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Old 02-23-2016, 06:34 AM   #501
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Re: Cause and effect

I have a friend. A good one. He helped me a lot, when I had bigger problems. In last monthes I have a strong feeling that he wishes me bad. That he wishes me to get fat, to have problems at my job, to have problems with getting pregnant. I have a feeling, that he was more comfortable with me, when I had bigger problems and he was helping me. He felt better in this role distribution: I am a looser, he winner who helps me and pulls me out of ****, than in more symmetric situation. And I don't know how to deal with that.
I try already not to talk with him about things that are going well. I do my best to keep -up the appearence that he has much better grip on life than me. But it is anavoidable that he gets some things. I mean, I don't want to lie directly. If I tell him something, it must be at least in some way the truth, because otherwise it makes no sense.

I can try to approach the problem with him. But I am pretty sure, that he will deny that he has this feelings, no matter how he really feels, and nothing will change.

I can just try to slowly reduce communication with him, without any confrontation.

I don't see any other alternatives how to act. I definitely don't want to keep it like it is. It is ****ty feeling that someone close wishes me bad.
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Old 02-23-2016, 11:59 AM   #502
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Re: Cause and effect

Apparently, this relationship filled a need for you, at least at some point. As it stands now, it appears it is no longer a good fit..

Either you no longer have the same need, or you have grown past the boundaries of this relationship. If you have been what you consider good friends, he deserves an honest conversation about this. Not saying that it will help, but at least he will know where you stand.
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Old 02-25-2016, 09:41 AM   #503
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Re: Cause and effect

LH

Whatever I write on poker is just my opinion. I do not claim to have an ultimate truth/anything new/easy way to unlimited riches. So take that accordingly

Played small session LH. Two tables 1/2$. Tables have been good to me. On one was just one solid reg with 31/24/16. The remainder of the table was to loose and not aggressive enough with worst stats at 51/15/0. Generally you can and should play LH a lot looser than NLH, but you have to be aggressive. With more or less decent hand you have to raise even if you know, that the whole table will still call. You raise not to make people fold. That is not gonna happen in LH, but to raise the pot. With winning rates about 2 BB/100 it makes big difference if you play a pot of 5 BB or 10 BB pre-flop. In my experience sensible stats pre-flop are when VPIP and PFR have not to big difference between. Everything else is easy exploitable.
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Old 02-27-2016, 05:15 AM   #504
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Re: Cause and effect

Young guy

Like I said, he was super pouty, when I was doing my last IVF. He got back to normal, when I told him that it didn't work. I am not really happy with that. I don't want to be close with people, that are fine with me only when things that are important for me don't work and are desperately unhappy/pissy/pouty when I takes steps the direction I want to go in my life. I understand his feelings. I really totally get what goes on with him. He doesn't really know what he wants with me, but would prefer to have me not pregnant from someone else, so that I am there... just in case. He basically would like to keep me warm. But that is not gonna happen. So what now?

I did have a talk with him, where I said all that. His reaction was priceless.... It made me feel so old and wise.
he: "You should have given me an ultimatum. Either one or zero. You know..."
huh? I am beyond the age, where women try to push men to their luck. I never give any ultimatums. I just don't play this games. And does he really think, that it would have been a good idea? I am pretty sure, that any ultimatum would have only made him feel trapped and wanting to run as fast as he can away from me. I would have felt humiliated. And nothing would have been accomplished. We wouldn't be trying to make a baby and would only feel a lot more negative towards each other. So I am pretty sure, that an ultimatum wouldn't be a solution here.
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Old 02-28-2016, 12:39 PM   #505
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Re: Cause and effect

Don't know whether I should chuckle or roll my eyes at this guy. Uh. Seems standard that he expected an emotional ultimatum.

Then he could take the high road and calmly and logically explain to emotional you why it would not work. Since you didn't follow the script, you stole his thunder. You robbed him of the opportunity to rescue you from your emotions.

If this is a habit of his, you'll have to decide whether you can tolerate it or not. I dated a man once who got totally depressed and pouty because I bought a car, and didn't"need" him to help me decide on one. OMG. His feeling were really hurt.
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Old 02-29-2016, 01:29 PM   #506
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Re: Cause and effect

What for do I live? Why do I get-up and go to work?

