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Old 10-29-2015, 09:08 AM   #351
granddam
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Re: Cause and effect

I have to hand it to you. You certainly are industrious. My mom and her sister would make doilies in this way. My aunt gave some of them to my sister. My sister is a collector of all things old. Me, not so much. She's been offered quite a bit of money for them. Seems like people recognize quality and workmanship. She won't part with them.

My own skills tend to be in making afghans. Larger hooks and heavier yarns. Haven't worked one in quite a few years. Two of my granddaughters want me to teach them, but I am left-handed, and this creates no end of problems.

I'd love to see some of your work.
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Old 10-29-2015, 06:08 PM   #352
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Re: Cause and effect

My grandma taught me crocheting. (Am thinking now how I would work with left hand. The direction changes. Hmmmm. Interesting.) I was younger than 6. And I remember I always had pulled the loops to tight . In younger years it was mainly white fine lace work. My grandma still has it. I will make some pictures when I visit her next time. In my student years I have decorated some seats in lecture hall with really colorful rainbow like work (without asking for permission ) . That was very different. Thicker yarn, colors, simple single stitch, big surface covered. That one I really regret not having any pictures of. But it was in time, when phones didn't have a camera, so VERY ancient.

And now I have time (absolutely surprisingly ) and in such situations ideas (not always sensible one) just come to my mind. I never done irish crochet work. The main idea is that you crochet many elements like flowers, leafs or whatever comes to your mind separately and put it afterwards together.

Already now this project had some unexpected consequences. I had a drawer with a lot of junk from my previous relationship (and it is already many years in the past ). Now I thought that I will need some space for my project and cleaned out this drawer.
Feels good.
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Old 10-30-2015, 10:29 AM   #353
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Re: Cause and effect

I. spent the evening searching Irish crochet. Beautiful So intricate. I love the leafy patterns. I noticed on eBay, wedding gowns for $12,000! Can you imagine?

Clean out those old drawers. Make room for the new! What a positive move on your part.
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Old 10-31-2015, 03:25 PM   #354
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Re: Cause and effect

Gosh, I am so triggered now. Had a really good session at the tables and am +1 k. That is one k on site to much for my peace. I have such an urge to do dumb **** now. And I can't cash out the next 36 hours. And I can't go out now. I have bad cold. And I am to worried that if I let the PS ban me for 24 hours that they will make a stress then with cash-out and will prolong this period during which you can't cash-out for 48 hours after the ban. They have done it in the past. And I know that I would be totally pissed with myself, if I would give this 1000 $ back, playing the limits that are none of my business. And the friggin german mail has not managed to deliver my yarn today. That would distract me now.

I hate that. I hate that my brain is completely freaked out now. So what I am gonna do the next 36 hours to keep that under control?

And it makes a difference if I can cash-out or not. If I could cash out that would not much problem at all.

How to regulate myself down? .......I can work-out, even if it is not really good idea with a cold. Hopefully this restlessness, this pull of addiction can be curbed if I power-out. That is a good idea, especially because in an effort to calm down I just ate 6 of those http://www.kinder.com.de/de/kinder-pingui?r=47848, each to 135 ckal.

I HATE THAT. I don't want to be in this state. working out I go.
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Old 10-31-2015, 05:13 PM   #355
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Re: Cause and effect

Lapka, maybe you can do what works for me. I am definitely an addict. In my younger years, I crossed the line a few times. Felt miserable, stupid, guilty and broke. So I set a limit.

If I win up to $700, I can do whatever I want with it. Bump up limits, whatever. One penny over this, and I must stop. This money must come home with me. If I fail, no more gambling. It has served me well.
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Old 11-01-2015, 04:51 AM   #356
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Re: Cause and effect

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Lapka, maybe you can do what works for me. I am definitely an addict. In my younger years, I crossed the line a few times. Felt miserable, stupid, guilty and broke. So I set a limit.

If I win up to $700, I can do whatever I want with it. Bump up limits, whatever. One penny over this, and I must stop. This money must come home with me. If I fail, no more gambling. It has served me well.
Super good, perfectly reasonable idea. I do basically the same. I have on the site normally no more than 1000 $. Every time I am after a session above it I immediately cash out. And it really helps. Somehow then it is easier to manage this way.

