Invite her over to play Wii bowling. Seriously.

Dinner smoothie ingredients: strawberry, blueberry, kale, tomato, cucumber, jalapeno, ginger, coconut oil, water. Still a little too much jalapeno and/or ginger and I went overboard on the coconut oil but I'm either getting better at making these or I'm getting used to drinking this stuff because this is starting to seem like a perfectly acceptable meal to me. I'm making these for dinner not breakfast partly because the fancy Joe Rogan endorsed Blendtec blender sounds like a jet engine when it does its thing and I don't want to disturb the neighbors in the morning. Maybe they wouldn't even notice but it's pretty loud. I saw the documentary "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" and that guy went on a diet of nothing but fruit/vegetable juice. Don't want to do anything that extreme. Once a day is fine for me.

The attitude I need to avoid is immediately making whoever I meet into "the one", which is what I always used to do. As for Sarah, I don't know what her intentions were. I certainly thought her actions were malicious at the time, but I wasn't seeing things clearly to say the least. My roommate told me later that for a few days he couldn't be in the same room with me because I was so unstable. It's possible that Sarah wanted to be "just friends" and that's why she thought it was ok to tell me about the guy she met, but I really don't know what the deal was.

I'd like to take a trip to somewhere in the Spanish speaking world for a while, so Barcelona's a possibility and I'd also consider Buenos Aires. Didn't know they played poker there so that's a nice bonus.

There's a cross-fit place not far from the condo where I'm staying. I'm not really clear on what cross-fit is all about but just for meeting women, how could it possibly beat yoga? Going to a gym / workout facility is something I've been considering but haven't acted on so far.

It's an open question whether I'll end up meeting anyone at all. I'm not convinced these online women really exist.

I think all cross-fit gyms work a bit different (as they are individually owned)

but basically, there is one instructor, and a class has a maximum of 10 people.. then you come in, do a warm up.. then generally there is some kind of weight lifting thing... but the main goal of it, is every day there is a set workout, this work out could last 5min-45min.. depending on length/how fast you go through it... and the point is to work all your body (not just working one area) A lot of cardio.. and it is a huge mental thing, as you are attempting to beat your previous set time. (generally do each workouut once a month/two months)

I just explained it horrifically, but i strongly recommend it over a weight lifting gym because 70% of people that are at a gym do the bare minimum, and lose the motivation to show up everyday... where cross fit is one hour, and you have an instructor there to make yourself push through it... also if you do the same time slot every day, you will get to know other people there.

I can also say, doing one hour of cross fit a day had me in the best shape of my life, before getting into MMA

Edit: and does this myth of meeting girls through yoga actually work? O:

Can't say firsthand if it works but why wouldn't it?* Seems like the most obvious ploy ever. As a guy entering a yoga studio I'd almost feel ashamed.

*Possible answer: Because the women all know exactly why you're there and hate you for it.

I'm basically the same as you. Except 17 years younger and without the money and the condo.

Subbed.

thanks for the response, i think actually most semi-successful+ poker players can relate to this stuff a bit. my standard is to just bend the truth a little, find something you can say that is sort of true, that you are happy to reveal.

Just want to say that imo there is absolutely nothing wrong with putting the focus on 'me' in this situation. I would say the vast majority of people who are doing volunteer work do it for themselves, at least those that are honest with themselves. The main point with volunteer work is to have new experiences and learn stuff while helping people.

Haven't written anything here in a while because I haven't had much to write about. Spending a whole month in Las Vegas (in August?) with no particular plans other than maybe playing some poker felt like a waste of time tbh. Especially since I was mostly losing at poker. Did well on a previous trip and figured that would continue but nope, I don't really know what I'm doing even at 1/2. Not that it really matters to me financially (see earlier posts itt), . Anyway I haven't had much interest in poker since I got back to Michigan.

The online dating was a complete bust as well. After a few weeks I got disgusted with the whole thing and deleted my profiles. Even such an anonymous form of rejection gets to me after a while. So it was an uneventful trip. I made it through the first 4 seasons of The Wire, which is excellent. Started in on Boardwalk Empire - kind of disappointing. Didn't have to go to Las Vegas for any of that although I did learn that I don't want to live there, and for sure not in August.

Something happened tonight which pretty well encapsulates where I'm at in life. First of all I'm currently living in the small town I grew up in with my dad and sister. He's elderly and likes having us here and there's plenty of space in the house for us all but still, it's a ridiculous arrangement and the only reason I'm here is because I've done nothing with my life, otherwise I'd have someplace else to be. So tonight my dad and I go out for dinner in a neighboring town (I refuse to eat anywhere in my hometown because I don't want to be seen by anyone who knows me), but unfortunately someone recognized me and said "hi". I glance over and said "hi" reflexively and in the most unfriendly way possible so as to kill any potential conversation and hurried on to our table, and eventually the guy left with his wife and daughter (daughters? there might have been two of them, not sure). Crisis averted; he never got around to asking what I've been up to lately.

