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Old 09-09-2015, 07:15 PM   #251
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Re: Cause and effect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_u3-EDG4PrI
Brilliant, entertaining, wise.
"Issue is not failure or success, but how you deal with it."
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Old 09-10-2015, 08:09 PM   #252
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Re: Cause and effect

Had a really good evening with a guy I like a lot. He is a rare exception from the rule: all men are in best case useless. I think that he likes me at least a little bit. I am not sure, but assume that. We cooked: steak with potato wedges and mushrooms, watched star-treck and had great sex.

Now comes the crazy part: Why the fk, the main thought that is now going through my head is that I was not good enough and that he regrets the evening.
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Old 09-12-2015, 03:50 PM   #253
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Re: Cause and effect

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Now comes the crazy part: Why the fk, the main thought that is now going through my head is that I was not good enough and that he regrets the evening.
Know now that he doesn't regret the evening. That feels good.^^

I am agnostic. I have no idea, if there is a God or not. But I would really like to be religious, probably christian. There are obvious advantages of not stopping complete existence with physical death or comparatively easy to follow 10 commandments to be a good christian. The idea that you can be a sinner and still good enough to be loved by God, and even more - that you can be forgiven your sins, is totally fascinating for me. That you are not perfect, but still good enough, is so not in my world view. I am learning that with age, but I think my life would have been easier if I had it from the beginning.
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Old 09-13-2015, 09:42 AM   #254
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Re: Cause and effect

How did the people live 20 years ago without internet. It was dark time.
My bicycle broke. And I hate that. Technical things should just work, and I don't wanna spend my time on them. And I haven't. For the last 8 years the only thing I have done for my bicycle is putting air in the tubes. Now he decided to take revenge. Basically that thing to which the chain is attached (chain ring? ratchet? The dictionaries are not so much help in this one) detached from a wheel.


I assume that there should be an additional kind of lockring or so where the red arrow points. May be it just broke in two and I didn't notice. But basically I have no idea. Trying to find the info I need on the internet. Thank you google, thank you whoever invented the internet. Who was it actually?
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Old 09-13-2015, 06:04 PM   #255
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Re: Cause and effect

I love internet.

I am not sure how the guys on the bike forum did see that in all this grease and dirt, but they gave me spot-on advice what happened and what to do. Apparently this metallic ring, that looks just like a piece of wire came off. The trick is now to put it back in place. Apparently it is done by sheer force and some screwdrivers.

So next task here for me is to clean it and to try my luck with putting it back. Another advice that was given, is that googles is a must, because this split ring can jump off.
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Old 09-14-2015, 06:06 PM   #256
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Re: Cause and effect

reeeeeeeely ****ty mood for a reeeeely good reason.
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Old 09-15-2015, 01:14 AM   #257
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Re: Cause and effect

So thankful, that there is sleep, so thankful that I am not depressed any more, so thankful that my insomnia is nowdays a really seldom visitor. Slept well and although a reason for a ****ty mood did not disappear over night, mood is significantly better.
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Old 09-16-2015, 03:55 AM   #258
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Re: Cause and effect

I vote with my money.

I do feel pressure to be thinner and to be younger. I think that it is completely freaking wrong. I think beauty OPs, botox etc is wrong, and that it is wrong not from women, who do them, but from the society, which pressures women in doing dangerous, painful things to satisfy certain, promoted by the media, look. I think healthy is good, where healthy includes physical and psychological component.

I vote with my money against any company that promotes this pressure. I do not buy anything aggressively promoted antiaging, antiwrinkles, "look like you are 16 again", "loose 10 kg in 10 days". Especially outrageous I find Lancome, that did terminate modelling contract with Isabella Rossellini after her 40's birthday.

Pressure on men is probably less, but I am completely sure it is still there. ^^
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Old 09-16-2015, 08:56 PM   #259
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Re: Cause and effect

Calm, peaceful, hopeful, thankful for so many things.

Dear Universum, pls let me keep this state of mind.

Grateful for
-being alive. Three years ago I was suicidal. I am so happy that I haven't done anything to stupid.
-having good grip on my GA. I forgot how stressful it was to be in financial trouble because of my own stupidity. Was reminded of it today by a thread in OOT.
-having hope. It is one of the signs of being in a good place. I have plans and I have hope that all things that are important will work-out. Somehow ^^
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Old 09-18-2015, 08:13 AM   #260
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Re: Cause and effect

I am active on one anti-suicidal forum. Started there as a needy part and slowly evolved into trying to write something supportive to others.

It is highly therapeutical. For once it has given me a perspective. I mean all my problems are so not unique. All, really ALL, problems posted there are either money/debt - 45% of all problems, or relationship - another 45 %, or health problems 10%. I did find interesting this division. The things that are caused by certain behavior and can be changed (money, relationship problems) cause the people to think about suicide 9 times as often as illnesses that can not be treated effectively.

