sounds like you and your wife are addicted to the situation and cant bring yourselves to just stop and not participate in any way.
you will fall with the house of cards.

I mean, yes and no.

Unfortunately, dealing with family stuff isn't always a logical decision. Sometimes you take a step back in order to move forward.

We've already talked through the incident. Our intent was only to help mom get her phone back but we both realized (after the fact) that we were guilty of doing the same thing with mom that mom has been doing with D. Mom's behavior is so mindboggling that we keep thinking there is no way she will do something so dumb, but she does. Anyway, we both agreed that mom is on her own now. If she makes a bad decision (and she will), then she will suffer the consequences.

My wife's sister is also onboard with this.

Inevitably there will be tests.

actually making it from an emotional decision to a logical one is the most important choice. not many emotional decisions ever work out unless you get lucky with them.

people that react from the heart are looked up to, but rarely do well for themselves and most times little for those they are trying to help. people that do whats is logically right, can do good both.

good luck. plug on.

This is an astute observation, and I think realizing it will help you going forward. It's important to pause and think things over logically when coming across these situations. The thing is, I never catch myself saying, "Nobody could could be so stupid", but I do catch myself thinking, "It's unfortunate that she has to do that." Then I ask myself, Did she really have to do that?

fwiw, a month ago I bailed on a family situation that was only 1/10 as bad as yours. I took a big hit doing it, but the peace of mind I gained was exhilarating. A rule I implemented that helped a lot was not responding to messages for at least 48 hours. Craziness is contagious, and putting all the drama on mandatory hold keeps me out of it.

That's a really good point Mack. For all of us, not just boat's situation.

We're conditioned to respond ASAP, but that's generally not necessary. In the moment, we're all excited and want to respond quickly, but it's often better to take a step back.

Something I definitely need to do better.

never stay in a bad situation that you have little control over if you can stay out of it.

A little encouraging news. Maybe tl;dr.

D. is still in the hospital. She is in isolation because she has covid.

Mom talked to the dr. in charge at length and chronicled what has been going on so far..

The dr. told mom that as soon as D. gets out of isolation she will be admitted to the psych unit and the baker act will officially begin then. The dr. told her that they will keep her as long a it takes for her to comply with the prescribed mediation and get stable. The dr. said at minimum, 2 weeks.

The dr. will also be working on getting mom durable power of attorney with the ability to have D. committed at the first sign of her going over the edge. The dr. assured her that this will get done.

Mom told her that D. didn't have insurance. The Dr. replied "it's costing a whole lot more to keep letting her out". Yeah.

Mom went to get her phone back this morning. D. apparently had bags of stuff as well as the three phones and the hospital said that she had to take everything if anything. D. somehow relented on letting mom get this. It took a while but mom has everything.

In the middle of the mess were several bibles with all kinds of writings that D. had stuffed in the pages. D. has mentioned that she will be able to tell from all of that whether the crazy ex marine is going to kill her. So, she's been using them as some sort of tarot cards, we suspect.

We have no idea where the rental car is. Based on Ds description of where she left it, my wife and I checked it out. It was about 5 minutes from our house. No car. We suspect that it has been towed. But this is really minor.

Mom appears to be on the right track. Before she would say things like "D. needs this" or "D. is scared" or something like that. No its "D. is manipulating again". The phone thing finally convinced her I think. On a side note, mom changed all of her passwords but was locked out because the two step authentication sent pins to her phone to finish the process. That really pissed her off.

Anyway, for now things are looking pretty positive. My wife keeps getting calls we think are D. from the hospital but she isn't answering.

if you dont return a rental car its usually reported stolen and an arrest warrant is put out for whoever is on the rental agreement.
and its not an easy task to talk your way out of it especially from jail.

Sounds like a somewhat positive update, boat (?). Hopefully the docs can get her under control. Best wishes.

Mom called the rental car place the day D. checked herself in. This morning we received notice that they have the car now. I'm sure it's going to cost quite a bit to settle it, but I don't think there will be any criminal charges.

Somewhat positive but she's a loooooonnnnnggggg way from being stable. We believe she'll be forced to get the shot while at the hospital but getting her to be compliant in the future is a huge uphill battle.

do have her find out if it was reported stolen. as they wont notify the police when they get it back. and some time later if stopped for a broken tail light she will get arrested as the cops dont know anything but that an arrest warrant is active. it takes some legwork to find out.

D. still in the psych ward. Not much else on that front.

My upstairs neighbor works for a cyber security firm. It's the second firm he's worked for, all total about 3 years.

He wants to start his own cyber security firm. We talked about this in length and he sent me his business plan.

My take on this is he is extremely knowledgeable. He's a natural born salesman. His business plan is very well thought out and detailed. Very impressive.

The cons is he doesn't have the capital to get it started. He has been talking to a guy that wants to front him but the guy wants 50% of the company. And, there are some red flags with the guy (lawsuits, etc.). But he seems to have quite a bit of money. My advice to him was to not give away half of his company AND don't ignore the red flags.

