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Old 11-18-2013, 07:04 PM   #226
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

lol, wut. It's just really red and irritated looking. Much like Carrot Top.
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Old 11-18-2013, 07:19 PM   #227
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

holy ****

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Old 11-18-2013, 09:23 PM   #228
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coach McGuirk View Post
OCD guy touches people's hearts. Any time an actor who is at least kinda good gets a role where he/she plays a disabled/retarded person, that actor gets a trophy for touching people's hearts.
Spoiler:
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Old 11-22-2013, 04:19 AM   #229
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Man i've been drinking a lot lately.

I think it's a combination of boredom, high stress, and a little melancholy. My relationship with alcohol is probably slightly on the wrong side of the healthy/unhealthy spectrum and lately i've been trying to analyze what type of feelings make me wanna drink and explore those further.

Kinda emo and alcoholic sounding, and my consumption is far from being a problem but i definitely know i'm susceptible to problem drinking if i let it go too far. Sometimes i feel it helps me deal with hard to deal with feelings, which obviously isn't good, but then those feelings eventually pass and i stop drinking as much.

As time passes with this breakup I really feel it's not getting better and i'm not entirely sure what to do about it. I've never been in this situation before.
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Old 11-22-2013, 01:50 PM   #230
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

She was clingy, probably cheating...be thankful that you didn't get her pregnant or propose to her. You have been banging other girls, but you still have feelings for your crazy ex. Obv logic isn't helping; but man, it's hard to fathom why ure having a hard time
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Old 11-23-2013, 01:23 PM   #231
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I love her.
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Old 11-23-2013, 02:43 PM   #232
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakinmecrzy View Post
As time passes with this breakup I really feel it's not getting better and i'm not entirely sure what to do about it.
Standard, but things will get better with time. You made the correct decision.

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Originally Posted by jmakinmecrzy View Post
I love her.
Meh... perhaps. But you still made the correct play. You will be able to see this when enough time has passed — which will likely take a year or two.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakinmecrzy View Post
I've never been in this situation before.
That's why right now you aren't able to see that you made the correct decision. I guarantee you, when enough time has passed, you will see that the correct play was crystal-clear and you made the best possible decision. Things would have turned out miserable for you if you hadn't cut her loose — or at the very least staying with her would have just dragged out the inevitable... with significantly more pain

Hang in there and just keep doing all those things you are doing right, i.e. studying and doing well in school, the pilot license, etc.

Good luck.

Last edited by ninetynine99; 11-23-2013 at 02:47 PM. Reason: meh... you are more normal than you sometimes portray. Stay the course (pilot joke)
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Old 11-23-2013, 04:29 PM   #233
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

An actual relationship with a sane person (even if it doesn't work out) will help, too. You'll be able to say to yourself "oh yeah, this is how normal people treat each other, I forgot", and gain a little perspective.
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Old 11-25-2013, 06:56 PM   #234
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Ugh I'm tired of talking about this. Sorry guys. Here's a rough draft of a short story I was supposed to write about a painting for my English class. I chose "Campbell's Soup Cans" by Warhol. I know the dialogue probably needs work and I think I was supposed to write in the present tense, but let me know what you think. I tried to embody the spirit of the painting, but it's kind of a difficult assignment. I enjoy writing. Anyway, here it is:

Cheddar Cheese looked around him. He was different; he knew that much. On the front of his shiny, factory-produced can read “New!” and “Great as a sauce too!” on a bright, yellow banner. He only had a vague idea of what this meant. Split Pea with Ham is to his right, looking at him with a mixture of scorn and contempt. Vegetable Bean, to Cheddar’s left, was a little more subtle, but is giving him sidelong glances as well. Why am I so different? Cheddar thought. The others were uniform, almost bland in appearance. They chattered amongst themselves, talking quietly. Cheddar knows what they are saying without hearing it. Suddenly, Split Pea (with Ham) spoke up.

