   #2883
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Hope everything is going well and not too much drama in your life
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Old 10-17-2017, 12:29 AM   #2884
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I've been meaning to post, just been putting it off.

I broke things off with BPD last weekend. I had been waiting for her to go off on me for something completely inane and stupid like always and I got the perfect chance. I went outside for a cigarette, and she said she wanted to come out with me. I said sure, i'll be right outside. She had to put on pants so i thought she'd be right behind me.

A few minutes go past and I lit up. Nothing. Oh boy, what did i do now? I go back inside and she is absolutely livid. Says I didn't wait for her, goes on about how selfish I am (keep in mind I'm the guy that wakes up early every morning to get her coffee and a bagel, pay for all her food, and drive her around). I'm like yea, ok, whatever. She storms off and leaves.

I decide to go play poker with some friends. Not even 20 minutes after she stormed out she starts calling my phone off the hook. I told her talking on the phone gives me anxiety, and I didn't feel like talking. Keeps ringing til i finally pick up.

I dont remember the details of what she wanted but basically I said I deserved to be treated better, and that I thought we weren't compatible and i didn't want to hang out anymore, that I was out with friends and to please let me be.

Nope. Had to turn the phone off that night. I didt get to bed til 4, and was woken at 5 by the phone ringing off the hook again. When i woke up at 9 i had over 50 missed calls.

That whole weekend was a mess, with her threatening suicide and me considering whether to call the police, but her threats were very vague and I didn't take them very seriously. I put a lot of thought and effort into it, asking whether she was suicidal multiple times, no answer. I encouraged her to go to the hospital multiple times. Just more of that til I finally told her I couldnt do it anymore and again said please get help.

That week also I had my car broken into and all my **** stolen, including my captain's license. My dad's anniversary was that week. School's stressing me out. It was a really awful few days but I feel a little better now.
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Old 10-17-2017, 07:18 AM   #2885
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

In the hospital ER right now with horrific upper abdomen pain, kind of in my chest. Obviously not my heart or lungs, i heard the word gallbladder a few times and honestly that makes the most sense.

I just want to find out what's wrong so this can never happen again. I started smoking again because the GI doc said nothing's wrong with my stomach and i dont have acid reflux. This isnt normal though, its been two hours and they gave me liquid lidocaine and that only made it bearable enough to take my hands off my chest to make this post.

**** everything sucks lately. I got off work at midnight, fell asleep and was promptly woken by this pain. Havent slept in almost 24 hours. I just want to go home and sleep this off but they wont let me now
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Old 10-17-2017, 07:52 AM   #2886
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Gallbladder can be hugely painful from what I hear. Have they discussed taking it out with you?
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Old 10-17-2017, 08:26 AM   #2887
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Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

These ****ing idiots arent listening to me. The doctor thinks its acid reflux. I told him i got ****ing tested for acid reflux all ****ing summer and everything came back normal.

It absolutely cannot be acid reflux. I was poked prodded and had **** stuck inside me for the last 3 months.

My stomach doctor takes months to see. I'm not going back to him, he's a ****ing ****. My therapist said she would find someone for me on my plan, i'm going to ask her again.

The only common link i can find with this pain is smoking and eating kinda crappy. But i mean, not that crappy - yesterday i wasnt very hungry and all i had was a bagel for breakfast and an italian sub for dinner. I did smoke an entire pack of cigarettes though. Smoking and eating crappy can lead to gallbladder issues. I'm going to stop smoking again.


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Old 10-17-2017, 08:28 AM   #2888
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I guess all the ER doc is really concerned with is making sure I'm not going to die rather than diagnosing but good **** this is irritating. This whole system is irritating. How the **** can these people not know what theyre doing?


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Old 10-17-2017, 09:28 AM   #2889
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Yikes, sorry to hear it. Too high to be a kidney stone? Those damn things are ****ing painful. Could the crazy gal have poisoned you?
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Old 10-17-2017, 11:23 AM   #2890
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Autsch! Get well soon!
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Old 10-17-2017, 02:14 PM   #2891
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think it might have to be acid after looking at the results of my blood test, they gave me a copy. If it was my gallbladder id have elevated bilirubin levels and i dont. The doctor said my blood test looked perfect. My blood pressure was extremely high when I was in there, but it went down finally when the pain subsided.

Guess i have to stop smoking again. Last night was ****ing awful. I havent even been drinking so that can't be the culprit. It sucks, because I really enjoy cigarettes
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Old 10-17-2017, 02:36 PM   #2892
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Being in severe pain sucks more.

Glad that nothing horribly wrong was found. Hope that it stays this way.
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Old 10-17-2017, 07:49 PM   #2893
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

J,

Good to hear you're feeling better. Sucks that you had to go through that, but maybe it was worth it to get to see lapka write "Autsch!"
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Old 10-19-2017, 03:44 AM   #2894
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I'd say that is pretty standard BPD behavior from her except for the part where she broke in your car, stole your captain's license, and poisoned you.

Breaking in the car and stealing the license is still pretty standard, I suppose. The poisoning you is certainly an outlier behavior, tho.


Try lowering your fat intake if you think it's gallbladder related and see what happens. They've likely already ruled out gallbladder stones at this point.


Also, don't die.
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Old 10-19-2017, 05:18 AM   #2895
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

She didnt break into my car
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Old 10-19-2017, 11:51 AM   #2896
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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She didnt break into my car
Oh, well I guess she's a keeper then.
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Old 10-19-2017, 10:46 PM   #2897
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I went to a career fair at my school today. Caused me considerable anxiety and claustrophobia because it was hot and crowded but I worked up the courage to talk to a recruiter from the department of defense for a research position, who took my resume and encouraged me to go for a full time position.