And it gave me also a food for thoughts considering my own behavior/reaction to advice people give me. Usually a thread goes like: OP posts a problem, that has caused him thinking about suicide. He gets a spot-on advice, what should he do/change to resolve this problem. And advice is usually really good. OP starts to talk-back and brings a TON of arguments, why he won't follow the advice. I wonder to which extend I myself am this way. At least I try consciously to be more open minded if people show me alternatives to my behavior.

It made me also wonder, how to say/present things, so that people will accept them and follow the advice. Logic definitely does not help here.
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Old 09-18-2015, 05:26 PM   #261
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Re: Cause and effect

A guy wants to see me again. I don't know what is my game here. I like him, he likes me at least a little bit, I know that. Actually we are good friends. And somehow it started to slip into good friends with benefits. I am afraid that either me or him will hate it and regret it. I am so old and single for so long and actually so settled in my lifestyle and actually unwilling to make big sacrifices for any guy. I am afraid that the benefits part is going to destroy friends part, and this friendship for me is definitely a lot more important than any romance. Until now he was perfect and I managed the distance between us very carefully. So until now, I would say, there was no mistake made, and neither me no him will have any regrets. He is also actually to young for me. So it is my responsibility to steer it gently in a direction, where no one will be hurt.

*confused, excited, no idea what is right thing to do* - my usual state
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Old 09-18-2015, 11:17 PM   #262
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Re: Cause and effect

Let go of the rudder and let the boat drift it's own path.
What better relationship than one where you are enjoyed and appreciated. In the end, the relationship will go where it wants to, anyway. Enjoy yourself.
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Old 09-20-2015, 04:56 AM   #263
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Re: Cause and effect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PENkzh0tWJs

struck a cord. ^^
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Old 09-20-2015, 03:25 PM   #264
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Re: Cause and effect

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Where do you think most of the pressure comes from?

I had occasion to dress up, but, overall it's not my thing. I worked a factory job in greasy jeans. Loved it so much better than skirts and heels.
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Old 09-22-2015, 01:31 PM   #265
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Re: Cause and effect

I think it is a complex combo. Media, women between each other, men. But the main thing is money. If you look at all this beauty/diet markets - it is HUGE. It is profitable for so many to have an impossible to achieve ideal for beauty.

I, at my age, just don't play along many of this games. I don't buy anything from companies that aggressively promote how terrible it is not to look like their advertisement. I do put a priority on functional before pretty in my own life. I try to avoid this "fugly" conversations. I mean pretty/hot is cool, but if it becomes the most important thing, it is not healthy. I don't read any of this strange magazines, that are basically only advertisement with unrealistic pictures.

I was not always so. I vividly remember being 20 something and going out for dancing in 10 cm high heels. I went home barefoot from this dance, because it was so painful. And somehow with age I understood that ROI on such things is hugely negative for me. Male attention versus pain in my feet. Naaah.

If I look here at thread savers or blog from screaming asian I find most of them amazing. I mean so many different ways to see a female butt. It is phantastic. But it is now. In my 20ts I would have immediately start to compare my butt with girls in the pictures. I would have lost this competition and be in HUGE distress.

And I think it is a pressure for guys too. Where do they find girls like in this pictures?
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Old 09-22-2015, 04:11 PM   #266
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Re: Cause and effect

My life is firmly divided between pre- and post- therapy. I bought the idea of physical beauty early on, but I was never happy. I just didn't know how to pay attention to that inner, logical voice that kept trying to explain why I was so unhappy with the status quo.

I would dress up and go out with friends, meet a man, and things just weren't quite right.
Of course it wasn't right. The man expected this dressed up, made up woman, and that wasn't who I was.

I prefer sweats and a carton.of Chinese food. Relaxed, good humor. Cut-offs and beer on the back porch. And when I finally got that, that was the package I brought to the table. Take it or leave it. And I really liked the relaxed, honest person it allowed me to be.

I don't go out of my way to look like a frump, but I have had well-meaning friends offer me make-overs. HAHA.

Not close friends. They just laught with me. You really have to like the package you come in. It starts there.
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Old 09-23-2015, 03:53 PM   #267
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Re: Cause and effect

Have found another IVF center, that seems to take singles. That one is in Netherlands. Costs vary up to 30% between different centers and with 10 k it is a lot. That is REALLY frustrating work. I read, and do, and pay, and take meds, and do no dumb things,- and there is no result, only this sinking feeling of panic in my stomach.

Steve Vaj said in one of his interviews, that you get in your life what you want the most and what of you are afraid the most. What will I get here?
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Old 09-23-2015, 04:06 PM   #268
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Re: Cause and effect

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I would dress up and go out with friends, meet a man, and things just weren't quite right.
Of course it wasn't right. The man expected this dressed up, made up woman, and that wasn't who I was.
Yes! I totally get that. Had multiple times exactly that experience. Guys saw the exterior and somehow completely misjudged interior, because admittedly there was a gap between both.
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Old 09-24-2015, 12:13 AM   #269
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Re: Cause and effect

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Have found another IVF center, that seems to take singles. That one is in Netherlands. Costs vary up to 30% between different centers and with 10 k it is a lot. That is REALLY frustrating work. I read, and do, and pay, and take meds, and do no dumb things,- and there is no result, only this sinking feeling of panic in my stomach.

