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Old 11-18-2015, 06:18 AM   #376
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Re: Cause and effect

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Originally Posted by gregorio View Post
was that you probably need to think less.
I have very often this thought "Lapka! Stop thinking!"
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Old 11-19-2015, 12:37 AM   #377
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Re: Cause and effect

Blurg. Had an appointment with my landlord this tuesday. Totally forgot it with all important doctor things. Now have to call tomorrow explain things and get a new appointment. Not so important appointment, but I feel completely embarrassed that I forgot it. So embarrassed that I would like just to procrastinate calling them about it. Meeehhhhh. I hate it when I am the dumb one.
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Old 11-19-2015, 04:28 AM   #378
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Re: Cause and effect

If only you had a smart phone
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Old 11-19-2015, 06:30 AM   #379
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Re: Cause and effect

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If only you had a smart phone
^^ wouldn't have helped. With any system, be it a todo list, calender, GTD, calorie tracker or whatever, you have actually to use it, to get some benefits from it. And I am a BIG slacker in this.
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Old 11-22-2015, 08:41 PM   #380
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Re: Cause and effect

Started to notice some changes in my body from freeletics. I don't count calories and I don't weigh myself. The good thing for me in this freeletics is that it requires about 20 min a day. I can do it at home and I don't need any equipment. All exercises are from category: basic and easy. There are things like jumping jacks, and squads, and push-ups. I was really surprised that I was sore after work-outs. From the description it should have been totally easy-peasy for me. It wasn't. A guy that pushed me to do it, keeps saying that I should make before and after pictures. Now that I am noticing changes, may be I will do it. I actually hate taking pictures of me. But who knows... may be I will like, what I see.

Didn't have a binge for a long time! Go me go!

Now is two weeks period that is pretty bad for me. I can't do anything about this pregnancy thing. And I have no idea if the IVF worked or not. To start testing makes sense only after two weeks period. And patience is not my strength. ..... Sit and wait is a form of torture for me.
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Old 11-22-2015, 08:50 PM   #381
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Re: Cause and effect

How is your crochet project going?
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Old 11-23-2015, 04:15 PM   #382
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Re: Cause and effect

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Considering asking him..... I can do that too, but would rather avoid it. It is somehow a fine line between being annoying and being helpful/resolving things with "What are you thinking?"
I can’t let this go by without commenting.

“What are you thinking?” is way too general a question. If you wonder if he thinks you’re an idiot, ask him that specifically.

With “What are you thinking?”, the poor guy has to wonder what he is supposed to be thinking. Then he has to either make up something he thinks you'll like, or tell the truth. He might be thinking about how his car isn’t running right, or how his favorite sports team did recently. That’s probably not where you want the conversation to go.

Lapka: What are you thinking?
Boyfriend: I need to stop for some bread on my way home.

Be specific.
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Old 12-11-2015, 02:11 PM   #383
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Re: Cause and effect

I procrastinated with a lot of things in last weeks.
updating here was one victim of my procrastination. It is Christmas, family time and with that plenty of things that are usually somewhere in the forgotten storage of my mind do crawl back to the daylight. I don't want to write here about this things. I am pretty honest here, but I don't write everything. I try to work through this things with my therapist (I do have one. Female, but younger than me), but it seems not to help. I want to have some kind of closure with certain things in my life and I can't think of any healthy way to get this closure. I want some people out of my life and I have no idea how to achieve that without feeling guilty. I don't want to go visit my parents for Christmas, and again it seems that there is no way to do this without violating the expectations of my mom and as a consequence of me feeling guilty.

Sry for confused writing.
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Old 12-11-2015, 05:58 PM   #384
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Re: Cause and effect

Hi, lapka. Good to see you!

No need for specifics.

Successful therapy brings change. Not all of it is explosive or immediate. Much is transitional in nature, and things evolve over time. One thing that you may like to consider this holiday season is volunteering. It has the benefit of keeping you busy, allowing you to feel good about contributing to those less fortunate, and will eat up time that you would normally spend with family and others you may want to avoid. It has the added benefit of being an excuse that others will not attack.