The problem yesterday was that Pokerstars do put restrictions on cash-outs sometimes. Basically I have to wait 48 hours after certain events before I can cash-out. And having 2 k on the site has triggered me yesterday badly. I can feel it when I am switching from normal mode to addict.

Now it is back to normal. Yesterday worked out until almost puked. 6 kinder-pinguins, I ate prior to working out, were repeating every exercise I did in my stomach. And 6 kinder-pinguins doing jumping jacks in the stomach - really can't say that it feels good. Then went to bed and surprisingly managed to fall asleep. Now is everything fine. No urge even to start Pokerstars.
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Old 11-01-2015, 12:23 PM   #357
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Re: Cause and effect

How does all of this physical exertion cohabit with your fertility regime?
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Old 11-02-2015, 06:21 PM   #358
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Re: Cause and effect

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How does all of this physical exertion cohabit with your fertility regime?
No more poker for me until I am pregnant......

The answer is: not good. Neither eating 6 sweet bars, no intensive exercising afterward are a good idea. Meeehhh.

I need to be mentally stable, so that I don't rely on overeating or overexercising to regulate myself. Poker has been proven again and again to be destabilizing for me. No more poker until I am pregnant and probably even for about 9 months longer.

Tx for question.
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Old 11-02-2015, 07:03 PM   #359
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Re: Cause and effect

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Yes. Like, maybe you feel judged by all therapists because your mom is one?
I thought a little more about my shrink choice. It was totally unconscious that I choose all three times older females. But now I see that it is because I associate them with competence, because my mom is super good in her job.

And I totally did treat them in the sessions like they were my mom. Sharing of any information beyond that I would share with my mom was MAJOR effort. And I felt constantly judged.

Now the question is what to do with that?

Older male / father figure is out of question. I have no idea where would a session go exactly, if I start to project my dad on the therapist, but I am completely sure, that it won't be good.

So the choice is again an older female, but so that I speak about this projection in the pre-session and see if she can suggest a strategy to deal with that.

Or someone significantly younger, also from the representation less dominant. That could be fun, even if it proofs to be useless.
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Old 11-03-2015, 04:22 AM   #360
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Re: Cause and effect

Have two appointments with younger shrinks. Both under 30. One male, one female. It is totally different feeling. Like they are children. They so can't tell me what to do, or if I am bad or good. Not sure if this is good idea, but I will give it a go. Will decide after this pre-session with whom of them I go.

And my yarn is there. So this week first pictures of crocheted flowers.
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Old 11-03-2015, 05:35 PM   #361
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Re: Cause and effect

Re: exercise- It's been 30 years, but, when I was having difficulties, my Ob-Gyn suggested swimming. He told me that it is the perfect exercise for a woman. Jogging or running, especially on concrete, not so much. Too jarring.

Re: therapy- Choosing a therapist is a totally personal matter, as is the type of therapy. I would like to point out, that you will have issues to confront with ANY therapist you choose.
If you choose a young therapist because you feel that it will help you avoid mom issues, you should be aware that you may have difficulty trusting based on your perception of his or her inexperience.
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Old 11-09-2015, 09:03 AM   #362
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Re: Cause and effect

All work and no play.....

Have to learn new software: Unscrambler in my free time in shortest possible period. Have to use it in 2016. So the time is now scarce. But that is actually OK. Well defined not to complicated task. I totally get the flow experience during this learning phase.
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Old 11-10-2015, 10:23 PM   #363
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Re: Cause and effect

I am still dating this younger guy. And it is still good. He is nerdy, socially not so skilled, introvert....You get the picture. But somehow he has really the ability to say right things to me. I admitted today that I do think a lot if I am pretty enough, if I am not to fat and such. ( Yes. I know. At my age I shouldn't have this thoughts. I know that I am at the weight that is for 90% of men ok. And I know that in bed other things are a TON more important. I still have this thoughts.) I liked his reaction: "What does my penis tell you about that. He doesn't lie." And I know all that. But somehow him telling me that relaxes my insecurity.

As contrast a story from my twenties:
I was dating a HOT guy. Major hot. Doing triathlons, communicative, sexy. It ended bad for me. Once in bed he commented that my abs are OK, but I could loose some weight at my thighs. And that after we had sex. It instilled a lot of insecurities and food issues in me. And to illustrate how dumb I was: I haven't kicked his ass out of my bed and even tried to work with my thighs. Gosh, I was dumb. I can't now even tell why I was actually dating that guy. He made me feel miserable and inadequate and I had no fun with him in bed. Now that I think about that, I really wonder what was going on in my mind.