No. If I think about that, I actually know the answer to both of this questions. It is not universal answer, but just for me.
I live to experience new things, to give to my senses as wide spectrum of input as possible.
I go to work, because I know that averaged over something like a year, I feel better when I do that. Some structure is good for me. That I am forced to communicate with people, forced to leave my comfort zone in many areas, like negotiations or selling something (also my work and my results) keeps me growing as a person. And I feel better, when I do that.

But sometimes that all is just soul sucking. Had today about 6 hours in a meeting, where I had to be fully present, to listen and make a contribution. And I could not be silly or make jokes. It was all work and no play. And it was boooooring. I mean a meeting, where I can just go in my head through my grocery list is different. Today that was not the case. And I feel now just completely empty.

And now to relax instead of overeating, I will clean my apartment for 30 min and do yoga for 30 min. I found somewhere on the internet an advise how to make working-out/cleaning/any other tiresome, boring, but good for you activity easier. Set a timer. I set on my mobile a timer on 30 or 15 min, and then I really do this minutes this activity. Makes it somehow easier for me. Especially with cleaning. I mean cleaning is that kind of activity, that I can spend days with. This drawer or that shelf or closet, and when I finish the last, I always can do the kitchen again. That keeps me often from starting. But If I know that it is only 30 min and then I am finished, it makes it somehow more OK.

Last edited by lapka; 02-29-2016 at 01:38 PM.
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Old 02-29-2016, 08:25 PM   #507
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Re: Cause and effect

I have really to spend more time on analyzing poker and less playing it. Did a small session, but played completely mindless, just to wind down after work. Was running hot, what is nice. Lucky is always nice. But despite of luck am mildly annoyed about the play. It was somehow very unsatisfactoring.
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Old 03-01-2016, 04:52 AM   #508
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Re: Cause and effect

Unbelievably ****ty sleep. I blame it on meetings and poker.......I know I know at least one of that is in my control.....

Todo list for today:
- At least one hour walking or running outside. That should help my sleep and so that is a must.
- 30 min yoga.
- make 3 appointments. All three I procrastinate, because I don't want them. Really not: dentist, lunch with a friend and I need a handyman to repair two waterpipe holes in my bath. All three have nothing pleasant for me, but I realllllly have too.
-grocery shopping and cooking
-30 min cleaning
- finish a project for my job. That one..... no .... it is not complicated. It is totally doable, but somehow I also do procrastinate it to no end.

Dear Universum help me to sleep this night.
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Old 03-02-2016, 09:34 AM   #509
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Re: Cause and effect

Sleep was OK. Didn't play any poker, didn't have any meetings yesterday. Avoided all stress. Have spent more than an hour outside. But the main thing are sweets for about 1500 ckal in the evening. Sugar crash ensures wonderful sleep for me. Unsolvable dilemma: fat and good sleep with all consequences or slim and tired, cranky, crazy, anxious and whole bunch of mental issues that come with lack of sleep. Have to read some more and talk with my doc about this. My sleep is tightly connected to my sugar level.
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Old 03-02-2016, 01:19 PM   #510
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Re: Cause and effect

Where is my "happy"? Why can't I find it?

Worked off 1500 ckal from yesterday's sweets. Two hours of mix cardio and yoga. That has changed nothing on being desperately unhappy with myself. Gonna try some meditation now. May be will at least stop dwelling on how screwed I am.
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Old 03-02-2016, 08:20 PM   #511
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Re: Cause and effect

5 mg mitrazapine. Usual lowest therapeiutic dose starts at 15 mg and should start to work only after some week of daily intake. For me 5 mg is enough to sleep well (that is one of a side effects of mitrazapine) and to stop ruminating about my lost life. And it works immediately.... 30 min after I take it.

Thank you Universum, that I have now a break cycle with IVFs and can take whatever I want.
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Old 03-02-2016, 11:15 PM   #512
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Re: Cause and effect

Why the break cycle? I was under the impression that you 're-started last Friday.
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Old 03-03-2016, 06:21 PM   #513
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Re: Cause and effect

First testing point in IVF cycle is before I even start with shots. It is an ultrasound on the first or second day, where the number of antral follicles is count. If the number is to low, (I had this time two, previous 6), then it can be that it makes sense to wait a cycle. Doc said, that it is probably the stimulation in the previous cycle that has led to this drop in the number of antral follicles. I am actually on the verge of having a crisis. One explanation for low number of antral follicles is stimulation in the previous cycle, another is drop with the age.
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Old 03-03-2016, 07:48 PM   #514
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Re: Cause and effect

why I don't do drugs

I am actually pro-drug. I think that everyone older than 20 should be allowed to put in themselfs whatever they want. It is a part of the autonomy over your own body.

