i dont know why you can have two blogs in HoB when i can only have one. i should get 4 blogs now

op,

Have you ever been diagnosed as bipolar? I suspect you might be.

My heart feels like not having a job. My mind is telling me that also but that should not and not will prevent me from having the money I deserve and desire.

No. The doctors said I was fine and sent me on my way.

Lol, well yeah, just about anyone's 'heart' tells them that. I don't hate work, but I don't like getting up at 6 and getting home at 7; however, you've just gotta do what you gotta do. This is honestly extremely standard to feel like you'd rather not want to work, but that's not how life is.

Unless you luckbox the lottery or something, you're gonna have to work for your money. C'est la vie.

I would rather be alive than dead. Going to work makes me feel like a dead zombie hence I thought and attempted suicide. That is what is at stake so going to work when it makes me feel that way doesn't make sense to me because my life would be in jeopardy.

In b4 get professional help. In b4 get antidepressants. Done both. Now stop saying it.

I am sharing my love. I desire you all to be happy and rich if I could give you those things i would. I care about people. I am changing. I go with love in my heart and awaken those feelings of compassion.

If you don't work when you're clearly capable of doing so then you don't really 'deserve' anything. Desire, maybe.

You seem to be overly engaged with your own special snowflakeism.

Obviously not since work was the issue that lead me to suicide attempts. How could I be capable?

My sincere advice would be to seek an additional opinion.

Your posts resonate some cognitive disconnects with how things play out irl. That said, I wish you the best.

No one believes me that I'm crazy and suicidal. Everyone ignores me in real life, this forum, doctors...etc I have no friends, no company to keep, no family.

Ah. It would seem that work was not the issue that lead to your suicidal ideation and/or attemps. I'd submit that it's your anhedonia that's causing the problem.

Visit another doctor/therapist and be honest about your issues.

They therapist that I went to didn't give a ****. They literally asked me to leave. On one occasion they threatened security on me because I kept going to them for help.

Have you ever thought it might be you? Does this happen to you a lot? People just ask you to leave and you dont know why?

No it doesn't to be honest. I understand that it might be me but don't understand others when I ask simple questions in an open and honest manner they get angry and refuse to speak and or ask me to leave.

For example why has my threads been deleted and been moved. Surely in OOT people create threads that are work related. If that is so then why is it when I post work related events it gets moved? Now I ask you is that a "me" problem?

i think it's pretty common for people to think their OOT threads are more interesting than they really are

That was not the point I was making. Read it again. I make no claims that my thread is interesting.

i'm not gonna read it again tbh

Where are all the mature people at? (Is that guy 5 years old??? I know kids who talk like that)

Have a cookie. I know reading is hard.

That is exactly why it has been moved. It was nothing to gain for the community from it. It was not entertaining, it was not helping you, it was not helping anyone else.

I think that exactly that might also be a reason why people step away from you. You make it seem impossible to help you. You don't help people around. You seem not to have passion for anything. I mean now since you have a ton of time on your hands, what do you do with your time? What do you do that could somehow interest others?

People do engage with you. Even in your last thread in OOT. But somehow it comes nothing back from you.

edit. I have had also several bad and boring job threads in OOT. But I got very fast that they weren't the hit and haven't kept tehm alive. If I would, I am completely sure, that they would have been closed. Try to think about it rationally. May be an interesting exercise for you would be to try to post interesting content thread.

They never give it a chance. Why does it have to be entertaining?!? Can it not be informative and instructive and advice giving. You know an exchange of information and ideas or does it also have to be about jokes?


I have passion for reading, writing, swimming, hypnosis, chess, meditation, psychology, philosophy, altering states of consciousness and Buddhism.

One of my goals is that I want to heal and help people and I know I am failing that currently because I don't know how to help them if I don't have money. I like straight talking people without the unnecessary noise of sarcastic comments which leads nowhere but more misery.

How can I help people?

FWIW, I am an inquisitive person and ask people a lot of questions and I get similar reactions to what you've described (except for being asked to leave). Couple that with my direct demeanor and a lot of people don't like me when they first meet me.

I've been fortunate enough to get to know some of these folks that had this initial impression of me and had candid conversations where they admit to having a negative reaction to me and thinking I was full of **** and a BS artist.

What is ironic is that I was speaking the cold, unvarnished truth but it was so shocking to them that I was so transparent, the only conclusion they could draw was that I was a liar.

Is that my problem or theirs?

Don't know if that helps but you're not alone with some of the experiences you've described

Yes thank you so much for saying that because I felt like I was going crazy talking to others.

I also like to speak the cold, unvarnished truth without any unnecessary blurb. I like honest conversations with open minded people who can think outside of the box to help come up with solutions.

But for me, most conversations is like speaking to a person who can only follow a rule book or computer screen. "I can't help you because its not procedure"...umm yes you can because you are a free thinking human being. "No the computer says No in red flashing lights so therefore the computer is right" ...what?

It would be like walking across the road when there is cars coming even when the light shows the man green for walking. Yeah you still can't walk because the cars are still driving "no the light green therefore I can walk" "SPLAT"

Its like they suspended thinking for themselves. They neither can be direct or honest.