WrestleMania VIII
April 5, 1992 - Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, IN
- Eight WrestleManias in, and now four of them have been held at venues which have been or will shortly be demolished. I loved the opening crowd shot, this one felt very much like WrestleMania III. Two great matches on this card, but the real star of this show...colour commentator Bobby Heenan. I will warn people right now that there will be a liberal dose of Brain quotes in this review. With that in mind, we kick off with Reba McEntyre singing America the Beautiful...
Brain: Boy, can Tito's sister ever belt one out!
Gorilla: Will you stop?!
Brain: That's Arriba McEntyre!
Shawn Michaels vs. El Matador **1/2
Early Shawn Michaels matches are a bit odd to watch now, for a couple of reasons. All the intervening years have made it really strange to hear Sherri doing the original "Sexy Boy", and Sweet Chin Music was just a transition move and wasn't called as such yet. This was good enough, but too many headlocks for my liking. Shawn wouldn't really round into being the Showstopper for another couple of years.
Brain: [referring to Sensational Sherri] That's MY pin-up girl!
Gorilla: I think you should see your oculist.
Brain: There's nothing wrong with my feet.
Gorilla: Highly unlikely that you're gonna pin anybody with a side headlock. In all my years I've never seen anyone pinned with a side headlock.
Brain: I've pinned a few people with it.
Gorilla: You?
Brain: Yes.
Gorilla: Where, in your dreams?
Brain: I can beat a man a million different ways. I had a guy give up one time during instructions.
Gorilla: There it is! El Paso del Morte! But Michaels rolled right outside the ring.
Brain: What'd you say that was, Extra Hot Pace Picante?
- LOD (over) does an interview with the newly arrived Paul Ellering (not over) to eventually set up the Rocco angle (still can't wipe that from my memory).
Undertaker vs. Jake Roberts *
The pop for Taker's entrance makes it hard to believe he was one of the top two heels not even six months previous. Watchable from a historical standpoint, but not much to see wrestling-wise.
Brain: C'mon, ref! 1,2,3,4,5...
Gorilla: What are you doing?
Brain: I'm showing you the referee could've broke the hold. He's intimidated by that monster!
Gorilla: Why don't you go down there and referee?
Brain: I'm needed here.
IC title: Roddy Piper [c] vs. Bret Hart ****
Bret had just started on an absolutely insane run of PPV matches -- between Summerslam 91 and Royal Rumble 95, he had over a dozen matches that were *** or better, with at least half of those being **** or better. Great story for a face-face match, two friends trying to keep their cool and failing, Bret's technical expertise frustrating Piper to the point where he nearly snaps, Bret finally figuring out a way to outsmart Piper in the end. This was the only job I remember Piper ever doing in his WWF run. Nice moment after the match with Piper strapping the belt onto Bret.
Brain: Have they ever met before in the ring? I don't know that.
Gorilla: You don't know a lot of things for a broadcast journalist!
Brain: I didn't care to find out. How do you like that, Mr. Know-it-all? Don't you have a banana to peel or something?
Gorilla: Eye to eye, nose to nose. No Love lost here.
Brain: Are they saying anything? No, they're just staring at each other.
Gorilla: Just looking.
Brain: Two ugly people looking at each other, that's fun.
Gorilla: What would you do if you were The Hitman?
Brain: Well, I'd have my agent buy it for me. And if that didn't work, I'd waffle him out back with a tire iron. I'd get it some way, any way I could. Doesn't matter as long as you get it.
Brain: Use it! Use it, waffle him with it! You know that old saying -- 'What the hell, use the bell!' HIT HIM! Give it to me, I'll hit him!
- Lex Luger does a remote promo hyping the WBF. Waste of time, but we see he at least used to know how to take off a shirt.
Big Bossman, Sgt. Slaughter, Virgil & Hacksaw Jim Duggan v. The Mountie, The Nasty Boys & Repo Man 1/4*
Another of Vince's patented "squeeze as many guys onto the card for a payday as possible" matches. Ray Combs of Family Feud comes out to insult the heels for no real reason other than to prolong my agony. There have only been three or four non-elimination tag matches with more than 6 guys that I ever thought worked really well. Needless to say, this is not one of them.