Who would argue against you spending time at a hospital?
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Old 12-12-2015, 09:08 AM   #385
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Re: Cause and effect

What is if a victim and a perpetrator do have they live paths continuously/often crossing after a crime? What is a healthy way to deal with that? Is there one?
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Old 12-12-2015, 12:15 PM   #386
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Re: Cause and effect

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What is if a victim and a perpetrator do have they live paths continuously/often crossing after a crime? What is a healthy way to deal with that? Is there one?
On the face of it, you would think that the answer is a simple one. "Damn the torpedoes, and confront the perpetrator!"

However, life is not always simple. There are a myriad of reasons why the victim has remained silent to this point. The reasons could be emotional, psychological, financial, or physical. Dealing with these feelings, while cathartic, can be initially enormously stressful.

I am confident that you and your therapist will be able to work this through.
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Old 12-15-2015, 11:26 PM   #387
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Re: Cause and effect

Amazing things have happened in OOT in two weeks, that I wasn't reading. The beast thread, that I never understood, has been locked. Apparently my predictive power about OOT is rather low. I could never imagine, that will ever happen.

*Shaking my head in disbelief*
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Old 12-17-2015, 12:21 AM   #388
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Re: Cause and effect

RANT+log of trouble shooting for slow PC after update


Have I already mentioned, what I think of microsoft and windows? No? Then now it is the time. It is a perfect example that not the best product becomes dominant on the market, but the best marketed product. I think it is not possible to design a OS worse than windows on purpose. I hate it. I hate that it autoupdates, without asking me if I want it or not. Ohhh, yeahhhh, sure. Somewhere there is a way to switch it off. Why the FK is it on in the first place?! Why does my PC do anything without me telling him to do so.

Anyway. After this last ***** update my Schleppi(my laptop) become painfully slow. The pages in my browser do take time to open. Between a click on an icon and actually starting a programm takes up to 1 min time.

I am trying to find out, what is the problem by looking at the task manager, performance monitor and googling a lot. Until now no success. Neither of tools shows a big load on CPU or network.
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Old 12-17-2015, 04:34 AM   #389
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Re: Cause and effect

Have you tried using other operating systems? There's a bunch of free Linux variants
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Old 12-17-2015, 05:09 AM   #390
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Re: Cause and effect

To speed up your laptop, cleaning up the registry with something like CCleaner might work
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Old 12-17-2015, 05:29 AM   #391
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Re: Cause and effect

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Have you tried using other operating systems? There's a bunch of free Linux variants
I have. I mean I have ubuntu and windows on my Schleppi. I use for almost everything ubuntu. But I haven't manged to make PS or actually any of poker clients run on ubuntu. So I keep windows too. Ubuntu is not perfect. I think there is no perfect OS. But it never enrages me like windows does. I know pretty exactly, what is hapenning why on ubuntu. Not so with windows.


Cleaning up the system was a pro advice. have done it and now the velocity is back to normal. Tx.
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Old 12-19-2015, 12:01 AM   #392
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Re: Cause and effect

Somehow in good state now.

Hopeful, have found the right state to face the Christmas with my parents now, grateful for not being depressed and having a good grip on my GA. Seldom state of peace, not thinking about problems, projecting a good future instead of catastrophic one. And my apartment is really always reflecting my state of my mind. Now it is picked-up, clean and even nicely decorated for Christmas.

Dear Universum, pls let me keep that state.
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Old 12-20-2015, 12:54 AM   #393
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Re: Cause and effect

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Somehow in good state now.

Hopeful, have found the right state to face the Christmas with my parents now, grateful for not being depressed and having a good grip on my GA. Seldom state of peace, not thinking about problems, projecting a good future instead of catastrophic one. And my apartment is really always reflecting my state of my mind. Now it is picked-up, clean and even nicely decorated for Christmas.

Dear Universum, pls let me keep that state.
Enjoy the season, lapka. My house is pure chaos. My ornaments have not managed to stay in place. Too much curiosity amongst the youngsters.

I don't mind though. All part of the holidays.

My daughter baked cookies with the grandkids. We have 40 dozen, and more to come. I believe she has lost her mind, but she says that they can use them for gifts. Like I said, it's chaos around here.
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Old 12-22-2015, 07:08 AM   #394
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Re: Cause and effect

Triggered by a post in psychology thought more about GA.

What is addiction anyway? According to this http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/...t/20-questions
I am not a compulsive gambler anymore. But I still do have this urges
to dive deep in, until the last euro is gone. Bu I don't do it and generally poker went from the position number one in my life to 999.

