Happy New Year Lapka.

Hopefully my life will get better with Trump's tax cut this year.

I hope you have a great year!

I ended up cooking rice and beans. I'm going walk around now. It's like 28 degrees Celsius in Dallas but sunny.

I mean Fahrenheit.

Trump and Melania

https://www.google.com/amp/amp.timei...year-2018-gala

2018

**** **** I need a 12 step meeting. My head is going to explode. AA meeting at 6:00 PM.

Calm down. Try to articulate the problem. I mean why your head is exploding.

September 1, 2017
Danny (Sponsor) "Whatever you do .. DO NOT GAMBLE"


March 04, 2018
Highway 75 South

Mom "You gambling?"

Lover959 "Hell no .. Are you crazy"

Newday "Liar... You just blew $1400"

Click

Lover959 "****.... How am I going to make it trough the week?!! Car payment, cable, Internet, HOA is all late"

Newday "Maybe Lapka is right... You need to start over somewhere else"

Lover959 "I'm tired of this ****ing compulsive brain! The porn, the strip clubs, the gambling, the alcohol, the womanizing. I'm 47 years old. A ****ing waste of 20 years of my ****ing life!!!"

Screeechhhhhhh


Jeep runs off the road....

Denison Medical Center

ER Doctor "Can you see how many fingers?? Hello? Can you hear me?"

Text to Ronald

Lover959 "What can I buy with 52 dollars. My refrigerator is broken?"

No Answer

Lover959 "I get 5k next week"

No Answer

Lover959 "I think they got 5 dollar wine at Target"

No Answer

duuuuude......
beans and rice are cool. Learning to cook is pretty cool. Figuring out, where you can get some food for nothing is cool.

March 2008

Lover959 "I'm paranoid as hell. I'm carrying around 300k in this suitcase! All these banks are blowing up my phone"

Bad Ass BK lawyer "Put all the money back in your bank. It is safe."

Lover959 "I don't know..."

Bad Ass BK lawyer "You need to surrender and let go. Hand over your will. I got you"

March 2018

Lover959 "I'm carying too much money around. I'm getting paranoid"

Newday "Deposit it dumb ass. You got no judgements and both IRS payments cleared. Courtesy of Ronald"

Lover959 "Yeah.. Yeah .. I'll split up between three banks and and the rest in cash"

Newday "Weirdo"

Current Day

Melissa, TX - Lost Again

Lover959 "**** where am I? Where is my Jeep?"

Newday "I don't know. Maybe 110 miles from DFW. The sun is out. We are lucky there is cool breeze"

Lover959 "There is stack of V Bikes out yonder. I think I got 2 bucks left on my app"

Newday "They look all busted out"

Lover959 "I was able to activate the lock on this one with my phone"

Newday "You don't have much battery life. Turn off your power and let's find our way back again!"

Lover959 "To Recovery!!"

You hirin?

Front Desk "Laguna Beach Hyundai. How may I help you?"

Lover959 "You hirin? I need J.O.B. ASAP. I want to move out to Cali. I want try selling some cars"

Haven't seen an update in a while. Hope you are doing well

Thanks man. I'm hanging in. This pretty close to my situation.



Dream Crusher and Ronald want me to stop reading the forums so this will be my last post for awhile. They prolly right. I should.

But I'm sober and safe right now.

Newday "Entenmann's Little Bites Chocolate Chip muffins?"

Lover959 "I got the munchies."

Newday "You ain't going to the 8 o'clock in that condition?! Lanny will punch in the face. That good old country boy"

Lover959 "I have to. I'm out of my mind. I like the neon colors in this video."

Newday "Is Drake skating?"



Lover959 LMAOF. HAPPY MEM DAY WEEKEND ALL

Blonde Angel "You were not at last night's meeting"

Newday "Don't you ****ing dare do the 13th step"

Lover959 "You can have my number if you feeling like calling someone"

Save The Stripper

Newday "Stop texting her! She is 21 years old!"

