Quote:
Originally Posted by mongidig
I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing that as a non gay man I feel a bit uncomfortable when I see a gay scene. I wouldn't be as bothered with a heterosexual kiss. This should make sense since this is what I'm more comfortable with and used to.
I think this is something worth reflecting on a little further.
So, let me say at the outset that none of what follows is an attempt to say that you are morally culpable for having felt uncomfortable, or that it makes you a bad person to have felt uncomfortable. I have felt uncomfortable watching gay sex scenes. I do not consider myself to be a bad person. But I have found it useful to reflect on
why I felt uncomfortable, how I would like to feel, and how my feelings might change.
It seems to me that your explanation for your reaction touches on two (interrelated) reasons why you would feel uncomfortable. The first is that you're heterosexual. And the second is that heterosexuality is more familiar. These explanations differ in an important way. If being heterosexual innately and automatically makes a person uncomfortable seeing homosexuality, there's no reason to expect your comfort level to ever change. But if familiarity is more important, then there's every reason to expect that it could change, simply by having more exposure (even just by media) to depictions of homosexuality. What I'd like to suggest is that the latter is far more important as an explanation.
One of the interesting and important things about changes in American culture in regard to homosexuality is that our attitudes have changed so quickly. We've gone from the overwhelming majority of people believing homosexuality was deviant, and that gay people should be shunned, to not only tolerance but acceptance of homosexuality as normal, as well as majority support for gay marriage, in only a couple of decades. At least in part this happened because straight people became more familiar with gay people. They realized that gay people were their neighbors, friends, and family members. It's easier to blithely categorize people as deviants when they are only viewed as an attribute (gay) and not known for real, in all of their humanity. Familiarity reduces discomfort.
Media played an important role in this change, both in introducing more straight people to the reality that gay people existed ,and were not deviants to be shunned, and in making it easier for gay people to come out of the closet. But, of course, it's one thing to come to intellectually accept homosexuality and another to overcome the enculturation that tells you that its deviant. The culture has changed so quickly that pretty much every American over the age of maybe 25 or 30 probably grew up in an environment in which being gay was seen as wrong. Even if you weren't religious, it was still weird, deviant, something to be hidden. It's not just that it was unfamiliar, it was stigmatized. The effect of that stigmatization on our emotions is probably slower to change than our intellectual positions.
This is why I say I wouldn't judge someone who felt uncomfortable seeing expressions of homosexuality in television. (And, as an aside, I realize straight sex scenes can feel super awkward as well, but I'm only talking about discomfort related specifically to the fact that a scene is gay.) But I think if you realize both that the source of that discomfort is related to enculturation and that it will be diminished by greater familiarity, then I think you end up at the conclusion that there is value in media portraying gay couples. It's helping to de-program, if you will, some of that stigmatization. Does that mean that all media portrayals should be gay? No, of course not. Does it mean that anyone should be
forced to portray gay people in any particular way? No. I'm treating this phenomena opportunistically, not trying to mandate it. But I think you might come to the conclusion that it's good to have the experience of seeing these things even when it makes you slightly uncomfortable, because in the future you may feel more comfortable.