Which comes to me. I have the money to get him started. It's a substantial amount but won't break me if it goes away. The potential for the business is quite appealing.

My reservations are with him. He's one of those guys that will spend everything he gets. He's a smart guy but money management isn't his strong suit. I "might" consider funding him with the understanding that I manage the money for a period of time. As far as the investment, I would want it to be a loan and get a percentage of the company.

I trust his knowledge. I trust his vision. He works hard and is very motivated. It's just the money management that worries me.

My other reservation is why take on the stress? I'm very comfortable financially and have no financial worries. But this has the potential to take my income to a whole 'nother level.

I dunno......

Know nothing of the VC world, but your idea of being the gateway sounds good. "Demonstrate a need to me for more funding, and it's there."

I certainly get the, "why would I want more headaches" angle, especially after you've been retired a while.

Best of luck. This interests me, would like you to continue updating if you decide to go forward.

How does your life look if you fund him and he is successful (not ridiculously but normally)?

How does your life look if you fund him and he bombs out?

How does your life look if you just watch from the sidelines?

Mom got D. out. Then mom sent this elated text to everyone gushing about how great D. is doing and how D. wants to do this and D. is going to do that. Of course, D. talked her way out of getting the medication she needs and has told Mom that they will go to another facility to do this. This is standard D. manipulation because this won't happen. She'll run mom around silly for several days before lapsing into mania yet again.

wash, rinse, repeat

Also, wassup Yugo! I hope you are doing well.

I've had some time to run this around in my mind a bit. I also took another hard look at his numbers as well as investigated typical startup costs for this type of venture.

The thesis remains intact. I believe with the right amount of seeding he will be successful. However, realistically it will take twice what I had originally estimated. I'm not comfortable with that at all. This is a non-starter. I could still consider a smaller amount with a smaller piece of the company but even then I'm not sure I want to mess with it at all.

These kinds of deals are really exciting when you are young, but as you get older there's less excitement and more work. I don't mean drudgery, just more work. I don't do this any more.

When I was still doing this, I would ask him what he was going to use the money for. I wanted the details. Like $10 for paper clips, $2.50 for a coffee mug. I didn't want, "For the start-up costs." These discussions would tell me all I wanted to know. Also, if they had a current business, I'd want to visit it.

Yep.

We had another discussion yesterday. He went through everything he's done since the last time we talked. It was a lot. He is very focused and a really hard worker and determined to make this a go. I think he will.

However, he still doesn't have the funding. I told him I would be interested if the terms were right. I feel like I could do this on a smaller scale and be a silent investor. I really don't want the hassle but I also see a good opportunity. We'll see what he comes back with.

Mom called my wife yesterday and went on and on about how D. is doing soooo much better. She has taken two prescribed pills. However, they seem to not be able to get the shot. Imagine that. D. then got on the phone and was manic as ever.

Someone in the family recently died. I think it was mom's sister? She's an aunt. Anyway, my wife really liked her so we will be going to the get together to celebrate her life. Mom really wants us to go to her house (since it is near) before the service. My wife shot that down but mom wants to get together (with D. as well) afterwards. I believe my wife is shooting that down as well but I'm a little leery. I've already told her I won't have anything to do with that.

dont ever fund someone who is not top notch on money control. its a recipe for disaster. and what happens after he now wants or needs more. and dilutes your interest.

generally if someone cant make it on their own money they arent going to make it on yours.

you could loan it with an interest in the company and something you hold securly that is equivalent to the loan.
but unless you have a controlling interest you are at his mercy.
thjere are many top notch ones that are big companies that you can invest in in the market with transparency.

this is a bad deal for you.

I was trying to figure out old my cat is so I went back in this blog to try to piece it together. My blog was way more interesting when I was working on my house. I guess it's a good thing my life is a lot more boring now.

Really not much going on now. I haven't heard back from the guy upstairs. I got the feeling he wants to give this a go without taking on partners. I think he can. I would still invest in him if the terms were right, though.

D. has decided to move in with Mom permanently. Mom's husband is talking about leaving. Too much insanity in one small space. D. was supposed to get her shot yesterday but I haven't heard if she did.

My main focus lately has been on my book(s). I have finished the story and have most of the illustrations at least mapped out. I have a few more weeks of getting the page pics in good shape. After that I'll go back and try to refine them some. I'm pretty happy with it so far.

Here is the star of the book - Schmoodle the Poodle

D. never got her shot. Shocked.

It appears as if mom and D. got religion. Well, D.s version of it anyway. They went to church Sunday. Something neither has done in over 40 years. I can't wait to see how this plays out.

Schmoodle is done from a content perspective. I still have a ton of work cleaning up pictures, though. Lots of tedious photoshop tinkering.

Photoshop, by the way, is the nuts. Its truly amazing what it has the capability of doing.