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Old 07-11-2017, 12:51 PM   #2676
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I would drink and probably bang a lot of prostitutes til I couldnt anymore. And then when I got to the point where I was in pain all the time and couldn't move or enjoy anything, I'd kill myself before I got too bad. That's if I was terminal.

if it was borderline, idk. it would be tempting to just give up and go all in on everything. but i'd probably fight for a while
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Old 07-11-2017, 01:45 PM   #2677
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Chop,

I'm friendly with prior FWBs that I'm still in contact with. None that I'm on bad terms with. The reason we're not friends is that if I have a FWB relationship with someone that I really like and like hanging out with, we usually end up dating. If it just stays FWB, that's usually because we like hooking up more than actually having a real relationship. So when the sex part goes away, the rest of the relationship fades away. On the flip side, I am good friends with a few former girlfriends, situations where we really liked each other but in the end were just not the right long-term relationship fit for each other.
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Old 07-11-2017, 01:46 PM   #2678
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

J,

Always look for cross-traffic before flying through lights you're timing!
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Old 07-11-2017, 02:24 PM   #2679
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

JM,

You have a plan. Now you can expand it. You can think what are you gonna do, if you have not 3 but 6 month or two years or 10 years left. You can try to vary this pan in your head and see how it makes you feel. What counts is to go there, to have such a plan. One of the most scary things with death is that we all live like we will exist forever, and then sudden realization that that is not the case is scary. To have a plan, to be prepared is always good idea. Death is not an exception.

Don't know if you watched this. May be is interesting for you.
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Old 07-11-2017, 02:26 PM   #2680
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

my plan was to make a lot of money so i can drink a lot and buy a lot of prostitutes
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Old 07-11-2017, 02:32 PM   #2681
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Originally Posted by jmakin View Post
About 20% of the time when i eat i feel like i'm having a heart attack. Today I felt like I was being stabbed in the gut for several hours. For the last two weeks I haven't been able to take a full breath without coughing. It's not irrational
I was talking about the part where you said you're gonna die by some sort of accident. Also ulcers don't kill people. You thinking you have cancer is probably also irrational.
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Old 07-11-2017, 02:32 PM   #2682
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Maybe I'm the one missing out, but I think you need better goals.
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Old 07-11-2017, 04:36 PM   #2683
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Ulcers do kill people, cancer is non zero % right now. There's basically no good reason why I should be having severe symptoms still with the diet and pills i'm on.

I mean I might as well ****ing drink, nothing is helping me at this point.

And as far as goals, if people were really honest with themselves, that's all anyone wants out of life
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Old 07-11-2017, 04:40 PM   #2684
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

There is part of that observation that is right, but having children changes some of that perspective. Worth a longer conversation, actually.
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Old 07-11-2017, 04:45 PM   #2685
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

i already had a shot at having a kid, and kate aborted it

no interest in ever reproducing after that. i don't want anything really. do you see why i'm depressed?
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Old 07-11-2017, 04:51 PM   #2686
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Ulcers do kill people, cancer is non zero % right now. There's basically no good reason why I should be having severe symptoms still with the diet and pills i'm on.

I mean I might as well ****ing drink, nothing is helping me at this point.

And as far as goals, if people were really honest with themselves, that's all anyone wants out of life
No.

And I see why you are depressed. But you have to fight it.
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Old 07-11-2017, 05:52 PM   #2687
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Yes and no. As I've gotten older, I get more satisfaction out of some of the simpler pleasures. I understand the hedonistic drives, very much so. But the intensity of those drops as you age, but the satisfaction of other things stays about the same. And I'm no stranger to intense pain, having had four back surgeries. I guess I'd say that you should believe that there is light at the end of this tunnel. My guess is that a year from now, you'll look back in this and mildly wonder how you could have been as down as you were.
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Old 07-11-2017, 06:32 PM   #2688
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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And as far as goals, if people were really honest with themselves, that's all anyone wants out of life
Drinking a lot and banging hookers? I guess I've failed at life then. Strange, because I consider myself a pretty lucky guy.
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Old 07-11-2017, 08:48 PM   #2689
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

On the subject of hedonistic drives - pursue with vigor until satisfied or worn out, then sit back and bask in the after-glow until you die. If you die before the "basking" part - well, what a way to go...
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Old 07-11-2017, 11:15 PM   #2690
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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And as far as goals, if people were really honest with themselves, that's all anyone wants out of life
Not so.

I've done a lot of research on this topic, including a lot of research on deathbed regrets in particular. Here's something you may get some value from reading. It's by Bronnie Ware, who was a palliative care nurse and spent a lot of time with people facing actual confirmed imminent death:


Quote:
Regrets of the Dying

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
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Old 07-12-2017, 02:14 AM   #2691
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I've read that and it gets shared all the time on facebook.

1.) is a cliche. I don't even understand what that means. I have no self, I literally exist one moment to the next.

2.) Hard work is one of the few things that ever puts my mind at ease.

3.) I have never, ever had a problem with this and it frequently caused problems in my life

4.) don't really contact anyone I don't care to contact anyway. There are reasons why I don't talk to people anymore, whether be it something I don't like about them, or more frequently, something they don't like about me. And if they don't like me, **** them. I've made efforts lately to contact old friends. They're too busy with their own lives.

