Originally Posted by Burdzthewurd
COPYRIGHT, BURDZTHEWURD, 2012
INT - COLD STONE CREAMERY
CHAD, a bro in his late 20's and cocky, walks into the store with his GIRLFRIEND, a pretty but logical 20-something. At the counter is STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN, putting away some ice cream. The man is in shock and awe.
AUSTIN
Welcome to Cold Stone Creamery, how may I help you?
CHAD
Holy ****, aren't you Stone Cold Steve...
AUSTIN
(interrupting)
Eh-eh! It's now Cold Stone Steve Austin, you mealy-mouthed son of a...I mean, sir.
CHAD
Haha, how the mighty have fallen!
(turning to girlfriend)
This guy used to be the best pro wrestler in the world, and now here he is, scooping ice cream for a living!
GIRLFRIEND
Come on Chad, leave the guy alone already.
CHAD
No way! This guy has gone from being the "toughest SOB" to the saddest excuse for a bitch!
Austin becomes stern.
AUSTIN
If you want me to open up a can of whoop-ass right now, give me a hell yeah!
CHAD
Woah, woah woah! Wait a second, I...
Austin pulls out a sample-sized cup with ice cream in it.
AUSTIN
(cheerfully)
You know, our newest flavor, Whoop-Ass! It's vanilla ice cream with crushed-up Oreos, caramel, and a hint of chipotle! It's our hottest flavor at the moment, and that's the bottom line because Cold Stone said so! Try some!
Austin hands Chad and his girlfriend samples. The girlfriend enjoys it while Chad spits it out in disgust at Austin.
CHAD
I don't want this bull**** you call ice cream.
AUSTIN
What?
CHAD
Give me a vanilla cone.
AUSTIN
What?
CHAD
Two scoops.
AUSTIN
What?
CHAD
Better make it three.
AUSTIN
What?
CHAD
Really dude, you're still doing that?
AUSTIN
Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the milkshake machine.
CHAD
Figures, deaf and dumb now. Just get me a vanilla cone already bro.
Austin makes the ice cream cone and hands it to Chad, who has a few licks of it before grimacing.
CHAD
This is trash, I want my money back and a new cone.
AUSTIN
I'm sorry, we don't offer refunds on cones, sir.
GIRLFRIEND
Chad, leave the guy alone and let's go, you're being ridiculous.
CHAD
No way babe, this idiots taken too many chairshots to the skull to make a good cone apparently. Now I want a refund, and that's the bottom line because the customer said so!
AUSTIN
I don't appreciate your attitude sir, now if you'll please kindly leave...
Chad takes the ice cream cone and dumps it on Austin's head. Austin stands there, getting angrier.
CHAD
Well Chad 3:16 just said I coned your ass!
The girlfriend shakes her head and leaves while Chad is congratulating himself when we hear a ringbell RING.
CHAD
What the hell was that?
AUSTIN
My shift's over you son of a bitch!
Austin jumps over the counter and tackles Chad, pummeling him with punches. He gets off Chad, who stands up, only for Austin to flip him off and give him a stunner. We hear glass SHATTERING and Austin's theme music as he celebrates by raising his fists in the air, standing on the counter. He catches two milkshakes in the air from off-stage, bangs them together, sloppily chugs them, then pours the rest over Chad and trash-talking to him.