I'm pretty sure you gotta get yourself out of this mess and not rely on an all-powerful being that doesn't intervene.

+1,

but may be being surrounded by a community that definitely doesn't value getting 4 deuces or whatever gives the highest pay-out, will allow OP to get a little bit more relaxed. I often wonder in this thread if OP really values so much some brand new car or going out for food or..... I don't know ..... Stuff that is actually very unimportant. Or if he just jokes, when he says that he doesn't understand why the barmen was treating him so well although he had no money. I mean to shift value of money somehow down may be not a bad idea.

Ask and You Shall Receive

Lover959 "This feels different. I feel the compulsion slipping away."

God I answer all prayers directly or indirectly. You prayed to me to rid you of this addiction in the park last week"

Lover959 "Wow"

God "That was the first time you asked of me. You asked me for money, kingdoms, glory. You asked me for fleeting objects but never for healing.

Lover959 "What about all these cynics? They do not believe in miracles?"

God"I know you will honor your word to me. You made promises to mortals before but never to your maker"

God "If you fail and fall again, I am all forgiving but I do not see gambling in your future. The cynics were speaking of your responsibilities which will be taken care of. You are sincere in your abstinence this time. You can forgive a sinner who no longer has sin in his heart

Lover959 "They will just think I'm a loser and I don't know how to gamble"

God "Thank me for that. No more smoked filled casinos. No more dodging 18 wheelers every weekend. Thank me for being a big loser."

Sober



Newday "What's wrong with you?! Your a basket case!

Lover959 "I got my reestablishment chip"

Newday "Why are you drinking and eating so much!?"

Lover959 "You would to if you lost 6k"

Newday "I did!"

Lover959 "I hate the shares"

Newday "Your suppose to shut your mouth or minimal talk until you earned it"

Lover959 "I know!"

Newday "You do everything wrong"

Wasn't there enough food? Are you really supposed to STFU until you earn it somehow? I mean..... I would expect the opposite..... that you are encouraged to verbalize stuff somehow.

How was the decoration? Which food was there?

No food. I ate and drank at home. Minimal decorations. 12 step meetings are usually in a church. They had a 12 step poster in room. You know the one that says Step 1 "You are powerless.. "

Hardcore old school 12 step programs like AA recommend minimal share when you are new and to listen more. I agree with this specially if you keep relapsing.

I don't drink coke. Food is my vice, and I don't want to take in unnecessary calories from that cancer juice.

Not sure if you live in Irving, but I had Indian buffet over there today. Apparently everyone else was eating Easter dinner at home because I had this huge ass buffet all to myself lmao (sad thing is I can't even eat that much right now so it was a buffet for just me and I could only eat 1 normal serving lol)

Yes. There is like 50 Indian restaurants in Irving/Las Colinas/Valley Ranch. Everybody in the area is Indian. Many telecom engineers and engineers. I'm at the Irving park and it is all Indian families. All my neighbors are Indian.

I lived in Valley Ranch from 2001 to 2003 and there were a decent number of Indians there then but now it's like at least every other apartment is Indian. I went to Pasand which is not close to Valley Ranch. I think that explains why nobody was there on Easter..although about 2 dozens Indians came in but they went to a special banquet room and weren't eating the buffet.

I'm guessing the Indian restaurants closer to Valley Ranch like Our Place were much busier.

Duuude,

beat yourself-up less. Food is cool. Eat it. Move your butt instead of degening in casino and you are going to look goooood!.

Talk. I soooo don't get this policy of STFU until you deserve to talk...... That is BS. It would make me feel depressed and bad and small and not worthy of even talking. You need to talk and to connect with people to have some release, some net for when you feel the pressure.

What I see in your last bunch of posts is not really good. You went to this meeting, because you have now zero money. You yourself don't really want to quit. You basically pave yourself way back to the next degening weekend with "I am powerless.....", "God is going to forgive me when I stumble". You are not powerless, you are doing exactly what you want to. The kick you get from gambling is bigger than the pain you get from it and that is why you are gambling. And any kind of higher power..... I mean...... does it really matter for your life if the higher power is going to be pissed at you or not? You know exactly what is going to happen when you go again to casino: Few hours of high followed by a a week of regrets and low.

