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Old 09-25-2018, 10:00 PM   #2526
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Re: Cause and effect


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Old 09-26-2018, 12:30 AM   #2527
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by Very Josie View Post
�� Yes he does but I esp like the fox watercolor on a page that he posted here. Very cool.

. . .
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Old 09-26-2018, 06:39 PM   #2528
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Re: Cause and effect

Sometimes it is pretty tough just to take good care of myself. Not even perfect care, just good enough. Food, working-out, sleeping, maintaining the state of basic order in my apartment, working, taking some care of my finances, remaining sane.

Three points that were emotionally + for me today:
- The conversation with my mom was as normal as it can be.
- pictures of Konstantin Razumov.
- I am changing the gyms. Today was the first day in new gym with some measurements. According to them I have 23 % of body fat. It is pretty good considering that from my feeling I am pretty close to MLYLT.

Feeling meeehhhh. I need some positive emotion. No idea how to get it, but at least I am getting the things done that need to be done.
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Old 09-26-2018, 07:44 PM   #2529
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Re: Cause and effect

Hugs Lapka I hope you have the sweetest of dreams and wake up feeling sparkly and sprite-like.
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Old 09-27-2018, 07:55 AM   #2530
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Re: Cause and effect

HUGE Tx to everyone who commented on the post below and a special Tx to Fabian for reading material and support with this stuff. You all helped me to make this decision. I am going to do it and maxx it out. Just signed the contract.


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Retirement stuff. Betriebliche Altersvorsorge.

I can take 200 Euros from my pretaxed salary and will get additionally 50 Euros from my employer and pay-in into an retirement account. Then when I am 65 I can either get all money at once from it or get some monthly payments. I will have to pay taxes on this payments later.

So ...... is it a good deal? Does Alliance do better than me at managing the money? Will this account have higher interest that I can get if I invest myself? Will taxes that I will pay later be higher or lower than I pay now?

questions questions questions......

I mean..... 200 euros is not the world. So it is not a BIG decision. But still.... worth to invest some thoughts.
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Old 09-27-2018, 08:02 AM   #2531
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Re: Cause and effect

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Hugs Lapka I hope you have the sweetest of dreams and wake up feeling sparkly and sprite-like.
You used in your blog cool words combination: "remarkably chipper". Totally applicable to me in the morning.

Done a lot of stuff from " taking care of myself" category:
- new haircut
- put an additional piece in my retirement puzzle
- grocery shopping
- chores

Now will use the momentum to have a really good work-out.
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Old 09-27-2018, 08:16 AM   #2532
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Re: Cause and effect

Great stuff
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Old 09-27-2018, 11:23 AM   #2533
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Re: Cause and effect

ooooo New hair cut! Pics or it didn't happen.
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Old 09-28-2018, 04:26 PM   #2534
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Re: Cause and effect

I don't know what to do....

Dude that had an appearance here some months ago and then disappeared in a kind of uncool manner texted me today again. First time in 5 months. The rough translation of the message. "Hey Lapka. I am tomorrow in your city. Wanna meet-up for drinks?"

And I don't know if I "wanna" or don't "wanna". Now the process of thinking and writing it down shows actually very clearly that I don't want. I moved on and distanced myself inwardly. And actually have zero wish to try to connect again. But I am still curious.
No.... I actually clearly don't want. Nothing good for me can come out of it. And I also have zero wish to ask him what happened 5 month ago and why he disappeared without a word. I don't know if I can explain it well and if it is reasonable. I just don't want any more.


P:S. and for now no pictures because I have solid cold sore. And I am so shallow that I don't necessary want whole internet to see it.
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Old 09-28-2018, 06:29 PM   #2535
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Re: Cause and effect

Sounds like you do know what to do.
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Old 09-28-2018, 08:22 PM   #2536
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Re: Cause and effect

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Sounds like you do know what to do.
^
This, hope all is well hope You have a nice night . . .
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Old 09-30-2018, 07:42 AM   #2537
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Re: Cause and effect

Four things I need to do today:
- prepare for a meeting tomorrow
- finish a report
- work-out
- call my mom

I don't want to do any of them. Instead I am sitting now the third hour and play nanostakes poker. I stumbled upon so good FL table. Two players with PR > 70. Correspondingly rate for the session 50 BB/100. That is for FL really good. But I need to do what I need to do. So .... closing the table and calling my mom. NOW!
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Old 09-30-2018, 10:51 AM   #2538
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Re: Cause and effect

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Four things I need to do today:
- prepare for a meeting tomorrow
- finish a report
- work-out
- call my mom

I don't want to do any of them. Instead I am sitting now the third hour and play nanostakes poker. I stumbled upon so good FL table. Two players with PR > 70. Correspondingly rate for the session 50 BB/100. That is for FL really good. But I need to do what I need to do. So .... closing the table and calling my mom. NOW!
Sometimes it is sooooooooo hard.
I am prepared for the meeting tomorrow. Not perfect but good enough to deal. I called my mom and almost finished the report. But I didn't work out and I so have right now this urge to eat chocolate. Definitely not because I am hungry but because I have a dopamine hole.

I am gonna put my butt on the bicycle right now, take my gym bag with me and pedal direction gym. I am not sure if I manage to really go inside or if I will do anything but at least I am gonna try. And on my way back I will buy some chocolate.
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Old 09-30-2018, 11:06 AM   #2539
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Re: Cause and effect

Call mom Check, Prepare for meeting check, finish report almost checked, Seems like your day is picking up already, enjoy Your ride and chocolate . . .
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Old 09-30-2018, 04:35 PM   #2540
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Re: Cause and effect

I love my mom.