“You’ll be first, you know,” he whispers, an ominous tone belying the cheerful smile on his face.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Cheddar replies, trying to sound brave but failing miserably.

“You’ll be chosen first. For consumption, that is. They always are – the newcomers. I’ve been here for years. The Consumers don’t like Split Pea.”

“For consumption?” Cheddar asked nervously. “What’s that?”

“Yes. You will be ripped open, and the life force inside you will be heated and consumed. It happens eventually, to all of us – it is our purpose. We are here to sate the Consumers.” There was still that sly, cheerful look on Split Pea’s face.

“Does it hurt?”

“I suppose, at first. An opener will be applied to the top of your head. You’ll feel the stab of steel striking through the surface, and slowly you will be turned until your skull is ripped clean off. If the screams of the others are any indication, I imagine it’s quite excruciating. Then your life force will be spilled out into a pot, and cooked. You’ll be long gone, by then. The unfortunate ones are placed directly on the Burner and cooked from within.”

Cheddar would have shuddered if he had the capacity to do so. He did not want to be consumed. The bright yellow lettering on the front made him feel like a target.

Suddenly, brightness filled the narrow space they occupied as a door larger than himself opened. Cheddar tried to make out what lay in the vast expanse, but he had trouble adjusting to the light. All he heard was a pair of deep, rumbling voices.

“What do you feel like tonight? I don’t want to go grocery shopping,” the first voice said, his voice reverberating through the narrow chamber that the soup cans occupied.

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m feeling kind of sick. Surprise me,” the second voice replied, with a hint of sarcasm in its tone.

Cheddar adjusted to the light and could just barely make out the figure before him. A gaunt looking man with large, round glasses and wispy blond hair surveyed the cans before him. He looked tired, and a large bandage was wrapped around his chest. His hand skipped delicately along each can, as if his large framed, coke-bottle glasses granted him the ability to see the inner contents of each one. The fear was palpable among them. No one spoke. As his hand started to pass by, Cheddar breathed a sigh of relief, but then the hand paused and hovered above him. It grabbed him around his sides and lifted him in the air.

“Cheddar Cheese, huh,” the voice said, “I wonder how that is. I’ve never had it before.”

Cheddar felt himself hurtling through the air and was placed unceremoniously on the counter. He expected any moment to feel the sharp stab of metal striking through the top of his head. He briefly imagined what it would feel like, but then the second voice spoke up.

“God, is that their new flavor? Why can’t they just stick with what they do best? No, I feel like Split Pea tonight.”

“Split pea it is, then,” the wispy-haired man replied, reaching for Split Pea (with Ham.) The Consumer probably didn’t notice, but lines of terror painted the expression on Split Pea’s bland, mostly expressionless figure. He was placed on the counter next to Cheddar Cheese, and Cheddar briefly made eye contact with him.

“I guess being different isn’t so bad, after all,” Split Pea said, as the knife from the Opener split brutally into his skull.
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Old 11-26-2013, 08:37 AM   #235
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Old 11-28-2013, 03:21 PM   #236
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

subbed
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Old 12-02-2013, 05:39 AM   #237
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Man, this update is gonna be a doozy, so just hold on, it gets more and more ****ed up.

Last friday I had a moment of weakness and contacted my ex. We went to dinner and discussed things - I told her I had cheated on her the night before we broke up. Now, as you may know, I had suspected her of cheating on me with a guy she was behaving very inappropriately with. I felt betrayed, angry, and I acted out. It was wrong and I'm not making excuses about it.

She acted very cool about it, which worried me. I knew my suspicions were probably right because she wasn't that upset about it. All she kept telling me is how much she loved me and how much she wanted to be with me. And honestly, I felt the same way. It took the breakup for me to realize how much I cared about her, and that's what makes this whole thing so incredibly ****ed up.