Not that I am now all that clever, but the trend with men is definitely the right direction. So I have good chances to find Mr. Right when I am 80.
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Old 11-11-2015, 09:56 AM   #364
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Re: Cause and effect

One of the most attractive things in a man is when he is happy to see me, to spend time with me, but at the same time is not clingy.
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Old 11-11-2015, 07:48 PM   #365
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Re: Cause and effect

Don't know what to do. In two senses: Immediately and long term. With this younger guy.

On one side he pushes and wants to see me more and spend more time with me. On another side he avoids any idea of commitment. I can pretty well live with him avoiding commitment. I don't think that 10 years age difference, where woman is the older part, is a good basis for anything with future. But without a commitment it is for me just to big time investment. I would probably play along, if he would bring me flowers and wanting children with me and just satisfying better my emotional and also corporal needs. Last time I wanted a massage from him . I didn't ask verbally, but placed his hand on my shoulder and made some movements with my shoulders, whilst we were watching a film. He just ignored it. *GRRRRRRRRR*Now that I am writing it out, I understand that he probably just didn't get what I want from him. But do I want that? And what for?

I need to do more thinking.
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Old 11-11-2015, 08:30 PM   #366
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Re: Cause and effect

It's not surprising that you're a bit up in the air about this relationship. If your attempts at pregnancy are successful, your life is about to change in major ways. Why wouldn't you want to know exactly how he fits in?
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Old 11-13-2015, 12:07 PM   #367
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Re: Cause and effect

http://www.bipolarworld.net/Treatmen...0Help/sh18.htm

Mind Reading

Trap: You jump to a conclusion on the basis of what you assume someone else is thinking.

Example: “He’s thinking that I’m an idiot.”

Escape: Realize that the person may rather than must be thinking that way. Consider other interpretations of the situation. Ask the person.

Am doing that a lot at the moment. According to the advice above I should put him rather on a range of thoughts, than on an actual single thought to the situation. I can do that. Considering asking him..... I can do that too, but would rather avoid it. It is somehow a fine line between being annoying and being helpful/resolving things with "What are you thinking?"
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Old 11-13-2015, 12:31 PM   #368
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Re: Cause and effect

I know 100 % that the Young guy is lying with a certain statement. I consider this special lie pretty harmless and I know why he is doing that. At least his motives are pure . He doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I know also the truth and my feelings aren't hurt.

Should I play along or not? I can do so as if I buy the story 100%. (We do communicate every day a ton in chat) But instinctively I don't want to do that. I also don't want to confront him. My instincts tell me to take a step back and say nothing to that special story. But then I am thinking again, may be I avoid difficult talk to much. But then why should we have any difficult talk at all, we ain't gonna to have anything long term this or that way, so it should be all fun and nice and cool.
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Old 11-13-2015, 12:58 PM   #369
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Re: Cause and effect

The actual lie is not a big issue to you. The fact that he IS lying about anything at all is the issue. How you handle this is also a big issue to you, because it will define how you will be with him in the future.

Maybe you can say, Look, I appreciate that you are trying to spare my feelings, I get it, but, if you're not truthful with me, it will erode my trust and eventually affect our relationship. I don't want that to happen.

Just an opinion, a biased one at that, based on my own trust issues.
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Old 11-15-2015, 11:19 AM   #370
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by lapka View Post
http://www.bipolarworld.net/Treatmen...0Help/sh18.htm

Mind Reading

Trap: You jump to a conclusion on the basis of what you assume someone else is thinking.

Example: “He’s thinking that I’m an idiot.”

Escape: Realize that the person may rather than must be thinking that way. Consider other interpretations of the situation. Ask the person.

Am doing that a lot at the moment. According to the advice above I should put him rather on a range of thoughts, than on an actual single thought to the situation. I can do that. Considering asking him..... I can do that too, but would rather avoid it. It is somehow a fine line between being annoying and being helpful/resolving things with "What are you thinking?"
There can be a problem in answering this question. CBT is a useful, successful therapy for many people who are struggling with.psychological issues. Basically, a form of behavior modification.