Lover959 "I like her dimple"

Lover959 "I'm 16 years older than her. Big woop"

Newday "Try 26 years older"

Lover959 "Wtf. Is that right? Let me get my calculator"

Newday "Yeah"

Lover959 "**** everything. Age is just state of mind"

Ok my bad . Where is Woot?!

Oh everyone has a brag like living in a 3300 sq foot home or winning 5 boosted boards

I'm dating the blonde Kelly

Reincarnation??

Newday "Weird how a game ruined your life"

Lover959 "Maybe there is a lesson to be learned"

Newday "What lesson. I don't get it. A lesson in stupidity."

Lover959 "Ronald says everything is genetically predetermined. Intelligence, financial success."

Newday "You going to turn into a bigot now like TBC. Blame minorities and Mellenials for your problems."

Lover959 "I don't understand this country. Maybe I'll move to Europe with relatives. Renounce my citizenship"

Newday "Go ahead"

Lover959 "I hate everybody here"

Newday "Yup. It's starting. The madness"

Lover959 "White middle aged have the highest rate of suicide"

Newday "You are so miserable go off yourself like that designer"

Lover959 "I can't do that. I gotta spread the misery. Remind people they are pieces is ****"

Newday "Your a piece of **** for thinking that way. Miserable. Get sober already"

Lover959 "Nah"

Newday "Fine. Die a slow miserable death"

Lover959 "Yeah"

Newday "No one is going to save your old miserable ass"

Lover959 "I'm 47! I'm not ancient"

Newday "Just saying. You ain't got hotties jumpin yo path anymore"

Lover959 "How about blonde Kelly and that blonde country girl from last year"

Newday "Maybe once a year like your royals. They getting fewer and far between. You need to lose everything before you will wake up and get sober"

Lover959 "I should go to Cali and see mom and brother"

Lover959 (buzzed) "Blonde Kelly does LSD once a year for her art"

Newday "Didn't Ronald want experiment with that. He said it can sure addiction"

Lover959 "I think we can reincarnate ourselves in this lifetime"

Newday "huh? That ****ing 1988 time machine didn't work"

Lover959 "Reincarnate our minds to youth"

Newday "Yeah .. You are ****ing 13 yo like Tim said when you told him you wanted to run away to Vegas"

Lover959 "This theory is going to work!"

Dallas to LAX

Lover959 "99 dollars or I can fly into Santa Ana for twice the price"

Why do you want to be younger?

New York Pizza Pasta - Bar

Valley Ranch, TX

Life Notes

9 - gambling in video game parlor in Europe

12 - sexual compulsion in pool

14 to current - pornography addiction

21-current - alcohol consumption.

25-28 - stock trading addiction in high volatile Internet and technology stocks

28-38 - Internet poker and strip club addiction

42-47 - Video Poker addiction.

Out of all compulsions, Video Poker is the most horrific and damaging addiction I have ever experienced in my life. I mean all the sexual addictions screwed relationships but the gambling addiction in that stupid game has caused havoc on my finances that seem insurmountable. Also, they caused havoc on family, work, and personal relationships. It's funny how a stupid game seemed to wreck my life. It does not help that I just lost over $4,000 dollars today. That was money I could not afford to lose. It included my mortgage, my car payment, HOA, cable bill, electric bill, car insurance. I do not know where I got this. I started getting obsessed with the game when I heard the podcast, Gambling with an Edge. Bob Dancer is a supposedly professional video poker player. I should not blame him. I imagine my personal demons would find anything to grasp on to. Maybe this is a lesson about addiction. My father became addicted to OxyContin towards the end of his life. I definitely understand obsessions and addiction having attended various 12 step programs over the last 3 years so I am on guard. I won't have more than 1 drink when I go to a bar. Pornography seems to still be a problem still but it's free. I sometimes think we are trying to relive trauma from our past.

I guess the good thing now as I ponder is 1) I'm not in prison, 2) I'm safe and back home and 3) I did not try to burden family and friends with my problem on my drive back. I wanted to call my sister and make her wire me 20k. That would just cause more drama and stress.

It didn't wreck your life. Money is dust. You are wrecking your life in every moment you don't live it. Good decision not to ask your sister for money. *thumbs*