HHH And Friends

The start of 2011 was a great time for WWE, probably their best TV since the Attitude Era. You had the epic CM Punk leaves Raw storyline, the five star match vs. Cena at Money In The Bank,



THAT CM Punk promo



... and then HHH decided it was time to make Raw fun again.

First, you had HHH inserting himself as the referee in the John Cena/CM Punk title unification match at SummerSlam, which Punk won when HHH counted the pin despite Cena's leg being on the ropes (which never really got mentioned again, because why not), followed by 94 year old Kevin Nash making things fun again by crushing everyone so that the charismatic Alberto Del Rio could be champion. (By itself, this would be a questionable booking decision, given that you had the hottest **** in a decade happening and nobody was really tired of it yet.) You can pick up that action, apparently recorded by the only man in the arena who thought that was a great idea, here:



Naturally, instead of having some sort of rematch or triple threat match, HHH decided that the thing to do would be to fire Kevin Nash and give himself a match against CM Punk with his title of COO on the line, while Cena cashed in his Cena In The Bank rematch against Del Rio. (WWE Investor Relations could not be reached for comment as to what would have happened if HHH lost). Naturally, HHH won this match despite interference from Executive Vice President of Talent Relations John Laurinaitis, Nash, Miz, R-Truth, and Loki and his giant metal dragons. (Okay, I made that part about Loki up.)

Over the coming weeks, HHH fired Nash, Miz, R-Truth, Booker T (butnah), and Vince McMahon (in what can only be described as an egregious violation of the WWE organizational flow chart), leading to a vote of no confidence from the WWE roster... and their eventual going on strike.





Which left HHH all alone to entertain the masses the next week -- which is obviously what the fans were clamoring for all along.

Well, all alone except for John Cena, whipped-into-submission Sheamus, and CM Punk, who was really really excited to get a new addition to his wardrobe:





The angle was sort of brought to an end when Vince decided to fire HHH mid-match, and replace him with John Laurinaitis



which at least led to a few so-bad-it's good moments over the coming months. Nash eventually kayfabe injured HHH to finally get him the **** off our TV screens about three months after the angle started. And so WWE had descended from pipe bombs to just bombing in a few short months.

Was it all worth it?

I DID IT FOR DA ROCK
At the 1999 WWE Survivor Series, Kurt Angle made his WWE debut and Big Show won a Triple Threat match that brought him the WWE Championship.

But neither of those things made the biggest news of the night. This was the event when the infamous hit-and-run attack on "Stone Cold" Steve Austin took place.

Originally, Austin was scheduled to compete in a Triple Threat match for the WWE Championship against both Triple H and The Rock. As Austin was giving an interview, however, Triple H intervened, forcing Austin to go after him.

Shockingly, Austin was then struck by a moving vehicle.



Not only was Austin removed from the Triple Threat match, he would go on to be out of action for the next several months as part of the storyline.

Someone had just taken out the company's top star, and it had the wrestling world buzzing. Who could have done such a thing? WWE fans would be guessing for the next several months.

The way this storyline started out was excellent. It didn't dominate the show, but the writers built on it gradually, giving fans a big reason to follow the product. The best storylines are the ones that keep fans guessing and asking themselves questions.

This had success written all over it.

For the better part of 2000, the big question hanging over WWE centered around who ran over Austin. Who was responsible for putting the No. 1 Superstar in WWE on the shelf?

On each show, it seemed like WWE got closer and closer to revealing the attacker. It even went so far as to give a clue that the driver was seen with blonde hair. This led to speculation that the driver may have been a woman.

Though WWE had a plethora of worthy Superstars to choose from, it went in a very surprising direction.



The decision to make Rikishi the driver was a curious one to say the least, but could it work? The answer to that question was a resounding "No."

The reason this storyline failed miserably was because of the way things turned out. At one point, it was a huge point of interest in the wrestling world. But once Austin returned to action and got his hands on Rikishi, it raised even more questions.

Austin returned to the ring at WWE No Mercy in October 2000 for a highly anticipated encounter with the man who ran him down in a parking garage. What ensued was a completely one-sided affair, the storyline was dead.

WWE was really onto something when it began this storyline. It should have gone down as a piece of wrestling history that fans look back on fondly and still talk about to this day.

Instead, it's remembered as the time they thought they had a star because crowds reacted well to a gigantic fat man in a thong who dances who's most well known move is rubbing his ass in his opponent's face who couldn't cut a promo to save his life. Instead of, you know, the guy who debuted that night and had won every title within the year Austin was out. Or The Rock, the guy who became the face of the company during Austin's absence.

Team
BRAWLOL FOR ALLOL
BOOKER T BLACK AND NOT IN HHH's LEAGUE
I DID IT FOR DA ROCK

The Owen Hart Tragedy


I was devastated as a young child for days after this happened, and serves as a terrifying reminder of what can go wrong in the business.

Team
BRAWLOL FOR ALLOL
BOOKER T IS BLACK AND INFERIOR
I DID IT FOR DA ROCK
RIP OWEN