This won't be about anything. It may be described as a stream of unconsciousness writing. That is all I care to tell you about it. If you have made it thus far you understand but I promise by the time you read what is coming up in the next few pages you won't, because you have crossed the threshold from objective reality to a subjective experience of madness within objective reality. So eyes down, look in and lets see what we can do!

I've got issues I can't talk about. Life events that happened recently that I can't even go into detail about so perhaps they don't exist, never happened so I won't say a word.

The rest of this will be in metaphor or in creative language that's all I care to say about this so if you don't understand I won't explain it to you.

The day began with rays of the sun beaming on my heart. Uplifted and joy. The clouds made a beautiful song and I found myself dancing in the rain. Then suddenly nothing but dark clouds the part of me who sold my soul to the devil not that he has it all since I kept the best part of it for myself. The 6 inches in front of my face. Sitting in a drift, floating but there is consistency to it therefore a rigid structure appears. The best thing to do is nothing at all and just wait but you can't float that long without cracking or else you really would not exist.

I'm gaining my soul back, 1 inch at time, 1 breath at a time. It won't be long now before I explode into something else. Then a stillness hits me for a second and I'm back into reality. How it is! How it always is. The same but different. Like how the sun and moon is the same but different depending on where you look at them and what time. Something is moving. Yes I can feel that now. Call it the woman in a dark cave! She has become blind not knowing how to use her sense. Did she ever have it? Or was I correct in the first place by saying its all crazy. But yet this feeling that something is lacking, missing and incomplete.

How much difference is there between yes and no?
How much difference is there between good and evil?
Is what people fear really to be feared?
How very remote the actual occurrence!

The people of the world make merry
as though at a holiday feast or a spring carnival.
I alone am inactive and desire-less,
like a new-born baby who cannot yet smile,
unattached, as though homeless.

The people of the world possess more than enough.
I alone seem to have lost all.
I must be a fool, so indiscriminate and nebulous.

Most people seem knowledgeable and bright.
I alone am simple and dull.

Most people see differences and are sharp.
I alone make no distinctions,
seeming aimless, drifting as the sea,
like the wind blowing about, seemingly without destination.

People of the world all have a purpose.
I alone seem impractical and out of place.
I am different from others,
and value drawing sustenance from the Mother.

I don't read warnings very well. Good to have you back.

I resigned from my job. Not sure of the future but I don't think I ever was. Life is still a mystery to me. I'm opening up. I wish there was help out there for someone like me. I'm willing to work in politics but have no idea how to get involved. Sending emails to local parties. I'm scared for myself for reasons I can't state. It seems more real and plausible more than ever. Feelings and emotions. Who to talk to?

I want to talk to people with similar interests. Politics. Finance. Business. I could lose everything. But what do I gain? What am I gaining?

I have time. I have hope. I pray. I put myself out there. I say yes to life. I'm open to opportunities. Willing to learn. A desire to be successful. Lots to offer. More to give.

That sounds GREAT! Every single word in this post sounds just great. I am so happy for you, that you resigned from your job! Go MLH! go!

I'm scared about a new life for me. Looking for a job! I've got something part time but I need something more concrete. I want to help people. I remain positive about my future. I'm on the up and up. I wish everyone well.

I feel like a kid!

how did you do this resigning? What was the last straw?

I wasn't feeling well leading up to my asking to resigning. Things I can't talk about on here.

I want to talk about politics or business ideas. I want to get involved with people. I want to be a healer.

I'm learning to love. I am love.

I get lost in thoughts. I am begging for an intellectual side. Perhaps I ought to join a Zen monastery. The western world seems to me an odd way of living. I love people and want to share with them life itself. Paper work, money and things to do that are not important. Competitive nature of the mind. Over worked and brings no peace.

I love myself and my environment. I love the cosmic awareness that created me.

Love each other.

love and a little scepticism, i say

What happened to all my threads. All that great material. Wiped out!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7r_SfdOr3E

so it goes!

I am getting better.
I am better.
I am happy
I am full of life.
I am changing old patterns to new positive ones.
I am responsible for my life.
I am responsible for my thoughts.
I am responsible for my feelings.
I am responsible for my actions.
I an creating my reality.
I think and feel in peace.
I walk in love.

I open my heart and mind to allow the flow of business ideas to enter me. I believe I will be successful and abundance flows to me even now it is moving.

I ask the spirit, the energy of the cosmic awareness to provide a helping guide during my new transformation. I ask in love and with an open mind. My desire to start an off grid sanctuary.

MLH,

I'm glad you're in a more positive frame of mind. But honestly based on what you're saying I'm a little worried you could be in some kind of a manic episode. I hope I'm wrong.

I don't know what is happening to me or where exactly my life is going. But I trust myself, people and the higher power that created me to do the right things for me that help me succeed in life.

Why do I feel so lost? I'm just waiting around. No one is here. WTF!??!

I can't help the feeling that I was right about life in my other deleted threads. Since leaving my job I have never felt better. I walked around a public garden in the middle of the day something I was forbidden to do because of work, but with work out of the way I was free. Free to practice deep meditation with my new surroundings it felt amazing. I read two books by Thich Nhat Hanh. Learning to love. Learning to listen to my body and feelings. Letting go of fear. Practicing deep listening to others. Sending out good thoughts, feelings and actions.

I remain determined to change my life for the better but I don't know how...or what better is...I need money but don't want to go back to a dead end job. Options?

Spent 11 years there. My mental health was taking a turn for the worse on the verge of a full break down. Perhaps a mid life crisis, perhaps a change in values and beliefs. There are things I can't discuss on here if anyone knows my history. Now the question arises what I am going to do? I am currently unable to get motivated in looking permanent work again because I don't have that burning desire to get a job. Life has been fantastic since leaving work with whatever money I have now but soon that will run out. Now I don't know what to do.

I worked as an architect cad tech. and have office skills. I'm scared about losing my home. I don't have family or friends around to help me so I could be looking at being homeless unless I get benefits from the state. I live in the UK (N.Ireland)

Perhaps....Perhaps I was right about life all along. The cosmic joke is on me, so lets all laugh.

Congrats on the resignation, assuming it's what you wanted. Tuma/Snoopy5 is driving for Uber and getting professional help. Seems like you might wanna do the same.

Reduce fix costs. Some kind of doll.