I feel like such a loser. Just as things were going better: I am saving money, I'm running good and playing good at MGM, the play is super loose, I'm winning money, I'm feeling great about my life - I back into a post in the parking garage. Now my pickup is damaged, will need a new door and front end. Just shoved 300 into a new exhaust.

One thing after the next. I'll always be the black sheep

Thanks for being here, TwoPlusTwo.

A lot has changed since my last post almost a year ago. I saved up money, started a business. Now I hate my business. I went back to the casino. I am writing.

I glanced into the eclipse a couple weeks ago, and now my eyes burn a little bit all the time. I guess having blue eyes makes the risk worse. One more thing to complain about in 2017. I'll try to keep on moving.

Poker has been a roller coaster.

A business partner funded me with some bonus cash and I took it to the felt. I lost half, then lost the rest, then doubled that loss with a huge heater. Then lost some back. Why did I play? I needed the adrenaline rush. It's been too long since I've had adventure.

Every moment of every day I think, "is this what life is?" I want to be living life. I hated my job so I quit with the intention of starting a business and getting fithy rich. I wanted to be the man at the top of the pyramid. After two months of grinding, worrying, pushing, bull****ting people, I started to hate it. I'm no businessman.

But what am I? Opening this pandora's box years ago was bad move. Self discovery. Blah blah blah. I wish I were touched. Then I could, then I could... yes. Bliss and heaven. One day, one day on my deathbed, I'll be nearing the pearly gates, and then... "one more go, God. I just want one more go at the flesh." Moral: we always want what we can't have.

Thinking of taking a solo vacation, maybe a train ride across the US. I want to see the entire country, I've never been to California.

I hate the business I started. I'm sick of working in sales. I want to write. My short stories are coming along. I need to be able to write a page a day, really work on my discipline.

Thinking of taking a solo vacation, maybe a train ride across the US. I want to see the entire country, I've never been to California.

I hate the business I started. I'm sick of working in sales. I want to write. My short stories are coming along. I need to be able to write a page a day, really work on my discipline.