I have nothing against the guy and if I didn't feel so insecure about my situation we might have had an enjoyable conversation. When I first started playing poker he was in my home game, and before that him and myself and a friend of mine were working on creating a computer game (we weren't very organized and the project fizzled out). Maybe he thinks I'm holding some mysterious grudge after all these years.

Steve,

Whenever anyone asks what you do for a living just say "I am independently wealthy".

You seem to treat it as a burden for no reason.

Good blog, sir. I am also in my forties, extremely lazy, somewhat undersocialized, and have also made about $6k over years of on and off studying/dabbling in online poker. I also have a fear of failure/humiliation that makes it easy for me to give up on projects.

One difference between us is that I've worked full time at one job or another since I was 16, and I'd much rather be in a position where I never had to work again.

I can understand your embarrassment and avoidance of the WDYD question. If I was in your spot I'd do a minimum amount of volunteer work and get maximum WDYD mileage out of that, or I'd call myself an I/T consultant if I could back it up with programming knowledge, or I'd sell some **** on ebay and tell people I run my own business.

1. If you like computer programming, move to Cali and do a computer start-up. (good place to work on stand-up at the same time)

2. Walk the earth. (Kwai Chang Caine)

3. Get a fun job (river rafting guide)

I think my real burden is isolation and a lack of purpose. Poor people can get into similar spots except without the money, and I'm sure that sucks a lot more than where I'm at. It's true that I've never been comfortable discussing my financial situation with people I don't know well (although randoms on the internet? no problem!), but I don't think money is at the root of my problems. I would still definitely feel weird telling people I don't know well that I'm independently wealthy though, and being evasive tends to put me in some awkward spots so I'll agree that being more open wouldn't be a bad thing.

I don't get the WDYD question so much anymore because I've isolated myself to such an extent that nobody cares. Mostly the question is directed internally now. WTFDID? It's not necessarily about getting a job. I know that I feel better about myself when I'm doing something that requires more effort than watching TV or surfing the net, so it's not just about conforming to society's standards. I don't want the appearance of doing something. I want to actually be doing something (that matters (to me)). Or at least I want to want, or want to want to want. That motivational chain has trouble reaching the bottom level where it translates to action.

I do like computer programming, and I've started getting back into it lately. I've got a few projects in mind, but I mostly feel like I'm in "walk before I can run" mode right now. I've started working through some of the problems on Project Euler and that's been fun. My progress so far:



The organizational aspect of "doing a startup" doesn't sound close to anything I'd be capable of though.

Interesting blog. Ive run into some of the same issues as im 43, divorced, telecommute (so while im not financially wealthy im not tied down to a desk job) and have been outside the dating scene for a while.

I used to equate "purpose" with a "job" but have been getting away from that paradigm. Job just gets me food and housing. Its hard mixing this lifestyle with being social because everyone you meet wants to cram you into that box labeled "career/wife/kids/settledown" which is not me. I just got to the point i didnt care if my WDYD answer was sufficient. I tell people i travel and do photography. Interesting people delve into that, noninteresting people have issues with it, and i dont waste time with boring people.

My dating career has been in a slump because im currently in a very rural part of Hawaii. And i think ive been trying to hard. Next month im moving to vegas for a year (partially to try going semi pro in poker) and ive heard that www.meetup.com is good there. Its more to meet people in general vs dating, but i think the "find common interest" route might work better at my age.

Anyway hope you realize your not the only one your age banging your head against those issues

I'd like to start getting to bed before 2am and getting up before noon. So that's officially a goal now.

I think I'll go to South America this winter. Either Argentina or Chile. I've been working on my Spanish pretty haphazardly with the idea of this trip in the back of my mind, so time to make it happen. I've been reading the Spanish version of Fight Club one chapter, then the same chapter in English. This is proceeding at a snail's pace and I've been at it for months but just a few chapters to go now. After this I'll save my Spanish reading for books actually written in Spanish though. Not much payoff when I could just read the original in English. Damn insomnia.

Time for a post about my interest in computer programming. It's an interest I've had for most of my life but only pursued intermittently, and it's almost always been a rewarding experience during those brief periods when I've given it the time and effort it deserves. It's something I've gotten away from but would like to get back into in some capacity, so what I'm doing right now is partly an attempt to organize my thoughts on the subject. This is going to ramble a lot.

