Grats bigger (and mrs. Boat)!

Woooo!

Thanks. We really don't have the time or money to do anything big. GF just wants to be married. Our initial plan is for the two of us to just go down to the courthouse. Then, we'll have some sort of low key celebration here.

A lot of people won't be able to make it I'm sure. Mom definitely can't make the trip and a lot of my friends just wouldn't do it. So, we are going to set up a skype conference on the TV and let people come and go virtually. Might be kinda fun?


A rare well named sighting! Thanks!

Thanks yugo!

People have different ideas of fun - guess my post was poorly-worded, but it did sound like you and your fiance would maybe prefer something low-key and intimate? So was wondering if maybe that might be tough to pull off if you both have big families, who may have wanted to attend?

Was wondering of those small Vegas chapels might be an option, if there's generally only room for the bride and groom, and like the Elvis minister in the chapel ... but it sounds like a courthouse would do the job in a much nicer way, with so much less velvet


My uncle got married at the city courthouse - it's the love that makes the moment, so the ceremony with be wonderful and memorable and special wherever it is


Congrats!

Congratulations!

Yeah, lots of factors here. We just want to get it done so we settled on the courthouse. Plus, she doesn't have any vacation time she can take. We'll make up for it some time in the future.

Thanks!

I spent some time with the lawyer today.

We are going to set up a revocable trust. She called this particular one a Q-tip. I probably need to google.

The gist is, we will set up a trust with me being the trustee. I'll have to name the trust as the beneficiary of the assets. When I die the trust will basically own everything. Upon my death or incapacity the trust is for the benefit of my wife, but my sister and my soon-to-be wife will be co-trustees. If my sister should die, my niece becomes the co-trustee. When my wife dies, the estate will go to my niece.

There is a lot of stuff getting bundled into this. Power of attorney, will, etc. My wife will be power of attorney.

I don't think there is anything to force my niece to use the money for charitable purposes but I'm not too concerned with that right now. At some point in time, I"ll deal with that aspect. We'll talk to her about it and I'll go on the honor system for now. I just don't worry about this part.

Essentially, when I die, any money decisions must be a joint decision between my wife and sister. I don't worry about this either. Both are very reasonable and good people. They will do what is right.

I probably have some of the details wrong, but I think what this does is prevent any chance of my estate going where I don't want it to go. In theory at least. All of this is just peace of mind stuff.

I'll discuss this with GF tonight but we've talked at length about this in principle so I think this is a go.

Pretty damn expensive, though.

I've found myself spending quite a bit lately. New truck, boat, and now marriage related expenses. There is an almost zero chance I retire in March as planned.

That's fine, though. I feel like I'm setting things up for a good life/retirement.

I can't imagine what people go through to plan a big wedding.

We are just going to the courthouse, then having a party/reception and even that seems like a lot to think about.

We settled on the rings. I'll be getting a simple titanium band. GF already bought it and it should be here in a couple of weeks. We looked at rings for her at several brick and mortar stores and she found one she liked. I did a little googling and talked to people and it seems that getting rings online is pretty popular so we browsed around a couple of the more reputable online dealers and ended up finding one she really liked. The site lets you pick any size stone so we spent a lot of time trying to nail that down. There is a lot to think about. Sure would be nice if they could get rid of a couple of the 4 Cs. It would make things easier. GF was all about cost. She didn't want to spend much at all. But, I wanted something nicer. After all, it is forever, right? We sort of compromised and I ordered it. Hers should also be here in a couple of weeks.

We also had to narrow down a party/reception date. There were 2 people (my sister and gf's daughter) that we definitely wanted here so we had to make sure they could make it. We are good to go on March 3. We'll already be married by then but this sort of finalizes things.

We went to the courthouse to apply for a marriage license. You have to do this at least 3 days before officially getting married. A cooling off period, I guess. They give you a pamphlet to read and offer you pre-marriage counseling. I skimmed the pamphlet and honestly I don't remember much about it - just 3 hours later. Something about "are you sure" or something. I dunno.