I haven't tried heroin or meth or basically any of the hard drugs. I haven't tried smoking neither hash no tobacco, because it plain stinks. Alone the thought of inhaling the smoke is for me so disgusting, that I just didn't try it. I had eaten a bunch of cookies in my youth on a trip to Amsterdam. I had been in a group, where all other guys had been smoking and I was eating cookies. In a last coffee shop a group picture was taken, where you can see that I am completely stoned. But I wasn't feeling stoned. I basically was feeling completely normal. So for me there was no reason to pay 10 times as much like normal chocolate cookie for a hash cookie. It just wasn't doing anything good for me. So I didn't start it.

I had a phase, when I was drinking to much. It was fun for some months, because I was just to shy and to tense to do certain things without alk. But pretty fast I got to the point, where I could have as much fun without alk as with and even more. And it just got boring to drink. It didn't provide any new experience. Nowdays I drink may be twice a year or so. Being drunk just doesn't make my life in any way better. It rather increases my anxiety and ruminating and being depressive.

I haven't tried any hard drugs because I understand really well, what addiction means. I do believe that a high of heroin or meth or something other from that area would be the ultimate cool super feeling good. But I also believe that I would chase this high with higher and higher dose. And at some point the curve where breath center stopes to work crosses the curve of where the high occurs and so the overdose is unavoidable. May be I will try hard things, when I am 80 or so, and where it doesn't matter any more why and when I will die.

I have tried a bunch of different prescription substances like benzoes, and many different ADs. I am not doing any benzoes because the risk of getting addicted and needing more and more of them is basically 100% with a regular consume.

I have two ADs that I love: mitrazapin and cymbalta. Both are very different. Both are ADs that are used in a normal treatment of depression. I react very sensitive to both of them ( basically to all ADs) . Cymbalta absolutely didn't do anything good to my depression or anxiety or generally mental state. It rather made it worse. I was more anxious, my sleep was going completely down the drain, I was a ton more on the edge than normal. But it completely killed my appetite. Normally I like the food. Even if I am not hungry, if I see something tasty, I want to eat it. On cymbalta food got boring. My usual morning trip to the bakery got to "It is to much effort for a bun". Result was loosing at a rate 2 kg/week without any effort. That is cool. But the mental state on cymbalta makes the weight loss just not worth it.

Another one is mitrazapine. I love mitrazapine. I love what it is doing to my brain. I sleep well, I am more centered, I don't worry, it takes this strung-out state away, makes me calm, puts me actually exactly where I want to be mentally. But...... My brain adjusts very fast to it. That means if I didn't take it for some months, than 5 mg make me really happy. After a week on 5 mg I would need 10 mg to be in the same place mentally. I would have to increase the dose, if I would take it regularly. And it has the opposite effect to cymbalta on my weight. It switches off the satiety center in the brain and I can eat without any stop on it until my stomach pains from being so full. So I take it only when it seems that nothing else helps and my world is about to collapse.

tl;dr The price I have to pay for any effect of any drug is to high. Makes it not worth it.
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Old 03-03-2016, 09:18 PM   #515
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Re: Cause and effect

Interesting post. I'm only familiar with Ativan. My doctor prescribes them for me when I fly. Take one and it's lights out until we land.

I'm just sitting here wondering what mind state I'd want to chase with a drug. This is going to require some thought.
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Old 03-04-2016, 10:43 AM   #516
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Re: Cause and effect

drugs are tool for catalyst in brain. they're not 'needed'.. you could meditate or get locked up nd go through the same process
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Old 03-04-2016, 11:14 AM   #517
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Re: Cause and effect

I have chronic pain. And I am highly sensitive to all opiate-based medication. So it would be nice to find something that works. And is not addictive. But that's for a physical need.

I can understand the desire to take a drug to alleviate depression, because I experienced this in earlier days , but the desire disappeared with therapy.