Things were fine, for like 2 hours. Then I slowly started the process of figuring out what the hell she's been doing since we were apart (approximately 30 days). She had sex with the guy I suspected she was gonna have sex with, but according to her (and even still) that only happened after we broke up. Big deal. fine. I knew it was gonna happen, and she said she was repulsed by him. The 2nd guy was her lab partner, who is a stocky, neanderthal looking mother****er.

Now, about this guy. I knew nothing about him previously. She tells me while we're reconciling that he bought her a trip to hawaii for 3 days in january, and that she really wanted to go. I told her no. ****ing. way. Absolutely not. The next few days were constant arguments about how I was "just too insecure" to deal with getting back together and how "she didn't know if I was ready."

3rd guy she hooked with was her ex of 5 years. FOR MONEY. 50$ a pop. That was a trip, but I took it in stride. I'll actually get back to this later on.

I finally convinced her not to go on the stupid hawaii trip, but she left it kind of open ended with him. Anyway, wednesday night she convinces me to let her go to dinner with the neanderthal guy "just as friends." I'm like, fine, I'm not okay with it, but if you think you really need that, then okay. As long as you come hang out with me after, I'll be alright.

Throughout the course of the night, she sends me vague, scattered texts about going out with him and his friends drinking. I believe this probably happened. Last text I sent her was at 1am, pissed off, telling her it's retarded late for a wednesday and that I'm going to sleep. She tells me she'll get home soon and then surprise me. I wake up at 6am to 1 text from her at 5:46am - "I'm home, I was really drunk and i was trying to sober up and no one could drive blah blah." proceed to me making a very pissed off phone call and breaking things in my room and obviously assuming she ****ed him.

So, our anniversary was yesterday, the 30th. I really wanted to make things right with us and show her I was in this 100% - I took her to a nice restaurant (first time ever), got her a potted plant of her favorite flower, which was very expensive, and wrote her a list of 100 reasons why I loved her, which was pretty personal and hard for me to do because I have trouble expressing my feelings to people.

I could tell something was sorta off. Today, she tells me she wants to go shopping with neanderthal for a toy drive or something. As usual, it's getting kinda late and I'm getting annoyed and getting the barrage of crappy excuses. I decide "**** it" and put down my beer I started to drink and drove to her house, parked across the street, and decided to wait for him to drop her off. Wait about 45 mins after she was supposed to come home, and up he pulls, parks on the curb, kisses her goodnight, and leaves. I exit my car after he leaves and confront her.

She does what any chronic liar does when presented with overwhelming evidence - they say nothing. They're trying to gather an excuse, any that will fit, but nothing can ever explain what I just saw. Naturally I'm enraged. The whole last week she's tried to turn this around on me and my "insecurities" making me think I'm the crazy ****ing nutjob that's not okay with his loved one staying out til 6 am with a dude she's been ****ing on the regular. YEA, CRAZY ME! I bought it. I started to think I was nuts for even being at her house.

But I was right. I always am, even when I hate to admit it to myself. I'm extremely perceptive and she's a bad liar, but very good at covering her tracks, if that makes sense. "Don't bull**** a bull****ter" as they say. That, and I've been watching a ridiculous amount of Lie to Me lately and picked up a lot of tells on people. That's a joke, but seriously, I have.


to be continued just so this isn't an enormous wall of text... part 2 coming right up
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Old 12-02-2013, 05:49 AM   #238
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

So, she tells me that he was telling her a bunch of really nice things, about how she deserves a great guy, blah blah. Please note that everything I'm telling you I had to break down, lie after lie, and call out each lie as it came. It was a long process. Everything from the previous post was the same thing - I'm only telling you what I am reasonably certain of, filtered through her constant lies. So I'll spare you this process and just tell you what I've found out.

Yes, she tells me, she kissed him. But she didn't want to. She just felt like things weren't gonna work out with us, and had doubts, and she didn't know what to do. I say, "Yea, no ****, if you feel the need to **** other guys while we're together, of course it's not gonna work out."

