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Old 04-01-2014, 04:25 AM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Maryland
Posts: 483
Horror Show Hand Histories

Not sure if you guys will really get the humor, but my good friend busticator has urged me to share this with the community. While playing regularly at the Borgata I picked up the phrase "horror show," which means an opponent so bad that his play is considered horrific. I of course started using it amongst the MD regs and it's caught on (along with a few other ones obv). Me and gambr gambr enjoy taking this to the next level and telling each other ridiculous hands we've witnessed in the form of a narrative to really capitalize on the absurdity factor. I'll start things off:

While railing our friend Jeff online:
Here's a tale from the sorcerer's lair: Jeff opens 88 to $4 after UTG limp. UTG limp/calls, hu flop is:
UTG check/calls $6.
Turn: 6
UTG check/calls $13.
River: 2
UTG snap open shoves all in for $64 with (cue rhythmic chanting, spells being cast, dark storm clouds ahead, goblins congregating, zombies lurching, mummies awaking from a thousand year slumber, werewolves gnashing teeth)...........
the might 87
(yes this is an actual hand somehow)

Here is another one:
Excerpt from today's obituaries: March 30, 2014. Cutoff opens to $3, our beloved departed 3bs to $8.50 on BTN while Jeff cold 4bs from SB to $23 with AK. BTN reaches for his phone and calls.
A frightening visionary spreads three cards of fate:
A, T, 8 of diverse suits. Our hero elects to place a wager of $34, while the dearly departed brings out a shovel for $160....Jeff calls.
(Skies darken, rain spatter on greyed tombstones. A black crow caws menacingly on a faraway branch while the earth rumbles. Our beloved could only muster up a 2 and a 3 in his possession, and left this world shortly after the turn and river sealed his fatality. Rest in peace, our beloved. Survived by Bovada players universally.

Feel free to contribute your own narratives, or ignore this completely if this doesn't make any sense or looks just plain stupid.
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Old 04-08-2014, 07:43 PM   #2
Schlitz mmmm
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Song
Posts: 19,783
Re: Horror Show Hand Histories

Ok, so I call a small raise pre from the big blind holding KKQJ.. I feel like campion del mundo, untouchable Papa Georgio when the flop come KJ4 rainbow.. 3 ******s in the hand, myself: King Full ******. Anyway, one of the guys bets pot.. (50$ buy in 25/50 cent blinds or some sh*t.. I twist my Mushstash, about to drop the hammer, I repop max.. he goes all in snap triumph call! He shows JJ88.. Im holding case J of course.. and then a bunch of little arms in a pile. If I had ten cadres of those men, our troubles here would be over very quickly(no idea wat Im talking about, but trying to provide a lil extra non Dungeons and Dragons tard-like stuff... and then 88 turn river..fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
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