Quote:
Originally Posted by BetAgainst
No need to hate money OP. Money is just a means to an end. Money is a tool that you can use to get what you want. I think that's where your angst comes in. You don't know what you want. What do you want?
I don't know what I want. I ask myself that and then there's just this big empty pause. I just stare into space waiting on an answer. I mean, of course I want a beer, or a sandwich, or a Ferrari, or to bang this chick, or whatever. But, after I get those things I'll be right back where I started. I want, I don't know what I want.
It's much easier to figure out what you don't want. I know what I don't want. I don't want to be confused. I don't want my quality of life to deteriorate. I don't want to die (social death).
So, I want: mental clarity, an insured constantly improving quality of life, and positive social connections. I want to be smart, happy, and solvent. I want options.
Money goes a long way towards achieving those things.
Sorry for the ramble. I'm working some things out.
I'm finding that's a byproduct of this thread is I'm learning what I really want... and it's probably not a standardized hallmark variety "good life." I thought I wanted that, and I saw these really social people I know who seem happy with good jobs and good looking girlfriends, but I realize I have no desire for that at all.
I'm a weird dude I guess, I want to sit in a room all day, a nice room mind you, have a cool chick I love (I've banged decent amount of girls, had a threesome, and I'm saying that to say that **** never satisfied me) and who loves me, and create awesome stuff. Yeah and I need money because nothing is sadder than my last apartment, with no furniture and always scrambling to pay rent. I want to not look at my bank account and see less than $200.
When I'm happiest I'm writing or creating something that doesn't exist in this world. I want to not think about death and life and work and bills and I want to pretend that I'm in another space and time for a while. I did a little acting before and that was cool and I'd love to be involved in that world, entertainment, theatre, movies, whatever. Poetry. Whatever.
I want a friend who isn't full of **** but I never make an effort and I never trust people enough to let them in.
Then comes the Fear. The fear of not making it, of being 45 and working three jobs and being broke and single and sick from all the smoking and Mcdonalds.
The Fear of judgment from family and friends who think I'm eccentric and can't relate to me at all. The Fear paralyzes me every moment.
getting rambly and incoherent sorry but that's what I've learned... I want a life as far away from this one as possible.. that's when I'm happiest. That moment when I'm in a faraway place