You are, of course, correct. I sort of factor that in then forget about it when I start looking at the negative side of things.

Yeah, this is the end of splurging. My whole reason for getting a new truck and this boat is to wrap that sort of thing up now while I can still swing it. Both are part of the big picture of setting me up for retirement. Nothing else on the horizon.

Thanks!

. I'm decades away from retirement so of course I try to give constant advice on it.

My first keeper Gag grouper. Woohoo!

I pulled the trigger on the boat. I'll still have some anxiety about it no matter what, but I'm somewhat at peace with it.

As a result, I've modified some of my investment "stuff". Everything I have currently is set up to reinvest (i.e. dividends go back into buying whatever vehicle the dividends come from).

I have a bond fund that is fully taxable (i.e not 401k). I figure that these dividends are getting taxed no matter what so I've decided to route them to my checking account now to help compensate for the boat purchase.

I've also stopped all reinvestment in my main 401k account. This will help build up some cash reserves for whenever I do retire. The decision to do this wasn't all because of the boat. I've been fretting a lot about the stock market lately. I think it is really overheated. I'd just as soon bank those capital gains/dividends instead of reinvesting. I guess if the market goes south before I retire, I can always reinvest that cash at a lower price. If the market keeps going up, that's definitely fine. This change is just the beginning of the transition to full retirement.

I still have an individual stock portfolio that is also 401k. I'll keep reinvesting those since it is comprised of high dividend stocks. It is a smaller portion of my overall portfolio and I just want it to keep doing what is has been doing.

So many decisions................

In work news............

The projects are really piling on. One of the guys I work with has a ton on his plate. He's been working a lot of overtime just to keep his head above water. Well, he went to India for a month to get married. I'm his backup even though I know little about what he has worked on. Turns out it is A LOT, and it is now on my plate.

That is on top of having 2 super duper extra critical projects to do on two different systems that I also know very little about. The guy that wrote the systems and has been maintaining them for years was fired and now I'm in charge. No transition at all. No documentation. I just gotta try to figure out what he did. They are pretty complicated and involve technologies I've never messed with. It's a pretty tall order and the expectation is I can fix them as fast as he could.

When this happens at work, I always ask, "so, which one is the most important". The answer is always "yes". The expectation is to fix everything now. Even if I knew all there was to know about them, it is an impossible ask.

On the one hand, I'm sort of able to brush a lot of it off. On the other hand, it is stressful. I get emails/IMs from 10 different people wondering where I am with one of the projects. Nobody seems to realize that there are 10 different projects I'm expected to have done yesterday.

/rant

I've never really loved the holidays. It just isn't my idea of relaxation. So much going on. I've always taken the time off between Christmas and New Year but I never get any me time. It's always an obligation. Not a horrible I hate everything obligation, but an obligation.

GF comes from an extremely close nit family. We spend a LOT of time with them. They are fine and I like them, but it is a little shock to my system. She's really good at juggling "us" time and family time. She tries really hard to make everyone happy and I really appreciate her for it.

This is the first holiday we've been together. I took what amounts to a week and a half, starting Friday and ending this Monday. Back to work Tuesday. Here is how it went. Her daughter arrived Thursday (the day before I started vacation). She will be here until Wednesday. Saturday her mother and her mother's boyfriend came to stay with us for 2 days. The next day (Monday) we spent the day with her father and her father's girlfriend and her son. We then flew to Austin to spend 2 days with my family. When we got back, her daughter's boyfriend arrived and will stay until Wednesday. Today we will be spending another day with her father.

This has been too much. Way too much. I mean, it has been fine but it would have been nice to have one day that I'm not with "people".

Then there is the issue with her daughter. Let me get this out of the way now. Her daughter is nice and all and I like her. But........... She's a princess. She wants everything and GF has pretty much given her everything. GF put her through college. She never had to work. And, that's fine, really. But the cord isn't getting cut. The girl landed a very good job making almost as much as GF, but she spends every penny and more. GF is still subsidizing her. The girls' dad pays her car payments and insurance. Meanwhile, she takes some sort of mini vacation almost every weekend. She came here and had a list of things she wants, and GF gets them all. Yesterday we went to the store to get groceries. GF asked if daughter would like to go help her and she said no, but she had her list of things GF should get for her. I went with GF and the first thing on her list was a bunch of expensive wine and champagne. I sort of blew a fuse. All of the stuff I've held in came out. It's ridiculous this girl has a great job and is still having mom buy her everything. GF is 50 and has no savings whatsoever because of putting this girl through college. It's about damn time this girl stopped taking and started giving.