I think, if anything, I would try marijuana. What keeps me from it is the fear that I would be one of those people who experience paranoia.
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Old 03-05-2016, 11:41 AM   #518
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Re: Cause and effect

try it

https://www.leafly.com/news/cannabis...ia-and-anxiety
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Old 03-05-2016, 12:31 PM   #519
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by Olangotang View Post
I had tried it. It doesn't do anything for me. At least I didn't feel anything.
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Old 03-05-2016, 02:05 PM   #520
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Re: Cause and effect

good on you then. you're past needing drugs. what's wrong? causes and effects... I mean it sincerely.
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Old 03-05-2016, 05:46 PM   #521
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
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good on you then. you're past needing drugs. what's wrong? causes and effects... I mean it sincerely.
Your post allows so many answers.

Probably nothing wrong in a big way. Just some rambling about some issues, about live that happens. Basically any of my issues are not unique here.

A little more to "causes and effects". I still do believe that there many causal chains in this life that are not apparent. Today's science would say that this are just coincidences. One of this chains is writing things down causes me being more stable. Just the process of writing issues/intentions/situations/views down somehow structures them and takes them out of this thinking loop. So although the process of writing changes nothing in the "Reality" in some problems that I have, but it calms me down, it allows to face certain things, it stabilizes me.
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Old 03-06-2016, 09:44 AM   #522
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Re: Cause and effect

your words mesmerise me. I cannot answer in any specific way, but give your life direction and sow the seeds and dig out the weeds
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Old 03-06-2016, 04:30 PM   #523
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Re: Cause and effect

I have a business trip next Friday. My manager wishes to sell me as a consultant to another company and the trip is to a meeting with this other company. My manager wishes that I present myself from my best side and he wants to make this deal. Now the interesting question is what do I want? My emotional first impulse is "I am not gonna go".

The conditions my manager tries to offer me are beyond bad. It is in another city and my company doesn't pay me any travelling costs, any moving costs, basically nothing. On top they want to move me from permanent position that I have now to just project based time limited position. So the conditions are just a joke for me. In fact they are so bad, that if I had the choice to make this consulting project or leave the company, I would take the second option.

My manager is new. He has the position only for two months now. I have never met him in person. All communication has happened via phone and email. And I hate him already now with passion. So it would be a ****load of stress to travel with him the whole day.

But...... It is an exercise in negotiating things. I would take this consulting project with 20% increase in my salary. Realistically I know that I am not gonna get it, but I can try.

First and most important thing that I have to prepare myself for, is no to sign anything there. I know that my manager will try to push me to sign this position change on the train. He is known to use all bad sales people strats. I am not gonna sign anything on this day. In fact I am not gonna sign anything without taking it home with me and reading through it very carefully.

Second thing is that I want to act so that my manager is convinced that I like him. I want to keep my antipathy in check and not to show any signs of it. That one is pretty difficult for me. Strats in achieving it:
- Greeting: Smile and eye contact
- Preparation: read-up some neutral conversation topics like sports or theater. We will spend more than 6 hours one on one and so I want to be able to talk about something different than job.
- google him and try internally to convince myself that I like him. (That is really not good, that he is already for two months my manager and I have to google his picture.)
- have some mints with me and before I blurt out something I regret later, put a mint in my mouth.

To come: how I hope the meeting will go and how I want to deliver the message that I am not happy with offered conditions and my counteroffer.
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Old 03-06-2016, 04:50 PM   #524
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Re: Cause and effect

Take a deck of cards with you. Always a good time killer. Get him talking so you don't have to. Does he have family? Ask for pictures. You certainly can't be expected to converse the entire trip. Pull out your music, with headphones. Tell him it's how you relax before a meeting. And, if he really gets on your nerves, picture him in his underwear. But don't laugh TOO hard. You'll give it away.
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Old 03-07-2016, 08:52 PM   #525
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
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Apparently, this relationship filled a need for you, at least at some point. As it stands now, it appears it is no longer a good fit..

Either you no longer have the same need, or you have grown past the boundaries of this relationship. If you have been what you consider good friends, he deserves an honest conversation about this. Not saying that it will help, but at least he will know where you stand.
Tx for the advice. I have followed it and it seems to go well now. He understood my point and changed this things that gave me the feeling that he is happy when I fail. It makes me really happy that I can keep this friendship.
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