Santiago in June is kind of a dumb place to be if you have access to the northern hemisphere. Not intolerable, but frequently gray skies and sometimes rainy and/or a little cold. The weather today sucked (may have actually snowed this morning, a major event here based on what I saw on my Facebook feed) though it's supposed to be getting warmer the next few days. I'll be here for another two weeks.
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Originally Posted by gregorio
Interesting read and certainly applicable to my situation. Maybe there's hope for me yet. Maybe a trip to California is in my future.
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Originally Posted by heiho
dude.. made an account just to post here
speaking from experience this sounds like massive anxiety.
performance anxiety (the dating and obsession over not getting laid , inability to getting a job etc)
social anxiety (inability to interact well with people from the past etc since you don't have a ****ing answer when they ask the dreaded "what do you do for a living mister?")
Anxiety abounds for sure. Not so much the "inability to get a job" part since I'm not trying to get a job, although if I ever end up on a job search I could see myself being anxious about that too. The interview process could get pretty surreal for me, I'd imagine.
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The key to not giving a **** is just to realize that nobody ****ing cares about your problems.
That sounds tough and very Clint Eastwood but I don't think it's useful advice. For example, my spectacular lack of success with women. I'd either have to be uninterested in women or else insane and delusional in order to be able to decide to just not give a **** about a major life fail like that. I'm in a bad spot as far as that's concerned and I think it would be utterly bizarre to ignore this and pretend everything is ok. Of course I obsess about not getting laid. I'm ****ing 41 years old, I've never had sex without paying for it, and I've never been in a relationship. Deciding not to give a **** doesn't sound like a solution to me. My current situation is unacceptable and I still give a ****.
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You need to stop the self pity train because women has a radar for low confidence\self esteem , and to no one's surprise that does not get them interested in you.
Of course I should try to present myself as favorably as I can, but "just be confident" isn't useful advice.
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Most women don't give a **** how you look or how you get your money..as long as you have confidence.
My issue with regard to how I got my money is that I did nothing to earn it. I happen to have some money, which is convenient, but since it fundamentally has nothing to do with who I am or anything I've done, I take no pride in having it. I can buy what I want. I can pay for lengthy vacations and eat in nice restaurants when I want to. This is useful and convenient, but that's all it is. Confidence or the lack thereof isn't about money either way for me, at least not directly. (Indirectly, some of my confidence issues stem from the sense that I haven't accomplished much in life, and maybe I would have done more with my life if I had had to earn a living. Or then again maybe not. Can't say for sure how things would have played out in that alternate reality.)
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Now this is not easy to fix on your own, but luckily you live in a modern world where going to the psychiatrist is not frowned upon... so get your ass there and do some cognitive therapy.
A reasonable suggestion. When I get back to the states I'll consider it.
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Originally Posted by bobboufl11
Nice read. Posting to subscribe. It doesn't take very long to go from being terrible with women to being average/above average once you get a little momentum. I say go on dates with the first ten girls who might possibly get your dick hard, and try to move things forward physically if the dates go decently well. Worst case scenario, you'll spend some $$$ make a few mistakes and figure out what you don't like
Fwiw, even though I'm obviously still terrible with women, i have been getting more practice since I've been down here in actually meeting women. This is coming after 10 years of not meeting women, so it's progress of a sort. I'll post more about recent developments soon.