Monday

Lover959 "I don't want to get out of bed"

Babbabooey "You can just lay there and feel sorry for yourself or you can go to work and make some money."

Lover959 "I can't get up"

Babbaboey "I get up at 4:00 am everyday. It's hard to go to work everyday. Sitting at home is not going to help you."

Final Blow Up

Lover959 "I should just do it right now. Cuss out all these bitches and storm out of here"

Newday "Have no paycheck coming in. That's smart"

Lover959 "My mom said I can move in with her when I told her everything last night. I will be closer to sister and family.

Newday "Maybe you should plan things more and not be rash. She has a point. You are very alone in this city."

Lover959 "Things break down when you have no support network"

Newday "You could maybe plan more like file another bankruptcy so you lift all those leans and ask Trustee for approval sell your home for relocation expenses"

Lover959 "Yeah. I'm going to get competent lawyer this time"

Newday "You would not storm out of your job today. You don't have a pot to piss in."

Lover959 "Mark Rubin, best lawyer in Dallas"

This is grade A bull****.

They tell you to listen but they never tell you to shut up.

I believe you. A veteran 12 step member from AA told me in my GA meeting that. He said a wise man told him to shut up for 2 years. Maybe he is full of it. I don't know. Maybe he did not like what I had to say.

I absolutely agree you have to communicate. From my past year experience, I would recommend to listen more to individuals that have more clean time. If I had to do it over again that is how I would approach these 12 steps programs. Everybody is different and may prefer to verbalize more. I tried this approach and it failed for me. However, I did find speaking to others members outside meeting very beneficial.

I do plan on attending at least 2 meetings this week.

If what you want it to recover I fully support you, brother. Unless your meeting tells you that there is a strict time limit on sharing, everyone in that room can suffer your bull**** for as long as you want.

The fellowship is important, forming a support system is important and doing the steps is important. Good luck and don't let some crotchety old ****wit keep you from doing what you need to do.

Healing
Slim Chickens - Irving

Newday "Hey I know your in pain. Those wounds are fresh and deep"

Lover959 "Yeah"

Newday "You are on the right track. Trust me. Think about the freedom you will have this weekend"

Lover959 "True"

Newday "No reservations. No pressure to drive 3 hrs. No crappy food. No smoke in your face"

Lover959 Smile "Go to the park. Get fresh air. Hit some tennis balls"

Newday "and everybody been asking about you at the Saturday meeting"

Lover959 "I feel more at ease. The pressure is gone.

Newday takes a close look at Lover959 eye to eye

Newday ".. And you know it is better you start this journey now because the **** you are about to face is pretty daunting"

Lover959 "I'm glad I busted myself out. I need to be healthy both mind and body."

Lover959 "Hell.. Let's go hit the tennis courts now. They are drying off and nobody will be there. This healing **** is for reals."

GOGOGO! I am rooting for you! Working out is cool!

Tuesday Meeting
Addison, Tx
Chuy's Happy Hour

Lover959 "I like the Tuesday meeting. It's mellow and forgiving crowd. I mean they are all forgiving"

Newday "You got over an 1 hr and half. You going eat chips and drink until then"

Lover959 "Smart ass ***** commenting about my look"

Newday "Your paranoid"

Lover959 "No .. She said ooo when I glanced at her. She is old ****ing smelly count ass bag sitting with a dude 20 years younger than her"

Newday "Man ...you angry!"

Lover959 "Looks like he just go out of prison"

Lover959 "I think I'm going to quit my job"

Newday "Your mind is not right now"

Lover959 "I'm tired of these ****ing ****s and they are about hire my worst enemy"

Newday "You going have to learn to face people and face yourself"

Lover959 "**** that!"

Newday "Go move in with family on the west coast?"

Lover959 "Who ****ing cares... Just until I get a job. I'll ****ing sell cars .. I would be living in Laguna Hills"

Newday "Sounds nice!"

Lover959 "Man it will be nice to see some old friends tonight"

Lover959 "Great song"

Newday "one of his best"

Lover959 "maybe I'll get some soft tacos to go and chill in my car for an hour"

Newday "That Tom Thumb on Marsh has a Starbux. You can chill there for a bit. It's like 10 min from the church"

Note to self - I do not like sharing in meetings ... It stresses the **** out me. Don't know why?