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Old 09-21-2018, 02:23 PM   #2501
Very Josie
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Re: Cause and effect

But yeah, you make an excellent point. If I show my appreciation for help, then I won't feel so bad about it. Thank you for helping me think this through. I know I'm being irrational.
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Old 09-21-2018, 07:11 PM   #2502
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Re: Cause and effect

Glad if it will in some way motivate you to tweak things in the better direction.
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Old 09-22-2018, 11:41 AM   #2503
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Re: Cause and effect

pride...

It is a very interesting emotion. You need some but too much is really really bad.

In my twenties I was full of pride. All my academic achievements come from pride. And it sounds good, it is socially approved to be a high achiever, but it was so not that what I needed for good quality of life. A lot more sense would have made to drop my grades to half and invest free time in a balanced social life. My pride didn't let me.

Pride doesn't let my mom talk with anyone except me about her marital problems. It doesn't let her acknowledge that she is depressed and seek help.

Probably pride plays a role in Josie's situation with helping others too much and never seeking help herself.

Changing point with pride was for me the peak of my GA. You just can't borrow money for food because you lost again your complete salary because of your own dumbness and still be prideful. My life got better with less pride. Pride doesn't any more make me do things I don't really want to do, just to keep up the appearance.
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Old 09-22-2018, 12:54 PM   #2504
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Re: Cause and effect

frustrated .... by men???? by a certain guy????????? I don't even know for sure. I want to fall in love. According to my magic theory I need only to think out a story to how I fall in love and with whom and write it down and Bamm! -> butterflies in my belly. Since I am smart the story should be about someone who is interested in me. The problem is that I actively procrastinate writing such story already few weeks. I kinda want to fall in love but then also kinda don't. Logical?

Like always the most difficult thing is to understand what do I actually want.
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Old 09-22-2018, 06:27 PM   #2505
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Re: Cause and effect

Cate hall thread in nvg that makes me think a lot about how lucky i am that i am not in this poker swamp, how lucky i am that i got a good grip on my mental health, how lucky i am that i have a zero pull direction any drugs. She is in so many ways so similar and i am so much more lucky.

Does someone know her former law firm? I don't want to ask in nvg. Have somehow a bad feeling contributing anything to this swamp.
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Old 09-22-2018, 06:52 PM   #2506
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Re: Cause and effect

Google "caitlin hall" lawyer to find out about her law career. Her most recent firm was Kellogg, Hansen, Todd, Figel & Frederick.
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Old 09-22-2018, 07:34 PM   #2507
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by gregorio View Post
Google "caitlin hall" lawyer to find out about her law career. Her most recent firm was Kellogg, Hansen, Todd, Figel & Frederick.
I love you greg! You know everything.

I tried "cate hall " before and it was not successful.

Tx!
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Old 09-22-2018, 09:35 PM   #2508
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Re: Cause and effect

I don't read a lot in that forum apart from the Australian poker thread but I did end up in that thread and it is indeed a swamp.
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Old 09-23-2018, 11:26 AM   #2509
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Re: Cause and effect

Sometimes not only women but men also can totally win by just saying as little as possible. I am feeling right now like a cat who got teased by a piece of steak and then didn't get it.

A hot dude, looking like a twin of Kevin lutolf got flirty. I was flirting back totally caught by surprise since he is obviously miles outside of my league. And then he opens with something like " hey wanna hang out with me tonight and watch friends". That said on top in a very poor German with poor grammar and certain regional accent. All his looks couldn't beat that. I was already almost falling for him and then that.
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Old 09-23-2018, 11:47 AM   #2510
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Re: Cause and effect

^^

Spoiler:
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Old 09-23-2018, 02:33 PM   #2511
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Re: Cause and effect

playing a bigger (for me ) tourney. 10 $ buy-in, 20 k first place, 10 min levels.
goal: stay relaxed.