I felt really bad saying anything, though. GF loves this girl. They are extremely close and talk every day. And, it's not fair at all to GF to start making anything me vs. her. I'm not going to do this. But it really stressed her out just me saying something.

This also lead to another conversation. I've saved quite a bit of money for retirement. Although it might not seem like it from this blog, but I've given up a lot to make sure I'm comfortable. I've told GF that when we retire, I can take care of us, but I cannot in any way support her daughter. It's really bugging me because she seems unable to cut the outflow. It's her money, but it means one or both of us will have to continue to work as long as this dynamic stays. The other thing is, when I die, I want GF taken care of. But when both of us are gone, I don't want a single penny going to this girl. Ever.

I'm not sure how all of this will play out. My hope is that the girl hasn't been out of college long and she will mature enough to be able to manage her money. I dunno. The princess part of her is pretty annoying as well. It's a constant stream of "I want". I dunno. I definitely have to keep the peace but it will be tense sometimes.

I have a feeling, though, that she won't come for 2 weeks again. I don't think she really cares for me being around so I think there is some mutual resentment. She wants mom to wait on her hand and foot and this hasn't happened because I'm around.

Once again, she isn't a bad person at all. She's just been spoiled all her life and the transition to adult doesn't seem easy for her.

I've been wanting to write this for a while. Not sure what good it will do, but at least I can get it out.

Introduce GFs daughter to Nh1 from h&f? Sounds perfect.

I totally understand the dynamic behind it. When I visit my parents my mom buys me best food and tries as hard as she can to subsidize me.
It is very hard to impossible for me to say "no", because it is her expression of love and whenever I decline it, say that it is unnecessary or that I neither need no want it, it is like I decline her love. And honestly ...... I think it is normal. I too buy anything that has the slightest possibility to improve the life of my mom without looking at the money. I don't care if the money I spend on gifts for her would look good in my retirement. The best thing for my emotional life is when I see that I could give some joy to my mom.

What BB is describing sounds quite different to me than what you are describing. In some ways, completely. He is saying it's not just GF buying her daughter stuff, her daughter expects and asks/wants all that crap too. E.g. My parents pay for stuff and like to help but I don't have a list of wants and expectations. If they died and left nothing to me, I might take it personally but my lifestyle would not change. It sounds like this girl is taking her mom for a ride to some not insignificant degree. And she may not even realize it.

Yeah, Yugo is correct.

GF also has a grown son. She gives to him as well but it is more like Yugo describes his relationship with his parents. He is very appreciative but he never expects her to give him anything. It is much more healthy.

We'll see how this plays out. GF and I continue to talk about this because it's probably our biggest issue right now. I see signs that this will change somewhat in the future so I might be getting wound up for nothing. It will no doubt continue to exist in some form, but hopefully come to a point where daughter stands on her own two feet on a regular basis.

Just got a letter from a bank that denied my boat loan. I think the boat place sent several out and I'm pretty sure all is well, but it was funny to see a formal rejection letter.

There was a list of reasons but I think it was mostly due to the way the loan was structured with my boat trade-in and the fact that I just got a truck loan.

Credit score was 831, so I had to chuckle a bit.

I hope everyone had a great year and here's to the new one!

Personally, this has to have been one of the best years I've ever had. GF has changed my life. She's absolutely wonderful in every way.

I had a little bit of a health scare but after all of those tests, I have a clean bill of health.

I was able to step up my fishing game. I'm feeling much more confident that I can go out and have a good day on the water at any time. But to be honest, any day on the water is a good day.

Things are much better with sister and Mom.

Although my Dad died I feel like he's in a better place.

I still have a job I'm not fond of, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

All in all, a fantastic year.

Happy New Year!

Daughter just left. FINALLY I get my house back. I mean, she isn't horrible but I just want some quiet time. I'm jumping for joy but I have to put a handle on it. GF is crying because she left and will continue to for the rest of the day.

Crying? Jfc. Did girl leave upset or something or it's just that painful to see her go for a while? How often do they see each other?

They talk and text every day. They are really close.

Yeah, she just hates to see her daughter leave.