What made that? What exactly has worked this last time I gambled my rent away?

General train of thoughts before had been: It can work. And after I win plenty of money I will be this wonderful person that is morally impeccable, responsible, interesting, smart, does cool projects, is liked by everyone, has a perfect SO....

It had changed in two ways this last time I had this crazy gambling session:

1. It doesn't work this way and never will. And it was somewhere on a deep level. This idea that it might work one day to play stakes with one buy-in in my BR disappeared from my head . Disappeared not only from a rational part, but on also completely from my emotional self. I mean I knew it rationally also before. But emotionally it had been somehow:" Yea I know it, but I might get lucky and so it might work." And now I know, am completely sure, believe with every fibre of me: It doesn't work.

2. Me being this wonderful person that is morally impeccable, responsible, interesting, smart, does cool projects, is liked by everyone, having perfect SO is completely uncorrelated with me winning or loosing at poker. I just had to live it. And I started by stopping borrowing any money from anyone to resolve the problems I have created to myself. This one gave somehow the boost. It was strangely good feeling after a difficult conversation with my ladlord, in which I explained to him that I couldn't pay the rent then. It was stressful to no end and tough but at the same time it gave me somehow this feeling that I act more like what I actually am.
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Old 12-22-2015, 07:49 PM   #395
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Re: Cause and effect

Why do people use microsoft instead of openoffice?
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Old 12-24-2015, 11:38 AM   #396
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Re: Cause and effect

I wish everyone, who reads that merry Christmas, happy new year, health, tons of money, love and happiness.


Our tree. Everything is still not completely finished that moment. The preparation goes on surprisingly calm and cheerful. I had expected a lot more stress.
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Old 12-24-2015, 01:34 PM   #397
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Re: Cause and effect

Best wishes to you, lapka! Believe it or not, we have quite a few of the same ornaments. My favorites are the clip on birds. I'm not using them this year, because of too many curious fingers. They belonged to my mother.
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Old 12-25-2015, 06:32 AM   #398
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Re: Cause and effect

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Best wishes to you, lapka! Believe it or not, we have quite a few of the same ornaments. My favorites are the clip on birds. I'm not using them this year, because of too many curious fingers. They belonged to my mother.

The number of parallels is really outstanding. My mom collects such birds. And they are really fragile. Especially the point where the clip is attached to the bird.
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Old 12-26-2015, 10:33 PM   #399
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Re: Cause and effect

Thinking about how many of the people whom I have known are dead. The oldest one is my grand grand mother. She was 94, when she died. She had seen both world wars, had some tough time during the revolution and Stalin time in the Sovijet Union, flew with airplane first time when she was 90 during our immigration from Kasachstan to Germany. She had a good death. She died in her bed from old age, being sure that God expects her and that she lived the right way.

Thoughts do come from a story I stumbled upon here. Brandy Hawbaker. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsTX8Bb4FDk. Now dead already for some years. Young pretty poker player with a tons of issues. Apparently coned some people also here. And then at some point there was a suicide.

Being pretty and hot does not necessary make one having a good life. I am not sure if her looks had been a curse or a blessing. If I look at her it makes me sad. Would I feel the same way looking at dead by suicide young ugly girl? Yes, but it would be different sadness. How do people go from so sparkling, smiling, laughing, warm, full of feelings to dead.......

I am afraid to die. I am afraid that my mom will die soon.
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Old 12-30-2015, 06:27 AM   #400
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Re: Cause and effect

New year new year new year is coming!!!!!!!!!!!
YEYEYEA!

New year is a totally magic evening. How you spend it, so the whole year will go. So I am not gonna to party. Today is visit to the hairstylist and spa. Tomorrow is working out a ton, cleaning and a really nice meal.

Inspired by JM's blog: I too want to have a trillion dollar and look like Victoria Secrets model. Dream Big!

My dad has sensory aphasia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transc...ensory_aphasia

We thought that he has just a poor hearing and needs a hearing aid. Situation is different. Some parts of the brain are deteriorating from age and he does hear, but does not understand words. On top comes, that he does not want to admit it. He refuses to go to neurologist. Bad bad bad.... My mom demonstrates really angelic patience. If it would be my responsibility, he would have no say any more in this.
You can't imagine how difficult it is to be under one roof with someone, who always has been difficult narcisst with asperger and has now on top decaying brain.
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