The actual paperwork was pretty simple. We gave them our drivers' licenses and that was about it. One page that we have to bring back when we get married.

We've planned a day to do the actual marriage. We've also arranged for a photographer to takes some "day of" pics. Then we'll have a nice dinner courtesy of her son.

I got all of the trust documents from the lawyer. Lots of stuff. Trust, durable power of attorney, will, etc. etc. GF is fine with everything. I have a few more questions but I'll be signing them soon.

The party plans are coming along. Since not everyone can be here in person, we are going to have a skype party. We'll set up skype on the big TV and set up a video group call. We did a test run and it works great. However, nobody seems to be interested in doing this. Not sure if this ends up being a good idea or not.

I told my Mom about the skype setup. She is 90 and it is impossible for her to fly here. However, instead of replying something like "that's great" she sent an email asking if I could set that up for HER birthday party. Not a peep about our celebration. Ugh.

We got my ring last night. Still waiting on her ring.

Boat news!

There is no boat news. Actually there is. I don't have a boat and it is killing me. The only consolation is the weather here has been miserable and I doubt we could have gone out much anyway. And, with the wedding we wouldn't have time even with good weather.

The boat is scheduled to be here the beginning of February. I have to get a custom top put on which will take another 2 weeks. AARRGGHH!!

Also, holy crap my wallet.

Rings
Lawyer
Boat

I can't remember ever spending this much money in this short of time.

It seems wrong of me to be thinking about money in the context of being married. But I am.

I've spent my last 20-30 years working towards being able to retire. I think marriage is giving me a feeling of having less control over my retirement. Not so much that it affects when or how I retire, but how the worst case scenario could play out. Fear of losing most of it, I guess. It's a pretty remote possibility but it is giving me a few sleepless nights.

I trust my soon-to-be wife. She's a good, honest soul. She's talked about her prior marriages (yes 2 ) and how things unfolded after the divorce. After these discussions it is pretty evident she isn't a vindictive person and if, god forbid, we ever did get a divorce she wouldn't go after me. And, she has read all of the trust documents and we've talked at length about it and she is perfectly fine with all of it.

The lawyer asked me about a prenup but I've done some googling (and the lawyer confirmed) and it turns out the Florida divorce laws seem pretty sensible (to me at least) assets accumulated before marriage aren't split. Assets accumulated after marriage are. So, my retirement seem pretty safe from that point of view. No prenup.

Although I'm pretty much at peace with the financial part of the wedding, I feel somewhat schmucky for thinking about all of this the way I've been thinking about it.

Naaahhhh, don't think that you are schmucky. Either you have made yourself not so good experience in the past with being used by women, or saw a lot of it around you, or watch to much TV/read magazines, where this special picture of a guy, being financially ruined by a woman, is presented. It is normal to be scared. Cool that you are able override that by rational thinking.

Actually, I'm pretty sure the issue is just general trust issues, which is pretty much why I've never been married in the first place. I think the other issue might be that saving for retirement has been a focus for about 25 years now and GF only a year. I dunno.

We talked more about money last night. I feel completely comfortable now.

It's sort of funny. I've been focusing on nuts and bolts stuff like mostly money. GF has been all about the party. She's been getting plates and tablecloths and stuff and is shopping for a dress today.

We got GF's ring today. I mentioned it before, but we shopped at some brick and mortar stores, then decided to buy hers online. We think we got a better deal and she found one she really liked. But, even then it is sort of scary not being able to actually see and try on what looks good in a picture.

Anyway, it came today. GF hasn't seen it yet but I think it is really nice. It is actually much prettier than I thought it would be based on looking at it online. I fretted about diamond size but it looks pretty good to me.

I took a pic, but it really doesn't do it justice. It is really beautiful.

That is very nice!

THanks!

ugh, the dog........