As a small child with aspie tendencies, I developed a habit of doubling numbers in my head: "1 plus 1 is 2, 2 plus 2 is 4, 4 plus 4 is 8..." No particular reason for it and I wasn't aware that these were powers of 2 or that they had any special significance. I just thought there was something interesting about doubling the numbers. I took it as far as 32768 or maybe 65536 and pretty soon I could rattle the sequence off quickly. The other thing I would do is count by sevens because I liked watching football (touchdown plus extra point = 7), which is completely irrelevant, but this was one of the first video games I ever played:

http://youtu.be/eyvmmm1yJIM

When I first saw a calculator I was amazed at what it could do. I thought, of course it would know the answer if you kept the numbers small, like 7 + 5 = 12. Whoever made the calculator would have put that answer in there. But something like 65.3 times -9.48 = -619.044? Assuming that was right, somebody at the calculator factory would have to put the right answer for all the different sequences of key presses the user might enter in and that must be a horrible job. I wasn't aware of the concept of an algorithm so I couldn't imagine any other way the calculator could have been produced. But when I tested it and estimated what the answers should be, it seemed to keep coming up with all the right answers. Or at least reasonable answers. My interest was piqued.

lol that head to head game brings back some memories. My son just got madden 25, and it shows some of the older versions on startup, he keeps telling me "it looks weird".

I like your blog OP, keep writing. Just from personal experience I met all my gfs and wife at work with the exception of one gf. You seem very bored in life. I think you need to find a job that you find interesting. Good news is it can be low paying. Better news is it will have females that will eventually get to know you, you seem like a decent dude. GL and Im subbed.

As good a jumping off point as any. Yes, I'm pretty ****ing bored and disappointed with life in general. The way I see it, there are three options:

1. Accept things as they are. "You're 40, you don't like your life very much, and maybe at one time you could have done something with it. But if you were going to do something, you would have done it by now. So relax. Try to enjoy yourself as much as you can. You'll never have a girlfriend or a wife, sorry you missed out, but that ship has sailed and there's no need to torture yourself trying to make it happen now. Put in some quality time with the latest video games. You've got money, buy some fancy ****. Drink a lot and get fat and experiment with drugs if you feel like it. Take luxury cruises and visit prostitutes and when you're feeling lonely buy things for attractive young women who will pretend to like you if they're shallow enough to play that game. Do what you can to put a smile on your face while you run out the clock. You'll never remotely meet the standards you used to have for yourself, but we're all going to die someday and nothing will matter then so **** it." This might even be the most reasonable approach, and it's not like I'm standing on some moral highground now. The only difference is that I'm angry at myself for doing nothing with my life, rather than accepting that that's how it's going to be and trying to make the best of it. But nothing in the preceding vision appeals to me at all.

2. Suicide. No I'm not planning to commit suicide (I wouldn't post about it if I was), but it's got to be considered as one of the options. I don't think suicide is immoral. It's my life to live or not live, as I choose, and I don't owe it to anyone to continue living. Nor does anyone owe it to me to continue living if they don't want to. So anyway, yes, this is a real option for me and maybe that's how I'll end it someday. I just haven't reached that point yet, and since there's no taking it back, I'd have to be sure of myself.

3. Self-improvement. I mean, this is completely obvious. There's not much to say about this in the abstract and I feel stupid even writing it out. If I don't find the life I'm living now to be acceptable, and I'm not going to kill myself, then I have to do better. Which is pretty much the same thing I've been telling myself for over a decade. So if I was looking at a similar situation externally, I'd have to bet against that guy ever really getting things together. Doesn't matter though, there's nothing to do but make the attempt.

Lots of generalities there, oh well.

3 is your only option dude. Just do it. Don't overthink it. Just do it. Plenty of people have done it successfully. You can to. Just do it.

I'd say you probably have a lot more going for you than you give yourself credit for.

I mean, you're 40. That means in all likelihood you have only lived half your life. You've got money. You're only really limited by what you think you can't do.

Me personally, i envy you.

There are some very nice things about being me, but the negatives are pretty severe. Did I mention I haven't been in a relationship ever and I haven't had sex this millenium? Envy that. I wonder how many asexuals take on that label as a way of pretending they choose to be alone.

Then again I'm not even trying.

Sometimes the worst thing is to not be able to hit rock bottom. Be it social support or financial freedom the ability to avoid the edge allows for years of ignoring issues.

Not saying that has anything to do with you, it's just one of the excuses I use to rationalize why I haven't made a change.

I think it has a lot to do with me though. Financial freedom as a tool to insulate myself from having to interact with others in any meaningful way. That fits. So what is your situation and what necessary changes have you avoided?

Instead of changing I choose to feed my comfortable routines and addictions.

While I am not personally well off I have strong family and that is my safety net.

My situation is complicated and perversely frustrating. I have many genetic gifts but extreme introversion has been the defining struggle of my life.