Steve Vaj said in one of his interviews, that you get in your life what you want the most and what of you are afraid the most. What will I get here?
So, what exactly is it that you want the most? And what is it that you are most afraid of? These things are not mutually exclusive, are they?
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Old 09-24-2015, 04:18 AM   #270
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Re: Cause and effect

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So, what exactly is it that you want the most? And what is it that you are most afraid of? These things are not mutually exclusive, are they?
Exactly. I want a healthy child more than anything else. And I am afraid that it won't work.

Whoever says that it is frustrating to loose a big pot to a two outer has no idea about real frustration. Every cycle: Ovulation; trying; two weeks waiting-> again nothing. And I can't drink, I can't overeat, I can't overexercise, I can't do any meds or drugs. To rant is basically the single coping strategy that is left to me.

In the meantime trying to find a good doctor. Procreation laws in Germany are so unbelievably ****ty. I mean I understand also doctors that they don't want to mess with singles, because consequences for them are unpredictable. I had to change my gyn, because the first one didn't even want to count follicles (pretty standard procedure), because she was unsure, if in case of the pregnancy I could sue her for support. It is ridiculous.

I am trying IVF this cycle in one clinic in Denmark. But I am very unhappy with them. They haven't done basically not a single diagnostic step to see why it has not worked yet. They have some standard lines of treatment and they are just pushing most expensive of this standard lines.

So I am looking for alternatives. Now I have found one in Netherlands.
http://www.nijgeertgen.nl/. They are about 30% cheaper than Denmark. Trying to find out why and clarify some other questions.

It is kind of like in poker. I am doing everything right and the result is unpredictable. Only stakes are so much higher.

Last edited by lapka; 09-24-2015 at 04:39 AM.
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Old 09-24-2015, 07:04 AM   #271
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Re: Cause and effect

How naive of me to think that there must be something you can do. How stupid that you are stuck in this simply because of geographical location.

Does your mother have no connections? Seems to me that there are usually ways around something if you know the right people.
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Old 09-25-2015, 03:17 AM   #272
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Re: Cause and effect

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Does your mother have no connections? Seems to me that there are usually ways around something if you know the right people.
Not so good that people would risk anything.

That is so incredibly stupid. And the dumbest is, that it is not so that it is forbidden or criminal to treat singles/non-married/lesbian couples, but it is so bad regulated that the possible consequences for a doctor are basically unpredictable. There was a clinic about 4 years ago, which did accept also singles and lesbian. They have made a contract, which patients had to sign, and which stated that patient won't sue them afterward for financial support. But somehow someone did sue them for unlawful or so financial gain and now the doctor is in jail and the clinic closed. You can imagine which impression this case made in the medical circuits.

It is almost like with abortion laws here. Abortion is prohibited in Germany but not punishable. So there are some doctors who do it because of the idea that woman has a right to choose, and that there are situations, where abortion is a good idea. But in all that is again a grey area.

But now I have an appointment in Netherlands. Wondering what will the future bring for me...
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Old 09-25-2015, 03:24 AM   #273
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Re: Cause and effect

Differently to the majority of very intelligent folks here, I don't find the Tbab thread entertaining. What does that say about me?
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Old 09-25-2015, 04:49 AM   #274
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Re: Cause and effect

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Not so good that people would risk anything.

That is so incredibly stupid. And the dumbest is, that it is not so that it is forbidden or criminal to treat singles/non-married/lesbian couples, but it is so bad regulated that the possible consequences for a doctor are basically unpredictable. There was a clinic about 4 years ago, which did accept also singles and lesbian. They have made a contract, which patients had to sign, and which stated that patient won't sue them afterward for financial support. But somehow someone did sue them for unlawful or so financial gain and now the doctor is in jail and the clinic closed. You can imagine which impression this case made in the medical circuits.

It is almost like with abortion laws here. Abortion is prohibited in Germany but not punishable. So there are some doctors who do it because of the idea that woman has a right to choose, and that there are situations, where abortion is a good idea. But in all that is again a grey area.

But now I have an appointment in Netherlands. Wondering what will the future bring for me...
Doctors. Like pebbles on the beach. We give them so much power. In the end, they're all just people, after all. Brilliant, some of them. Sought after, famous, even because of their skills.

But you need the one, the pebble among them all, who will be able to look past the case you present, the problem you need solved, and see the loving human being that you are, and want to connect with you, and help.

Over my lifetime, I have somehow been fortunate enough to have connected with some genuinely compassionate and caring physicians. Not a common occurrence, mind you, but they're out there.

You need to keep talking, looking, posting searching until you find the one who will be willing to go that extra mile for you.

Don't give up the search.
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Old 09-25-2015, 04:51 AM   #275
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Re: Cause and effect

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Differently to the majority of very intelligent folks here, I don't find the Tbab thread entertaining. What does that say about me?
It means you're a penetrate
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