She swears to me this isn't the case and this goes on for a while. I become increasingly pissed and break it down to her what I feel has been going on during the last year. I told her that I'm reasonably certain she was seeing her ex while we were together and I presented the evidence. I told her if she had a shred of decency or cared about me that she'd tell me everything. Finally, she breaks down, and tells me. She was seeing her ex (the one she prostituted herself to) while we were together. A LOT. I couldn't ever find out the exact number of times, but she kept saying she wasn't sure. "Several."

I remembered always seeing an unending supply of cash in her wallet that I never really questioned. When I realized this in our conversation, I broke down. It must have gone WAY back - and probably spans dozens of times. She swore to me she felt she was doing it for ME because she "always had to support me" (not true but I kinda believe she felt that way) but it just shows you how she'll turn anything around on you to try to make you feel like it's YOUR fault for whatever she does.

This goes on for a while until I confront her about how she was out all night Wednesday night, I told her I'm not an idiot, and to just tell me what happened. I got her to admit he came up to her room after she got home, but they just kissed a few times and he laid in her bed with her. **** that. I suspect this might be the truth too, but who knows. It's still FUBAR even at its most innocent.

So, numerous times I tried to say **** off and leave, even broke down crying once or twice. She'd hold me and not let me go, like she did before. I just laid there for a while while she kissed me neck and tried to tell me how sorry she was and how much she loves me. I told her "So? What the **** do you expect me to do? If you wanna be down to be **** buddies, sure, I'll do it. But that's all anyone can really have with you."

I tried to tell her she really needs help, she's a ****ed up individual, and she's gonna have a really crappy, hard life if she doesn't get the help she needs. I really tried to let her know how I care about her and I want her to be okay, but I'm so ****ing ANGRY. Eventually I gave in, hate ****ed her for like a minute and a half, put my clothes on, grabbed her birth control, made her swallow it, and left.

****. this. Call it bitchy but I sent a message to this guy she was with tonight - basically breaking down the situation to him (not details, I'm not a total prick) and telling him to RUN. I know he won't take the advice now, and I mentioned that, but I told him to keep this advice in the back of his mind. She isn't to be trusted and not a single word out of her mouth is the truth. hopefully he'll heed it - I don't want anyone to go through this ****. I don't know what I ****ing did to deserve this.
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Old 12-02-2013, 05:53 AM   #239
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

In a way, I'm glad this happened, because I finally found out the real score rather than wondering the rest of my life if I was actually crazy and walked away from a thing that coulda worked out. Jesus ****ing christ. Now I just have to decide to what degree do I feel like ruining her life.
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Old 12-02-2013, 10:38 AM   #240
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What kind of potted plant was it?
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Old 12-02-2013, 10:47 AM   #241
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Rare orchid, her favorite kind, i dont remember
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Old 12-02-2013, 11:06 AM   #242
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog



Sorry jmakin...
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Old 12-02-2013, 11:07 AM   #243
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakinmecrzy View Post
Now I just have to decide to what degree do I feel like ruining her life.
The correct answer should be zero.

Just walk away dude. You will gain nothing by keeping any part of her in your life. Do you want to know how to get the best "revenge"? Forget all about her. It will drive her nuts. And then don't care, or even know, about that. Relegate her to a footnote of your life that you look back on every few years and say, "Boy, when I was young and stupid and was sure young and stupid".
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Old 12-02-2013, 11:19 AM   #244
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I could make her lose her job, and have her whole family turn against her. I have half a mind to. I've been in love with a two timing prostitute for a year. What the **** do i do now? How can i ever have a normal relationship with anyone? There's no way. My rage hasn't even begun to peak yet and it scares me.

I didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't wrong of me to try to be happy with her - especially earlier on when things were fine.
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Old 12-02-2013, 12:24 PM   #245
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

This is one of those times where if you're involved it's hard to not ruin her life, but when you're detached like we are, it's obvious that you should not do anything.
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Old 12-02-2013, 01:26 PM   #246
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
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I really felt bad for him earlier itt but he's chosen to ignore every single piece of advice and everything everyone's predicted since early on is happening, so now the only thing left to do is sit back and stop helping.
From BPD thread

Surprised you didn't take your own advice after going off on OP there
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Old 12-02-2013, 01:40 PM   #247
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didace View Post
The correct answer should be zero.

Just walk away dude. You will gain nothing by keeping any part of her in your life. Do you want to know how to get the best "revenge"? Forget all about her. It will drive her nuts. And then don't care, or even know, about that. Relegate her to a footnote of your life that you look back on every few years and say, "Boy, when I was young and stupid and was sure young and stupid".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sciolist View Post
This is one of those times where if you're involved it's hard to not ruin her life, but when you're detached like we are, it's obvious that you should not do anything.
I totally agree with these. This girl loves the drama and she loves all of the emotions she's getting out of you. Whether it's love, jealousy, anger, hatred in her ****ed up brain she's getting off on it. J, you need to cut off contact with this chick now. As long as you keep in touch with her you will always feel as bad as you do right now and not start the healing process.

I went through a somewhat similar experience with my 1st gf. Turns out she was a total whore and I broke up with her but I missed her and tried to get back with her. She already had a new guy so she wouldn't take me back. I ended up banging her a few times over the next several months (behind her bf's back who she eventually married) and it really ****ed with my head. It was a really rough time in my life and I knew she was bad news but for some inexplicable reason I still wanted to be with her. I look back on that now and wonder wtf was I thinking! I lost respect for myself for wanting such a bad person and am embarassed at myself. J, you need to cut her off and move on to start the healing.
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Old 12-02-2013, 01:42 PM   #248
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Fair enough to describe the last couple months, but there's no way I could have known my girlfriend was a prostitute. seriously. Who does this? I've never heard of anything this ****ed up.

Even right now she's apologizing, saying she's sorry/ashamed ad nauseum.. asking me what I want, how can she make this right, etc... asking me if I want her to date other people (i said LOL you already are!).

I told her if she's looking for a way to feel better about what happened and move on guilt free I'm not gonna give it to her. I told her very clearly there's something deeply wrong with her, she needs to seek help.

verbatim last text I sent in response to "What do you want, [my name]?"

Quote:
I want you to seek serious psychological help. Not for me, not for Jason, not for anyone.. it has to be for you. There's something really wrong with you, [name]. I've never even heard of anything this ****ed up. and part of my heart really aches for you - i feel truly sorry for you - but i know people like you use that as a weapon. I want to try to help you but I know I can't. In a few days you'll twist this around in your head to make it out like it's my fault, or that you never really cared about me or I never cared about you.... I don't know the lies you tell yourself. You do lie to yourself constantly and you dont even realize it. you're never gonna be happy with this guy or with anyone until you realize it. Honestly, if i were you, id avoid sex and dating for a long time. I dont think you'll follow my advice though.

If I had to give her an armchair diagnosis, I'd say Narcissistic Personality Disorder is far more likely than BPD.
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Old 12-02-2013, 01:51 PM   #249
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Who does this? I've never heard of anything this ****ed up.
Please look back on all your interaction with AMichelle.

And why are you texting her? Make a clean break. Now.
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Old 12-02-2013, 01:54 PM   #250
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think we're past the clean break stage. I just want to feel better. I want her to suffer. I don't know what the **** to do.

I mean really, how does anyone deal with this ****? I'm a shell of what I was when we met. She took EVERYTHING from me. Like, **** it, man. It's just unbelievable to me. What really bothers me is I know I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg in terms of what I've found out - and I REALLY wanna know more, but it's probably best I don't.

I have a problem with rage and it's just building, and building, and it's far past the point I'd thought it would go and it's still continuing. I don't deal well with my emotions, as anyone who has ever read a post from me probably knows.
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