I was surprised at how interested I was in the position, my resume isnt super amazing or anything but I hope I luck out and at least get a phone call.
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Old 10-29-2017, 03:50 PM   #2898
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I had such a bizarre, awkward, hilarious evening last night. Stay tuned
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Old 10-29-2017, 04:32 PM   #2899
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

let me first set up some back story for how weird and difficult this evening was from my perspective.

So, I've been friends for several years with this Japanese girl, let's call her S. I met her through my old roommate, who I've since had a falling out with, but he dated her for a while. We've always hit it off because her english was extremely poor and for a while I was the only one that could understand what the hell she was saying.

There's always been a weird sexual tension with us, but it's never amounted to much. I made a move once when she slept over at my house, but she flatly rejected it. The timing probably wasn't right but she's clearly interested on some level. She talks semi-seriously about us marrying some day and everyone jokes that we're like husband and wife when we hang out so it's a weird dynamic to the friendship. She's a quirky, fun girl but kind of crazy (a given, considering the girls I usually end up around).

Let me also frame this story from my considerable social anxiety. I forced myself to go to this party because my therapist wants me to get practice in social scenarios, because over the last 2 years my anxiety has gotten so severe that I can barely handle the simplest small talk with strangers anymore, and I'm a bit of a shut in. So I went to get some social "practice" and my therapist told me to view it like an experiment.

So, the cougar threw her annual Halloween party last night. I'm swamped with school and way behind so I wasn't going to go, but S begged me to go with her. S has no idea about me and the cougar, and I stopped seeing the cougar a few months back because I got kinda over it and was seeing BPD girl.

S got me a matching costume which was like a anaheim duck's jersey and some knee pads and a hockey stick, and she went as kobe bryant. Weird thing #1, because the last I talked to the cougar, I told her I was dating someone. Right when we walk in, I immediately could tell the cougar thought that I was dating S. Everyone at the party thought and assumed we were a couple, because it was all older couples there (like age range of 40-60) and everyone was matching.

Actually backtrack a second. The whole time leading up to this I have been pretending like the cougar and I never hooked up, because S suspects that we have because she saw us leave a party together once like a year ago. Idk why I hide it from her but I just do. So, obviously I knew where the party was, because I've been to coug's house a billion times. S got suspicious like "wait how do you know where this is?" and i had to pretend like I googled it beforehand and even wandered around the apartment complex pretending like I was helping to look for the house. awkward.

so we walk in, and are extremely early. Awkward #3. It's just the cougar, and her BOYFRIEND, which I didn't know she had! we hooked up like 8ish weeks ago and there was no mention of him whatsoever, and clearly they've been together a while because there were framed pictures of them all over the house! She really obviously didn't know I was coming, and seemed a little frantic and awkward. To make things worse on my considerable social anxiety, S senses the awkwardness and signals to me several times that this was an awkward situation. Yea no ****, if she only knew the half of it.

Then the boyfriend's eyeballing me all weird and I could tell he knew something, because he was being very snide and giving weird looks. Maybe it was in my head but we were talking about what I do and where I go to school and he said something like "Yea, so now maybe you can get a real job" in a really snarky way.

At this point the anxiety is peaking so I begin to drink more heavily. Luckily, people start showing up but it's all older couples. Everyone was asking me about my costume and i had to explain to a bunch of hardcore sports fans that no, I'm not a hockey fan, the girl I came with got me this costume. I wanted to wear the kobe jersey because I could actually tell you about the Lakers. I could not tell you a single thing about hockey. Of course, one of the women there happened to be a amateur hockey player and was giving me **** about it.

The turning point in the evening was when I started talking to coug's boyfriend. He's extremely intelligent, with like 4 degrees, a law degree, a PhD, and oh yea, in his spare time he's like a master artist and was showing me all of his art. Really awesome guy and like exactly who I want to be when I'm in my 50's. So thankfully, the tension between us dissolved after that convo.

night gets progressively less awkward but still was a little bit. coug gets drunk starts making out with the guy at some point and being really inappropriate. karaoke makes an appearance and I actually sang the entire "American Pie" song with the cougar which normally I'd never, ever do but that was fun/funny.

Then towards the end of the evening she pulls me aside and gives me this framed, awesome hand drawn picture of where I work and a beautiful shot of the bay. It's like 24x36 inches and a really cool, unique piece of art. It was super thoughtful and nice and I realized "wow, so this is what it's like to have something end with a normal, not insane person." It was one of the nicest gifts I've ever received from someone.


So the party winds down and me and S leave together. We end up back at my place, and she wants to come in. Lay down on my bed and watch netflix for a while, considered making a move but it didn't feel right and she was sleepy/drunk. ended up both passing out cuddled up next to each other and she left early this morning and we have plans to hang out later this week now after my midterm.


just such a bizarre, social anxiety nightmare for me, but my therapist gave me a gameplan about how to approach the evening, and I deviated a little bit by drinking too much, but overall, I think I was able to turn it around and call it a successful night. This might all sound normal and not a big deal but to me, with my anxiety, this was a really nightmare scenario. I think I'm forgetting a lot of small things but it was just horrifically awkward and I had no escape, so I started feeling claustrophobic at many points. I feel really confident now that I dealt with it and had an actually pleasant evening with a girl and it's not some huge messy thing like it always is, because I didn't try to have sex with her.
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Old 10-29-2017, 10:05 PM   #2900
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

funny part of the evening i forgot to write about:

there was an extremely pregnant woman there, and S could NOT stop obsessing over her, asked a billion questions and repeatedly told me/everyone else she wanted a baby. Every single person was saying to me "watch out" and I'm sure I turned bright red
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