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Old 10-09-2018, 06:34 PM   #2551
braindead11
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by lapka View Post
And my post was very personal. This blog is not the mirror of my life. But it captures emotional spikes: positive and negative. And it is often personal. I am so grateful for not being trolled although I am huge mark with so much personal stuff.
I believe that "target" (instead of "mark"), reflects more correctly what you like to express here. Anyhow i am not a native speaker either, so i might be wrong.

And i can clearly see from majority of replies that most people following your blog have very positive emotions when it comes to you. For myself i can say that i value and cherish a lot your openness. Following your blog for long time already i can tell that it is very refreshing and makes me fell good to read something that feels 100% authentic all the time. Yes maybe on few occasions that makes you a target for trolling, but most of the time you will be good. Most people here like you a lot Lapka
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Old 10-11-2018, 02:34 PM   #2552
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Re: Cause and effect

spin-off from the dating thread
What does my avatar say about me? What is my current biggest problem?

I have actually zero problems for few days. You can often see that at the lack of updates here. My usual problem areas: my mom, bingeing, procrastination, men, general relationships with other humans, work are all in an area where they don't cause any suffering. I clearly can improve in all that areas: I could improve my job, I could fall in love again, I could stop eating my 200 cal of crap per day, I could spend more effort to keep-up my friendships, I could learn a certain tool (modelica) that would increase my job market value. But it is fine like it is right now. That doesn't mean that I won't start flipping out tomorrow about something like my mom upsetting me, or my project being killed, or falling in love with someone who doesn't love me or something else. But somehow .... right now everything is truly fine

My avatar.... I clearly wanted publicly acknowledge my connection with Russia and russian culture. It does in a way over life time show one of my bigger problems and at the same time one of my bigger strengths : immigration. It is very forming experience for my personality and a lot of what I am comes from that.
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Old 10-11-2018, 03:28 PM   #2553
Very Josie
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Re: Cause and effect

I think your avatar says a lot about you; regal, beautiful and a force to be reckoned with.

I hated your old avatar; the little girl/doll with the blacked out eyes. It always looks sad, lonely and depressed to me, much like Eeyore.
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Old 10-12-2018, 10:48 AM   #2554
The Yugoslavian
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Re: Cause and effect

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Originally Posted by Very Josie View Post
I think your avatar says a lot about you; regal, beautiful and a force to be reckoned with.

I hated your old avatar; the little girl/doll with the blacked out eyes. It always looks sad, lonely and depressed to me, much like Eeyore.
Very well put. I liked the old avatar as maybe a week long thing, but this one seems a lot better fit longer term. I really like the "force to be reckoned with" from all your posting that seems very true. Especially with extra coaching/tips from chop!
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Old 10-13-2018, 06:45 PM   #2555
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Re: Cause and effect

Yupp. Chop is very cool and smart and helpful.
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Old Today, 07:01 AM   #2556
lapka
 
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Re: Cause and effect

emotional dependence

It is sooooo funny how not unique all our problems are. I definitely have it. From my mom. Listened right now to a Russian psychologist and there soooo many points where I recognized myself.

One thing is how often I call my mom and dynamic of the calls. I call her every day. And sometimes it is good but more times, she doesn't even say something directly upsetting, she changes undertones, often, to a "dying swan" undertone. And it is sooooo incredibly hard for me not to start asking nonsense questions like " what did I do wrong?". And it is also so incredibly hard for me not to call her again in 2 hours and to try to make her feel good. I stopped doing that after few hints here from chop and greg, but it requires still conscious effort for me.

It is sooooo funny..... The psychologist in the vid is so right. It is difficult in both direction dysfunctional relationship. I know that I am the sense and purpose of life for my mom and she sooo doesn't accept that the sense and purpose of her life has its own will.

I am so feeling myself basically constantly guilty. Right now the newest thing for which I feel guilty is that my mom starts to think about what to do with inheritance. There is no good solution in Germany. You have to pay incredible taxes here. And she somehow manages to lead our conversation about that so, that I feel guilty for that. It doesn't help to say that I don't want this money and that she should spend everything on herself.

Another thing that the psychologist mentions in the vid: "Who else will tell you the truth." She says very often. This sentence justifies for her all degrading remarks in my direction.

It is difficult.

I also understand that it makes no sense to expect her to change. That won't be happening. It helps to approach it very consciously and stop myself as often as I can from sliding into dependent patterns.

I am sooooo glad that I managed to study what I wanted instead of medicine lie my mom wanted. You have no idea which will power it required.
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Old Today, 12:17 PM   #2557
lapka
 
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Re: Cause and effect

It is difficult to find something interesting on youtube in psychology area. Most stuff is boring and goes like " 10 mistakes you make in relationships". I found today an interesting, sadly russian, psychologist - Елена Новоселова. Her vid on relationship between daughters and mothers and emotional dependence soooooo did hit the spot with me. So many things completely like I would have told them. Now a pretty interesting vid on men.
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