She told so many good things to me. She said that she loves me and that I am doing well and that I am her bunny and that she is proud of me. And I can't stop crying. I so feel the fleetingness of time. I feel that another few years down the road and no one will ever call me bunny again. I vow to be a better daughter. I vow to control myself better. I vow to take better care of her emotional needs. And I know all stuff with healthy boundaries and so..... But they just break down when she calls me her little bunny.
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Old 10-03-2018, 06:26 AM   #2541
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Re: Cause and effect

FT of a small tourney. 9 man left. I am fourth right now. If I go out now -> 11 $.
First place 270$. 2$ buy-in. Turbo progressive knock-out.

I am bored and slightly pissed-off with myself since the plan was actually to be now in the gym. But in a given situations the goal is not doing anything too dumb.
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Old 10-03-2018, 06:37 AM   #2542
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Re: Cause and effect

won two big hands in a row. Will post them later. Have now chip lead. 6 man left.
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Old 10-03-2018, 06:49 AM   #2543
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Re: Cause and effect

Third place for 112 $

Exit hand:
I called all-in with AQ from the BB. The villain had A7 and hit 7 on the flop.


GYM! NOW!
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Old 10-03-2018, 10:12 AM   #2544
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Re: Cause and effect

Meeehhhh Hand history converter doesn't work. I have to see if I can work around. I don't want to spend too much time on that.
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Old 10-04-2018, 02:09 PM   #2545
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Re: Cause and effect

Pity you lost the AQ hand, but third place is still great, congrats Lapka

Few weeks ago you mentioned two job opportunities, one in hardware programming and another one in hamburg. Then recently you mentioned that you had some 4 hour meeting getting all you want from salary up to other conditions. Was that another job or one of that two ? And did you sign it or still searching ?

Anyhow wish you best of luck for your decision. Must be good feeling to have choices, heheheh
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Old 10-04-2018, 02:47 PM   #2546
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Re: Cause and effect

Bunny is so cute nick. I know that you have not an easy relation with your mum. But that she choose to call you her bunny does also tell a lot about her feelings for you.

Don't know, hard to explain why, but i feel touched by reading this.
I feel happy for you that your mum call you like that.

Never mind if this is too personal comment.
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Old 10-05-2018, 08:38 AM   #2547
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Re: Cause and effect

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Pity you lost the AQ hand, but third place is still great, congrats Lapka

Few weeks ago you mentioned two job opportunities, one in hardware programming and another one in hamburg. Then recently you mentioned that you had some 4 hour meeting getting all you want from salary up to other conditions. Was that another job or one of that two ? And did you sign it or still searching ?

Anyhow wish you best of luck for your decision. Must be good feeling to have choices, heheheh
It was for hardware programming. And I am constantly in the process of looking for something better. It was one of the best decisions for my job satisfaction to stop being married to my job and learn to leave easily.

It is on one side more unstable and slightly scary. I mean ... I have left now two times jobs without having something in the que. But it is soooooooo much better than feeling trapped in a crappy situation like it was in my first job.

Quote:
Originally Posted by braindead11 View Post
Bunny is so cute nick. I know that you have not an easy relation with your mum. But that she choose to call you her bunny does also tell a lot about her feelings for you.

Don't know, hard to explain why, but i feel touched by reading this.
I feel happy for you that your mum call you like that.

Never mind if this is too personal comment.
It is good comment. I am glad that people understand that things are not black and white. And that it is sometimes more complicated than just: "rise your boundaries, distance yourself and everything is gonna be good"

And my post was very personal. This blog is not the mirror of my life. But it captures emotional spikes: positive and negative. And it is often personal. I am so grateful for not being trolled although I am huge mark with so much personal stuff.
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Old 10-06-2018, 10:14 AM   #2548
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Re: Cause and effect

Sauna in Germany or am I prude?

I have changed gym. I was in a girl's gym and now in a normal both sexes gym. A part of the gym experience is for me sauna. Most saunas in Germany are for both sexes. And it is nogo to have a bathing suit on. You go inside naked with big towel around you and then lay on this towel. I know it, I use a spa pretty regular, but it is still not so relaxed like it was in girl's gym. And one thing that I really don't understand: There is a relax area after sauna, where you can just lay and look in the sky. Every woman wears there a bathrobe. Why the heck are the dudes there naked? Is it somehow like when the guys send me pictures of their private parts in hope that I feel obliged to do the same? Does it turn men on to be naked? I don't get it? And it so doesn't turn me on to see a bunch of naked men. It is slightly uncomfortable and requires mental effort to switch-off in such atmosphere.
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Old 10-06-2018, 05:38 PM   #2549
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
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This blog is not the mirror of my life. But it captures emotional spikes: positive and negative. And it is often personal. I am so grateful for not being trolled although I am huge mark with so much personal stuff.
I don't think People as a Species would ever "want" to troll anyone
You put Yourself out there and I Thank You in Return . . .
Spoiler:
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Old 10-09-2018, 12:17 PM   #2550
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Re: Cause and effect

I am bored by my regular work-outs.

I am not bored if I combine them with other stuff. I sometimes play poker and do sit-ups or squats or stretching. Since I usually play only one table and do exercises in high volume_low weight range it goes OK.

I need somehow to figure better out how to listen to stuff on my phone. That would remedy this problem. I know I know everyone looks in disbelief that I haven't done it yet. It was somehow not important.
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