Right now early phase. Nothing remarkable, no interesting hands.
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Old 09-23-2018, 04:35 PM   #2512
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Re: Cause and effect

Mincashed. Didn't achieve the goal to stay relaxed.
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Old 09-24-2018, 10:16 AM   #2513
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Re: Cause and effect

Parents.....

I think it is obvious for the most who read here that I have a disturbed relationship with my parents. With my dad it is beyond repair. We don't talk, I get knots in my stomach when I just see him. But it is even easier for me than with my mom. The only thing I don't like, is that when my mom dies I will have to support my dad. I am legally responsible and there is no way for me out of that until he dies.

I am on talking terms with my mom, but it is so incredibly dysfunctional. Every time we talk I have a feeling that she sucks my life out of me. The conversation consists always of her talking about my life, how it should be, what I should do and me occasionally inserting "yes, sure, yes". I clearly do exactly what I think is right. Tx god we have 600 km between us and she has no way to control me to the extend she would like. But this conversations always leave me exhausted, hating myself, hating her, hating this patterns that I can't break. She wanted passwords to my emails and to my bank accounts with reasoning that she can then better advise me what to do with my money, and to the emails because which secrets do I hide there. This "Which secrets do you have there?" was said with such undertone and such slight laughter that indicates that just a thought that I have a secret from her is so ridiculous. It was hard to fend that off and say "NO". And she tries periodically to cross this line again and again.

My parents have sooooo no clue who I am, what I do, what moves me. I would kill myself if I ever have to live under one roof with them again.
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Old 09-24-2018, 03:42 PM   #2514
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Re: Cause and effect

But you did fend off her password requests and say no? I hope so. Seems like even if you gave them to her, she'd want something more next week 'to help you'.

She doesn't have a life and is trying to live vicariously through you.

Why did you stop talking to your father? I wonder if this is just how your mom wants your relationship with him to be, then she gets you all to herself.
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Old 09-24-2018, 03:44 PM   #2515
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by lapka View Post
pride...



Probably pride plays a role in Josie's situation with helping others too much and never seeking help herself.
In some respects, yes, pride will stop me from asking questions I feel I should already know the answer to but in the case of the gym, anxiety was the ruling factor not pride. I'm sort of aspergy when it comes to talking to strangers.
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Old 09-25-2018, 12:50 AM   #2516
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Re: Cause and effect

My SIL has the passwords to my nieces bank account and pays all her bills etc. I find it a little disturbing tbh and have stated this as diplomatically as I could. She's in her 20s and should be well and truly taking care of herself by now. Good for you in telling her no, that's hugely intrusive behaviour as your mum well knows.
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Old 09-25-2018, 01:21 AM   #2517
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by Very Josie View Post
But you did fend off her password requests and say no? I hope so. Seems like even if you gave them to her, she'd want something more next week 'to help you'.

She doesn't have a life and is trying to live vicariously through you.
I did fend off her request. But it will come again and again. And you are completely right with "She doesn't have a life and is trying to live vicariously through you."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Very Josie View Post
Why did you stop talking to your father? I wonder if this is just how your mom wants your relationship with him to be, then she gets you all to herself.
Here is the answer:
https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/s...postcount=1044

That is also relevant to the topic of weight. That was exactly the period of time of my first weight gain. I was two times in my life over 80 kg. I would call it fat for me. One time for about 6 month in my 30 ties as I had to take meds that caused weight gain. And another time between 18~21 y.o. directly after the immigration in the period of time described in the post above. It is funny how obvious it actually was that something is completely entirely wrong with me. I went in about a year from 60 kg to over 90 kg. It is my life time max with weight.
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Old 09-25-2018, 02:12 AM   #2518
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by lapka View Post
What an ******* your father is. It was all his fault.