I mentioned a while back that we were keeping a dog. It is wife's (i'm calling her wife even though it isn't official) daughter's dog. It is a horrible little barking machine that refuses to obey anything. Everyone that comes into contact with this dog hates it. Everyone in her family hates it. Except for daughter who thinks that the cuteness overrides any negative behavior. That is, as long as someone else has it.

Daughter's bf is trying to break up with daughter because he hates the dog Daughter is now trying to dump the dog back on us. Ain't happening. Wife is standing firm. Thank goodness. If somehow the dog ends up back here I'll make it clear it won't be here long. I'll take it to the pound (is this a valid thing anymore?) if I have to. I won't have this thing again.

This episode leads to a bigger issue (IMO). to be continued.......

Wife's daughter. Ugh.

She is extremely spoiled. Real life has hit her in the face and she isn't handling it well at all. That's not really my problem, though. What is my problem is her interaction with wife.

Daughter treats wife unbelievably poorly. Wife is the most giving person I've ever met. She bends over backwards to help daughter. Daughter just spits in her eye. Daughter calls her almost daily and talks for an hour about her life, but as soon as wife starts to say anything, daughter cuts her off. The least little thing prompts daughter to just hang up.

This last episode (the dog) had daughter calling wife to try to get her to take the dog. Wife said no. Daughter started yelling at her and told her this whole thing (bf breaking up and dog) was HER fault. Then she hung up.

It kills me.

Wife and I talked a lot about this. Part of the discussion was about the relationship of mother and child. Wife indicated she has certainly been unfair to her mother and during the discussion it occurred to me that I've certainly been mean to mine. Wife sort of compartmentalizes this like that. It's a mother's job to just love. I get that.

At the same time, the anger of daughter is completely unjustified. She just blames wife for everything wrong in her life. The thing is, there ain't much wrong. She's got it pretty damn good but her vision of a good life is, as wife puts it, "Gilmore Girls". Basically, no responsibility, just do whatever you want whenever you want. Life ain't like that and she can't handle it.

It's going to be hard for me to stay out of this. I'm going to do the best I can and just support wife and make sure I think she's special (she is). But, damn, if daughter gets out of line when she's staying with us it is going to be hard not to lay into her.

Should wife be "biggerwife"? Doesn't sound right. "wifeboat"? Doesn't have a ring to it. Dunno.

boatwife
bbwife
thar she blows
she's a keeper

bbwife.....

I don't think that you can completely stay out of mom-daughter interaction. I mean.... You are gonna be a husband of this woman.

May be you can be a calming, stable shoulder. Don't take side against her daughter. Seriously. That won't end well.

I do have difficult relationship with my mom. It is very different than what you describe with your wife, but nevertheless it is also difficult. I can very well imagine the level of emotions running hot.

And I have to tell a story with hanging-up. My mom started at one point to hang-up on me. Middst in the call, middst in crying and emotions running hot, without a word of warning, she just hang-up. It is hard, because I was emotionally fully in the conversation and then BAM!
Then at one point I used it too. Our conversation was going the completely unacceptable way for me. I said: "I am sorry, but I won't have this conversation. this way. I won't listen to you criticizing me non-stop. If you don't stop I will hang-up. " She didn't stop and I hang-up. My mom called me half an hour later. She calmed down. But she made it clear that for her this hanging-up business is absolutely unacceptable. I didn't say a word, didn't point-out that she hang-up on me multiple times without any forewarning before, but somehow after this incident that didn't happen ever again.

Yeah, the mother-daughter thing is complicated. I'm gonna try to stay out of it, other than just give bbwife support.

Fun work anecdote. There "appears" to be a push from upper management to, well, I'm not sure. It was phrased to us as for us (working grunts) and what is important to us. It is a mandatory one on one with manager that we are directed to set up or else. That's fine, I've had one on ones since I got there and I guess it is a good thing. However, we must now fill out a full page one-on-one form before we go into the meeting. It reads much more like a status report than anything remotely beneficial to me. I also have to track what was discussed and resolutions and such. Ugh.

Granching. I think you should call her "Captain".