Gorilla: WrestleMania VIII truly an event of international significance, as once again we are being seen literally all over the world. The worldwide show is coming up in England, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Scotland, and a whole lot more, and it's all coming up very shortly.
Brain: Maybe even Newark!
Gorilla: Newark?
Brain: It's a foreign country.
Gorilla: Oh, please.
Brain: So's Indianapolis, if you think about it.
WWF title: Ric Flair [c] vs. Randy Savage ****1/2
Normally I hate when an angle is stapled onto a match that's already been signed, but this is the exception that proves the rule. Flair and Perfect's head games with Savage and Liz led to just an amazing grudge match. Flair and Perfect cheat like bastards in this one, so fun to watch. Savage's sell job on the leg is one of the best you'll ever see. Hard to believe you could make an argument that this might not even be Savage's SECOND-best match at WrestleMania, because it is an absolute classic. Best WWF title match at Mania so far, and best pair post-match promos you'll ever see ("YOU HAVEN'T BEEN BEAT UP PROPERLY!!"). Trivia; Not only the first appearance by Shane McMahon as part of the suit brigade, but the only time I've ever seen Billy Red Lyons outside the Canadian event centre segments on Saturday afternoons on CHCH.
Brain: You know, if you want to be fair to Flair, you gotta be fair and say that's a heck of a robe. Only a man as fair as Flair would show up to WrestleMania VIII...
Gorilla: WILL YOU STOP!?!
Brain: I just got down from the booth! He had your tights! I saw it, it's on camera, it's on tape, I got it! There's nothing to worry about!
Perfect: There is something to worry about!!
- So, that's the show, five matches, two of them classics...sorry, what? This is only intermission? Hogan and Justice still ahead? Oh, crap.
Tatanka vs. Rick Martel 1/2*
Was anyone paying attention to this match? I was listening to the commentary. Gorilla making Brain lose his cool was hilarious. Nothing match with a out-of-nowhere nothing ending.
Brain: Where did those ten lumpy Indians go?
Gorilla: They're Lumbee, not lumpy.
Brain: Oh, I thought you said lumpy.
Brain: You know, those Indians have only got about 300 miles and they're home.
Gorilla: So? What does that mean?
Brain: They live in Cleveland. Ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?
Gorilla: They come from North Carolina!
Brain: Instead of being thrown out of the ring, HE should've done the pitching.
Gorilla: WHO should've done the pitching?
Brain: T-t-t-t-tanka. But then again, if the Indians had more pitching, they would've been a better team.
Gorilla (disgusted): Why don't you stop?
Brain: Did you ever say hello to Tatanka?
Gorilla: Yes.
Brain: Did you do it properly?
Gorilla: Yes.
Brain: You said, hey-how-are-ya, hey-how-are-ya...
Tag team titles: Money, Inc. [c] vs. Natural Disasters 1/2*
Slow, plodding match mostly controlled by the Disasters. Crowd wasn't really buying them as faces. Cheap countout finish hurts it big time.
Owen Hart vs. Skinner DUD
Lasted all of a minute, Skinner gets all the offence before Owen rolls him up for the pin. What a waste.
Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Justice 1/4*
I'm zipping though this only because I refuse to spend my 40th birthday tomorrow reviewing Hulk/Sid. SO BORING, and the finish was one of the biggest botches ever. We've got 22 more to go, but I'm pretty sure this is the worst closing match in Mania history. Sid is unquestionably the worst main eventer in history (and he got TWO!). Gets out of negative stars only because of the hot crowd and how electric the return of the Warrior was.
Overall: 7/10
End this at intermission and it's up there with III at the top of the list. The final hour was a huge letdown. However, two four-star matches will still go a long way toward making for a good card overall. In the end, the commentary sealed this as making it definitely better than VII.
Ratings so far:
III - 9.5
VIII - 7.0
VII - 6.0
VI - 5.25
V - 5.0
I - 4.5
2 - 3.5
IV - 3.0