However, for those who have chosen an analytical approach, the questions you'd ask are entirely different. You must choose the path that best works for you.
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Old 11-16-2015, 06:25 AM   #371
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Re: Cause and effect

First IVF try is tomorrow. The hormonal part went good (That is good news, because I already had been at this point with hormonal part going not so good). Tomorrow I will be punctured with long needle to extract egg cells. Fun times. I am somewhere between angry, frustrated and hopeful.
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Old 11-16-2015, 07:59 PM   #372
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Re: Cause and effect

I have/had a cold for three weeks now. I leave out all details and jump to the status today. I still have pain in my chest. And I made a mistake to google pain in a chest at breathing. Boy was that a mistake. No I feel like a character in "three men in a boat" (I liked this book. Very nice, cool humor) :
"
I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment for some slight ailment of which I had a touch – hay fever, I fancy it was. I got down the book, and read all I came to read; and then, in an unthinking moment, I idly turned the leaves, and began to indolently study diseases, generally. I forget which was the first distemper I plunged into – some fearful, devastating scourge, I know – and, before I had glanced half down the list of “premonitory symptoms,” it was borne in upon me that I had fairly got it.

I sat for awhile, frozen with horror; and then, in the listlessness of despair, I again turned over the pages. I came to typhoid fever – read the symptoms – discovered that I had typhoid fever, must have had it for months without knowing it – wondered what else I had got; turned up St. Vitus’s Dance – found, as I expected, that I had that too, – began to get interested in my case, and determined to sift it to the bottom, and so started alphabetically – read up ague, and learnt that I was sickening for it, and that the acute stage would commence in about another fortnight. Bright’s disease, I was relieved to find, I had only in a modified form, and, so far as that was concerned, I might live for years. Cholera I had, with severe complications; and diphtheria I seemed to have been born with. I plodded conscientiously through the twenty-six letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid’s knee."


On a serious note (kind of serious, half serious. It is really difficult to transfer certain intonations without using non-verbal communication) I will be tomorrow in the morning punctured by needles and tomorrow in the afternoon work with my doctor to exclude that my lung is gonna to slowly stop functioning. I am pissed at life and thinking about how it is to die, when your lungs aren't working (I tell ya , I have vivid imagination and if I read something my imagination is just gonna build something from this material)

Hm. I have to make something cool with my imagination. I mean besides pretending to be a witch and destroying my enemies.
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And then one day I started to play pretend. I often pretended to be a fairy or a princess as a child. And I started to do the same, when I was laying in bed and could not sleep. I started to pretend being a witch. I started to draw in my phantasy the pictures, of all things I will do, when I will fall asleep, since my witchcraft was clearly on its peak in the night when I slept^^
It should do something more age appropriate.

On a side note. My imagination is one of my enemies in building relationships with people. It does for me a TON of mind reading, and like today was somehow clarified, wrong mind reading.
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Old 11-17-2015, 01:19 AM   #373
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Re: Cause and effect

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On a side note. My imagination is one of my enemies in building relationships with people. It does for me a TON of mind reading, and like today was somehow clarified, wrong mind reading.
My first thought when I read this

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I need to do more thinking.
was that you probably need to think less.
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Old 11-17-2015, 10:34 AM   #374
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Re: Cause and effect

I find it a fairly pointless exercise to try to determine what people are thinking. It's usually filtered through your own biases and ego.. Like the young (or immature) person convinced everywhere he or she goes, their every action is scrutinized.. Come to find out later no one really cares what you're doing.

Same goes with trying to "mind read" people. The less information you take in to try to reach conclusions, the more likely you are to be wrong. So just form relationships (takes trust) and leave the mind reading for when you have a better feel for a person.
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Old 11-18-2015, 06:15 AM   #375
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Re: Cause and effect

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I find it a fairly pointless exercise to try to determine what people are thinking. It's usually filtered through your own biases and ego.. Like the young (or immature) person convinced everywhere he or she goes, their every action is scrutinized.. Come to find out later no one really cares what you're doing.

Same goes with trying to "mind read" people. The less information you take in to try to reach conclusions, the more likely you are to be wrong. So just form relationships (takes trust) and leave the mind reading for when you have a better feel for a person.
You are completely right. I am trying really really hard to stop it.
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