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Old 09-01-2018, 04:57 PM   #2451
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Re: Cause and effect

Eh, don’t worry about him, especially if there’s no apparent reason why he’d want to hurt/expose you.

Besides, what will people find out? That Lapka’s a sexual creature like the rest of us. 🤷🏻*♀️

Eh, poker, poker, poker! Mama wants you to win! #rungoot


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Old 09-02-2018, 03:31 AM   #2452
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Re: Cause and effect

Tx Josie.

You have no idea how good the timing of your post was. It calmed me down a lot. As a result I final-tabled. Not the first place, but 200$. I am pretty happy with that considering 11k participants in this freeroll.

It is more interesting pokerwise today. An event in which I satellited with 50 k for the first place right now. Slow blind structure.
My goals for the whole event:
- to stay mentally where I am right now. Right now is I a in a good place, don't obsess about anything, can focus on "now".
- not to do anything too dumb. That includes not too: call any all-ins where I am obvious dog
- generally call less
- significantly reduce my aggression compared with free rolls. I played a lot of free rolls, nano tourneys in last year. And I am used to fast blind structure. I have consciously to adapt to slow structure.
- Basically think and not make any auto moves

To achieve that:
I will go running now and have a nap in the afternoon. It is hard for me to focus for 8~9 hours. And I hope that some moving and sleeping will allow me to get easier into the flow.

Last edited by lapka; 09-02-2018 at 03:39 AM.
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Old 09-02-2018, 07:17 AM   #2453
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Re: Cause and effect

Congrats Lapka! Winning $200 in a free roll is an amazing achievement considering the odds.

I already knew you were very intelligent but man when you couple that with a good game plan like you mention above, your potential is great.

Your post makes me want to play a tournament!


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Old 09-03-2018, 03:50 AM   #2454
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Re: Cause and effect

I got a job offer in the military industry. I already decided to decline. I am sitting right now in front of the declining email and going through all things how this one can turn and bite me back. My paranoia and fantasy are a big disservice in such situations.


edit: and I flew out of bigger tourney after two hours yesterday. Exit hand was OK, but it was not so cool before. Many many many small mistakes, played not good. Very erratic, tilty, didn't pay enough attention. Not good. The biggest loss in chips came from completely wrong estimation of the "calling range of a 3 bet". Was so sure that he can't have KJ. He had. Half of my stack went in with AK on KJ3 flop. Mehhhhhhh. Don't want to talk about it. But was really not good. The feeling was wrong the whole time.

Last edited by lapka; 09-03-2018 at 04:11 AM.
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Old 09-03-2018, 09:18 AM   #2455
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Re: Cause and effect

Am I good? What is "good"?

I don't know.
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Old 09-04-2018, 06:19 AM   #2456
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Re: Cause and effect

Along my running track. I clearly picked a bag for my breakfast. But it didn't even make a dent into amount of apples just laying around and rotting. I feel like it is such a sin when so good food is just wasting.
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Old 09-04-2018, 08:51 PM   #2457
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Re: Cause and effect

The apples look beautiful and I want one very much. Cause and effect

Maybe you can collect a bag every day to share with the neighbors who have gotten treats from you before. I think you made a berry vodka that you shared.




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Old 09-05-2018, 02:13 AM   #2458
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by Very Josie View Post
The apples look beautiful and I want one very much. Cause and effect

Maybe you can collect a bag every day to share with the neighbors who have gotten treats from you before. I think you made a berry vodka that you shared.




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Good idea.

I share pretty regularly fruits of my foraging trips.
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Old 09-05-2018, 02:28 AM   #2459
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Re: Cause and effect

my mom

All my healthy boundaries, all resolutions about a healthy relationship between two grown-ups crumble into nothing when she shows me how much she loves me. I would do anything she wants, when she calls me her little bunny. She never used it to get me to do things although that would be such an easy game for her. It is an incredibly painful feeling for me when she hugs me or calls me any diminutives or shows me in any form that she loves me. It triggers in my deepest core the realization of how unworthy I am of such love and how little time we have left together. It is incredibly painful. Just thinking about the about her intonation when she calls me "little bunny" turns me into a heap of tears and uncontrollable sobbing. I am an old hag but for her I am still a little bunny.

I love my mom!
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Old 09-05-2018, 09:35 AM   #2460
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Re: Cause and effect

I have found a miracle solution for many of my troubles: just not to open certain threads. It is so relaxing.
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Old 09-05-2018, 03:41 PM   #2461
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Re: Cause and effect

sooooo......

