3 years to the day that my last post left off from. Seems like a galaxy away. In three years I've fell in love, got married, had another child and had a divorce. Grew up I guess. In three years I still have my degenerate tendencies but they have gotten better. In three years, it's only every 6 months I blow a bunch of money I shouldn't instead of every month...."Time marches on never ending. Time keeps it own time."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbnZYf4sZ3A
I watched an old video of my mom and my daughter C. She was just a baby then, this took place 6 years ago and she was eating breakfast with my mother and L(C's mom). When I heard my mom's voice, I almost didn't recognize it. I've heard her raspy cancer voice when I've thought of her for the last 3 years.
It was a strange feeling when my wife and separated. For the first time in my life I felt I could say that I hadn't done anything wrong. No Cheating, didn't drink too excessively, no gambling. We just weren't made for one another. For so long I had always screwed up something good. It came as a shock that this would happen when you tried to do right.
It's an even greater shock when you are having a baby together. And you are begging for the rational thing. Stay together for a while and try. The advice that you get is typically terrible. Because everyone likes to give logical reasoning. But matters of the heart don't always make sense.
I had to move. Get out of a town that holds a lot of sadness and old memories. I'm currently living in between my two daughters so I can spend as much time with them. And the distance makes it easier to move on from my latest loss. I've been here about 6 months. "going through some changes"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtxL64ZNOgA
I pick up C tomorrow. Going to buy some flowers to plant. My life hasn't gone exactly as I've planned to this point, but no matter what I can be a good parent. I learned from the best.