Now forget about him, the best you can.
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Old 09-25-2018, 03:22 PM   #2519
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Re: Cause and effect

food:

I ate in two days:
750 gr brussels sprout -> 300 ckal
half of a small pumpkin ~500 gr -> 130
3 carrots ~300 gr -> 120
250 gr of chicken breast -> 250
2 pieces of bread -> 250
50 gr of feta -> 150
300 gr of Rjazhenka (plain russian yoghurt) -> 180
300 gr tomatoes -> 60
200 gr of cooked rice ->300
1 small apple pie -> 300
200 ml of milk -> 120
3 apples ->200
2 eggs -> 120

A bunch of stuff I only estimated weights but always on the high side. So no wonder I am hungry.

It makes me more relaxed from time to time to have a look at my approximate calories. Veg is cool stuff. 750 gr of brussels sprouts is a lot of food.
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Old 09-25-2018, 03:38 PM   #2520
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Re: Cause and effect

Interesting topic. Not exactly the same thing but a similar dynamic:

I used to do kitchen cabinet remodels. I took a lot of pride in my work and was often offered tips, but I always turned them down because I felt like doing my best was what customers should expect and, really, it made me feel good about myself to be offered but not to take it. This standard helped me shore up my self-image that was lacking for other reasons.

One time a woman in her mid-late 70s was very happy with the job I did and offered me a tip. I refused. We went back and forth for a while and she said: "well at least let me give you a bowl of ice cream!". I assured her it was not necessary and the fact that she was happy was more than enough, and she got serious and looked me in the eye and said something along the lines of "This is something that I really want to do, and it would be a kindness for you to let me." It was a revelation of sorts. It suddenly became clear that I was actually being selfish, or at least giving sub-par customer service, by refusing gratuities. Once I looked at it through this paradigm it made me rethink other situations, like when someone offers to help you and you are in a position to accept it.

Obviously, that gets complex as you stated. There are a lot of potential variables in the dynamics of any situation, but all things being equal--meaning there is not a large burden or out of line expectation attached, or it will not crash a boundary I wish to keep, when I am compelled to refuse help or support out of habit I ask myself if I would be extending a kindness (that I can afford) to allow it.

TLDR; I like to help my friends and I like when they let me. It is helpful to them to allow them to reciprocate in some cases and I can feel good about that too.
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Old 09-25-2018, 03:44 PM   #2521
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by plaaynde View Post
What an ******* your father is. It was all his fault.
Now forget about him, the best you can.
This sorry You went threw this, "Now forget about him, the best you can."

"It makes me more relaxed from time to time to have a look at my approximate calories."
"300 gr of Rjazhenka (plain russian yoghurt) -> 180" . . .

Sounds good hope You have a nice day lapka Peace . . .
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Old 09-25-2018, 04:43 PM   #2522
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Re: Cause and effect

I read your post. It makes me so angry I am done with work for the day. I have angry tears in my eyes.

I am so sorry this happened to you Lapka. A drawer is a good place for this and I feel honored that you cracked the drawer open to answer my question.

In other news...I think the Fox likes you!
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Old 09-25-2018, 07:12 PM   #2523
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Re: Cause and effect

Tx, guys.

It was interesting for myself to go back and reread it. It was huge step for me to post it here. Before this post then it was eating me. Sometimes more sometimes less but it was constantly there. It never left my head completely. Since I have posted it, it went away. I haven't thought about it for loooong time. I don't know how exactly it works but somehow, at least for me, showing my demons, describing them takes the power from them away. I appreciate big time the normal reaction of the forum and that people continue to treat me normal.
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Old 09-25-2018, 07:29 PM   #2524
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by Very Josie View Post

In other news...I think the Fox likes you!
We totally like each other. His foxes are cool. And he has a bunch of cool pictures in his blog.
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Old 09-25-2018, 08:04 PM   #2525
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by lapka View Post
We totally like each other. His foxes are cool. And he has a bunch of cool pictures in his blog.

🦊 Yes he does but I esp like the fox watercolor on a page that he posted here. Very cool.
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