Personal growth: soooooo wanted today to poke one other poster. Didn't! Yeah!

Kinda career growth.... I think..... or at least it feels good:
I wined here some time ago that the invitation rate to a job interviews went for me somehow to zero. I send out more or less constant stream of applications even in times when I am happy with my current job situation. This strat gives me more confidence, I know better where I am in the job market, I can go when a better offer crosses my way, I am more relaxed in my current position because I don't have the feeling to be married to my job "till the death us parts".

Right now the situation radically changed compared to my wining situation. I not only get more interviews that I can schedule sensibly, I get a TON of offers. Clearly majority are for one or other reason out of question for me. And it is annoying work to schedule everything, be prepared in every interview and generally deal with whole process. But I don't complain. It is better to be wanted than to have a feeling that no one wants me. That is true with men and true with employers.

Right now there are two offers between which I will decide. I like both better than my current project.

First one: I absolutely don't understand why they want me. It is a lot of hardware programming with goal to take a group lead in 6 months. I am a complete donkey in hardware programming. And I told it to the guys. I didn't like the men in the interview and I believe that I showed it very open. It is situation like I encountered numerous times: I am the only woman besides the secretaries and the youngest around. I don't have a feeling that I fit in there and neither do I want to try to fit in. However the company hunted me very persistently the last few weeks. They nearly doubled their money offer and asked a dude from my network to try to persuade me.
So for now + : money, responsibility, learning most new stuff;
- : I have no clue and I don't like them.

Second one: boring project, where I know all the drill. Project is only for 6 months. Money is the same like now. With me liking the people it is neutral. The biggest + is that it is in Hamburg.
I love Hamburg. And for the long term quality of life city where I am is a lot more important than becoming a little boss or having more money.

But the first one tickles the competitive tune in me. This dick measurement tune. But I should be smarter than that. And I have no dick.

I have two weeks to decide.

And it feels definitely a lot better to have a lot of offers than to be not even invited for the interviews.
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Old 09-05-2018, 03:51 PM   #2462
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Re: Cause and effect

I'd go with the challenging job. You will learn a lot and being the youngest is not a bad thing! How far is it from your home? Is it a long term job or with a finite ending like the project in Hamburg?

Whine, whining - complain(ing) immaturely

Wine, wining - plying someone with wine, i.e. wining and dining -or like the act of fermenting fruit into wine.

most often when I see the word 'wining' its a misspelling of 'winning'.
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Old 09-06-2018, 06:11 AM   #2463
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Re: Cause and effect

Hey, Josie

*blushing and embarrassed* by "whine". I do so much of whining here that I should actually have learned this word. Meeeeehhh

I will definitely think about what you wrote about more challenging project. I would have to relocate for it. It is long term. The company plans it like "till the death us parts" with development perspective. I will think about it. Your opinion definitely counts. May be I can see it as an opportunity to change a tiny little bit how things are for women in corporate environment.
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Old 09-06-2018, 02:23 PM   #2464
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Re: Cause and effect

Ha, do not be embarrassed by whine. Your grammar is much better than many people I encounter every day. I only told you because I know you want to learn, and it was tilting me. lol

Choosing a job is a big decision, esp if it involves relocating. Instinctively I went for the job where you learn and grow. Ever hear the story about the lobster?

The lobster grows and when his shell gets too tight it's uncomfortable, so he'll finally shed his shell and then produce a new one. If he wasn't uncomfortable he wouldn't shed his shell and he wouldn't grow.

Life is like that too. Things that make us uncomfortable are what cause us to grow.

Eh, on the other hand...a 6 month stint in Germany where you'll relax and have fun might be just what the doctor ordered!
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Old 09-07-2018, 03:29 AM   #2465
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Re: Cause and effect

Complicated situation

A friend is in a bad spot. My attempt to push him to do something to get out of the bad spot was replied by a nice polite but basically fk-off. Now I am not sure should I just fk-off or should I try to push some more. I mean...... he is a grown-up and I believe knows what is the best for him. On the other hand I remember to how many people I said fk-off when I was depressed and how I hated when they didn't but at the same time how good for me was that they didn't. But I am not sure if he is in a similar situation or not.

Mehhhhh....... Any ideas?