Crying isn't uncommon, especially if she lives a good distance away. My mum used to do it, my SIL does and I have friend's mothers who do the same. I don't know if my mum cried all day but she did when I was leaving.

I would try and be as tactful as possible when talking about her daughter to her. Possibly try to approach it in a way that you are showing concern for the daughter. For example in regards to her not supporting herself I'd frame it in such a way that you are concerned about her ability to look after herself if something happened to your gf and also the strain it will put on any potential relationship her daughter gets into if she doesn't know how to budget and look after herself financially.

I can understand your frustration as it is a disservice really to her daughter as she does need to learn to look after herself. Just be very careful how you approach it as she is always going to be her daughter, nothing changes that but your position could be affected if you go in too hard.

Yeah, it's definitely a line. She loves her daughter soooo much. We've definitely had discussions about her but I've tried to limit it to the money aspect.

This whole thing is something I'm going to have to deal with.

The first issue is me. Being an extreme introvert, I need to have my batteries recharged after being around people. I've learned this through the years and I believe I'm getting better at it. This holiday burned my batteries to a crisp. Her daughter stayed with us 2 weeks. Her boyfriend stayed with us one of those weeks. We spent 2 days with her mother and her mother's boyfriend. 3 days with her dad and her dad's girlfriend. We flew to Austin and hung out with my family for 2 days. Then I got back to work to find nobody did anything that was on my plate for the last week and they've piled even more up. Literally the second I sat down at work I had someone at my desk telling me all the stuff that needed to be done.

I didn't get a single day. Hell, not even an hour, to just let it go. It was constant human interaction. It fried me. I still haven't recharged.

So, that leads me to her family. I do like them. Her mom can only happen in small doses, though. Her dad is fine. I like him. Her son is fine and I like him too. I just don't care for her daughter much at all. It's a constant flow of "me me me".

I need to figure out how to deal with this. GF is extremely family oriented. It is one of the traits that makes me love her. I know this carries over to our relationship. But it gets to be too much. Almost every weekend we have to socialize with someone in her family. For the most part, it's been manageable. Sometimes it is just dinner which is fine. But sometimes I want the weekend to be me time (or us time - just gf and I). The Christmas holidays was just ridiculous. I'll have to figure out something for next year because it was too much.

When my batteries go dead, it does bad things to my thinkin'. I started to really resent her family and even her for not tempering things. That is not good. She is wonderful, and wanting to be with her family is part of her wonderfulness.

I need to figure out how to manage this because, well, because I need to.

I set up a consultation with a lawyer to figure out how to deal with my assets. I think I'll be able to set things up fairly easily, although not cheaply. Again, I want GF to be comfortable when I go, but once she is gone I don't want anything passed to her kids. I want it to go to some charitable entity to be managed by my sister/niece.

I discussed my plans with my sister and she is on board. She told me she has done the same. She has a LOT of money but they decided to leave a set amount to my niece but donate the rest. So, we seem to think alike.

As discussed, I've already talked about this with gf and she is fine with this. I didn't phrase it as "I don't want your kids to get this money". More that I wanted whatever was left to go to a cause.

Anyway, I'll post what the lawyer suggested.

Dilbert exploded at work. I have over 10 things on my plate that need to be done yesterday. That's fine. However, as soon as I start working on any one of them, I get redirected to another one because some manager has asked about it. Meanwhile, I am not able to complete any of them.

I expressed to management that because of this, nothing is getting done. Although they all agreed, my direction has been changed no less than 3 times this morning. Not even lunch time yet.

It sounds like I'm upset about this. On one level, not really because nobody seems to care if anything actually gets done. They sure aren't blaming me for anything. It's just the stupidity that hurts my brain.

So, um... Looks like I'm getting married.

CONGRATS!

You really deserve good marriage. I am so happy for you!

Congrats! Make sure the marriage contract provides for one hour a day of alone time when her family visits.

congrats!

Thanks so much!

THANKS!

Yeah, we had a long talk last night. The holidays were too much for her as well so we will definitely manage it better from here on out.

We also talked about her daughter and we both agreed that it was probable that she wouldn't even want to stay with us for that long. The mother/daughter dynamic has changed so much with me and daughter's bf and just the fact that daughter is no longer student daughter but has a job/home daughter. It is just a transition.

Wow, congrats biggerboat and mrs. biggerboat!!

Have you guys set a date yet? With big families, maybe of those Vegas weddings could be fun?