There are few reasons explaining this wall of text below you.
First and foremost, i've lost few years of blogging my life on Serbian poker forum and since than i've lost habit of writing and i miss diving into some old posts so i can see what actually changed in my life. I really love to write. I was sports and experience journalist for 7 years, before i decided to quit and pursue poker career in begining of 2017. I was interested in poker since begining of this decade, but it was a hobby that was making me more income than my actual job, but i never felt like a pro. That is why i dont see my poker career as a career, more like a tool which helps me to live in my own bubble. But like every other bubble (btw, bitcoin is not a bubble), i understand this one will also pop. The only question is - is it going to explode spectacularly by self destruction or someone will interfere from outside.
I have external blog which is nowhere near where i wanted to be when i created it in march. Yet, i hope that will change because of this. I will eventually share it here but for now, my idea is just to join the community and nurture words on display of our screens. To explain what and how do i feel, to be able to have a retrospective of my own progress (obviously i hope i will excel more as a person and a player, but that is not always a case) and since we are on poker forum, talk about poker definitely.
I guess it was kinda brave to start as a pro when industry started dying and solvers became mainstream. Games became harder, there is so much amazing content out there, people that are best in the world are regularly twitching and explaining their moves so what made me do such a silly decision?
I just got out of long relationship, journalist job was being more and more dailly grind, freedom of speech was slowly dissapearing in my country and i wanted to travel more than anything, dive into other cultures, learn about stuff that i've missed to get through my formal education (i've quit my journalist studies and i hated going to high school). I've returned from a month long trip to India and that was a game changer for me. I've learned that every new day is a blessing watching people on streets of that country. People who were born in poverty, with no choice and no opportunity to escape life they got. Yeah, i know that everybody have a choice, but try escaping life from the slums if you are born in it. Like in poker and like in everything in life, you need ****ing LUCK so you can represent exception that will confirm the rule. I finally understood how privileged i was with all this freedom that i posses and ability to change where i am heading. It is rare privilege even in my country. Not being a part of the system. Altough i still sometimes forget that and i lose days or weeks in some form of procastrination, i need less and less time to pull myself out of this whirlpool of depressive thoughts and emotions where i am struggling to see where am i going with my life. Emotionally and professionally. And i am not so scared anymore. I will soon be 32 and i am not feeling pressure by all this social burdens that we are facing - having a family, my own place etc etc. I am trying to be more present in a moment with occasional glimpse in future and i think that is fine.
I always liked to play video games and when you combine that with betting i did since early age, you get familiar with poker at one point. A lot of people i knew from forums made a transition to poker and just as i picked some pace online, Black Friday happened. Ammount of money hasn't been significant, but it had impact on my future decisions because i didn't trusted online poker at all. I was playing live ocassionaly untill one guy offered me a stake for some Italian network. And that is how it started being more serious, by being less ignorant then those poor Italian bastards that later understood how bad they were on global level so they had to seggregate themselves into their own .it domains.
As i bursted through limits with one of my friends i've started to meet more and more people through our small community and i was lucky that poker really gave me some amazing friends and moments with them. Fun and celebration, but also sorrow and sadness, like all true friends should have it. There were obviously dissapointments in some of them, but on bigger sample i think i run over EV which can explain my -EV lifetime poker run DDDDD
Most of my hands are played on nl 200 level which i beat for 5+bb. I go down to 100 when there is no traffic and i play nl 400 when there is a traffic on sites that i play which i also beat on decent sample. I can put in some graphs, but that is not a reason and purpose of this blog, it is more "getting to know me" part of the first post and it is fair to say that is nice to present as successful, especially because it is hard to cope with so many people that are smarter than you, have more natural ability to understand and learn the game and still, i am there with all my imperfections, surviving as individual that still naively try to be ethical in some way which we see less and less. That is definitely nice. Most of my friends are MTT players and i had this episodes where i would play tournaments for several months and had more than decent results on approximately avg stake 18, which is also nice and it is always in back of my mind that if this Plurabus and AI bots **** escalate and hit the ceiling, i can always turn to live or MTT scene as an second option, but at the moment i like the pace and working shifts that are coming with online cash games. Like everyone who is in poker, i do it for the money but people who knows me know that i am not chasing it blindly because i think i would switch to more lucrative options of poker if that was a case. I am also slowly learning PLO and i am mostly BE at plo100. I've learned to learn and i think i am getting better and more comfortable with my game, so when my bankroll allows it, i am planning even to shot some games and maybe in near future test how far i can go. Alone or maybe with some mentor.
Majority of my money is spent on travels and i lived untill april for 5 months on Bali which is my first time to be so long in one place. I guess its a matter of time when will i return there because i left a monitor, surf board and a helmet there Also, i am balls deep into crypto and if i didnt felt for ICO story, what a nice ride would that be. Yet, i think we still have a second opportunity, not for the moon and stars, but being in the clouds can also be nice. So travels and crypto are definitely a reason why i am faraway from bankroll nit, although that need to change now that i am getting kinda bored with this midstakes grind and i feel how i need new challenges and new goals in my poker career.
Other than poker and already mentioned travels and crypto, i am really passionate about Fantasy football, i enjoy to get excited about food, i like doing boxing and play football (where i wasnt good enough to play in higher tier than third one so i've figured out i am losing time when i was 22 and decided to give it up). I like to watch esports, martial arts, Dave Chapelle, Bill Bur and just enter piramyds of youtube particular videos depending on mood that i am. And a lot more, but i guess i am freshly under the influence of those that i mentioned. I've learned to be a disciplined procastrinator and i am having more and more routines that i follow in a way that helps me hack life From Wim Hof cold showers and breathing to meditation and working out, reading books or just doing PIO. I also do ****, but same as with good stuff, i dont do them all every day but i at least try to keep myself in order and life GTO balanced which helps me longterm definitely.
Thanks to everyone who spent their time reading my post. Glad that i have you here.
Getting to mingle with you and Cosa was prob the highlight of my 2018... Less that third, kid. -Jk but srsly to rub off of your easygoing diamond (hard) mindset about poker, people, life, enjoying it honestly and fairly a la Louie Armstrong ...
Shine on Gruice.
In 1999 my country was bombed by NATO. That was pretty fun time, i was 5th grade in Elementary school (our school sistem have 8th grades in elementary school, then 4 in high school and then you are going to University for 4 or 5 years, it depends) and the real fear lasted for few days. School was cancelled obviously so we had all the time in the world for playing and the sound of airhorne was mostly ignored. Since i was living in really ethnically diverse 'hood, after one month of bombing the **** out of my city because of the industrial zone in it, embassy of Slovakia offered a sanctuary for kids from my 'hood because there were a lot of Slovak families there. We went to Visoke Tatre, i am still remembering it perfectly, hotel Horec They were preparing to apply for Winter Olympics so there were awesome sky jump tracks and stuff like that.
That was first time i heard this song. I was 12 and i couldnt understand the metaphore altough i held girl hand there for first time in my life and the world of love was flying in front of my eyes like some kind of butterfly. When i got back home i had all the trouble in the world just to find the name and artists, i've listened to all radios just to try to catch it and in the end i managed exactly that. At that time Napster just started working and after few months when i've heard about it, this was first song i ever downloaded through it. I dont know why did i remembered that, but anyway, that was 20 years ago.