on the card:
a special appearance by GENERIC "ARTIST" WHO IS INCAPABLE OF SINGING
followed by:
BUT WAIT! A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY GENERIC POP CULTURE "ICON" WHO WILL LIKELY BE FROM SOME THIRD RATE CABLE NETWORK WHO NONE OF US WILL HAVE ANY IDEA WHO THEY ARE!
and of course, your main event of the evening!
HAVE FUN ****ERS! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!