Last edited by lapka; 09-07-2018 at 03:41 AM.
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Old 09-08-2018, 03:57 AM   #2466
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Re: Cause and effect

I know what is the right thing to do right now: go outside and work out. But I soooooo don't want. The impulse is to get swamped by the internet. But it can't be that loco has a better discipline than me. n1 can do chin-ups with some crazy additional weight and I am afraid to try again after 6 weeks break. I am not worse than n1. Even Alobar is again doing something. And after mlylt is gone I don't want the place of the least fit female in oot.

That is to how environment influences moi.

So gone working out.
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Old 09-08-2018, 06:30 AM   #2467
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Re: Cause and effect

Worked out. Found something that I didn't know before how it looks like when it grows. Do you know what that is?



Spoiler:
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Old 09-10-2018, 02:45 AM   #2468
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Re: Cause and effect

how do people fall in love? How do I fall in love?

For me it is usually the projection of what I would like to see in a guy on a real guy. I basically never fall in love with real guy but always with what I would like him to be. With age it gets harder to fool myself, it gets harder not to see the reality and correspondingly harder to fall in love.

..... Meeehhhhh. I lack right now a suitable object to project on him my "perfect guy".

I wrote also already somewhere that just "nice" is not enough and that it is difficult for me to make a list of qualities that would guarantee me falling in love with a guy. But consistently nice goes a pretty long way with me. It pulls me somehow slowly in.
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Old 09-10-2018, 03:31 AM   #2469
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Re: Cause and effect

One thing that I learned is that in case of such slight meeeehhhh, it is always good to do something over what I have 100 % control and what is 100% doubtless a good idea: exercise, make my bed, vacuum, send-out the next application. Something like that. So running I go.
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Old 09-10-2018, 08:56 AM   #2470
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by lapka View Post
how do people fall in love? How do I fall in love?

For me it is usually the projection of what I would like to see in a guy on a real guy. I basically never fall in love with real guy but always with what I would like him to be. With age it gets harder to fool myself, it gets harder not to see the reality and correspondingly harder to fall in love.

..... Meeehhhhh. I lack right now a suitable object to project on him my "perfect guy".

I wrote also already somewhere that just "nice" is not enough and that it is difficult for me to make a list of qualities that would guarantee me falling in love with a guy. But consistently nice goes a pretty long way with me. It pulls me somehow slowly in.
I don't think people fall in love with qualities...admire them or appreciate them maybe. I think falling in love happens without thinking - attraction is either there or it isn't. Once there is attraction then you get to know someone and admire the good traits and maybe ignore the bad ones.
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Old 09-10-2018, 09:52 AM   #2471
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Re: Cause and effect

I don't believe in this unexplainable attraction/chemistry/whatever.....I believe like the title of the blog says, that there is good logical explanation, also for the attraction to someone.

I can to some extent either talk myself, may be not into love, but into liking someone, or also into strongly disliking someone. I can either focus on good qualities and try to find explanations/understanding/ignore bad qualities or opposite.

Funnily I realize it only now, but I am rather seldom neutral towards people with whom I interact. Majority of people I like and with some I just don't want to deal.
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Old 09-11-2018, 02:49 AM   #2472
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Re: Cause and effect

I know the trick with food: the trick is not to focus on my weight or my measures but to focus on what I am doing. I know that I want to weigh 5 kg less, what would put me under 60. And under 60 is better than over 60? Right? I know that I could easily get there in 2 weeks. But I also know that I am so easily sliding into unhealthy obsessions with all that stuff, that it is better not even to start this. It is really really really hard for me not to enter in my mind any dick competitions on this. I am fine how I am. In the world without scales I wouldn't even think about my weight. And I know that if I get under 60 then the next beautiful number: 55 is just around the corner.
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Old 09-11-2018, 10:11 AM   #2473
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Re: Cause and effect

Ack, they're just all numbers!

I assume I'm a lot shorter than you, because I'm shorter than everyone, but I was on a plateau for months at 147 lbs (67 kg I think), even with consistent work outs. What got the numbers moving again were keeping the same work out routine but adding more walking which burns calories.

Do you have a way to monitor your steps? That way you can challenge yourself to be better than yesterday. A dick competition with yourself!
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Old 09-12-2018, 02:31 PM   #2474
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Re: Cause and effect

Not so cool day.
From 5 points on my to-do list only 2 are done.
Need to do better tomorrow.
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Old 09-13-2018, 03:30 AM   #2475
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Re: Cause and effect

Don't want:
get-up, put my clothes on, take supplements, work-out, do anything from my to-do list, do anything

want: sit rooted with my butt to my couch and have a marathon of a stupid you-tube vids


so off I go to do things I don't want to do.....
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