5.) another cliche that I don't even understand. Do you think I'm not trying to be happy? I'm spending all of my mental energy just to not fall into severe, crippling depression, and I am losing right now.
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Old 07-12-2017, 02:27 AM   #2692
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Some chick added me on FB randomly, and we had mutual friends so I accepted. I asked her if I knew her, and she said no, but she works for a financial services company that's rapidly expanding and she's been desperate for candidates for a management position that involves training of new hires at their different locations, or something like that.

I was like whatever, sure, gave her my number. She called me yesterday and I forgot to call back. Today she called again and I answered, and we set up an interview.

It sounds sort of legit, but the way this has been gone about is really unprofessional and weird so I don't know what to expect. She told me the attire is "business professional" and i was like lol, yea, of course. She also said to bring a resume and again I was like um, yea.

so we'll see. My therapist really wants me to leave my job. The psychiatrist kind of thinks so too. A lot of really bad painful memories are left there and every day I have to see that ****ing **** of an ******* I want to murder that kate cheated on me with. The rage has somewhat subsided but it just cannot be good for me.

So she wanted me to branch out. She recommended tutoring, I didn't really do anything with that. But this looks like something I could easily do - I told the recruiter I have training experience, I've done all the training at work for years. I can manage, clearly, because that's part of my job. I think I'm qualified and she said they aren't looking for transferable skills, just trainable people that can deal with clients. In a professional setting I know I can deal with people, I was doing that a lot at one of my charter jobs and I was well liked by our clients.

It's not really something I'm super interested but it cannot be a waste to spend an hour or two of my time to see what it's about. Also, I need interviewing practice really badly. I've only ever done one formal interview and I think it was a trainwreck.

Because since she's been on vacation I haven't really been working on my therapy at all or doing any of the things I'm supposed to be doing, I figure this will be one good thing I can tell the therapist when I see her again next week.
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Old 07-12-2017, 04:22 AM   #2693
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

was just really upset and pissed off because some chick that initially showed strong interest from tinder and was really good looking blew me off randomly out of nowhere. this is like the 2nd time this has happened. I'm ****ing tired of flaky ass fake people who make snap judgments based on 2 mins of conversation with someone. I'm done with that ****.

Then the girl I actually do like and am taking to the movies tomorrow night just posted some snap of her making out with another dude. Which is fine, we are just friends, but it really irked me for some reason.

so i was super upset and pissed off, had a really bad session of hearthstone for like the third time today, and all this combined triggered my urge to drink, which I think is noteworthy because it's the first really strong urge I've had and it came when I was pissed off and frustrated.

so I didnt know what to do, and I can't take anymore muscle relaxers because they're making me feel weird, so I just put on my shoes and ran around my neighborhood until I literally couldnt take another step, I think I made it about 2 miles without stopping at a pace I usually can't sustain. I think that might be a healthy outlet for me. I don't really feel much better but a little better. less pissed off for sure. I'm gonna forget about the tinder chick and probably just remove her from snapchat.
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Old 07-13-2017, 11:49 AM   #2694
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Did a little last minute prep for my interview and researched this company. It's Primerica, which is a well known, large financial services company that sells financial advice and life insurance. I'm pretty sure the position is a sales position. It sounds kind of scammy - I'm pretty sure what I'll be attending is a recruitment drive, not a formal interview.

Pros: the company is very highly rated by former and current employees, and by customers as well. I would be doing morally satisfying work by meeting with clients to help restructure their finances and build good habits. You can set your own hours and how much you want to do is up to you, there are no quotas or expectations.

Cons: There may be up front money involved. If this is the case, I'm 100% leaning towards scam. However, there has been mixed reviews here on glassdoor, with some people saying training is free, others saying $99 is required up front. Payment is 100% commission based, so if you're not good at networking (me) you may have to work a lot of hours for very little reward.

My thoughts are this could be something that could actually be good for me. Little commitment, a lot of potential reward, both financially (doesn't concern me as much) and in experience, both in dealing with people and working in a professional environment (very valuable to me). Lot of opportunity for personal growth, but also a lot of opportunity for frustration, which concerns me.

May give it a try and see what happens.
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Old 07-13-2017, 12:30 PM   #2695
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Sounds like an MLM scheme. $99 to join + $25/month for online support.

I'm sure you can do way better.
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Old 07-13-2017, 12:41 PM   #2696
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

if that's what it is, no way then

Still curious though
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Old 07-13-2017, 01:23 PM   #2697
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I'd be surprised if it's morally satisfying work, as you're likely going to be recommending high-fee products and services based on how profitable they are for Primerica rather than how suitable they are for the customer.
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Old 07-13-2017, 01:27 PM   #2698
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Primerica is straight up MLM.
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Old 07-13-2017, 01:43 PM   #2699
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Lol, should I just bail on the interview?

**** it i'm bailing. She doesnt know my real name.
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Old 07-13-2017, 01:58 PM   #2700
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I also think that it doesn't sound neither good not even just serious. And I am even pretty sure that the interview procedure is completely different than it would be with a serious employer.
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