Quote:
Originally Posted by esspoker
Small steps man. Put too much on your plate at once and it's impossible. Change happens one very small step at a time. I know from personal experience.
Yah, I hear you. I'm still trying to sort out what those steps are and get some priorities. It's in the 70's here in LV and I have a couple of hours before the sun blasts me off the patio. I've got a six pack of beer and four smokes. I'm going to do some writing and see what comes out.
The old lady and I are talking now. That's good. I still have my job, my place, and my car. All good. My bills are paid. I've got the support of our families as well so, pretty good foundation for moving forward. I know A LOT of people who are in worse circumstances. I should be grateful. Now that I've written that down, I do feel grateful.
One thing I feel I need to do is, let the dream die. You know the dream I mean. The poker dream. My limited success at the game and the hype of the boom made me believe I had found my calling.
I started out with small deposits and eventually ran up a small roll grinding micros. I hit my ceiling at 50nl but maintained a 4bb win rate at 25nl. Meanwhile, I was crushing it live and earning a decent second income at 1/2. I would bink a tourney every once in a while and thought that sooner or later I'd make a decent run.
It's been 14 years and I just busted my (last) $40 deposit on WSOP.
Online poker is over for me. I don't have an edge, I tilt now (never a problem before), and I hate No Limit Hold'em. I mean I ****ing hate it.
Live cash may be done for me too. My last session I was bored to tears. I can't see myself ever becoming a live grinder now. That honeymoon is over and the thrill is gone.
I might, might, be able to find some success in live MTTs. All of my winnings on WSOP are from MTT cashes while I've become a break even cash player. I think those skills are still viable in the live MTT world but I'm not sure if I should/can commit the time to it right now with all of my other problems.
****.
I lost touch with a poker buddy of mine for a couple of years and then eventually caught up with him. I asked him if he was up on his game and he said, "I just don't think it is going to happen for me." I was really put back by his comments. I wasn't ready to give up the ghost but...
I just don't think it is going to happen for me.
GG poker.